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Entertainment

Crash My Party by Luke Bryan

  • March 24, 2023

Every time this song comes on, I remember back to 2013 when it first came out. I told a male friend of mine how I thought it was kind of romantic. As the man that he is, he told me that it was a “bootie call” song. To this day, I still disagree with him.

Some will say it is stereotypical country and they refuse to listen…

Some diehard country fans will refer to it as “Bro-Country” and they’re not fans of the new stuff…

woman in purple sweater using a smartphone

Then there are those like me that find meanings in songs and drift away in to our own thoughts thinking about it.

“It don’t matter what plans I got, I can break ’em
Yeah, I can turn this thing around at the next red light
And I don’t mind telling all the guys “I can’t meet ’em”
Hell, we can all go raise some hell on any other night”

What girl doesn’t want a guy looking at her, basically saying, YOU ARE MY PRIORITY! He is telling her that no matter what, he will drop every thing and go to her. Here’s the important part – he will not make her feel guilty about it.

“If it’s 2 in the morning and you’re feeling lonely and wondering what I’m doing….

Go ahead and call me, call me, call me you don’t have to worry ’bout it baby
You can wake me up in the dead of the night, wreck my plans, baby that’s alright”

woman posing on bridge at night

As a woman that has been through relationships and never truly made to feel like a priority, this is what I would want to hear from a man. He is allowing her to be her. He knows that she has an independent soul, and he gives her the space that she needs, but makes sure that she knows, he is always there for her.

The next time you hear the song, listen to it with that thought in mind…

If you’ve never heard it, google the song and watch the video. Not only is the very handsome Luke Bryan in the song, but so is his wife. If it was about “bootie calls”, would he really have her in there? I think not.

Men, make sure your woman knows that she is your priority.

That you will give up plans with your friends to be with her…

That she can call you at 2am to talk…

And women… If your man doesn’t agree with this, leave him and make your self a priority.

white bubble illustration Health & Spiritual

Reverse Gossip

  • February 26, 2021

We know that attitudes are contagious, whether positive or negative. I am kind of grouchy when I wake up and my family always adjusted to it. And then along came my first child. He was born happy! He would wake up from naps smiling and would just be so excited to see me. How could I possibly act cranky towards a sweet innocent child that was jumping up and down in his crib when I came in. So, I had to change my morning attitude but it was easy to do with him.

Of course we love being around those positive people because they make us feel special and we also find ourselves happier. For instance, you have the option to sit on the beach for the day with one of two people… One of them is a constant complainer. If you say that it is a beautiful summer day, they will tell you that it is too hot. The other one looks at things from a positive view point so while they may agree that it is hot, they will also add that thankfully you two can get in the water when you need to cool off. Or better yet, they brought ice cold beer with them. Tell us about a situation where you encountered having to spend time with either of these types of people and how it reflected on you.

If your attitude is contagious, can positive gossip be contagious? Of course it can! Look at restaurant reviews and word of mouth! With social media as the most powerful influencer, think about when a new restaurant opens and one of your friends goes in the first few weeks. There will always be a post about the service and food. From there, you may decide that you need to go very soon, or you’ll wait six months and let them get their kinks worked out and see if they’re still open. Which places have you NOT been to but have heard about? Which places have you been to and told others about your experience?

One of my favorite examples about reverse gossip ~ There was a woman in our social circle that always showed up for Bunco, outdoor concerts, girl nights, etc. For the better part of a year, no one seemed to befriend her. She wasn’t rude, in fact she was Southern and had that syrupy Alabama drawl. She was pleasant enough, but we never took the time to get to know her on a personal level. Finally, I decided that if she was going to keep coming around, I would create a goal for myself to find something to connect with her about. During a girls night dinner, we started asking HER questions instead of just including her in the conversation. Come to find out, she was a fascinating woman! She was a psychologist with the military, had travelled all around the world and experienced many different cultures. The friends that were there that evening began to share this with others in our social circle, and I began to watch the effect this had on other people, as even more women accepted her and made her feel included. It made me realize that our gossiping about how we weren’t really sure why she was still coming around, impacted those around us. Once we started spreading positive “gossip”, it changed the way others looked at her.

