He’s not MY boy any longer

My boy turned 25 today. Well, he’s no longer my boy. Actually, he was never MY boy. He belonged to his mother. But, I had a piece of his heart for over four years.

When I first met Carson, his dad and I had been dating for just over a year. The kids had figured out that something was up and a relative let them know that their dad had been dating someone. I think I was more nervous to meet the kids than I was for the first date with their dad. Walking in to meet them for the first time, I never knew that I would become such a big part of their lives.

Glenn told me how friendly Carson was and was just sure that we would hit it off the first night. Boy, did he get that one wrong.

I walked in and this 11 year old that still wore baby fat with a layer of expensive name brand clothes, just looked at me. He politely shook my hand, when his father told him to, then went and sat on the couch. Luckily, there was the dog, a boxer named Max. I told people after that whole encounter that the only one that truly liked me in that house for awhile was Max. Ha! Max came and sat on the floor next to me, and I just kept petting his head, just to have something to do with my hands. Carson tried to head upstairs to his room but his dad told him to stay in the living room. I asked questions about sports, school, you name it. I mean, I had a 12 year old, I can relate to pre-teen boys! Well, Carson decided that if he had to stay in the living room, the easiest way to not look at me was to put a blanket over his whole body, including his head. What in the world had I gotten myself in to? When I drove away, I was so close to texting his dad and saying, “Your kids won.”

A few weeks later, I invited all of them over to my house for dinner, along with some other friends. I figured this would be an easy time for the kids as there would be plenty to do and it wouldn’t seem like forced “family time”. I’ll never forget that just before we sat down to eat, Glenn grabbed his keys and said he was running to McDonald’s. “Why?” I asked. “Well, Carson said he doesn’t like enchilada’s.” I looked around for Carson but didn’t see him. “When did he tell you this?” “Well, he texted me.” “From upstairs?” There was a nod… “Has he ever had them?” Shake of the head… “Tell that boy to try them and if he doesn’t like them, I will go and get him McDonald’s.” Flash forward a couple weeks later and I’m out at his house when some friends come over… “This is my dad’s girlfriend and she makes the BEST enchiladas!” That kind of became our thing… If I was trying to figure out what to make for dinner, he’d wink and say, “You know what I want”. A few years later, he met my mom and while hugging her, he said, “Thank you for teaching your daughter how to make the best enchiladas ever!” By that age, he had started to perfect his charm.

Carson always had a charm to him. He knew how to shake his dad’s friends hands and talk sports, he would hug the friend’s wives when they came over and compliment them on their hair or team shirt (sports was big in that house), he would take the kids and jump in to the pool with them… He was growing in to the young man that we all wish our sons to be but know that they are the ones that will seduce our daughters.

For his birthday one year, after the football team won a National Championship, I made him a tied fleece blanket. Not hard to make, just a bit time consuming. But, if anyone was going to appreciate this blanket, it was going to be him. I special ordered the fleece with his teams logo for one side, then did the other in a matching color. I don’t know whose eyes were bigger, Carson or his dad’s, when he opened it. However, I very rarely saw him with it. I asked him why and he told me he was afraid it would get dirty or someone else in the house (eyes on his dad) would snag it. “Then where is it?” “It’s in my closet. I pull it out when I want it.” You see, the boy had a lock on his closet door because his brother used to steal his nice clothes and either disappear with them or leave them with food stains.

Carson knew how to appreciate being in the moment… He used to run around chasing my 4 year old son, telling him that there was a monster in the closet, while my son would squeal with laughter. He’d tell the little one, “You want to see where my dad hides the cookies?” There was one particular evening where it was just Glenn and I with his boys. Carson convinced us that we should go to the movies since there was a new one with Mark Wahlberg in it. First, we went to dinner and grabbed burgers. His dad stepped out to take a call so I paid the bill. Carson looked at me with surprise and then said, “That’s cool of you to do that.” The movie ended up being awful (“The Happening”) but he got a kick out of seeing me jump and scream at one point.

