sadness – Swimming With The Rain

Planning My Own Birthday Party

March 11, 2021

I’ll be honest… I have a problem celebrating my birthday. It is not due to my age, nor that I am single, or that my family is across the other side of the country. And if you ask me what I want to do for my birthday, I will tell you different ideas and it sounds like we’re all going to have a lot of fun, until the month of my birthday starts. Unfortunately, since my big day is towards the end, I literally have over three weeks to make myself miserable, cancel your plans, and cry.

Why do I dislike celebrating my birthday? Because through the years, I have listened to people talk about the obligation of having to celebrate someone else. When I hear someone grumble about having to go to dinner for a family member’s big day or the hassle of putting together a luncheon for a co-worker, I wonder if that is what is said about me. As I type these words, my heart is pounding and I can feel anxiety forming.

Yet, I love to celebrate other people’s birthdays! To me, it is the one day out of the year that YOU get to feel special. (In the interest of preventing an argument, you should always feel special). On your birthday, if you want to wear a tiara and a sash, I say GO FOR IT! But, there will always be the people that roll their eyes or make snide remarks when a girl walks in with a smile on her face excitedly saying, “It’s my birthday!” I am standing up for them right now and telling you to back off. Let these women have their moments! You do not know what they are going through. This may be the one day of the year that they have decided to set all of their life stresses aside and they just want to relax and enjoy their special day.

Birthdays mean different things to different people – it could be the fact that they are grateful for where they are in life, perhaps it is a reminder of another year that has beaten their self esteem down, some may be thankful that this is a time when all of the family gathers together. I say all of this to get to my point… Sometimes, you have to plan your own birthday party. I am not meaning in the selfish, “No one ever does it how I want it” kind of way, either. Just follow with my thought process and keep and open mind, please.

I’ve recently found the TV Show Blue Bloods on ION tv, and am now a huge fan of the Reagan family with their strong loyalty to each other. In an episode that I watched, Frank Reagan (played by Tom Selleck) has a birthday coming up and it is well known that he has an issue with people acknowledging it, so he asks his father if there was something from his childhood that happened to perhaps make him feel this way.

I want to add some insight right here… The part where he asked his dad such an insightful question, touched me quite a bit, because it showed his vulnerable side. I understand that this is a tv show, but whichever writer came up with that wording, BRILLIANT! I say this because sometimes in large families, children are made fun of on their birthdays, without adults realizing it. Kids ask when they can open their gifts, they open them too fast or too slow, they don’t say thank you long enough, they look embarrassed when people are singing happy birthday, they don’t look overly excited for the clothes…. Let me explain something right here. When kids go to another kids birthday party, one of their favorite things is watching their friends open gifts and seeing all of the cool toys! So, when it’s their own party, imagine the elation at being the one that gets to create this moment for the group of kids waiting to see new toys. Nine-year-old’s are still trying to figure out how to control their excitement so they may not run straight over to you to saying thank you, while the paper is still taped to the box. And honestly, what kid wants clothes except for teenage girls? Not to mention, the worst thing you can do to a person that gets super uncomfortable being in the spotlight (who’s hand is raised here?) is have 20 people sing happy birthday while staring straight at you. That being said, those issues that arise on a child’s birthday when they are chastised for their behavior, particularly in front of others, can carry over in to adulthood, especially when they do not learn how to deal with their own feelings.

Back to Frank Reagan… Through conversation with his dad, he realized that it stemmed from his 9th birthday party, when his dad had bought tickets for all of the boys in his class to go and watch a baseball game. Unfortunately, dad gave the parents the wrong date and none of his friends showed. “Son, this was back before cell phone.” Imagine this 9 year old child thinking that no one wanted to celebrate him… In “current times” on Blue Bloods, after Police Commissioner Reagan’s family sings happy birthday to him and he blows out the candles, he announces that he rented a van and they are all headed to a baseball game. The thrill on everyone’s face was pure joy! One of his children, while smiling, said, “Who plans their own surprise birthday?”, to which he replied, “I did.” I watched this unfold and thought, “THAT IS BRILLIANT!”

Let me explain why… For those of us that get anxious about our birthdays and feel guilt about people being “forced” to celebrate it, we try to plan something that we know people will enjoy. Why? Because we truly appreciate seeing the excitement on other peoples faces, and it takes the stress off so we don’t have to be the center of attention.