Here is an example conversation of turning negative gossip in to something positive…

        John: Mary is really lazy.

        You: I’ve never noticed that. She is talented, wouldn’t you agree?

        John (Grudgingly): Yes, I guess so.

        Later you see Mary at the coffee machine and the conversation goes as follows:

        You:  I was talking with John earlier.  He was saying you are very talented (after all, he did agree to that, didn’t he?).

        Mary:  Wow! I didn’t know he thought that of me.  I’ve always felt he was very judgmental and snobby.

        You:  Hmm, never picked up on that. Really hard worker, isn’t he?

        Mary:  Well, I guess you have to give him credit for that.

        The next day you and John are talking and you happen to mention:

        You:  Mary was talking about how hard a worker you are.

        John: Really?  Didn’t think she liked me, but maybe she’s not so bad after all.

        Now, the next time John and Mary cross paths they both see each other in an entirely different light, with a completely different attitude and set of expectations – one of peace, enjoyment, and kindness.  And it all happened because of you.

Let’s try this game about “Reverse Gossip”. In this game, instead of telling people the gossip people say about them or others, let’s repeat only the good that people say (even if we have to “suggest” that good), and find reasons to judge others favorably in all other situations. If we spent more time speaking favorably about people, imagine the positivity you would create for those around you.

Would you rather be known for spreading hurtful lies or having a positive outlook? Attitudes are contagious. Is yours worth catching?

***The above was used in a guided group conversation. Similar to a bible study, but without the religious references. If you have questions on how to spark this conversation amongst friends, co-workers, or in a social circle, feel free to email me at SwimmingWithTheRain@yahoo.com

Entertainment

Drinking Buddies – 2013, starring Olivia Wilde, Jake Johnson,…

  • June 28, 2020

I decided to have a “me” day and get some things done around the house, then spend my evening watching a good movie. I must have started five different ones but nothing was “hitting” me. Scrolled through Hulu and what do I see, “Drinking Buddies”. Well, I love Jake Johnson! I found him because of “New Girl” and honestly, he was my favorite character on the show as Nick. Ok, I probably developed a bit of a “movie star crush” because he is the type that I would go for – brown hair, brown eyes, manly, funny, and loveable.

Back to the movie review…. I have always enjoyed watching movies that portray a group dynamic and how they relate to different people. This movie did not disappoint! First, watch the preview so you can get a feeling for who is who. You will see that Kate (Olivia Wilde) and Luke (Jake Johnson) are best friends that work at the same brewery and have dreams of opening their own bar together. Jill (Anna Kendrick) is Luke’s girlfriend and Chris (Ron Livingston) is Kate’s boyfriend.

Ok, so in the preview, you are wondering if Luke and Kate are hooking up or if there is going to be a group thing or what… I am personally giving this movie 5 out of 5 stars because I loved it so much! My brief review is below before I get in to the notes I took (I’m weird like that).

The interesting thing about this movie is that it was completely improvised. The actors did not have any scripts but were given an outline of basically what direction to take the characters. To me, not only does this prove how incredible these actors truly are, but it makes the movie so much more believable. You can feel the reactions on their faces, experiencing the joy they are going through or confusion as they are trying to figure out what to say. The camera just seems to weave in and out of conversation, around people, goes closer to get particular expressions, but also pans back to give you a sense of the room. You truly feel that you are there with these characters as they talk and laugh and even the background noise feels authentic, not forced or added in. Since this movie was filmed at a brewery in Chicago, they were drinking actual beer and spent a lot of time drunk, which added to the realness of their conversations.

