single – Swimming With The Rain

Father’s Day as a Single Mom

June 21, 2020

I used to hate the phrase “Single Mom”. I am a mom, who cares that I am single! Let me say this louder, “I AM A MOM!” But, through the years, something has changed in me when I hear the phrase, “Single Mom”…

Because I am a single mom, I have taught my son how to ride a bike, how to tie a tie, explained the birds and the bees, carried him when he was three through a hospital with a 105 temp, cried by myself on his first day of kindergarten, explained how to tip at a restaurant on his first date, always the disciplinarian, helped get the swimsuit netting off of his body parts after a day at the beach, watched him get student of the month alone…

Yet, I have also been the one that he would crawl in to bed with when there was a storm, asked for help on school projects, confided in after a breakup, bawled like a baby when he graduated high school because “we did it”, high fived when he bought his first car, cheered him on when he played basketball…I have been THE ONE.

He’s 26 now, but I get a phone call every now and then when he is bored and I take those calls, even when busy at work. As parents, of course we will take those calls because they are our kids, but I know what it is like to be away from my parents since I have lived away for over 20 years.

Father’s Day is hard for us single mom’s, especially if we are away from our own father’s. Because it is a day that we are reflecting… Of course we miss our dad’s but we wonder if we messed our kids up because their dad’s aren’t in their lives. And we cry with sadness because it is the one day of the year when it is smacked at us on social media and reminds us that we have been alone in raising our children. There is no one with us that is so deeply connected to our children as we are when we are stressed about their grades, worried about their driving, not sure of how to discuss dating issues. It is us mom’s that do it when we are single, and we have no one to bounce these ideas off that will take such a vested interest in our babies.

Disagree with me or agree with me. Either way, this is my opinion and how I feel today. As I said, “I AM A MOM”, so I don’t expect to be celebrated on FATHER’S DAY. But, be patient with us single mom’s today. If our children are with us on this holiday, we are feeling guilty and wondering if we are doing enough. If they aren’t with us because they are lucky to have dad’s in their lives, we miss them, but still feel a bit of guilt.

These days, I’m ok with being called a single mom. I have done the toughest job of all ~ Motherhood, by myself. I didn’t have family here to babysit on random nights or to join me for school events. I raised a remarkable young man BY MYSELF and I am so proud of him. I am also proud of me for not letting him become one of the well known statistics of boys raised without their fathers.

20 years ago, laying in bed on a Father’s Day morning, missing my own dad and kid, my friend Ann called and asked what I was doing that day. I’m sure I had a few choice words of what the day meant to me. But, since her dad lived over a thousand miles away and her husband was deployed, she suggested we go and grab lunch. We headed to a local outdoor restaurant overlooking the water, ordered Pina Coladas, oysters, tuna dip, you name it. We had our table full of food, added in a couple beers, and had the best time, making Father’s Day easier on both of us. That perfect day started my tradition of doing something fun and relaxing for myself on Father’s Day. I have went to the beach, I have went to a water park, I have had friends over for dinner, and sometimes I just lock myself inside and watch chick flicks… Whatever my heart is needing that day to ease my guilt of being a single mom on Father’s Day.

Now, I’m going to call my own dad up to chat for a bit (after I wipe my tears away) then go lay in a pool and soak up some sunshine with friends. On the menu is Chicken Salad, Spinach & Artichoke dip, and a few Truly’s (Too old to drink White Claws! Ha!). And I am going to get through today being a single mom on Father’s Day.

Life

I Should Have Taken Shop Class

May 23, 2020June 14, 2020

It’s official. I feel absolutely defeated. It has just been a crazy week at work and super busy. While part of me loves the rush of it, I get to where I can feel my limit is being pushed and I start to feel overwhelmed. So, what made me think that I could install the glass storm door I bought from Lowe’s last weekend?

