Good Conversation Makes Me Happy

June 6, 2023

I struggle these days with making good connections. I would say that my internet does, also, but I live in the middle of nowhere and internet is not an option. So, back to making good connections…

I would rather sit by myself in my own little world than fake a happy attitude, hence why I have been keeping myself away from people. Trust me, I understand that not all conversations are going to be happy. But, it’s the people that those conversations are with, and I was reminded of that last night.

family celebrating christmas dinner while taking selfie

Everything about the evening lined up perfectly… A nice restaurant with an amazing view, the outdoor terrace with umbrellas offering shade, a fountain to add a bit of water sound, a slight breeze to offset the warm summer air… And people that were happy to see each other, that makes quite a difference!

I don’t know if I can even remember all that was said. A few of us used to work together and since we know each other’s families, conversation was not strained. Group conversations, side conversations, laughter, lots of, “Remember when…” Greeting late comers with a hug and a “So good to see you!” and truly meaning it. We talked of kids, our careers, wondering where so and so is now, reminiscing over the workplace hell we left behind.

For a couple of hours, I was reminded that I am liked, and I really needed that. I remembered what a difference I made in the lives of others and how thankful I am that although we no longer work together, we have a bond that we can jump back in to.

With promises of we’ll do this again, group photos, and selfies taken care of, we hugged each person as we started back in to our own lives.

happy relatives meeting together on weekends

When thinking of my priorities in life, good conversation needs to be at the top. I left the event with a smile on my face knowing that these are people that I truly enjoy being with, and I value their input because they have taken the time to get to know me, as I have them. They ask questions, not just tell stories… They express warmth, not judgement. They laugh, not tell a competing story.

These are the conversations that I need in my life. The ones that make you feel invigorated afterwards. The ones that give you confidence.

The ones that make my heart happy.

God

Angel Numbers

May 10, 2023

I had just made my lunch, sat down with a fork in my hand, tapped on my phone to see the time, and what did I see? 1:11! I was excited to seeing these numbers and knew that it was God’s way of waving, winking, and saying hello.

Up until a couple of years ago, I had a post-it note on my office laptop to remind me of what each Angel Number was for. Since I am working on building back my peaceful inner dialogue, I knew that I needed to research this information again, because I love when I get these little hello’s from God.

white clouds and blue sky — ***I am very much a believer in God. I also believe that God shows himself in ways that YOU will understand, to draw you closer to Him.***

Time watching has always been a habit of mine. When telling a story, I will tell you that it was 3:17 when something happened, not 3:15 or a quarter after 3. When I see certain times, I think of people or holidays. 2:18, my oldest son’s date of birth. 12:25, Merry Christmas! 3:02, Happy Birthday to my mom. And if I think of you when I see your date of birth or partial phone number, just know that I said a prayer for you.

So, if you want to see a few God winks or when He says hello, take a look and maybe incorporate some of these in to your thought process. Still thinking that Angel Numbers are against your religion or might be bad juju? Well, I bet you have a lucky number, right? Is it really your lucky number or do you just feel confident with your choice… Go ahead, step back and allow God to say hello to you with a bit of inspiration.

Reminder – numbers must show in 3 or 4 increments. IE – 111, 2222

0 – New opportunities! You have a fresh start to create new adventures. Don’t be afraid to go big and go bold!

1 – New beginnings! Step in to your self-confidence, set an intention, and focus on yourself.

a close up shot of a child holding a number cutout

2 – Balance, Harmony, Alignment. You are exactly where you need to be and you should savor the moment.

3 – Creativity! Go ahead and shine with self-expression, embrace collaborative energy, and think outside the box.

4 – Stability and Inner Wisdom! Go ahead and trust yourself. You’ve been working hard in the right direction.

5 – Possible curveball! Embrace change and keep a positive mindset. Things may be happening behind the scenes, but you’re on the right path.

6 – Connect with your heart! Seek comfort, reframe from negative thoughts, and be kind to yourself. Choose how you want to interpret a situation and remember that everything happens for a reason.

7 – Lucky! Let go of your fears, listen to your instincts, trust in the universe, say a payer for good fortune.

8 – Abundance! Similar to the infinity symbol that continues like an endless flow of life, now is a good time to let the world know exactly what you want.

9 – Ending! That’s not a bad thing. A situation may soon be ending, or you are close to achieving a goal. It’s a great time to step outside of your comfort zone to make things happen and expand your horizons.

There are doubters in this world that will say that referring to Angel Numbers is a bit too new age for them, or it is for the “hippies”. Here is how I think it brings me peace… In the middle of my day when I am worried about life in general and wondering how I will get through certain things, when I see numbers that make me smile, that is what I do. It’s God reminding me that He is with me and that he has my back. God has a fun way of jumping in to our lives, if we will just watch out for it.

Life

Masculine Energy in Women

April 27, 2023

Based on that title, you are probably thinking, “Whaaaaaaat?”

I totally get that. A few weeks ago, I heard the phrase ‘masculine energy’ and thought it sounded intriguing, only to move on with my life and not give it a second thought. Until, a few days later while listening to a podcast about ‘The Office’… Melora Hardin who plays Jan Levinson (Gould), was asked why her and Steve Carrell (Michael Scott) had this weird chemistry and why did she think that Jan was attracted to Michael.

Melora explained how Jan was very independent, focusing on her career and climbing the corporate ladder. With Michael, she could let down her masculine energy and just be more feminine.

I am a huge fan of ‘The Office’ and while the Michael and Jan storyline was always fun to see, her explanation made sense. Plus, with it being the second time in a week that I had heard the phrase ‘masculine energy’, I figured it was the universe’s way of telling me to look in to this.

So, I did. And it was a lightbulb moment, or as Oprah likes to say, it was an “Ah-ha!” moment.

Do you relate to any of these below?

Woman with too much masculine energy in love relationships:

Difficulty expressing yourself
Come off as aggressive, authoritarian, micromanaging, controlling
Always in charge of arranging dates, making plans with others
Giving unwanted advice
Telling men that you don’t need their help
Trying to portray extreme independence
Problems with intimacy (receiving pleasure)

I have been single for a very long time, and I have learned how to take care of myself. Yay for the independence, right? I also have a tendency to tell men when they try and do things for me, “Shockingly, I have survived the majority of my life without you.” When I say this, I am not trying to come across as rude, I am wanting to make sure they are aware that I am not one of those needy women and I will take care of myself.

