When I was first married to the military, I came across Captain Yost. He was a tall, thin man and always very welcoming towards our young Enlisted family. Of course each time we saw each other, he would ask the obligatory “Hi, how are you?” and I would tell him about a teething infant or a husband that wouldn’t mow the yard. Yet, when I would ask him, he would reply with, “I am doing wonderful!” One afternoon while walking my teething child in his stroller, we saw Captain Yost out in his yard. Once again I asked how he was doing and he told me that he was doing wonderful. Puzzled at his happiness, I finally asked what made him feel this way, or at least answer that way all the time. His explanation, “Why not? I tell myself that I am happy and I believe it.” I haven’t seen Captain Yost since 1996 but his words still stick with me.

The definition for happiness is “the state of being happy”. Synonyms include ~ pleasure, contentment, satisfaction, cheerfulness, merriment, gaiety, joy, joyfulness, glee, delight, good spirits, lightheartedness, well-being, enjoyment. Come up with a few sentences off the top of your head that include one of these words.

Some people assume that just because someone seems to be happy the majority of the time, they are not in touch with reality or they are faking it. But, happiness is a choice. And when you decide to make that choice, you may have to work at it. I was talking with a friend the other evening, explained my concept that we all have a choice on how we react to things, and we talked in depth of how to deal with some of the frustrating people in his life. For instance, I told him to turn it around on them; that with the constant complainer, ask her what would make her happy in that particular situation. Obviously, some of my “instructing” worked. The next day, he dealt with a motorcycle that tried to cut him off in traffic and instead of getting mad at something that was beyond his control, he took a deep breath and went back to life.

Happiness is a choice, you cannot choose what happens, but you can choose your reaction to it and be happy. ~ RVM

Happiness is not by chance, but by choice. ~ Jim Rohn

The only reason you are happy is because you choose to be happy. Happiness is a choice, and so is suffering. ~Miguel Angel Ruiz

Happiness is not something ready-made. It comes from your own actions. ~Dalai Lama

We all have hapiness inside and it’s not at all hard to find. It’s sealed deep in our hearts and guarded by our soul. You don’t have to beg to use it. All you have to do is choose it! ~Bebeth

An important decision I made was to resist playing the Blame Game. The day I realized that I am in charge of how I will approach problems in my life, that things will turn out better or worse because of me and nobody else, that was the day I knew I would be a happier and healthier person. And that was the day I knew I could truly build a life that matters. ~Steve Goodier

Though no one can backtrack and create a brand new start, Everyone is capable of taking their life in a brand new direction. ~ Germany Kent

Happiness is a choice. Choose to be happy and you will be. ~ Domonique Bertolucci, The Happiness Code: Ten Keys to Being the Best You Can Be

Feeling happy or hurt by every little thing is a choice that makes life beautiful or ugly. ~ Archana Chaurasia Kapoor

Relationships matter. The roles people play in your life will influence you so get serious about who you allow to affect you. Nurture those relationships in your circle that foster success and happiness, and continuously position yourself among change agents and thought leaders. ~ Germany Kent

Living in happiness means practicing the dance of “detachment-attachment”. On a daily basis, we must sense which moments, which events, which people, thoughts and circumstances to detach ourselves from; and which ones to attach ourselves to. Learning this dance, and doing it well, leads to happiness. ~ C. JoyBell C.

When you decide to live in a state of happiness, it does not mean that you are not allowed to have other feelings, they just become less frequent. After a while, you will realize that you begin to look at experiences differently, recognizing that the stressors can be moments of opportunity and not opposition.

Happy people know their strengths and use those to build their confidence. Think of it as throwing together a big birthday celebration ~ if you get nervous talking to people but you are a really good cook, choose to be the one to create the elaborate meal, being able to stay behind scenes, and let someone else do the schmoozing. So, let’s get to know ourselves and toot our own horns for a bit ~

• I like myself because…

• I’m an expert at…

• People say I am a good…

• What I enjoy most is…

• I have a natural talent for…

• I feel good when I…

• The traits I admire myself for are…

• I feel peaceful when…

Use these things towards encouraging your happiness! Of course, it is always important to have an open mind but if you know that you enjoy being creative for instance, be creative! Wander around Michael’s or Hobby Lobby to get ideas. If you enjoy reading, join a book club to talk with other readers. Cooking big dinners could be something you excel at but you live alone… Well, invite others over to share dinner time with you. Feeling nervous about volunteering for something? Speak up! You know what you are good at and what you enjoy. Offer to do it. Just like having to deal with a kid’s sports team… Some moms are meant for the “Team Mom” position. I am not. But, I can cut up some oranges for half time. Do what you love!

To quote Aristotle, “Happiness is a state of activity”. Do you know of any truly happy people that sit home every day, all day? This may sound like a great thing to do but after awhile, boredom sets in, it’s the same routine day after day, they are no longer thriving. The happiest of people enjoy experiencing life, pursuing passions and building connections. Of course, it also depends on your mood. If you have had a hectic week, sometimes all you want is to just sit still for one night and stare at your tv. Does this make you unhappy? No. On the contrary, that might make you happy by re-energizing yourself. Then there are those particular days that you just feel rough and you need to make that connection with people to feel that confidence again. Start taking notice of when you need to be by yourself and when you need to be with people. Once you start paying attention to this, it will help to increase your happiness awareness. Tell us about what you do when you need to be re-energized…

Part of learning to be happy is being able to find the good in situations, the silver linings. Or it may not necessarily be the good but the lesson or trying to look at something with a different frame of mind. You have to be willing to see things from another perspective. Then you have to train yourself to quit thinking negative about so many things.

