movies – Swimming With The Rain

Life

If given the chance to dance, always dance.

May 14, 2021May 14, 2021

When I was probably around 5 or 6, I took ballet classes. I’m not sure why my mom signed me up… Could have been because that is what 5 year old girls do, or it could be because my mom saw even then that I was clumsy. While I do remember loving the sky blue ballet shoe box I carried with me to class, I was embarrassed to perform in front of others. Over 40 years later, I still remember that we had a performance scheduled at the mall of all places, and that during practice, I knew then that I would not be at the recital. I did not want people to see me. What if I messed up and people made fun of me? It’s sad to know that a child of that age was already nervous about those things. Anyways, I remember that we went to the mall with my parents and grandparents that weekend and as we passed my class performing the routine, my family knew that I had not told them about the event.

Over 40 years later and this memory still bothers me when it pops up out of the blue. I told them that I forgot when in reality, I was too embarrassed of failing.

All through grade school and even in to Junior High, when I would see girls my age perform at the school talent show, I would watch with envy. Wishing I was one of those girls that had the confidence to perform in front of others, I would turn the music up in my bedroom, and I would dance as if no one was watching, (they weren’t). I went to one practice tryout for my 7th grade drill team… I never went back. What if I wasn’t good enough? At the end of my freshman year of high school, I tried out with my bestfriend for JV cheer. She made it, I didn’t. Two weeks of practice leading up to tryouts and I loved each and every single one. Being part of a team and encouraging each other, I was all about that. Knowing the rules for the sports and when to say which cheer, I had that one nailed. Then it was time to perform in front of a select few BY MYSELF. My confidence standing in front of strangers and having them judge me… Nope. Nerves kicked in and I could not fake that school spirit because I knew then that I would not be good enough.

Then my 20’s appeared and I loved nothing more than a good wedding reception, but I was still worried of being judged. My ex-husband would offer to do the “obligatory dance”, but a lot of times, we sat off to the side watching everyone else enjoy the dance floor. After dancing with family at my mom’s wedding reception to my step-dad, my ex-husband told me I moved my hips too much. Looking back, that is kind of an odd comment from a Latin man that could Salsa with his family at holiday parties… As my marriage ended and my friends and I found out what the clubs in Florida were like, we would dance and dance. “Oh! I love this song! Come on!” It was never with reckless abandon, knowing that I was possibly being judged, but we still had fun singing our favorite lyrics.

As my kids grew up, we would dance around the house, twirling or doing the twist. I am such a believer in music affecting the spirit and I wanted them to realize that they were in a home that was not going to embarrass or judge them because they wanted to wave their arms in the air. In fact, my youngest had certain commercials that would cause him to jump off the couch, do a quick dance routine that was a mix of break dancing and your drunk uncle at a wedding, then sit back down and act like nothing happened. One of my favorite moments with him is when I put in the Glee Christmas CD… Their version of ‘We Need a Little Christmas’, I played it over and over… My youngest son was about 7 and we held hands and danced in a circle jumping and singing, while my 16 year old sat on the stairs staring at us like we were crazy. But, that’s okay because he was also smiling.

The year or so after turning 40, I had a 60 year old social friend and if the music was playing at a bar, she was dancing. At first when we were getting to know her, we would all shake our heads and assume that she had had one too many glasses of cheap wine. We started to see a pattern though… She loved to dance! And she didn’t care who was watching or how she was dancing. Guess what? Other women would go up, by themselves, so they could dance near her and enjoy the moment, also. That was it! She had the confidence! All of these years I had been wistfully watching these types of women that are enjoying the moment… Doing the chicken dance at weddings, dancing up front at a concert in the park, being the first on the dance floor at a club… They were confident enough to enjoy the moment, and not care if they were being judged!

These days, although I am a bit too old to dance in the clubs with the kids that are younger than my son, I still love to dance. Walking in to my house while I’m cleaning, you may find me bebopping my way to the washing machine with a load of towels, or rocking back and forth while rinsing dishes. Driving home from work with a good song playing loud, my hand motions are in sync with the phrase the singer is putting emphasis on. I’ve been known to put my hands in front of me, make small fists, and shake my body, just to make a person smile when a happy dance party song is on.

selective focus photography of smiling woman wearing gray dress dancing

Ear buds in at the gym, I’m not just playing the music to keep me going… I am dancing in my head.