But, here’s a secret, I’m tired of trying to be so self sufficient.

troubled young woman near broken automobile in countryside during car accident

Woman with too much masculine energy in relationship with herself:

Disconnected from your emotions
Self-worth based on outside factors – material success, other people opinions
Overly self-critical
Always planning and organizing
Masculine body movements, posture, walk

I was honestly a bit surprised that “always planning and organizing” fell under a masculine trait. Then I started looking inward and realized that I have been the planner for so long that I am nervous when others do it. It’s not that I feel the need to be in charge, it’s just that if no one else is going to step up, I will get it figured out and done.

Another secret, I’m tired of always being the one to plan.

Woman with too much masculine energy in friendships:

Not feeling comfortable being vulnerable with feelings
Afraid of building deep connections
Appearing aloof, cold
Trying to impress, coming off as bragging
Difficulty with close physical affection

Some people will say that I have no problem with sharing my feelings and in some instances, that is true. I am an open book on some aspects. However, when it comes to my complete true feelings, I am not comfortable with sharing my vulnerability. Why? You will use all of that against me in due time, when you are tired of being friends with me. So, it’s easier to put on the persona of being “tough” and then I don’t have to worry about whether our friendship will last or not.

Third secret… I love nothing more than genuine conversation that involves being open, learning about another person, and creating a connection.

So, here we are wondering WHY a woman may experience too much masculine energy.

Having a mother or other female role model with too much masculine energy – Maybe you grew up with a mom that had to make all of the decisions at home while being the disciplinarian. If this is you, you grew up thinking this was normal.

Experience abuse or violence as a woman – Of course we are going to put on our protective armor now.

Living in a society that values and rewards masculine traits more than feminine ones – I lived in the South for over 20 years and surrounded by the military. Men = Respect. Women = There to take care of their man.

Taking on too many masculine roles in order to survive (e.g., being the breadwinner, single parent, taking care of others) – As a single mom without family near, I took care of myself and my children. There wasn’t anyone to take care of me. I had to set my feelings aside more often than not. If I hadn’t, I don’t know how I would have made it through life.

Time and again, a woman will exude masculine energy as a defense mechanism. Being raised in a dysfunctional home, experiencing childhood trauma, or feeling abandoned may cause women to put on the masculine energy shield like a medieval night puts on his armor… To protect our hearts.

Although masculine energy may appear as positive attributes such as being driven, hardworking, and independent, when it becomes our default way of thinking, we deny ourselves the proper care, soul nurturing, compassion and true connections that we crave. When we deny ourselves what our souls desire, we can become quite harsh and unyielding, as we protect ourselves too much.

If you related to any of this like I did, the lightbulb in your head is probably flashing and you are nodding your head in agreement. This is where you get to do your own searching as your journey is unique to you.

For myself, I started with a simple change…

I spoke up and told the man in my life that he needs to make more decisions for the week. This was suggested to me by a friend and it is two-fold – He gets to be the “man” in the relationship and I lessen my worries of disappointing another with my decision. I am one of the lucky ones that happens to have a man that is very easy going. While it is truly a blessing, there are a lot of times that I am the one stuck with making the decisions because he is okay with whatever I decide (within reason). Many women would prefer to be the decision makers, but for me, it causes a lot of stress.

If you are tired of always having to put on a tough exterior to show the world you are okay, it is okay to finally take your mask off. Be you. Find the person inside of you that you forgot about… Nurture her… Be your true self. As women, we shouldn’t have to act like men to accomplish what we want. There is power in being feminine. Be you!

Life

The Customer is NOT always right

April 12, 2023

I have been in some form of Customer Service for the past 34 years. Wow! That statement made me feel old. Okay, back to my point. Way back when, the phrase “The customer is always right”, was ingrained in our minds and we were taught to always give the customer what they wanted. I’ve even had bosses that have told me that as long as a client pays their bill, to let them talk how they want.

Having grown up in a family business, I’ve always known that the customer is what keeps the business going. Do we bend over backwards? Sure, if it can be done. One of my aunt’s told me that my grandfather had told her not to allow a client to cuss at them on the phone and if they did, she had every right to speak up and ask not to be spoken to that way. However, unfortunately my grandfather was not in charge of my adult life paycheck and I had to be quiet and listen to what my boss required.

There have been a few times where I have said something to a client. Sometimes it was to a young Airman (I lived near a large Air Force base) and it was usually because they were too immature to realize that they needed to speak properly. They weren’t confrontational, just using phrases such as, “This is pretty sh*tty that I have to go through this paperwork” or “So, where the h@ll do I find that number.” Usually, that wasn’t such an issue. However, the minute that a client uses any form of foul language in a combative way or makes accusations, I will stop them immediately.

busy female worker talking on phone and working on computer

“Excuse me, please do not speak to me like that.”

Guess what… There is NOTHING wrong with that.

I know that some of you are going to think that is disrespectful to the client and that the client has every right to take their business elsewhere, and they do. Just like I have the right to do that when I do not like service at a particular place.

However, here is what I am getting at – STOP being rude to people!

One of my co-workers that is probably one of the nicest people I have met but has unfortunately allowed people to walk all over her, has had quite the week with clients. Yesterday, a client made her cry.

A woman called and right up front let my co-worker know that she preferred that her husband makes these calls and she is upset from an issue OVER a month ago that was not completed to her satisfaction. This “Karen” told Amanda that she had issues with logging in online A MONTH AGO and wants to know why Amanda didn’t fix it then. Amanda politely told her that she didn’t realize there was that issue a month ago but she will be more than happy to fix it now. Karen continued to berate her by telling Amanda how she had not liked her in the 20 YEARS that they have worked with her, how Amanda doesn’t give her good service, how Amanda should have known that she (Karen) couldn’t log in to the site, and on and on.

When Amanda began to softly cry, this Karen said, “Oh good, you’re crying. Even you know you can’t do your job.”

Unfortunately, there are people these days that think that because they are able to hide behind a phone, whether it’s by speaking directly to another or online, they feel they can treat others however they want to.

My sweet co-worker called the company, explained the situation, and begin tearing up while talking because of the awful way she was treated. This company felt so bad for Amanda that they told her they would immediately call Karen and have this taken care of.

So, who won in all of this? Karen. Why? Because she was mean. Once again, she got away with her attitude.

There are so many articles or reviews out there that complain about customer service, and I always wonder what the customer was like…

Were they expecting miracles…

Were they rude to begin with…

Does acting rude make them feel powerful…

Generally, we have wonderful clients and will bend over backwards for everyone, whether polite or rude. So, if we’re going to do that, what is the point in being rude to someone else? If you’re mean to strangers like this, even to people you may know, my guess is that you are a very unhappy person and nothing will make you happy. Perfect customer service will never be enough for you.

