If given the chance to dance, always dance.

When I was probably around 5 or 6, I took ballet classes. I’m not sure why my mom signed me up… Could have been because that is what 5 year old girls do, or it could be because my mom saw even then that I was clumsy. While I do remember loving the sky blue ballet shoe box I carried with me to class, I was embarrassed to perform in front of others. Over 40 years later, I still remember that we had a performance scheduled at the mall of all places, and that during practice, I knew then that I would not be at the recital. I did not want people to see me. What if I messed up and people made fun of me? It’s sad to know that a child of that age was already nervous about those things. Anyways, I remember that we went to the mall with my parents and grandparents that weekend and as we passed my class performing the routine, my family knew that I had not told them about the event.

Over 40 years later and this memory still bothers me when it pops up out of the blue. I told them that I forgot when in reality, I was too embarrassed of failing.

All through grade school and even in to Junior High, when I would see girls my age perform at the school talent show, I would watch with envy. Wishing I was one of those girls that had the confidence to perform in front of others, I would turn the music up in my bedroom, and I would dance as if no one was watching, (they weren’t). I went to one practice tryout for my 7th grade drill team… I never went back. What if I wasn’t good enough? At the end of my freshman year of high school, I tried out with my bestfriend for JV cheer. She made it, I didn’t. Two weeks of practice leading up to tryouts and I loved each and every single one. Being part of a team and encouraging each other, I was all about that. Knowing the rules for the sports and when to say which cheer, I had that one nailed. Then it was time to perform in front of a select few BY MYSELF. My confidence standing in front of strangers and having them judge me… Nope. Nerves kicked in and I could not fake that school spirit because I knew then that I would not be good enough.

Then my 20’s appeared and I loved nothing more than a good wedding reception, but I was still worried of being judged. My ex-husband would offer to do the “obligatory dance”, but a lot of times, we sat off to the side watching everyone else enjoy the dance floor. After dancing with family at my mom’s wedding reception to my step-dad, my ex-husband told me I moved my hips too much. Looking back, that is kind of an odd comment from a Latin man that could Salsa with his family at holiday parties… As my marriage ended and my friends and I found out what the clubs in Florida were like, we would dance and dance. “Oh! I love this song! Come on!” It was never with reckless abandon, knowing that I was possibly being judged, but we still had fun singing our favorite lyrics.

As my kids grew up, we would dance around the house, twirling or doing the twist. I am such a believer in music affecting the spirit and I wanted them to realize that they were in a home that was not going to embarrass or judge them because they wanted to wave their arms in the air. In fact, my youngest had certain commercials that would cause him to jump off the couch, do a quick dance routine that was a mix of break dancing and your drunk uncle at a wedding, then sit back down and act like nothing happened. One of my favorite moments with him is when I put in the Glee Christmas CD… Their version of ‘We Need a Little Christmas’, I played it over and over… My youngest son was about 7 and we held hands and danced in a circle jumping and singing, while my 16 year old sat on the stairs staring at us like we were crazy. But, that’s okay because he was also smiling.

The year or so after turning 40, I had a 60 year old social friend and if the music was playing at a bar, she was dancing. At first when we were getting to know her, we would all shake our heads and assume that she had had one too many glasses of cheap wine. We started to see a pattern though… She loved to dance! And she didn’t care who was watching or how she was dancing. Guess what? Other women would go up, by themselves, so they could dance near her and enjoy the moment, also. That was it! She had the confidence! All of these years I had been wistfully watching these types of women that are enjoying the moment… Doing the chicken dance at weddings, dancing up front at a concert in the park, being the first on the dance floor at a club… They were confident enough to enjoy the moment, and not care if they were being judged!

These days, although I am a bit too old to dance in the clubs with the kids that are younger than my son, I still love to dance. Walking in to my house while I’m cleaning, you may find me bebopping my way to the washing machine with a load of towels, or rocking back and forth while rinsing dishes. Driving home from work with a good song playing loud, my hand motions are in sync with the phrase the singer is putting emphasis on. I’ve been known to put my hands in front of me, make small fists, and shake my body, just to make a person smile when a happy dance party song is on.

Ear buds in at the gym, I’m not just playing the music to keep me going… I am dancing in my head.

One of my very favorite movies is La La Land… I went to see it TWICE at the movie theater and purchased the Blu-Ray as soon as it came out. But, best of all, not only is there an absolutely amazing soundtrack, there is a FULL sound track that also plays the musical interludes! You know the instrumental music you hear during specific scenes? Yes, they made a two cd sound track that includes all of those and it is like heaven to me! When I hear each, the imagery of the scene is playing in my mind and I wish that we all lived in a world where people broke out in to song and dance at just a random time. Kind of like the movie Grease…. Makes perfectly good sense to me.

Just a few months ago, a friend showed me a video from a couple of years ago, of several of us dancing around to Taylor Swift’s song, “Shake It Off”. I smiled because none of us stopped dancing when we realized he was recording, in fact we were laughing and singing like we were in the video with Taylor. Oh, how I wish I could go back and tell my younger self to “Shake It Off” and just dance! Quit worrying about what people are thinking of you and just dance. But, when you go out to dance at some place, make sure to grab the hand of the wallflower that is watching everyone else dance… She may just be a bit nervous and need an extra dose of encouragement.

Tell her with as much warmth and understanding as you can, “When given the chance to dance, always dance.”