Why am I going to tell you about all of these things that happened in 2019? Because making the decision to lose weight can be a battle. It usually doesn’t happen over night, at least with me. I have to rationalize things in my head until it finally HITS me and I have my reason WHY.

January 2019 ~ My blood results came back and the doctor was not happy. Not only had I put on weight, but my blood sugar was at 190, which is in between borderline and high. Dr. C, the fitness fanatic, is not one to just say, “Here, take this!” which honestly, can sometimes drive me crazy! His instructions that day – “Go keto and go keto NOW! Drop some weight and your sugar level or I will HAVE to put you on meds.” Two months later, I did my follow up and I had lost 10 pounds along with my level going down down 40 points. Yay! “Keep at it, drop some more weight and I am confident that you will be fine.” Did I listen? Well, no.

April 2019 ~ I saw a photo of myself in a bathing suit, from the backside. I was mortified. How was this me? How did all this weight come on so quick within the past couple of years? Oh… Menopause. While I am so thankful to God for putting me in to it in my early / mid 40’s, I hadn’t stopped to realize what it was doing to my hormones. I was no longer the person that could just starve for a few days and lose those few pounds. Suddenly, those photos where I thought I looked fat, I wanted to be that size again!

May 2019 ~ I started back to the gym and told myself, “Yes, I can eat lunch out today because I went to the gym this morning.” (FYI ~ that’s a lie!) Then, the craziest thing happened… I was on a boat, lost my balance a bit, and my phone went flying in to the water. Not thinking in my head that the water was only two feet deep, I jumped. That’s when I heard a nice little pop in the right knee as I landed near my phone. I did good for a few weeks, keeping it up, icing it, trying to stay off my leg. But, while watching tv with my son, I got up off the couch, turned my body without turning my knee… Pop!

July 2019 ~ My knee is still visibly swollen so I finally make an appointment with the doctor. After an X-ray confirms that it is not broken, he schedules me for an MRI with the instructions, “You can do anything you want to, but do not let your feet leave the ground.” Well, that leaves most things out. Why go to the gym? I hate upper body workouts so what’s the point, right? Stupid decision. My next stupid decision was not getting the MRI done because it was $200.

September 2019 ~ I had resigned myself to the fact that I was just going to let myself be fat and happy, thinking I was ok with that. I mean, I was finally enjoying all that delicious food that everyone talks about. But, when I came back from seeing my family on vacation, I saw the number on the scale and was in shock. I had never weighed this, not even with either of my pregnancies. Whatever, it didn’t matter. I had friends and if a man wanted to be a part of my life, he would have to love me for how I looked.

October 2019 ~ My knee brace was no longer a constant and I was starting to feel better as long as I didn’t stand too long, have it in one position too long, and wore the brace if I was doing anything that involved movement, so why not get a puppy? Since I wasn’t picking her up until around noon, a friend and I went to see the sunflower fields. We walked and the sharp pain wasn’t there for the first time, my knee felt great! The two year old going down the slide looked like he was having a good and made it look so easy, so why not? Bad decision! I really need to learn that when I say, “Why not?”, my answer needs to be, “DON’T!” Two year old legs are short, so when they come off the slide, their feet hit the ground. When you are 46, that doesn’t happen. Your feet go forward and your tush has to hit the ground. (My kids explained this whole gravity thing to me, but I blew them off when listening) Luckily, with the young child near, the words stayed inside my head instead of causing him life long mental damage and possible therapy. Yes, I broke my tail bone and there is nothing that can be done about it. So, my charming new puppy was welcomed in to my home by being put on the couch behind my knees while I laid on my side in the fetal position for two days. There went my plan to get back to being active! Honestly, being active or sitting or sleeping or breathing hurt. (Eight months later, I still have pain. My doctor confirmed that I jacked it up and probably should have had it looked at sooner, but that there really isn’t anything that can be done except time.)

November 2019 ~ By now, it was just easier to eat out instead of cooking and I generally rotated between Firehouse Subs or Panda Express since I could order online and they were near my house. If I had to run in to the store, those Totino pizzas are cheap and soooooo good! I live alone most of the time so why put all that effort in to cooking when it just wasn’t thrilling… But, the Wednesday before Thanksgiving, about 30 minutes after having a Firehouse sub, it was not sitting well with me at work. Our unspoken rule at work is that “that” DOES NOT happen there. (Graphic, yes. Honest, yes.) Luckily, I live less than a mile away so I told them that I thought I was going to be sick and ran out the door like a crazy woman. Once I got home, I was pretty sure that I was going to die, convinced that it was food poisoning. But, the longer that I laid on the couch, the more I started thinking about the fact that I was eating fast food too often and that I needed to quit. I was feeling awful… Not just physically but mentally… Why was I telling myself that I was ok like this when I clearly wasn’t? I didn’t feel energy to do much of anything, my motivation was shot, I felt ugly inside and out… Now that everything in me was pretty much cleaned out, wouldn’t now be a good time to start? But, I needed help knowing that I could not do this on my own. I knew that I couldn’t do keto because I LOVE pasta and I didn’t want to give up fruit, plus I refuse to do any diet that tells me that I can’t have wine. That’s just sacrilegious right there! Wait! What about those Noom ads I had seen? I liked the thought of a coach and psychology… Let’s do this! So, I signed up for the free two week trial while I was laying on the couch depleted of any food I had consumed in probably the last 24 hours. I did what it suggested and ate like I normally did the next day, which happened to be Thanksgiving, and I logged every bite. I was in shock at the the amount of calories, but I also knew that this accountability thing was going to work. It wasn’t just me looking at my food intake, it was a ‘goal specialist’ and I was allowing her to see my weight. If you have ever truly struggled with your weight, you know that that is the hardest thing to do – let someone know your dirty little secret.

Oh! If you’re wondering if it was food poisoning, it wasn’t. About 30 minutes after eating, my oldest son was pretty convinced that he was going to die (reminded me how he is SOOOO like his dad when sick) and the majority of my office seemed to be out for a day on a rotating schedule for the next week or so.

Want to get started on Noom? Here’s what you need to begin YOUR journey ~ https://swimmingwiththerain.com/starting-noom-what-you-will-need/