Go ahead and admit it… We’ve all been there ~ We have had a work crush. If you have a significant other, don’t ask them, because it is in their best interest (and yours), so they are going to deny it. At one time or another, we have had that one person that makes going to work just a bit more fun, you might even dress a bit nicer because of them. It’s not like you are ever going to do anything about it, you just look forward to seeing them. Or, maybe they aren’t really a work crush but someone that would be referred to as your “work husband / wife / spouse”. They are the ones that you can complain to about work and they understand what you are talking about. You two have an easy rapport and you can joke, fight, make up, remember their favorite candy bar… You know the one. It’s the one at work that makes you feel like you are special. And why is that? Because you don’t have home responsibilities together, which we all know can put some stress on a relationship. Anyways, that’s Luke and Kate. They are each other’s work spouses and they get along great! If you don’t have one of these at work, it will make you wish that you had one. The problem with this is, they took their friendship outside of work and that is where problems can start.

MOVIE QUOTES

Kate: You made your own bed, alright? Luke: Yeah, and you fucking slept in it. Kate: Well, you didn’t stop me.

Kate: it’s good, it has just enough room for me and my imaginary cat.

Kate: That’s the problem with heartbreak, to you it’s like an atomic bomb and to the world it’s just really cliche, because in the end we all have the same experience.

Chris: Sometimes things that are really hard can be really rewarding because they’re hard, you know

Luke: Hey, here’s the truth: I am done giving you shit, and I am sorry. I have no place. You are a grown woman, and if you want to have sex with a disgusting, bad brewer with a terrible attitude…

Luke: By the way, I’m not doing anymore double dates either. This was fun.

Chris: I don’t think that this is working. I think eight months is enough time to know whether this is going to work.

Kate: Tonight, no one is going home to their significant other because I no longer have one.

MY NOTES & OPINIONS

When Kate and Luke are at the bar with the other co-workers having a great time, you can see the change on Kate’s face when Jill comes in that she no longer has them all to herself, and that Luke is happy to see Jill.

Kate heads over to Chris’s after drinking with her work boys and reaches in to his plate with her fingers to grab a bite. You can tell that he does not care for that type of behavior, but she doesn’t seem to notice, even when he gives her the plate of food to eat.

Chris goes to bed early and Kate is laying in bed listening to Luke and Jill playing 21, the game Luke taught Kate earlier in the day. I think there is a bit of jealousy there as she can hear them laughing and just genuinely having a good time, as a couple.

Their first morning at the cabin, Chris suggests going for a hike and only Jill wants to go. As they are walking, you kind of come in mid conversation but assume they are talking about their significant others and it feels like Chris is surprised that someone like Kate would want him.

Jill is sitting on the blanket with Chris, and he appreciates her upscale ways. She tells him how she feels her heart racing and that she is nervous. He ends up kissing her which makes me realize that there was an unspoken energy going on between the two of them and their conversation while walking must have been very intimate. During this time, it is showing scenes of Luke and Kate playing cards, opening beers, just laughing and having such a great time.

After Jill passes out on the couch, Luke and Kate go and build a bonfire on the beach and Kate suggests going for a swim and she starts stripping down. Luke says no and I’m watching him hoping that he’s going to be a good man, because let’s be honest, Olivia Wilde would be a hard one to turn down. But, he does. He stays by the fire drinking his beer. I had a lot of respect for him in that moment.

Kate and Chris have broken up which makes Luke a bit nervous. She was safe to flirt and have fun with as long as she had a boyfriend, but now that she is single, I think he realizes that she is no longer “safe”, and it shows in his attitude at the bar when he says he’ll drive her home, almost as if he’s turned in to the big brother.

Jill seems to take a pause in her thoughts when Luke tells her that Kate and Chris have broken up. And you have to wonder what exactly is going through her mind… Is she thinking that Chris is more her type ~ educated, not wanting to stay out at bars late, deep thinker… Or is she worried that Kate and Luke will get together since their chemistry is pretty obvious?

Kate and Luke’s relationship really changes when he finds out that she went home with another guy. I’m sure there is a bit of jealousy. Kind of, “If I can’t have her, I don’t want anyone else to.”