The next time you find yourself wanting to be rude to someone, just to make yourself feel better, stop and consider this… You are potentially ruining someone else’s day. If you are the type of person that doesn’t care that you are affecting another with your words, then YOU are the problem.

Yes, I said YOU!

While I understand frustration in Customer Service situations, I am proud when I see companies stand up for their employees and not allow customers to treat their staff poorly. Employees that feel protected will do more for their company than the ones that feel dismissed. Also, I can promise you that the service you will receive when you treat others with respect, will be exactly what you are looking for.

My moral of this story… Think about how you are treating others. Is this how you want to be treated? Would you be okay with someone calling you at work and telling you how they don’t like you and that you are an awful person? No, you would not. So, be nice.

Friendship

Gossip… It’s time to grow out of it.

March 28, 2023

I’ll be the first to admit that I knew “all” of the gossip at one time in my life. In high school, one of my teachers remarked that I seemed to know people were pregnant pretty quick. I laughed and told the teacher that I know a lot of things and in a joking manner, said, “I probably know they’re pregnant before they do.”

Time went on and I always knew that BIG things should be kept out of gossip. Yes, I know that sounds contradictory to what I explained about high school and I learned that teen pregnancy is a pretty huge deal and I should have kept my mouth shut. I grew out of it, thankfully. However, I’m noticing that some adult women STILL HAVE NOT. Because of that, in the past two years, I have taken my inner circle down so far that people wonder why I do not want to make friends.

Example #1 – A few years ago, while sitting around with several women, two women talked incessantly about another woman who wasn’t there. They acted like they were whispering, but a half dozen of us could clearly hear. Of course others started asking questions and I understood the phrase people use about cackling hens.

I already wasn’t a fan of Woman #1 anyways, but then as I sat back and listened, her only conversation topics were about other people, and she loved the attention. Woman #2 was almost just as bad, but I thought I could trust her more.

young stylish ladies gossiping and drinking coffee in cafe

A friend of both of these women asked why I didn’t like Woman #1. I flat out said, “She talks too much sh*t and needs to keep her mouth shut.”

Woman #2 and I grew a bit closer and in what I thought was in confidence, I expressed concern for a mutual acquaintance because of some Facebook posts I had seen. I had thoroughly enjoyed our mutual acquaintance and we always had great conversations when around each other – parenting, work, movies, single life; conversations that I would have liked to develop in to a friendship. However, I am sure that my concern was sent back to her because shortly after that, I noticed a difference when we were around each other. What did that tell me? That Woman #2 was just as bad as Woman #1. You see, I thought that Woman #2 and I were close and that we could actually talk openly with each other. I should have known that gossip is her conversation starter so instead of thinking about my concern, she shared it.

Example #2 – I started a new job almost 5 months ago and I absolutely love it. I work with four other women and we mainly all get along. Part of me would say that it’s because we are near the same age and that our maturity level is higher than women in their mid-20’s. The other part of me realizes that we all have things in common – Three out of five have been through a divorce and have all been single mom’s; Three out of five have been cheated on by their spouse. We all have kids. We have all been in our respective careers for over twenty years. We respect each other.

We collectively decided that a Happy Hour once a month would be a blast! The first time was fun and the conversation was great. Flash forward to the second one…

woman serving drinks on women sitting inside an establishment

Theresa begins to tell us about a well-known person in the area and the illegitimate child he fathered several years ago.

For some reason, this struck a nerve with me as she kept telling us stories about this man and the child, that she had heard from a friend of a friend of the mother’s. At first, we were all listening with intrigue. But, at some point while watching her, it started to bother me as she went too far and began theorizing about this or that. She was gossiping! And possibly lying! As I began to tune her out, I thought back to all of our conversations and began to realize that those were also gossip, “filling me in” about my fellow co-workers. Not to mention, her conversation starters are always about one of her son’s and his constant arguments with his baby mama… She thrives on the attention of her stories!

I’ve always known of this saying about gossip and never truly understood until I got older –

“Great minds discuss ideas. Average minds discuss events. Small minds discuss people.”

Then there is the one that people post on Facebook and always seem to think is funny –

“If you haven’t got anything nice to say about anybody come sit next to me.”

two women lying down on white bed while looking at each other

Here is my problem each time I see that quote… While we might laugh and talk about people, at what point are you going to take what I say and relay that to others? No, thank you.

I know I made mistakes in my life by sharing gossip about others. Here’s where I am at in my life… I tell my mother things and my man. That is about it. If you know that I spent time with someone and you ask me a nosey question about them, I know what you’re getting at, especially if you are the gossipy type. I don’t want my life to be surrounded by talking about people. Let’s have in-depth conversations, get to know each other, UNDERSTAND each other.

Because I will be the first to tell you that I know that I have been gossiped about. In fact, I have good friends that have said things about me. I’m aware of it. They’re not as much in the good friends category as they would like to think though. Do you know who I respect? The people that hear it and stop it. Not only that, but the people that ask me the truth. Because gossip is attention getting. The real story isn’t as thrilling as you would think.

Friendship

Dear Sherrill

March 17, 2023

I found out this week that you passed away a couple of years ago and so many memories went through my mind…

We began working together in 1998, maybe 1999, and we immediately clicked. You were only a few years older than me and had served four years in the Air Force and then went in to the Reserves. Raised in South Florida (my husband at the time was from there) and you had been stationed in California when Active Duty (where I’m from), so that immediately bonded us. Not to mention, we shared the same middle name. Things that seem trivial, but when you’re in your young 20’s, you grasp on to anything.

Our conversations at work were always so completely open and we talked about anything and everything…

Sometimes deep thoughts, funny gossip about other people, sometimes about our struggles growing up, my married life, your single life, what we thought the future held for us. On one Friday night every month, our department all went to dinner, then a nightclub, and our friendship felt like it had always been there as we danced without a care in the world while drinking and laughing. Your code at work was 976 so we often laughed and said, 976 BABE (from Pretty Woman) or call you “Sha-rell”, a play on the spelling of your name which is actually pronounced Cheryl.

A conversation that always stood out to me and always lingered through your life, was your mother struggling with deep depression. I believe she took her own life at some point before we met, and you were aware that you had also been afflicted with this disease, but felt you could keep ahold of it. Often, I would see you staring off, focusing on nothing. You needed reassurance in life that you were loved, and you gave love in return, never judging.

You fell in love with Derek, who also worked with us, but his feelings were not reciprocated. Somewhere in your heart, you knew this, but you were convinced he would, if only… I remember you thinking that he would now fall in love with you. He didn’t. Yet, you would still go to him when he asked… Sometimes returning full of hope, sometimes with heartbreak.