Years ago, I started this process and it was hard at times. For instance, if a car was speeding and weaving in and out of traffic, I would think to myself about how there really is the possibility that they just got a call that a loved one is in the hospital and they are trying to get to them. What about the mom that is half ignoring her child in the grocery store? Well, she may have been listening to that child all day and her patience level is really low so I smile at the mom to let her know I understand. Most recently, I lost my phone. I tried everything I could to get it back and finally had to give up. At one point, I remember standing there wanting to yell and scream but I thought, “Here I am telling people how they need to lead a more positive life and if I can’t practice what I preach, what good is that?” So, I took a deep breath and accepted the fact that my phone was lost. Yes, it did put a damper on the day, but I did not become as angry as I could have. What are some examples of things you have had to look at in a different light so you wouldn’t get upset?

One of my favorite places to shop is Fresh Market, and I tell people all the time that it is the most pleasurable shopping experience ever. When you walk in, there is something about the hardwood floor, the display cases, the smell… Just the whole atmosphere, including the classical music at the perfect volume. Stop and think about what your favorite places do to create a relaxing atmosphere.

The self-talk that you keep running through your mind is like the background music of your life. It plays almost continuously, like a constant chatter without necessarily a specific thought.

The self-talk may not be something that we say out loud but we hear it each time we look in the mirror, talk to a co-worker, text with a friend. We have programmed our mind to think a certain way and that is the only way it knows how to react. If each time a co-worker asks you a questions and you think, “You again?!?” this will put you in to a negative state. So, if our subconscious talks to us in a certain way and it is OUR subconscious which we trained, we need to reprogram it to think positive self-talk.

Turn down the volume of your negative inner voice and create a nurturing inner voice to take it’s place. When you make a mistake, forgive yourself, learn from it, and move on instead of obsessing about it. Equally important, don’t allow anyone else to dwell on your mistakes or shortcomings or to expect perfection from you. ~ Beverly Engel, The Nice Girl Syndrome: Stop Being Manipulated and Abused — And Start Standing Up for Yourself

The way you choose to think and speak about yourself (to yourself and others), IS A CHOICE! You may have spent your whole life talking about yourself in a negative way, but that doesn’t mean you have to continue that path. ~ Miya Yamanouchi

My challenge to you today is to observe your thoughts and internal dialogue and recognize if and when you speak poorly to yourself. We all have moments of self-deprecation and very often we are too hard on ourselves. Today, start to be caring and supportive of yourself. Observe that little voice in your head and say something positive to yourself instead! ~ Elaine Seiler, Getting Rid of Negative Energy

Don’t undermine yourself. The one person who should never undermine you, is you. Believe in possibilities. Believe in yourself. Believe you are capable. Engage in positive self-talk. Be an advocate for your betterment. Be your own friend. Be loving to yourself. Be forgiving to yourself. Encourage yourself. Celebrate yourself. Be gentle and kind with yourself. Let go of your limiting beliefs. You are capable of more than you think. ~ Akiroq Brost

The pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty. Winston Churchill

A man is but the product of his thoughts; what he thinks, he becomes. Mahatma Gandhi

Once you replace negative thoughts with positive ones, you’ll start having positive results. Willie Nelson

We know that attitudes are contagious, whether positive or negative. I am kind of grouchy when I wake up and my family always adjusted to it. And then along came my first child. He was born happy! He would wake up from naps smiling and would just be so excited to see me. How could I possibly act cranky towards a sweet innocent child that was jumping up and down in his crib when I came in. So, I had to change my morning attitude but it was easy to do with him.

Of course we love being around those positive people because they make us feel special and we also find ourselves happier. For instance, you have the option to sit on the beach for the day with one of two people… One of them is a constant complainer. If you say that it is a beautiful summer day, they will tell you that it is too hot. The other one looks at things from a positive view point so while they may agree that it is hot, they will also add that thankfully you two can get in the water when you need to cool off. Or better yet, they brought ice cold beer with them.

Here we are and you are wondering what the point was in all of this rambling about happiness… Did it make you think? Did it make you realize how your words to yourself can make an impact on your mood?

Don’t necessarily lie to people about how you are doing. If your dog just died, you do not have to say you are doing wonderful. But, don’t complain that no one ever asks you to do anything, and then turn down every offer. Being happy also includes being grateful. Standing on your feet making dinner after a 9 hour work day? Be thankful you have a job and money to feed your family. Find the positive in situations. This is what you need to work on.

Final example – I recently moved from the warm beaches in Florida to the snow-covered Mid-west. Each time someone asks me what I think, I say, “I love it!” Do you know what they end up doing? Laughing, smiling, and we have started our conversation on a positive feeling.

The above was used in a guided group conversation. Similar to a bible study, but without the religious references. If you have questions on how to spark this conversation amongst friends, co-workers, or in a social circle, feel free to email me at SwimmingWithTheRain@yahoo.com