One of my very favorite movies is La La Land… I went to see it TWICE at the movie theater and purchased the Blu-Ray as soon as it came out. But, best of all, not only is there an absolutely amazing soundtrack, there is a FULL sound track that also plays the musical interludes! You know the instrumental music you hear during specific scenes? Yes, they made a two cd sound track that includes all of those and it is like heaven to me! When I hear each, the imagery of the scene is playing in my mind and I wish that we all lived in a world where people broke out in to song and dance at just a random time. Kind of like the movie Grease…. Makes perfectly good sense to me.

Just a few months ago, a friend showed me a video from a couple of years ago, of several of us dancing around to Taylor Swift’s song, “Shake It Off”. I smiled because none of us stopped dancing when we realized he was recording, in fact we were laughing and singing like we were in the video with Taylor. Oh, how I wish I could go back and tell my younger self to “Shake It Off” and just dance! Quit worrying about what people are thinking of you and just dance. But, when you go out to dance at some place, make sure to grab the hand of the wallflower that is watching everyone else dance… She may just be a bit nervous and need an extra dose of encouragement.

graceful dancer performing on street standing in puddle

Tell her with as much warmth and understanding as you can, “When given the chance to dance, always dance.”

Entertainment

28 Hotel Rooms

July 26, 2020

One thing I love about Hulu is it’s movie suggestions. I swear, it knows me. Thanks to technology, it probably does. Anyways, listed under ‘Movies for you’, I kept seeing the title to this movie. It sounds familiar and I think that somewhere, I must have seen that someone posted about it or maybe I read something, because I knew the premise was a couple meets in different hotels rooms. But, being that I wasn’t wanting to watch porn, I would skip past it. Yet, Hulu knows me so surely it wouldn’t be suggesting porn, right?

Each time I go to Hulu, I see the movie listed and since I have exhausted the majority of movies, I looked up the premise on Wikipedia… “A novelist and a corporate accountant conduct an affair over a period of several years, meeting only when they are each traveling for work in a city far from their homes. The film takes a minimalist approach: it consists entirely of scenes between the two of them in hotel rooms.” So, could still be porn… Let’s find the trailer…

That’s it, I’m watching! They had me when he was painting her toes and when she was emotional saying that she feels ugly… I’m a sap when movies feel genuinely real.

I immediately recognized Danny Castellano, I mean Chris Messina, from The Mindy Project. He played Mindy Kaling’s love interest and I LOVED him! I hadn’t heard of Marin Ireland, but based upon her Wikipedia page, she has done quite a bit, which is probably why she looks familiar. Plus, she is from Central California and I’m a sucker for anyone from there (Camarillo to be exact).

28 Hotel Rooms is a movie I could probably analyze with such a wide array of elements. My ideal situation would be the conversation that would happen after another person watches, because I think it is one of those movies that opinions can vary, even your own, based upon how you feel at the time or what your mindset is. But, on to my own personal review…

The camera gives off the feeling that it is another character that they are not aware of. The chemistry between these two characters is undeniable and their conversations feel real, as if they are unscripted. He caresses her back while they lay in bed talking, sensing the intimacy as he taps her lower back in response to a question, as if to say, “Alright”.

As in all new loves, he plays the 21 questions with her asking about siblings, parents, republican or democrat, chocolate or vanilla ice cream… But, you start to notice, she does not reciprocate. Yet, she is the one that when a future is discussed, you can sense that she is toying with that idea in her head, only to snap back to reality and change the topic. She does this enough times that you realize that she does struggle with what she is doing, whether it is by quietly crying in the bathroom while he is sleeping, or seeing how hot she can get the bath water, as if in punishment.