Kate goes by Chris’s apartment after drinking, and he reiterates that they are broken up and not meant for each other. It seems to me that she doesn’t like to be alone and is used to her charm working on men.

Jill goes to Costa Rica with her friends (I think she was going away with Chris) and so Kate and Luke spend the evening together drinking and laughing. I was not thrilled with the massages or sleeping on the couch together. I think that showed a lack of respect on Luke’s part, but I think in his immaturity, he thought that they were just friends, so it wasn’t a big deal.

Kate tells Luke that she is moving and needs to move the next day, so he offers to help. When they get to her house, he is shocked to find that it is such a mess and that she has had birthday decorations and cups laying around for quite awhile, which she seems unfazed by. He falls asleep after getting the majority of work done and Kate stands there watching him. Instead of going to the couch, she snuggles in behind and puts her arm around him. I think she is so desperate for closeness, that even that will work for her. I really felt for her in that moment.

The next day, Luke is acting like his normal self, in full on friend / brotherly mode and goes to get the Uhaul and Kate seems to be very attracted to this, which I totally get. As a single woman, it is sometimes nice when a man takes charge and helps you with these things, especially when you don’t have to ask. She is probably also seeing it as how they are doing “couple” things and that this is how it could really be. But, when he cuts his hand on a nail, she is kind of blowing it off and saying how they need to move the couch. Luke snaps at her and Kate’s body language shows that there is a change in them. No longer is she able to charm him and be very blase, he is in real pain and is shown trying to take care of himself. She doesn’t try to help him rinse it or know where anything is, just seems very uncaring and more concerned for herself. Kate says she will calls someone that can help and it ends up being the guy that she slept with, and of course she is just charming and saying all the things she would have to Luke. When the moving is done, Luke reminds her that they were going to clean up so they could go and have a nice meal to celebrate. That no longer sounds like fun and she wants to go drinking with the guys. She starts yelling at him and I think she is doing that to protect herself and come off as not caring about Luke at all.

Luke heads home to find out that Jill came home early from her trip. When she sees his hand, she automatically goes in to caretaker mode and that shows how those two are so different. I think that somewhere in Luke’s mind, he was thinking that Kate might be fun because she likes to party. But, after seeing Kate’s chaotic home life, he sees in Jill what he really wants ~ a help mate, someone that keeps him grounded and takes care of him. Jill is honest and tells Luke about the kiss and admits that it was a mistake. In that instant, I think that Luke realizes what he could have lost, and pulls her in for a kiss and a long hugg.

The last scene is Kate and Luke during lunchtime at work. Whereas they always had lunch together, it shows Kate eating alone. Luke comes in, still sits down next to her, but they don’t speak and it’s an uncomfortable silence. But, she slides fries over to him and when he starts eating them, she smiles.

The great thing about the ending is that while it left me wanting more, it lets the viewer imagine what the continuing story would be. I would like to think that Kate and Luke do remain friends, but there is a bit of a distance between them now, knowing how close they were to cross the line. Because once you cross it, you can never go back to being normal.

Life

Valentine’s Day love notes never sent…

  • June 27, 2020

My plan leading up to that Valentine’s Day was to give him a bunch of random song lyrics, all in a red box. Some of the phrases were from songs that played in the background, others were from ones that I came across while flipping radio stations while driving, with him on my mind. It wasn’t that all of these songs were about those lovey dovey moments, because we really didn’t have those, it was about the time spent together. But, with all of my “love stories”, this one did not have a happy ending.

I came across the bag the other day with my final letter and the notes, still folded in half. Although I had read the letter to him, I never handed it over, and actually omitted parts of it while reading with controlled emotions. And now, I sit on my bed with these notes, still perfectly folded in half, and read each one aloud… I am realizing that some of the lyrics weren’t necessarily about him, but about me and the struggles that I was going through in my life at that time. Each one has given a me smile, sometimes a reflective pause, taking me back to a moment, where I was filled with so much confusion, but a love for the life we shared then. So, here are the quotes and lyrics… If YOU are reading this, thanks for the memories!