You glowed while pregnant and all of us, except Derek, did everything we could to keep you upbeat. Not only were you struggling with being single and having a child without support from the father, but you were having a bi-racial child, and your own father was having a hard time accepting that. At work with over 100 employees, most knew who the father was and you felt judged. But, we became your support team, standing up to others, making you feel safe.

Finally, that sweet baby boy came along and you finally knew the true meaning of love.

cute little baby drinking milk from bottle

Some would say you struggled with post partum depression. Those close to you knew that you were struggling with not being loved by Derek or he accepting his child. We stepped in and did our best to make sure that child felt so much love. If you needed a babysitter, one of us would step in. My husband at the time often watched him on the weekends if you were working or had Reserves. I loved holding your baby and spoiling him the way we do other people’s kids.

Maybe a year or so later, you moved to the outskirts of Chicago to live with a friend, hoping to start fresh and not have a constant reminder of Derek not loving your newly created family. We talked almost every day and I could still hear the sadness in your voice. Being in a new place is lonely, especially when you do not have confidence in yourself. You and the baby stayed sheltered in your room, not wanting to cause a disturbance to your roommate. Slowly, the loneliness took a bigger hold and you attempted to take your own life. God wasn’t ready for you yet and when your phone rang, you answered. Immediately, the angel on the phone knew something was wrong and called 911.

A few weeks later, your angel suggested you move to Oklahoma to be near him, so he could be there for you and the baby. This man loved you so very much, always had, and although you loved him as a very dear friend, you were wanting the fireworks you had felt with Derek. Yet, he was still there for you. He would keep the baby overnight, have dinner ready for the three of you, join on walks to the park, watch cheesy tv shows with you, hold you when you cried, celebrate raises at work… Everything you wanted out of Derek.

You and the baby came back for a quick visit to see family and hopefully for Derek’s acceptance. I was no longer married, but was going through my own struggles of being a single pregnant mom. Being around you again, it didn’t feel like any time had lapsed, but that sweet baby was now around 3 and was such a good kid. Yet, we both knew that something was still missing from your life.

After the two of you headed back to Oklahoma, we still kept in touch but the phone calls seemed to become more sporadic and I often received your voicemail, with no return phone call.

I had your angel’s phone number and would check in with him to see if you were okay. He assured me that you were but that you still struggled.

Time went on and the phone calls stopped. On occasion, I would google your name and you were still in Oklahoma. I found an email address for you and sent one letting you know what was going on in my life, but there was no reply. When Facebook came around, I found you and sent a friend request that went unanswered. Four years later, I sent a Facebook message saying, “I found you. Yay! Call me. Here’s my number.” Of course I stalked what I could see on your page and that baby was now a teenager, active in sports. You still looked the same with your auburn hair color and lots of black eyeliner.

To this day, each time I hear the song, “Truly, Madly, Deeply” by Savage Garden, I think of you. That was your song to Derek and you had even left the lyrics for him to find on his pillow case. Through the years, I would say a quiet prayer for you when the song played and wonder how you were doing. I gave up trying to reach out or google you, figuring that if you had the urge to talk, you would find me. I also knew that I was a reminder of your past, and sometimes, it is better to walk away from those people.

This week while looking through Facebook messages, I went to the Spam folder. I do this periodically to see if there is anything I missed. I laughed while I kept scrolling because there were messages from fake accounts asking if I would care for a chat, a wave emoji, and one even told me that I had beautiful feet. Then I saw the message that I sent you on November 13th, 2013, unread. I clicked on the view profile button, and I was informed that your profile wasn’t visible. Of course I was saddened that you would block me, but I also remember that you probably had to do it to escape your past, and I understood. If we had been able to talk, we would have talked about the past. When we are trying to create a new life for ourselves, talking about painful memories can take us down a hole that we may have a hard time crawling out of.

I typed your name in to Google and saw that you were listed as an Administrative Executive on LinkedIn in Wyoming of all places. LinkedIn showed that you hadn’t posted in awhile, which isn’t uncommon for most people. Back to Google and now adding in Wyoming. Up pops an announcement from a funeral home. You passed away on August 20th, 2021. No, this cannot be you. There wasn’t a full obituary so I was unable to confirm it was you, so I still had hopeful doubt. However, under the guestbook, there was one entry and it was from your angel.

“Sherrill, As you close your eyes in rest, may all your pain and troubles be lost forever. May you find paradises and a world of eternal life…May your soul Rest In Peace!”

He sent prayers to your son and your brother, with their names mentioned. That is when I knew it was you…

My focus became determining what happened in those missing years. In 2018, you fell in love with a man that served in the Army for 3 years, and became engaged. His obituary from September 23rd, 2019 tells the love story of you falling in love with his rugged good looks and his intelligence. It goes on to say that you two were looking forward to marrying and spending the rest of your lives together, and that he loved you fiercely, carrying that in your heart and soul forever. I’m not sure how or why he passed away, but that you were by his side. You carried that love for two days shy of 23 months. Grieving with a broken heart is hard to do for even the average person, but for you, your heart could not be fixed.

Sherrill, I looked up your son on Facebook. He looks like you. His profile picture shows him smiling with his arms around a young lady. He’s in the Army. I messaged your angel and your son through Messenger immediately upon seeing your announcement and although I do not expect them to find my words anytime soon, maybe one day, they will come across it when they need it. I also found a photo of you and your fiance standing in front of Mount Rushmore. He’s staring at the camera, while you are resting your head on his shoulder looking off. You hadn’t changed in all those years.

I cannot imagine the struggles you went through in life, that you felt you needed to fight on your own. And although you only had a year with the love of your life, I am happy that you were able to experience someone that loved you for you. I know that the loss was overwhelming and I wish that you had been strong enough to see your son start a family of his own, I understand that you felt this was your only option.

I will continue to remember you each time I hear the numbers 976 or the song by Savage Garden. I’m sorry that you struggled. I’m sorry that we didn’t keep in touch. I’m sorry that you felt this was the way out. I’m sorry that you didn’t know the impact you made on others. Thank you for being my friend all those years ago.

988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline

We can all help prevent suicide. The Lifeline provides 24/7, free and confidential support. https://988lifeline.org/

All me

Dear Men, Don’t Be Creepy

March 10, 2023

While scrolling through my notes section in my phone, I came across this from a few years ago. I think of the issue with my bosses often and wish that more men would be aware of the culture they are creating.