These two separate their worlds and only briefly allow their real one in, as they catch up on months apart. They give off brief descriptions, like a highlight reel. But yet, you are able to perceive that these two have long conversations about life and discuss things that maybe they do not with their respective partners. With each other, they are free to be whom they want ~ fun, exciting, erotic… It is presented as being tipsy and dancing naked on a balcony, sneaking up to the rooftop of a hotel to watch fireworks, running the hallways laughing… Something that their real lives would not allow as they pay their mortgage, move from the city, try to get ahead in their careers…

As romantic and whimsical as they make it seem, they also fight. They fight with the intensity that you may not allow yourself to with your real life partner for fear of the judgement or possible alienation. These two know that at any moment, they can get up and walk away, without any damage to a marriage.

Yet, they are drawn to each other, unable to stay away. Why is that? Is it true love or could it just be that the brief interludes give them a sense of excitement to an otherwise boring life?

28 Hotel Rooms is a movie that is worth watching again and again. You will create your own back stories for them, as you are only able to see brief snippets of their encounters. In your mind, you will sense the passage of time and gain an understanding of their intimacy with each other. When the end credits begin, you will want more of their story.

Entertainment

the Biggest little Farm

July 18, 2020

It’s official. I am ready for the farm life!

Most people do not realize that the Central Coast of California, is one of the largest agriculture producers. Surrounded by agriculture, dairy farms, FFA, livestock, rodeo, trucks, vineyards, this is not the California that is portrayed through the eyes of Hollywood. The Rodeo Drive of Central California is lined with Barrel Racers, Bronc Riders, and local farmers, not Lamborghini’s, high-end call girls, and the Kardashian’s.

I remember seeing the trailer for this movie and thinking that it looked fascinating. Not just because the cinematography looked so brilliant and clear, but because it was based on a farm from my home state of California, and I am all about seeing my home on the big screen. Maybe it wasn’t shown on the all of the big screens around the country… But, that’s okay because I found it on my small screen of 42 inches.

John Chester ~
This all started with a promise that we would leave the big city and build a life in perfect harmony with nature.

I know, based on the description, it sounds like one of those movies that will bore you with all of their conservation talk with messages of “going green”, “live off the earth”, “save our planet”, and other new age lingo. To me, this was not the case at all! In fact, if this movie had been around when my children were younger, it would have played continuously, I am sure!

While the film is touted as a ‘documentary’, it feels anything but. It feels like you are watching a very personal movie starring John and Molly Chester, along with their dog Todd, and beloved pig Emma. You meet caretakers Rafael and Flavo, along with the Chester’s mentor, Alan York.

What you see are two people that want to live a simpler life on a bio-diverse farm. Although the movie is uplifting, it also proves that the reality of farming is not always pretty. Yet, the movie gives you hope, and teaches you lessons along the way about the circle of life. For instance, at one point, John was having increased frustration with setbacks at the farm. He noticed that Todd (his dog) would often sit and watch how everything was going on. This observation encouraged John to do the same thing, and he realized how the animals and agriculture worked together as one, and made some adjustments. Watching this movie is proof that things don’t change overnight, and you need to persevere, try a different technique, and just keep going!

Filmed with state of the art cameras, you will see the farm grow from eight years of dry hard dirt, to an abundance of diverse plants, farm animals, and fruit trees. Kids will love watching the closeups of snakes slithering, gophers popping out of holes, bees buzzing, lambs hopping through the fields, piglets playing in the mud, and everything else nature has to offer. Okay, yes… I loved these things, too. But, the breathtaking views… Stunning!

Having now watched this movie, it reinforced my craving of simplicity, green pastures and tractors in the field. But, I also realize that had I not experienced a way of life away from it, I may not have realized how precious it is.

Apricot Lane Farms located in Moorpark, California. They offer tours and even have merchandise of Emma! Follow them on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter.

“no copyright infringement is intended”

All me

Bucket List Ideas

July 11, 2020

I’m not sure if the term ‘Bucket List’ was used prior to the release of the movie “Bucket List” starring Jack Nicolson and Morgan Freeman, written and produced by Rob Reiner, but it is something that everyone now seems to have. In fact, I have kept a running list on my phone since 2012.

Why on my phone? Because each time I have an idea, I can immediately add to it and the list keeps growing. I have only been able to scratch two things off of there and that has been within the past year (lightning bugs and covered bridges).