To the things I believe in… My faith, your love, our freedom. To the things I can count on, To keep me going strong… Yeah, I hold on.

Like the stripes to the flag, like a boy to his dad… I can’t change who I am, right or wrong… So I hold on.

I bet that your neighbors hate us, ’cause we could laugh all night, and never sleep.

There’ll be days your heart don’t wanna beat, you pray more than you breathe.

I hope that you see right through my walls.

I wish nothing but the best for you…

I wouldn’t trade one memory, because you mean too much to me.

I wouldn’t have missed it for the world.

It will all get better in time…

Never had much faith in love… or miracles.

Walking between raindrops, riding the aftershock with you…

I’ll tell you all about it, when I see you again.

I’ve been sleep walking, been wandering all night… Trying to take what’s lost and broke and make it right.

I love this life.

I don’t wanna steal your freedom, I don’t wanna change your mind.

I swear you hit me like a vision, I wasn’t expecting, but who am I to tell fate where it’s supposed to go…

It’s good to be alive… Right about now!

You could’ve rolled your eyes, told me to go to hell… Could’ve walked away. But, you’re still here, and I’m still here.

Come on over… I like the sound of that.

Oh, this is how it starts, lightning strikes the heart… It goes off like a gun, brighter than the sun.

Got a feeling that I’m going under… But I know that I’ll make it out alive.

I just wanna sing a little chill song, get my groove on…

Say you’ll remember me, standing in a nice dress, staring at the sunset…

Make it up as we go along.

A big ol’ couch in a big ol’ room, still feels lonely when it’s just you.

Will your eyes still smile from your cheeks?

Under the light of a thousand stars…

Words you wanna take back… But you know you can’t.

And his voice is a familiar sound.

Oh, I know that I don’t need a whole lot of anything… I just want a little bit of everything.

Well, the trouble with up… Is there’s always a down.

What would I do without your smart mouth?

Said I’ll always be a friend. Took an oath, I’m gonna stick it out ’til the end…

Thinking out loud…

And the crowds don’t remember my name…

The path to heaven runs through miles of clouded hell…

So this is what you meant, when you said you were spent…

I thought I’d been hurt before, but no one has left me quite this sore.

Get a grip and bite your lip just to save a little face.

We’ve come a long way from where we began…

Please don’t stand so close to me, I’m having trouble breathing… I’m afraid of what you’ll see right now…

I’ll tell you my sins and you can sharpen your knife.

I need someone to breathe me back to life.

I don’t ever want to let you down.

The sun is filling up the room, And I can hear you dreaming…

And light it up like it’s our last chance.

Well, there it is. I’ll be throwing away the hand written notes that serve as a reminder of feelings that went beyond my control. But the letter… I’ll keep that as a memento of that season of my life. Some memories I will cherish, while others, I will hide down deep. I do know this, I learned a lot about my relationship needs during those months ~ I need a man that will keep me laughing, have long conversations, is capable of household repairs, makes me feel sexy, trusts me with his secrets… Now I just need to find all of that and be willing to let him know my story… And if he can still love me after all of that, plus make me feel loved without any confusion, I will have found the one.

Advice Column

Watching TV Alone…

  • June 25, 2020

Dear Feeling Solo,

I cannot pretend to even know what it feels like to be married 40+ years to the same person, but I know what it is like to feel alone when doing something with another so my answer has different things to consider. A few different viewpoints on something to consider… Why is he playing games on his iPad instead of watching what you are? I ask this because he is either A) clearly bored with whatever show you have on, B) finally has time in his busy day to catch up on the world around him, C) couldn’t care less about spending time with you, D) is comfortable enough to just relax in your presence, happy that you are happy, or E) a combination of some of the above. Have you asked him what is going on in that mind of his or are you just holding it in, looking upset and taking deep sighs to let him know you are irritated? When he asks you questions about the show, are you answering him honestly and trying to draw him in, or are you just giving him half-hearted answers, thinking he doesn’t care? What I am saying is that it may not be all him, it may be some of you. What kind of shows are you watching? Some men just do not have a desire to watch Real Housewives of wherever they are now. This is why Jeopardy has been on tv since 1964 and Wheel of Fortune since 1975. It gives people a chance to watch something that they can both be entertained with and even make interactive, instead of just sitting there staring at the tv.