There was a man at the gym this morning that really made me feel uncomfortable. We walked in at the same time, exchanged good mornings… Then he said, “There’s that smile I love.”

sporty woman exercising on elliptical trainer machine

In my head, I thought,

“Who the $&!% are you? I’ve never seen you.”

A few minutes later, I choose the elliptical that is last in line and guess who goes to the one right next to mine when there are six others to choose from? As I was turning my headphones on and syncing up the Bluetooth, he offered to wipe down my machine. Politely I said, “No thank you. I’m good”, because I was taught to be polite. He walked about 10 feet away and started doing some stretches so his machine looked unoccupied. Whew! Until another gentleman came walking up to hit and then creepy guy jumped up to claim it. What did I do? I stopped my machine, cleaned it off and walked away.

The man that had walked up, I didn’t get creepy vibes from him at all. In fact, I was thankful he came up, as if he was giving me a buffer. But, as I walked over to a tri-cep machine, I felt creepy guy looking at me. He then went to a machine that faces the mirrors and I still felt highly uncomfortable. I did my reps and went to another and was facing a co-worker of mine who was about 15 feet away. We made eye contact and I motioned my eyes to the guy then made a shivering movement. Not only did she understand what I meant but the Special Ops looking guy that was on another treadmill must have, also, because I saw his posture change. At that moment, I felt safe.

So, creepy guy left the gym after only being there less than 15 minutes…

Why am I telling you this? Because it has dawned on me that most men, just don’t get it. Men are naturally physically stronger than most women… I totally get that… But, I am 5ft 4in and while I would put up a fight, chances are… The man will overpower me. That is what women deal with ALL THE TIME!

I kept working out, but my mind went back to YEARS ago when I had a very creepy client that I just couldn’t deal with any longer. He was in his 60’s, with dyed jet black hair and he would make comments to me about “making love”.

woman filling job application form in office with boss

I finally went to my boss and said, “Michael, can you PLEASE have someone else take over his accounts? He gives me serious heebie jeebies.” I was laughingly told, “Oh, he’s harmless!” My reply, “He offers to sing me songs about making love.” The boss laughed again and said, “He pays his bills. Suck it up.”

My mind then wandered to a few years ago when another male client that gave me the same feeling entered my office. He would call me darlin’, sweetie, honey… But, I remembered my boss from years ago telling me to suck it up because he pays his bills. So, I did. I acted very professional, and discussed the matters we needed to. Yet… He would still come in or call with questions for me… And each time, my guard went up. Imagine when a few months later, I hear from my boss that the client sent an email letting my boss know that I am not very friendly and that he “must remind her of some ex-boyfriend that talked down to her”. Yes, you jerk! You do!!!! I explained to my boss that he just gives me heebie jeebies and I just can’t.

“You have to act professional.”

“I am.”

“You have to be nice.”

“I can’t.”

“You’re making too big of a deal about this.”

positive ethnic boss using laptop in light office

Luckily, he was switched to a different rep and funnily enough, he quit coming in often with random questions. However, the results are two fold… On one hand, I had women in my office thank me for trying to tell the boss about this guy because they were all creeped out by him, too. But, on the other hand, my boss treated me different after that and I knew that some of his respect for me had left.

Here is what I am getting at… Men, pay attention!

First of all, I’m hoping you are not that creepy guy, but if you are, STOP! But, if you are that co-worker, boss, family member, fellow gym person, male friend… PAY ATTENTION!

If a woman says that a man makes her feel uncomfortable PLEASE do not brush her off. Accept what she is saying and acknowledge it. Do not make her feel like less of a person.

Step in.

Protect me.

Make me feel like I am safe.

Because the threat is real… And it has gone on too long.

While editing this piece, I felt my heartrate speed up and the anxiety started to take hold. I never want another woman to ever feel like I felt. If you are a male boss, support your female employees. If they feel uncomfortable, acknowledge it and make sure they feel heard.

Holidays

International Women’s Day

March 8, 2023

Today is International Women’s Day and if you need inspiration for a work meeting or even to inspire yourself, then you are at the perfect place!

After spending a year and a half in an HR position that involved a lot of employee motivation and working one on one with Senior Management with business needs, I began to see a trend with our employees… A lot of these young women lacked confidence in their abilities and were afraid to speak up. I’m not going to lie and say that I am the most confident person. I am finally, on the verge of 50, finding my own voice. This is in thanks to the young women that I worked with on a daily basis, and as I began to stand up for them, I needed to begin to stand up for myself.

Last year to celebrate International Women’s Day, around 15 of us squeezed in to our conference room that was intended for 10 people. Women all giggled when maneuvering around and were excited to have a moment without Senior Management around as intimidation. I started the meeting with telling them how thankful I was for all of them and how each made a difference in my day. I looked at each one and brought up a positive aspect, whether it was the spark they had during the interview, or how they helped out another co-worker. I was vulnerable for a moment and gave a bit of my personal background and assured each one that they had what it takes to succeed. “Because, if I can make it in life, so can you.”

I then brought up six talking points in hopes that it would make a change in our office, and slow down office gossip. It was important for these women to see that if we support each other, we will all feel empowered.

group of people watching gray laptop computer

Celebrate each others strengths and give praise. It’s contagious! I began to see women cheering for each other or walking by someone’s desk telling them “great job” or “thank you”.

Back each other up in meetings. This is a powerful one. During my meetings with Management, I was often the only woman in there. I understood what it felt like to not have an ally.

Include less experienced women in your projects. How else are we going to learn and expand our roles if someone doesn’t teach us?

Be approachable and offer help. One of the best compliments I had from an employee is when she told me that she told another employee, “Go see HR. She isn’t just there to hear work related things. She has really helped me in my personal life, also.”

positive businesswoman doing paperwork in office

Be open about your own vulnerabilities and failings. We think that successful women “just got there” or that they are special. Knowing the lengths that other women had to take to get to where they are inspires other women to know that their hard work will pay off.

Accept and embrace each others individuality. If everyone was the same, how boring would that be? Learn about other people and their cultures, hobbies, lifestyle. Keep learning.

What I did next seemed like a typical move for me, but my employees were not expecting it. I printed out the quotes below and had each one on individual pieces of paper, folded up, placed in a jar. As a firm believer in how things work out the way they are supposed to, I told each lady to reach in and grab the piece of paper that felt right to them and those would be their words. When it was over, it was truly amazing how each woman identified with “their” quote and several of them taped their quotes to their computer monitor as a daily reminder.