So, what’s the difference between a bucket list and goals? To me, a bucket list is something you do that encourages you to experience life and fill your soul with memories, while a goal is something you work toward and even build on.

For instance, with the lightning bugs, growing up out west, we didn’t have these things. Although I had read about these little flying glow sticks in books, heard lyrics about summer evenings being lit up with them in songs, and saw them set the backdrop in movies, they always held a romantic mystery to me. While visiting Ann in Indiana last year, there they were! She caught one for me and put it on my arm and I smiled like a child that had just walked in to Disney Land. I experienced this moment and it was amazing. I was experiencing life!

But, a goal… Now that is something you work towards and even build on. Let’s look at this website I am working on. For most of my life, if you would have asked me, “What is your dream job?”, I would have said, “A photographic journalist”. I had been writing for years, sometimes reading things to people, sometimes keeping my words tucked away. This websites name, I had planned out during the summer of 2018, even checking to make sure it wasn’t in use. But, it took time for me to have the courage to do it and even once I did it, it took strength for me to announce it to the world.

I don’t have the specifics written down of how I want to achieve each Bucket List item… It is generally just a few words about each thing because to me, getting in to too much detail, takes away from the spontaneity of how things are meant to happen. Take the Covered Bridges as an example… I didn’t know how I was going to make it happen, I just knew that I wanted it to. I ended up seeing one from the back of a Harley and another from the passenger side of a Corvette. Now, doesn’t that beat a tour bus? Which, I would done except for some good friends that made it happen.

And now, my Bucket List as of mid-2020…

Visit Atlantic Ocean. I have seen the Atlantic twice – once from a parking lot in Miami and the other from a road in Daytona Beach. I want to actually put my toes in it and feel the sand. Growing up on the Pacific and living on the Gulf Coast, I think it is only suiting to feel another body of water that boarders our amazing country.

Road Trip without a destination. Not the whole Thelma and Louise thing, fyi.

Ireland, Italy, Greece, Holland… Basically all of Europe.

Skydiving.

Gulf of Alaska.

Sex in a hurricane. (Ignore that one, Dad)

Walk Paris streets at night.

Drive a race car.

Grape stomping.

Visit with monks / nuns. I have this desire to be filled with their peace.

~~Covered Bridge.~~

Mardi Gras. I’ve been to New Orleans and I’ve done Bourbon Street. But, I want to experience an actual Mardi Gras with the parades and floats!

Grand Canyon.

Stay at a Dude Ranch.

African Safari.

Broadway show. I’ve seen plays and productions, but I want to be in actual New York City and watch a true Broadway show.

Opera.

Outer Banks.

~~Lightning Bugs.~~

Northern Lights.

See the Pope. I’m not even Catholic and I think it would be amazing to see this world leader.

Zambia 338ft Waterfall.

Ice fishing.

Wild Horses.

Blue Water Paradise in Arizona.

Concert at Redrock.

Stay in a seaside village as a tourist. I already live in one and I am curious as to what it is like to not be a local.

So, what is in your Bucket List? Where do you keep it? If you have not started one yet, start today. It is ok to let your heart dream and wonder, that is what keeps your soul alive and thriving. Make sure to add in simple things like lightning bugs but also far reaching like an African Safari. Doing this ensures that you take pleasure in life’s little gifts but keeps you seeking more. As you add these moments to your life, get lost in your surroundings and soak it up. Because a photo will not truly capture it, but your senses will.

Entertainment

Drinking Buddies – 2013, starring Olivia Wilde, Jake Johnson,…

June 28, 2020

I decided to have a “me” day and get some things done around the house, then spend my evening watching a good movie. I must have started five different ones but nothing was “hitting” me. Scrolled through Hulu and what do I see, “Drinking Buddies”. Well, I love Jake Johnson! I found him because of “New Girl” and honestly, he was my favorite character on the show as Nick. Ok, I probably developed a bit of a “movie star crush” because he is the type that I would go for – brown hair, brown eyes, manly, funny, and loveable.

Back to the movie review…. I have always enjoyed watching movies that portray a group dynamic and how they relate to different people. This movie did not disappoint! First, watch the preview so you can get a feeling for who is who. You will see that Kate (Olivia Wilde) and Luke (Jake Johnson) are best friends that work at the same brewery and have dreams of opening their own bar together. Jill (Anna Kendrick) is Luke’s girlfriend and Chris (Ron Livingston) is Kate’s boyfriend.