If it is my birthday and I tell you that I want to make dinner for YOU, please let me. I don’t want brunch with 15 people and listen to mindless chatter… I would rather have brunch with one or two others and have great conversation. Because it is the one day of the year that I want to set aside my worries, allow myself to be carefree, and not be told that I am selfish for truly enjoying ONE day of the year. The best gift you can give me is to let me say thank you to you for being there for me. Let me show my love for you, and you graciously accept.

If at any time while reading this, you felt like I was speaking directly to you, please go straight to the website’s home page and read my personal disclaimer.

God

Bible Verses When Struggling

February 23, 2021

I’ll be honest, I’m not sure how I came to have these bible verses on my laptop. I’m sure that at some point, I was researching for either a Bible Study lesson or I pulled from a small notebook I used to keep in my purse. But, as I read through them, I felt myself relax and began to feel encouraged.

If bible verses aren’t your thing, I would still encourage you to take a moment and read through. I am sure you will find words that will speak to you and maybe even lift you up.

As always, if you feel yourself struggling, feel free to reach out to me at SwimmingWithTheRain@yahoo.com

Then Jesus was led by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted by the devil.

Then the devil left him, and angels came and attended him.

The people living in darkness have seen a great light; on those living in the land of the shadow of death, a light has dawned.

Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.

For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.

The eye is the lamp of the body. If your eyes are healthy, your whole body will be full of light.

Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear.

Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.

He took up our infirmities and bore our diseases.

You of little faith, why are you so afraid?

Take heart, son; your sins are forgiven.

I am sending you out like sheep among wolves. Therefore, be as shrewd as snakes and as innocent as doves. And if anyone gives even a cup of cold water to one of these little ones who is my disciple, truly I tell you, that person will certainly not lose their reward.

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.

And so I tell you, every kind of sin and slander can be forgiven.

Take courage! It is I. Don’t be afraid.

Immediately, Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. “You of little faith, why did you doubt?”

I have compassion for these people.

Don’t be afraid.

The angel said to the women, “Do not be afraid…”

Surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.

Don’t be afraid; just believe.

Everything is possible for one who believes.

But, Jesus often withdrew to lonely places and prayed.

Rejoice in the day and leap for joy, because great is your reward in heaven.

When the Lord saw her, his heart went out to her and he said, “Don’t cry.”

Don’t be afraid; just believe…

Do this and you will live.

What you have said in the dark will be heard in the daylight.

Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life.

But, we had to celebrate and be glad, because this brother of yours was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.

Stand firm and you will win life.

Be careful, or your hearts will be weighed down with… the anxieties of life and that day will close on you suddenly like a trap.

Pray that you will not fall into temptation.

An angel from heaven appeared to him and strengthened him.

Peace be with you.

And whoever comes to me I will never drive away.

This happened so that the works of God might be displayed in him.

It is when a person walks at night that they stumble, for they have no light.

You will grieve, but your grief will turn to joy.

I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.

They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts.

In everything I did, I showed you that by this kind of hard work we must help the weak, remembering the words the Lord Jesus himself said, ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive.’

Otherwise, they might see with their eyes, hear with their ears, understand with their hearts and turn, and I would heal them.

That you and I may be mutually encouraged by each others faith.

Therefore, the promise comes by faith.

But we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.

If God is for us, who can be against us?

In all these things, we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.

How beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news.

Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.

We have different gifts, according to the grave given to each of us.

If it is to encourage, then give encouragement.

Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God.

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

He will also keep you firm to the end, so that you will be blameless on the day of our Lord Jesus Christ.

For who knows a person’s thoughts except their own spirit within them?

Don’t you know that you yourselves are God’s temple and that God’s Spirit dwells in your midst?

For my part, even though I am not physically present, I am with you in spirit.

But, each of you has your own git from God; one has this gift, another has that.

I would like you to be free from concern.

But knowledge puffs up while love builds up.

But whoever loves God is known by God.

“I have the right to do anything,” you say – but not everything is beneficial. “I have the right to do anything” – but not everything is constructive. No one should see their own good, but the good of others.

Even as I try to please everyone in every way. For I am not seeking my own good but the good of many.

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

For God is not a God of disorder but of peace.

Come back to your senses as you ought, and stop sinning; for there are some who are ignorant of God.

Stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord.

Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be courageous; be strong. Do everything in love.

For they refreshed my spirit and yours also.

Indeed, we felt we had received the sentence of death. But, this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God.

Now instead, you ought to forgive and comfort him, so that he will not be overwhelmed by excessive sorrow.

I urge you, therefore, to reaffirm your love for him.

Not that we are competent in ourselves to claim anything for ourselves, but our competence comes from God.

We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.

For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.

In all our troubles my joy knows no bounds.

But God, who comforts the downcast…

I am glad I can have complete confidence in you.

God loves a cheerful giver.

If I must boast, I will boast of the things that show my weakness.

For when I am weak, then I am strong.

Rejoice! Strive for full restoration, encourage one another, be of one mind, live in peace. And the God of love and peace will be with you.

Entertainment

Father’s Day as a Single Mom

June 21, 2020

I used to hate the phrase “Single Mom”. I am a mom, who cares that I am single! Let me say this louder, “I AM A MOM!” But, through the years, something has changed in me when I hear the phrase, “Single Mom”…

Because I am a single mom, I have taught my son how to ride a bike, how to tie a tie, explained the birds and the bees, carried him when he was three through a hospital with a 105 temp, cried by myself on his first day of kindergarten, explained how to tip at a restaurant on his first date, always the disciplinarian, helped get the swimsuit netting off of his body parts after a day at the beach, watched him get student of the month alone…

Yet, I have also been the one that he would crawl in to bed with when there was a storm, asked for help on school projects, confided in after a breakup, bawled like a baby when he graduated high school because “we did it”, high fived when he bought his first car, cheered him on when he played basketball…I have been THE ONE.

He’s 26 now, but I get a phone call every now and then when he is bored and I take those calls, even when busy at work. As parents, of course we will take those calls because they are our kids, but I know what it is like to be away from my parents since I have lived away for over 20 years.

Father’s Day is hard for us single mom’s, especially if we are away from our own father’s. Because it is a day that we are reflecting… Of course we miss our dad’s but we wonder if we messed our kids up because their dad’s aren’t in their lives. And we cry with sadness because it is the one day of the year when it is smacked at us on social media and reminds us that we have been alone in raising our children. There is no one with us that is so deeply connected to our children as we are when we are stressed about their grades, worried about their driving, not sure of how to discuss dating issues. It is us mom’s that do it when we are single, and we have no one to bounce these ideas off that will take such a vested interest in our babies.

Disagree with me or agree with me. Either way, this is my opinion and how I feel today. As I said, “I AM A MOM”, so I don’t expect to be celebrated on FATHER’S DAY. But, be patient with us single mom’s today. If our children are with us on this holiday, we are feeling guilty and wondering if we are doing enough. If they aren’t with us because they are lucky to have dad’s in their lives, we miss them, but still feel a bit of guilt.

These days, I’m ok with being called a single mom. I have done the toughest job of all ~ Motherhood, by myself. I didn’t have family here to babysit on random nights or to join me for school events. I raised a remarkable young man BY MYSELF and I am so proud of him. I am also proud of me for not letting him become one of the well known statistics of boys raised without their fathers.

20 years ago, laying in bed on a Father’s Day morning, missing my own dad and kid, my friend Ann called and asked what I was doing that day. I’m sure I had a few choice words of what the day meant to me. But, since her dad lived over a thousand miles away and her husband was deployed, she suggested we go and grab lunch. We headed to a local outdoor restaurant overlooking the water, ordered Pina Coladas, oysters, tuna dip, you name it. We had our table full of food, added in a couple beers, and had the best time, making Father’s Day easier on both of us. That perfect day started my tradition of doing something fun and relaxing for myself on Father’s Day. I have went to the beach, I have went to a water park, I have had friends over for dinner, and sometimes I just lock myself inside and watch chick flicks… Whatever my heart is needing that day to ease my guilt of being a single mom on Father’s Day.

Now, I’m going to call my own dad up to chat for a bit (after I wipe my tears away) then go lay in a pool and soak up some sunshine with friends. On the menu is Chicken Salad, Spinach & Artichoke dip, and a few Truly’s (Too old to drink White Claws! Ha!). And I am going to get through today being a single mom on Father’s Day.

Planning My Own Birthday Party

Bible Verses When Struggling

Father’s Day as a Single Mom

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