Feminism isn’t about making women strong. Women are already strong. It’s about changing the way the world perceives that strength. G.D. Anderson

There is nothing stronger than a broken woman who has rebuilt herself. Hannah Gadsby

The most important thing one woman can do for another is expand her sense of actual possibilities. Adrienne Rich

We realize the importance of our voice when we are silenced. Malala Yousafzai

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. Eleanor Roosevelt

We need to reshape our own perception of how we view ourselves. We have to step up as women and take the lead. Beyoncé

I do not wish women to have power over men; but over themselves.

Every woman’s success should be an inspiration to another. We’re strongest when we cheer each other on. Serena Williams

She wasn’t looking for a knight. She was looking for a sword. Atticus

Above all, be the heroine of your life. Not the victim. Nora Ephron

Girls should never be afraid to be smart. Emma Watson

A strong woman looks a challenge in the eye and gives it a wink. Gina Carey

Your life isn’t yours if you constantly care what others think. Unknown

If you have knowledge, let others light their candles in it. Margaret Fuller

A successful woman is one who can build a firm foundation with the bricks others have thrown at her. Unknown

A woman with a voice is by definition a strong woman. But the search to find that voice can be remarkably difficult. Melinda Gates

We all have a ‘Wonder Woman’ inside of us. Unknown

I want every girl to know that her voice can change the world. Malala

Real queens fix each other’s crowns. Unknown

There’s something about a woman with a loud mind that sits in silence, smiling, knowing she can crush you with the truth. R.G. Moon

A strong woman stands up for herself. A stronger woman stands up for everyone else. Unknown

You can always tell who the strong women are. They are the ones you see building one another up instead of tearing each other down. Unknown

She overcame everything that was meant to destroy her. Rumi

It’s okay if you fall down and lose your spark. Just make sure that when you get back up, you rise as the whole damn fire. Colette Werden

What’s the greatest lesson a woman should learn? That since day one, she’s already had everything she needs within herself. It’s the world that convinced her she did not. Rupi Kaur

I know what I bring to the table… So trust me when I say I’m not afraid to eat alone. Unknown

Be the woman you needed as a girl. Unknown

And one day she discovered that she was fierce and strong and full of fire, and that not even she could hold herself back, because her passion burned brighter than her fears. Mark Anthony

I left that company seven months later. In fact, so did several other women as they became confident enough to speak up for themselves. The great thing is, I still hear from several of them as they have secured better jobs and found themselves deserving of a better life. I hold each of these ladies dear to my heart and although the company was awful to work for, these ladies helped me find myself and my voice and in turn, I helped them.

Life

I Miss ME

October 27, 2022

Recently, I told my mom that I miss me. I miss who I used to be over a year ago. I miss walking on trails, having time to myself, reading good books, writing down my thoughts, eat healthier, and a good night sleep. At the time, I blamed it on my relationship. But, something I have realized in the past few weeks is that it is not because of my relationship, it is because of my job. And, I have let my job reflect on my relationships. Yes, plural.

That stops today!

I want to be me again. I want to get back on the trails with my dog (did so last week), have time to myself (right now), read good books (need to choose one from the stack), write down my thoughts (here I am), eat healthier (going shopping later), and get a good night sleep (that will come).

I wanted to be someone, and I thought that climbing the career ladder is what it would take to prove myself. What I proved is that I can work 10 to 12 hours a day, wake up at 4am stressed thinking about work, answer messages at all hours of the night, weekend, and vacation. I also proved that I can be so exhausted and not have time to culture friendships because all I thought about was work.

Today, I choose me. I choose to be loyal to myself and find me again. I want to see happiness on my face and share those moments with those I love.

close up shot of scrabble tiles on a white surface — Photo by Anna Tarazevich on Pexels.com

All me

My Quarantine Diary

February 23, 2021

On my first day of Covid (did you just sing that to the tune of “On the first day of Christmas”? haha), I did a facebook post to mainly get the info out to friends, family, and anyone that I had been around. Then my phone started buzzing with questions via text and messenger. As Covid sucked up my energy, I used my daily facebook posts as a diary. I cannot even begin to explain how surprised and grateful I was for the reactions… It seems that a lot of people had questions about my symptoms and although mine was not as bad as others, it became an experience that people took an interest in.

One of the first messages I received was from a friend that is a nurse, with information about sleeping and meds ~ Take zinc, magnesium, vitamin D and C. Lots of water or Gatorade. And sleep on your stomach. Although the sleeping on the stomach is generally only used if in the hospital and having an issue with oxygen, I have asthma, and the first couple of nights, my concern was to keep this out of my chest.

The great news is, I was already taking these vitamins. After having the flu / pneumonia combo a few years ago, I began to research normal vitamins to build up my health. Zinc has been in my medicine cabinet for 15 years. I take it daily during flu season, if I’ve been around sick people, or if I start to feel run down. Magnesium is supposed to help my blood pressure and enhances my quality of sleep. My doctor told me awhile back to take Vitamin D since blood work showed low levels (come to find out, Covid patients that end up having awful symptoms, are low in Vitamin D). Then there is Vitamin C… Who doesn’t have this? This was supposed to the the cure-all when sick as a kid.

First, my personal disclaimer – I am not a doctor, so please DO NOT use this for medical guidance! Ok, here we go…

Day 1 of being quarantined… Well, when my boss ended up with Covid, I was fine. Unfortunately, with my co-worker having it, I’m not. I haven’t seen her since last Tuesday and figured all was good until I woke up this morning. Honestly, it felt like my allergies were bothering me, but then I couldn’t smell my body wash. No biggy because my nose was a bit stuffy from what I thought were allergies. Made a roast beef and horseradish cheese omelet and while eating that at work, I realized I wasn’t tasting the horseradish. And also started to realize that I still felt tired and a bit achy, that should have been gone with my morning meds. Went to a place that does rapid testing and they were awesome! 20 minutes later, results were back. She was so super nice and explained that it is transmitted when being less than six feet apart for MORE than 15 minutes. I’m not running a temp, in fact it was 97.7 while wearing leggings, boots, long sleeve t-shirt, sweater, and beanie. Proves I’m a bit more cold hearted than some give me credit for. LOL She did check my lungs and said that they were clear, which I am super thankful for. So, what have I done today? Cried, been in and out of sleep, watched NCIS LA… Can’t really smell and it seems that the only thing I can taste is Sweet & Sour and Sricha Mayo (not combined- haha). My boss is being fantastic with this and is not making me feel guilty. I know it’s not my fault but I have a tendency to feel guilty if I’m disappointing someone. Anyways, come to find out, he is required to pay me for 14 days of quarantine. If one of the other girls starts to work from home, I may end up going in to the office since I will be alone in there. I’m really surprised it took this long for me to get it so I’m glad I can get this over with. And now I need to finish adding to my online grocery cart so I can pick it up tomorrow. Good times!