With all of that being said, I totally get it. One of my pet peeves is someone sitting on their phone scrolling while with me. Obviously, they have better things to do so why are they with me? I also have sons, and they were never in to the shows that I liked. With my boys being so far apart in age (9 years), I am just now catching up on movies that I missed while they were younger. Why? Because the shows and movies that we watched, were things that we could all watch together. And I hate to say this and sound sexist, but sometimes us women have to suck it up and watch what the men like. Better yet, take turns. Certain nights (or particular hours in the evening), watch what he likes whether it is a fishing show, History channel, or sports. Give yourself an hour of it, then your turn. Or better yet, go for a walk and have that time to chat and catch up with each other. I bet you won’t feel so alone sitting there watching tv when you have already had time with him. Also, since he likes games on his phone, try watching Jeopardy and Wheel of Fortune to spark a bit of competitiveness with you two.

I know what it is like to feel alone while watching tv, you feel like you are being ignored. So, try something different to see if there is any change. Yes, be happy that he is home instead of at the local watering hole talking with other people that hold up the bar stools. But, you can also change your tactics to see if you can draw him in to conversation. Because in the long run, that is all that we want, to feel included.

DEAR ABBY: Am I hoping for too much with my husband of 40-plus years? In the evening, we (or I) watch TV, and he’s very agreeable to “watch” anything — mostly because he hardly watches at all. He’s playing games on his iPad and glancing at the TV. He’ll ask questions occasionally about the characters or the plotlines, but it’s obvious he’s not following. For some reason, I find it disappointing that he’s not really watching, even if it’s something he’s shown an interest in or selected. Should I just be grateful he’s in the same room with me and alive? — FEELING SOLO IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR FEELING SOLO: Focusing on gratitude that you are together doing things you both enjoy is healthy. If you don’t care for the program he isn’t watching, feel free to change the channel to something you prefer. However, the two of you should make a point of doing something together in which you are both fully engaged because if you do, it will bring you even closer to each other.

Entertainment

Father’s Day as a Single Mom

  • June 21, 2020

I used to hate the phrase “Single Mom”. I am a mom, who cares that I am single! Let me say this louder, “I AM A MOM!” But, through the years, something has changed in me when I hear the phrase, “Single Mom”…

Because I am a single mom, I have taught my son how to ride a bike, how to tie a tie, explained the birds and the bees, carried him when he was three through a hospital with a 105 temp, cried by myself on his first day of kindergarten, explained how to tip at a restaurant on his first date, always the disciplinarian, helped get the swimsuit netting off of his body parts after a day at the beach, watched him get student of the month alone…

Yet, I have also been the one that he would crawl in to bed with when there was a storm, asked for help on school projects, confided in after a breakup, bawled like a baby when he graduated high school because “we did it”, high fived when he bought his first car, cheered him on when he played basketball…I have been THE ONE.

He’s 26 now, but I get a phone call every now and then when he is bored and I take those calls, even when busy at work. As parents, of course we will take those calls because they are our kids, but I know what it is like to be away from my parents since I have lived away for over 20 years.

Father’s Day is hard for us single mom’s, especially if we are away from our own father’s. Because it is a day that we are reflecting… Of course we miss our dad’s but we wonder if we messed our kids up because their dad’s aren’t in their lives. And we cry with sadness because it is the one day of the year when it is smacked at us on social media and reminds us that we have been alone in raising our children. There is no one with us that is so deeply connected to our children as we are when we are stressed about their grades, worried about their driving, not sure of how to discuss dating issues. It is us mom’s that do it when we are single, and we have no one to bounce these ideas off that will take such a vested interest in our babies.