I’m single and in this day and age, I should be able to do anything, right? Ugh! Sometimes, all of this “I am woman, hear me roar!” seems so highly over rated! So, why pay the extra $100 for shipping when I have a friend with a truck? So, Dalia and I had a delightful drive to Lowe’s, chatting and catching up. When we walked in, I was full of confidence because I knew just what I wanted. I was full of productive visions in my head as we me carried the LARGE box in to my patio room. I should have worked on it that day but once again, those crazy thoughts were going through my head as I envisioned the teenager and I having mother and son bonding time the next day. Well, while I was reading directions and looking at all of the multiple pieces that didn’t make sense, he just stared at his phone. Instead of me snapping and trying to guilt him in to “wanting” to help, I just told him I would figure it out on my own. The guilt trip thing doesn’t work on him… Damn!

I walked by the box every day this week. Some days, I even read the directions and then stared at it, almost like I was willing the inspiration to hit me. It didn’t. Finally, today while sitting on hold at work, I pulled up some You Tube videos and they made this look easy! One guy even sat there looking at his watch and taking sips of his soda. I started having visions of myself having a beer afterwards and how my facebook post was going to read… “Who needs a man when I can do this all by myself!” So, I ran to Walmart, picked up a drill bit set (Who knew that these were so handy to have around?) and headed back to the house full of determination to do it myself, and full of spite towards my male co-workers that heard my confusion while watching videos.

So, it didn’t work out like I planned. In tears, I called my friend’s husband over 1,000 miles away via facetime. I had no clue how to tell if it was a right or left handle thing and what did it mean by aligning with the door frame… Isn’t the door frame already aligned? And where am I supposed to put this… On the outside of the frame or inside of it. Tears were shed and me saying I can’t do this and a few choice cuss words were coming out in full pity frustration mode. He kept telling me that I could. Finally with a “Whatever!” and a push of the red button (I miss being able to slam down a phone receiver), I decided that if he had faith in me, I should too.

Inspiration and determination were seeping through my veins as I was trading out the drill bit for that screw driver bit thing. I was even planning my next facebook post… “Since none of the men in my life can take a hint, I am so thankful to Joey that helped me via facetime. And guess what? I did it!” That cold beer afterwards was sure sounding good! I was even thinking that I might head over to see some friends so I could brag about how accomplished I was!

*The frame is attached! Pretty impressed with myself!*

Now to carry this monstrosity out. That thing is heavy! But, I didn’t have too far to go and was able to schooch it a bit and thankful that I had started back at the gym. Those arm exercises were coming in quite handy! Now to line up the hole in the frame with the screw… Wait! I’m less than 5ft 5… How am I supposed to lift this heavy thing up those few inches and balance it? Luckily, I saw my neighbor outside as she was leaving and I asked her if she would help me lift something really quick. What was I thinking… We’re both short! And it wasn’t easily sitting on the nail like the instructions promised…. Here is where I say, “Maybe it’s on the wrong way…” to which she replies, “You think?” And out she goes….

Hit the magic button to facetime Joey again for some reassurance that I really am doing this right and that I just need to do some simple thing…. No, he tells me that I need to unscrew everything I just did, flip the frame around, put the screws back in, and it will work. Oh, forget that! With frustrated tears, I tell him, “Screw it! I’m done. I’m hungry and I’m just going to pay someone to do this!” and I hit the red disconnect button, really wishing it was a phone receiver I could slam down…

*Propped up against the wall for the night*

And there my door sits… It’s now a couple of hours later and I’m feeling a little less stressed than I was. Thinking I might try to accomplish it tomorrow. I’m also disappointed in myself for not saying something to someone and asking for help. I know that if it was a friend of mine that said she needed help, I would run over in a heartbeat… Maybe I’m so willing to offer help because I know what it is like to need it and not ask.

This is where you are wondering if I still grabbed myself a cold beer? No. But, I did make myself a nice New York Strip Steak because, that, I can do!

*I can’t grill but I can use a cast iron skillet!*

PS… I didn’t post anything on facebook, either.

Father’s Day as a Single Mom

I Should Have Taken Shop Class

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