Finishing Day #2 of quarantine… Woke up thirsty and had a sore back, but wasn’t really stuffy. Still can’t smell and can only taste the sweet & sour sauce (it’s really good on eggs, fyi). I don’t feel massively exhausted but just like I could doze… Best way to explain it… You know during the summer when you have had a couple drinks and you are laying in the sunshine and doze off for a bit and you feel like you just napped for an hour but it was only 10 minutes? That’s what this is like, can’t really get a super long sleep but don’t have the energy to do much else. Thank goodness for ION and their all day showing of NCIS New Orleans! A special thank you to those that have called, texted, or messaged to keep me entertained. Not sure how I’m going to handle another week and a half of this…Have a great night!

Finishing day 3 of quarantine… Still feeling groggy and especially today since I only had one brief nap. Something I’ve learned is that even if you don’t have any taste / smell, you still crave food. Last night, I wanted chocolate so bad so I made a protein chocolate waffle then realized there was no point because I couldn’t taste it. LOL I had an orange popsicle tonight which is shocking because I hate orange popsicles. (except for dreamsicles because those are amazing!) But since I can’t taste the orange, why not? I wanted spaghetti for dinner because when I am sick with a stuffy nose, I usually like that because the flavor is strong. Well, my cheeks could feel all of the red pepper flakes I put in, but nothing else. LOL Even added honey to my hot tea to sweeten it up, then wondered why. So, that’s been a whole learning process. When away from friends and family, ordering groceries online is the way to go! It did remind me of how thankful I am for my friends back home that whenever I need them to jump in with a meal for my family when there is an illness or death, they do so instantly. I didn’t cry though, so I’m making progress. Anyways, my grocery cart included yarn to start on a temperature blanket for the highs and lows since I’ve been here, a massive heating pad since my other one finally died after 18 years, popsicles, crackers, and coffee. (Even though I can’t taste it, I’m still refusing to use my yucky emergency stash).Today’s viewing pleasure has been Blue Bloods. Taken me a bit to get in to it but after 9 hours, I’m no longer looking at Tom Selleck as Magnum PI or Monica’s boyfriend. A special thank you to those that have went through this and have messaged me with what to expect and how to deal with it or meds to take. I have to admit though, I’m getting tired of my couch.

Finishing Day 4 of Quarantine… Same symptoms, different day. A little bit of a tickle in the throat that I’m hoping stays out of my chest, but I don’t feel like it’s anything to worry about. Little bits of pain pop in around my forehead, but it doesn’t seem to last long. I did have an emotional morning and had my own personal pity party for a bit, but I’ve realized that that is what I do when I’m sick. Today’s TV viewing has been Chicago P.D. Great show and plenty of eye candy. Goal for tomorrow? Hawaii 5-O. Thank you to all that have kept me entertained with texts and calls

Finishing Day 5 of Quarantine… Well, I woke up happy so something must be wrong. Just kidding. But, I did wake up rather pleasant. Decided that I was going to start my bed washing because that is what I do when I feel like I’m getting better… Wash everything in hot water and totally over dry! LOL And then the upset stomach set in, but luckily this was the only time there was this issue. It affects others more often and I just cannot imagine! For the most part, I’m feeling better. Actually did some crocheting, had a couple of phone conversations, and I had the energy to laugh. Not feeling as groggy so hoping I’m headed back to normal. Still can’t smell / taste. Still craving food. I’m telling you right now, when my taste is back, I’m having a burger for lunch and dinner will be pizza with a few glasses of Pinot Noir! Oh! And today’s viewing pleasure has been Hawaii 5-O. The lead guy is my new man crush. This is what happens when you haven’t seen another living soul in awhile.

Finishing Day 6 of quarantine… It’s been a rough one. Woke up emotional, thought I had energy to water, fertilize, and trim plants… Wiped out afterwards… Stayed emotional. I’m tired. I’m tired of having to cook for myself. I’m tired of not tasting food. I’m tired of being alone. I’m tired of having to add things to an online grocery cart so I can place an order that I need to pick up. I’m tired that the only thing I seem to have energy for is watching tv. I’m tired of crying alone. I’m tired of my legs feeling so achy. I’m tired of Ebby wanting to stay so close to me that I can’t stretch out and sleep well. But, I have to remind myself that I have a lot to be thankful for. I’m thankful that this is the extent of it. I’m thankful that I will recover. I’m thankful that every day I hear from my boss and co-workers. I’m thankful that this time of being quarantined has clarified my intuition of people… It’s been an eye opener for sure. So there. I’m just hoping that by reading this, if you know someone that is alone, you reach out to them. Don’t think that someone else is probably helping them, because that is what everyone else is doing, and the person is left alone. Please don’t put sympathetic words on here because I do not need any more emotions. Just reach out to people! If they’re sick, grab them a pizza or McDonalds or cookies or a homemade meal and leave at their front door. Or make a card and leave for them. Just acknowledge their presence. Single people when sick are completely shut off from everyone. There isn’t even anyone in the house to ask me if I want water. Ok, off my tangent… Today’s viewing pleasure has been SVU. No eye candy but I will probably have nightmares. It was the episode where Olivia is kidnapped and tortured that I just watched. Ugh!

Finishing Quarantine day 7… First of all, I want to thank those that reached out via messenger or text. Your prayers or words of encouragement mean more than you know. So, how was this day? Well, I started to get excited when I thought I could smell my body wash so I tried to smell it again… Nope. Made a cup of coffee and walked down to the river to look around and enjoy the view for a bit. I really do need a bench down there so I can just sit. Wouldn’t have made a difference since everything was covered in snow. I must say, I’m adjusting to this cooler weather and find it refreshing. Being that the groceries I grabbed last weekend were mainly dinner items and I’m out of eggs, (and can’t taste what I’m eating anyways), my meals are kind of weird. So, breakfast was sweet potato fries with Sricha Mayo for dipping. I can feel the heat from the Sricha, but not the actual taste. Had my first long nap today. Generally, my naps have been 10 – 20 minutes and I’m always groggy. But today, it was 2 hours and felt soooo good! I did dream that someone was coming in to check on me and I was upset that I hadn’t locked the door because I had no desire to see this person and I knew that my response to them waking me up from my nap was not going to be polite. Luckily, it was a dream and I continued to sleep. Tonight, I made homemade chicken noodle soup and started laughing because there I was opening each thing of seasoning, smelling, and throwing some in. I started laughing because I realized I can’t smell any of it! BUT, when I did have a bowl, I think I may have tasted a bit of the broth. That or I could just feel the textures and warmth. I’m feeling very clear headed this evening and hopefully that means I’m on the upswing. I’ll put in for a grocery pickup tomorrow because I will have a few more days of this and I’m wanting some fruit. And spaghetti. And tacos. And cereal. I just want food I can taste. LOL