Disagree with me or agree with me. Either way, this is my opinion and how I feel today. As I said, “I AM A MOM”, so I don’t expect to be celebrated on FATHER’S DAY. But, be patient with us single mom’s today. If our children are with us on this holiday, we are feeling guilty and wondering if we are doing enough. If they aren’t with us because they are lucky to have dad’s in their lives, we miss them, but still feel a bit of guilt.

These days, I’m ok with being called a single mom. I have done the toughest job of all ~ Motherhood, by myself. I didn’t have family here to babysit on random nights or to join me for school events. I raised a remarkable young man BY MYSELF and I am so proud of him. I am also proud of me for not letting him become one of the well known statistics of boys raised without their fathers.

20 years ago, laying in bed on a Father’s Day morning, missing my own dad and kid, my friend Ann called and asked what I was doing that day. I’m sure I had a few choice words of what the day meant to me. But, since her dad lived over a thousand miles away and her husband was deployed, she suggested we go and grab lunch. We headed to a local outdoor restaurant overlooking the water, ordered Pina Coladas, oysters, tuna dip, you name it. We had our table full of food, added in a couple beers, and had the best time, making Father’s Day easier on both of us. That perfect day started my tradition of doing something fun and relaxing for myself on Father’s Day. I have went to the beach, I have went to a water park, I have had friends over for dinner, and sometimes I just lock myself inside and watch chick flicks… Whatever my heart is needing that day to ease my guilt of being a single mom on Father’s Day.

Now, I’m going to call my own dad up to chat for a bit (after I wipe my tears away) then go lay in a pool and soak up some sunshine with friends. On the menu is Chicken Salad, Spinach & Artichoke dip, and a few Truly’s (Too old to drink White Claws! Ha!). And I am going to get through today being a single mom on Father’s Day.

Life

An open letter to my mom…

  • May 28, 2020May 31, 2020

We want to hold on so tight to our children and just touch them and let them know how much we love them.

Your love is always there…  Let me explain…  I never understood what you were going through as our mom.  All of these years later, I am experiencing it.  Looking back on it, YOU prepared me for being a mom. 

You prepared me to fight for my oldest child at such a young age.  I didn’t want to go through the anguish of what I know you did ~ losing out on time with your kids, thinking it was for the best, only to realize the pain of what it is like to be away from the ones that you gave birth to and the guilt that you must have felt…  But, you also prepared me to do it with my youngest…  And now, I get it.  Doing something because it is for the best but still, the guilt…  The guilt can be unbearable at times.  My identity as a mom, just like yours was, is now down to every other weekend… 

If I could go back, I would have gotten up early on those weekend mornings and ate the breakfast you always made.  I realize now, you were needing to do that.  You needed to feel like a mom… 

Remember how you used to lay on the couch or even on the floor with us watching Full House and Family Matters?  But, teenagers…  they are a weird breed.  We think they don’t get it…  And because of that, I know the child’s point of view so I try to be a bit more patient, have those conversations that need to be had, and do my best to let my child know how much I love him.  We even have shows that just he and I watch together…

You, in your own special way, prepared me for this single mom life.  Because preparing a child for life and loving a child, is what makes a good mom.  I never had to earn your love or hope that it would be there if I was better at this or better at that…  I now know that your love was always there.  You even made our friends feel loved and you still do.

So, thank you.  Even when I didn’t act like it, I knew your love was there.  It always has been.  I always knew you would continue to love me, no matter what.  And remember, you were the one that I wanted to talk to each time after I had a child.  In those precious quiet moments, it was my mom I needed. 

I’m sorry that it has taken me so long to put all of this together.  But, I wanted you to know so you would never ever wonder again what kind of a mom you were when we were young.  Because of you, my lesson on how to be a good parent – “Just show them you love them and always will”

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