Ok, so in the preview, you are wondering if Luke and Kate are hooking up or if there is going to be a group thing or what… I am personally giving this movie 5 out of 5 stars because I loved it so much! My brief review is below before I get in to the notes I took (I’m weird like that).

The interesting thing about this movie is that it was completely improvised. The actors did not have any scripts but were given an outline of basically what direction to take the characters. To me, not only does this prove how incredible these actors truly are, but it makes the movie so much more believable. You can feel the reactions on their faces, experiencing the joy they are going through or confusion as they are trying to figure out what to say. The camera just seems to weave in and out of conversation, around people, goes closer to get particular expressions, but also pans back to give you a sense of the room. You truly feel that you are there with these characters as they talk and laugh and even the background noise feels authentic, not forced or added in. Since this movie was filmed at a brewery in Chicago, they were drinking actual beer and spent a lot of time drunk, which added to the realness of their conversations.

Go ahead and admit it… We’ve all been there ~ We have had a work crush. If you have a significant other, don’t ask them, because it is in their best interest (and yours), so they are going to deny it. At one time or another, we have had that one person that makes going to work just a bit more fun, you might even dress a bit nicer because of them. It’s not like you are ever going to do anything about it, you just look forward to seeing them. Or, maybe they aren’t really a work crush but someone that would be referred to as your “work husband / wife / spouse”. They are the ones that you can complain to about work and they understand what you are talking about. You two have an easy rapport and you can joke, fight, make up, remember their favorite candy bar… You know the one. It’s the one at work that makes you feel like you are special. And why is that? Because you don’t have home responsibilities together, which we all know can put some stress on a relationship. Anyways, that’s Luke and Kate. They are each other’s work spouses and they get along great! If you don’t have one of these at work, it will make you wish that you had one. The problem with this is, they took their friendship outside of work and that is where problems can start.

MOVIE QUOTES

Kate: You made your own bed, alright? Luke: Yeah, and you fucking slept in it. Kate: Well, you didn’t stop me.

Kate: it’s good, it has just enough room for me and my imaginary cat.

Kate: That’s the problem with heartbreak, to you it’s like an atomic bomb and to the world it’s just really cliche, because in the end we all have the same experience.

Chris: Sometimes things that are really hard can be really rewarding because they’re hard, you know

Luke: Hey, here’s the truth: I am done giving you shit, and I am sorry. I have no place. You are a grown woman, and if you want to have sex with a disgusting, bad brewer with a terrible attitude…

Luke: By the way, I’m not doing anymore double dates either. This was fun.

Chris: I don’t think that this is working. I think eight months is enough time to know whether this is going to work.

Kate: Tonight, no one is going home to their significant other because I no longer have one.

MY NOTES & OPINIONS

When Kate and Luke are at the bar with the other co-workers having a great time, you can see the change on Kate’s face when Jill comes in that she no longer has them all to herself, and that Luke is happy to see Jill.

Kate heads over to Chris’s after drinking with her work boys and reaches in to his plate with her fingers to grab a bite. You can tell that he does not care for that type of behavior, but she doesn’t seem to notice, even when he gives her the plate of food to eat.

Chris goes to bed early and Kate is laying in bed listening to Luke and Jill playing 21, the game Luke taught Kate earlier in the day. I think there is a bit of jealousy there as she can hear them laughing and just genuinely having a good time, as a couple.

Their first morning at the cabin, Chris suggests going for a hike and only Jill wants to go. As they are walking, you kind of come in mid conversation but assume they are talking about their significant others and it feels like Chris is surprised that someone like Kate would want him.

Jill is sitting on the blanket with Chris, and he appreciates her upscale ways. She tells him how she feels her heart racing and that she is nervous. He ends up kissing her which makes me realize that there was an unspoken energy going on between the two of them and their conversation while walking must have been very intimate. During this time, it is showing scenes of Luke and Kate playing cards, opening beers, just laughing and having such a great time.