Finishing Day 8 of Quarantine… One week of this. I almost have a routine for my mornings… Make coffee, sit on the hope chest in front of the bay window while watching the snow, return texts / messages, stare out the window, do some dishes… But, what was a bit different about this morning is that I could tell my coffee was strong. Lunch time rolls around and while talking to my oldest and eating Perogi’s (feta & spinach which are so good), I told him that I thought I might be able to taste them. A couple hours later, grab a couple of popsicles and I could remember why I wasn’t a fan of orange. Thinking I’m imagining this, I go to the next one and I could taste the difference. (Cherry. Soooo good!) Well, let’s try this and see if it’s real so I headed to McDonald’s and had the best tasting fries EVER! So, I’m so happy to say that my taste is back. Not at 100% but at least I can enjoy food again. I was told by a friend today that the mental toll this takes on people can be just as bad as the symptoms, which I feel is so true. Plus, as my co-worker and I talked about, the lack of smell/taste, makes you feel like you are going a bit crazy. Here’s the deal, when you’re sick, you just want a little bit of comfort. Whether that is soup, popsicles, tea… But, when you can’t taste the comfort… It starts getting to you. Sounds silly, I know. I left the tv off for the majority of the day and honestly, the day seemed to speed by. I’m not sure how because I didn’t seem to do much. But, I did grab a book from the unread shelf and I’m starting on Emma by Jane Austen. I think I read this years ago but can’t really remember. I’m just thankful that I’m not feeling as groggy so that I can actually concentrate. To those that have had this before, how long did it take you to get your energy back? I’ve had pneumonia twice, even once with the flu a few years ago when it was bad, and I’ll admit that this is not as bad as those. BUT, this is a consistent grogginess for days on end. So, is my energy going to come back with a snap of the fingers or is this going to take a few weeks? Thank you to everyone that has reached out and checked on me, or shared their covid story, or let me know they are praying. It is times like these that you see people for who they are and the true kindness in their hearts. For this, I will always be grateful. Have a great evening everyone and hugg your loved ones a little tighter!

Finishing Day 9 of Quarantine… My day started at 4am because I woke up with achy legs, which made me restless, because I hadn’t taken my nightly med combo including Naproxen. Finally decided to get up, make coffee, shower, do a load of laundry. That only lasted until about 7 because I fell asleep reading… Jane Austin takes a lot of concentration and I’m not sure if I want to devote that time right now. I offered to go back in to work on Thursday since that will be Day 11. Full day Thursday, half day Friday. I figure that will be a good way to get back in to this. They are aware that I have bouts of grogginess and since my boss still has the after effects from when he had it, they are understanding. Luckily, I have a blanket in my office so there may still be a few naps. As for taste / smell, I can taste, but barely smell. I did grab a pizza from Domino’s today when I did a grocery pickup and it was sooooo good! I’ll get back to healthy eating tomorrow. Oh! And for those that mentioned adding Jim Beam in to my online grocery cart and they will check ID when I pick up, not able to do that. In store purchase only. On Friday, I will be doing an in store purchase. LOL Even though I will no longer be contagious as of Thursday, I’m still taking it easy for another week and will keep myself between work and home. I think I need time to get some of my energy back and get ahold of my thoughts from the past week. This past week honestly feels like it has flown by. When you spend several days in a groggy state of mind, not a lot is remembered. If this happens to you, I highly suggest stocking up on Vitamin D, Zinc, Vitamin C, Magnesium, and Naproxen (which is Aleve and lasts 12 hours). I already had those on hand because I take them every day. Find a comfy spot in front of a tv and “learn it, live it, love it” because you’ll be there for awhile. And find people you can text with because that will help to keep you busy and from going completely insane. Thank you for all the love, prayers, and kind words. Stay healthy!

Finishing Day 10 of Quarantine… Last Day! Yay!!! Thanks to my grocery order yesterday, I was able to have a proper breakfast this morning that included eggs. Today was movie watching day since I was forcing myself to stay awake. The 15:17 To Paris, The Best Excotic Marigold Hotel (and the second one), How To Be Single, and Hope Springs. It felt good to watch happy shows instead of gathering ideas on how to hide the bodies. Honestly, I would say that I am back to normal, except for the low energy, which will slowly come back. My temper is a little flared these days. But, when you’re stuck on a couch for 9 days… I never intended to document this on a daily basis. But, it became therapeutic and it was an easy way to keep family and friends up to date. I can never express all of my gratitude to those that reached out to check on me, ask questions because somebody they know has it, thanked me for sharing my story, or to offer prayers. One of the things I wanted to make clear with my daily updates is that while there is a slim chance that this virus can do severe damage, the majority of the time, it is just like this. So, if you do end up with it, of course be cautious as you would with the flu, but you don’t have to fear it. Thank you to everyone for the love and now I am off to bed so I can get ready to head back to the land of working people.

Day 11 – Well, back to work I went today. The alarms had such an awful sound and I could have had an additional day and a half to rest, but I figured it would be good to ease in prior to the weekend. A company did come in within the past few days to spray everything down to kill all germies, so that is a bit of a comfort. The boss bought Chinese food for lunch, so that was a nice break to sit with everyone, have conversation and catch up. But, once 1pm came around, I really really wanted a nap and they knew that. I could have left, but I’m not about to drive 30 minutes when sleepy. So, I’d close my eyes and listen to whatever song was playing and when it was over, I’d have a bit of a second wind… And third… And fourth… LOL And finally, I’m home and my eyes are exhausted but my brain and body are thankful to have done something productive. Hope everyone had a great day!

One month later… The week after my quarantine, I started to walk my dog down the street a bit, then head back. Each day, we went a bit further. While my energy is completely back (and better than ever thanks to at least a mile walk every day), my smell is gone. Every now and then, I might get a whiff of something, but it is faint, then gone. I really don’t notice the lack of it until I hear someone say, “That smells so good!” But, it is what it is. I know that it could have been so much worse. Have I changed my “ways”? I still wear my mask when required, and I still try my best to stay away from sick people, and I Lysol everything on a weekly basis. The last two is due to my allergies and asthma. Not to mention, I just don’t like being sick.

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