With his charm, came a sneaky side that his dad seemed to never notice. One time, I googled his name to figure out what he was doing on social media and there was a video of him on youtube jumping from the one story part of the house IN TO THE POOL!!! Cautiously, I brought it up to his dad, asking if the kids have ever thought of doing stupid things when we’re not there, like jumping from the fence or rooftop. My “innocent” question was met with, “Of course not. He’s smarter than that.” Anyways, we’re all relaxing in the pool and there’s Carson with his charming ways asking his dad if he thinks it’s possible to jump from the first story in to the pool, his dad starts telling him something about ratio, gravity, blah blah blah. But, I see the twinkle in Carson’s eyes… “Sweetie, hand me my phone so I can look up youtube videos of this type of stupidity.” Head hung down, he says, “Never mind.” I smiled and said, “Don’t ever think I can’t find things out.”

Once he got his drivers license, he knew that I wasn’t the one to throw his charm at any longer. He’d come home shortly after 11 on a Friday night after working at a restaurant, shower, come downstairs and then announce, “Hey, I’m going to go and pick Cody up so he can stay the night.” My standard reply, “Nothing good happens after 11. And technically, according to the fine state we live in, you can’t drive after 11.” He tried the line of, “Well, I can if I’m coming home after work.” Back to me looking him up and down, “You sure smell good for working at a restaurant.” You see, I have this theory… Teenagers are not trustable. How do I know this? I was one.

And then, Carson had a girlfriend. No big deal, right? He’s 16 and not my son. Parental mode kicked in when I saw that he was shy about introducing me to her. With a name like Mary Kate and looking like a nice wholesome girl, what’s not to love? Perhaps the way she stared at my boy like only a teenage girl that is feeling that first love feel can. And also the way that her hair was disheveled when they came downstairs to watch a football game with us… (Don’t even get me started on Glenn allowing them to be upstairs in the room together.) While cooking dinner one evening, he came by to look over my shoulder (when did the kid get tall enough to do that?) and I very calmly said, “Make good decisions. Do not make me call your dad Grandpa yet.” He laughed and with all of his charm said, “And what will you be called?” Looking him right in the eye, I said, “Prisoner 643429”. His smile kind of faded as he said, “Yes, m’am”.

As I said, sports were BIG in that house. And I mean big. His dad had season tickets to their favorite college football team and I went once or twice a year with him, the kids went the others. But, there was one rivalry game that I had been wanting to go to so bad. Carson sent me a text one evening and said, “For your birthday, I’m giving up my seat to you since I know you’ve been wanting to go.” Oh, my heart!!! He was going to miss out on one of the biggest games just to let me go! This game had been on my dream list of being able to say, “I remember that game. I was there!” But, in my heart of hearts, I knew that it wasn’t in me to take away their yearly tradition. Did I want to go? You better believe it! Do I regret my decision? Not in the least. I had the chance but I knew the memories of him going with his dad would make my soul happy.

There are so many articles about how to deal with a breakup and what emotions you will feel, when its time to move on, how to learn from your mistakes. But, what they don’t teach you is what happens when you lose the kids, also. I’m not here to teach you how to move past it, because I don’t know. All I know is that when I think of that time in my life, I think of them as my kids and I remember that one special boy that had a piece of my heart.

About 6 months after the breakup, I was at the gym and I felt someone watching me, I turned around and there was Carson. We hugged and he told me how his Senior year of highschool was going. My boy, growing up. When he graduated, I received an announcement in the mail. Knowing I wasn’t going to attend, I sent him a check with a card telling him how proud I was of him and I received a thank you card which he personalized with kind words; somewhere I still have it. I pull up his facebook every now and then just to make sure he is doing well. He finished college, still has the dimple, a twinkle in his eye, and is ending up with his dad’s hairline. And you better believe that if I ever run in to him again, he will get a big momma hugg from me!