Watching TV Alone…

Dear Feeling Solo,

I cannot pretend to even know what it feels like to be married 40+ years to the same person, but I know what it is like to feel alone when doing something with another so my answer has different things to consider. A few different viewpoints on something to consider… Why is he playing games on his iPad instead of watching what you are? I ask this because he is either A) clearly bored with whatever show you have on, B) finally has time in his busy day to catch up on the world around him, C) couldn’t care less about spending time with you, D) is comfortable enough to just relax in your presence, happy that you are happy, or E) a combination of some of the above. Have you asked him what is going on in that mind of his or are you just holding it in, looking upset and taking deep sighs to let him know you are irritated? When he asks you questions about the show, are you answering him honestly and trying to draw him in, or are you just giving him half-hearted answers, thinking he doesn’t care? What I am saying is that it may not be all him, it may be some of you. What kind of shows are you watching? Some men just do not have a desire to watch Real Housewives of wherever they are now. This is why Jeopardy has been on tv since 1964 and Wheel of Fortune since 1975. It gives people a chance to watch something that they can both be entertained with and even make interactive, instead of just sitting there staring at the tv.

With all of that being said, I totally get it. One of my pet peeves is someone sitting on their phone scrolling while with me. Obviously, they have better things to do so why are they with me? I also have sons, and they were never in to the shows that I liked. With my boys being so far apart in age (9 years), I am just now catching up on movies that I missed while they were younger. Why? Because the shows and movies that we watched, were things that we could all watch together. And I hate to say this and sound sexist, but sometimes us women have to suck it up and watch what the men like. Better yet, take turns. Certain nights (or particular hours in the evening), watch what he likes whether it is a fishing show, History channel, or sports. Give yourself an hour of it, then your turn. Or better yet, go for a walk and have that time to chat and catch up with each other. I bet you won’t feel so alone sitting there watching tv when you have already had time with him. Also, since he likes games on his phone, try watching Jeopardy and Wheel of Fortune to spark a bit of competitiveness with you two.

I know what it is like to feel alone while watching tv, you feel like you are being ignored. So, try something different to see if there is any change. Yes, be happy that he is home instead of at the local watering hole talking with other people that hold up the bar stools. But, you can also change your tactics to see if you can draw him in to conversation. Because in the long run, that is all that we want, to feel included.

DEAR ABBY: Am I hoping for too much with my husband of 40-plus years? In the evening, we (or I) watch TV, and he’s very agreeable to “watch” anything — mostly because he hardly watches at all. He’s playing games on his iPad and glancing at the TV. He’ll ask questions occasionally about the characters or the plotlines, but it’s obvious he’s not following. For some reason, I find it disappointing that he’s not really watching, even if it’s something he’s shown an interest in or selected. Should I just be grateful he’s in the same room with me and alive? — FEELING SOLO IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR FEELING SOLO: Focusing on gratitude that you are together doing things you both enjoy is healthy. If you don’t care for the program he isn’t watching, feel free to change the channel to something you prefer. However, the two of you should make a point of doing something together in which you are both fully engaged because if you do, it will bring you even closer to each other.