After Jill passes out on the couch, Luke and Kate go and build a bonfire on the beach and Kate suggests going for a swim and she starts stripping down. Luke says no and I’m watching him hoping that he’s going to be a good man, because let’s be honest, Olivia Wilde would be a hard one to turn down. But, he does. He stays by the fire drinking his beer. I had a lot of respect for him in that moment.

Kate and Chris have broken up which makes Luke a bit nervous. She was safe to flirt and have fun with as long as she had a boyfriend, but now that she is single, I think he realizes that she is no longer “safe”, and it shows in his attitude at the bar when he says he’ll drive her home, almost as if he’s turned in to the big brother.

Jill seems to take a pause in her thoughts when Luke tells her that Kate and Chris have broken up. And you have to wonder what exactly is going through her mind… Is she thinking that Chris is more her type ~ educated, not wanting to stay out at bars late, deep thinker… Or is she worried that Kate and Luke will get together since their chemistry is pretty obvious?

Kate and Luke’s relationship really changes when he finds out that she went home with another guy. I’m sure there is a bit of jealousy. Kind of, “If I can’t have her, I don’t want anyone else to.”

Kate goes by Chris’s apartment after drinking, and he reiterates that they are broken up and not meant for each other. It seems to me that she doesn’t like to be alone and is used to her charm working on men.

Jill goes to Costa Rica with her friends (I think she was going away with Chris) and so Kate and Luke spend the evening together drinking and laughing. I was not thrilled with the massages or sleeping on the couch together. I think that showed a lack of respect on Luke’s part, but I think in his immaturity, he thought that they were just friends, so it wasn’t a big deal.

Kate tells Luke that she is moving and needs to move the next day, so he offers to help. When they get to her house, he is shocked to find that it is such a mess and that she has had birthday decorations and cups laying around for quite awhile, which she seems unfazed by. He falls asleep after getting the majority of work done and Kate stands there watching him. Instead of going to the couch, she snuggles in behind and puts her arm around him. I think she is so desperate for closeness, that even that will work for her. I really felt for her in that moment.

The next day, Luke is acting like his normal self, in full on friend / brotherly mode and goes to get the Uhaul and Kate seems to be very attracted to this, which I totally get. As a single woman, it is sometimes nice when a man takes charge and helps you with these things, especially when you don’t have to ask. She is probably also seeing it as how they are doing “couple” things and that this is how it could really be. But, when he cuts his hand on a nail, she is kind of blowing it off and saying how they need to move the couch. Luke snaps at her and Kate’s body language shows that there is a change in them. No longer is she able to charm him and be very blase, he is in real pain and is shown trying to take care of himself. She doesn’t try to help him rinse it or know where anything is, just seems very uncaring and more concerned for herself. Kate says she will calls someone that can help and it ends up being the guy that she slept with, and of course she is just charming and saying all the things she would have to Luke. When the moving is done, Luke reminds her that they were going to clean up so they could go and have a nice meal to celebrate. That no longer sounds like fun and she wants to go drinking with the guys. She starts yelling at him and I think she is doing that to protect herself and come off as not caring about Luke at all.

Luke heads home to find out that Jill came home early from her trip. When she sees his hand, she automatically goes in to caretaker mode and that shows how those two are so different. I think that somewhere in Luke’s mind, he was thinking that Kate might be fun because she likes to party. But, after seeing Kate’s chaotic home life, he sees in Jill what he really wants ~ a help mate, someone that keeps him grounded and takes care of him. Jill is honest and tells Luke about the kiss and admits that it was a mistake. In that instant, I think that Luke realizes what he could have lost, and pulls her in for a kiss and a long hugg.

The last scene is Kate and Luke during lunchtime at work. Whereas they always had lunch together, it shows Kate eating alone. Luke comes in, still sits down next to her, but they don’t speak and it’s an uncomfortable silence. But, she slides fries over to him and when he starts eating them, she smiles.

The great thing about the ending is that while it left me wanting more, it lets the viewer imagine what the continuing story would be. I would like to think that Kate and Luke do remain friends, but there is a bit of a distance between them now, knowing how close they were to cross the line. Because once you cross it, you can never go back to being normal.

Life

He’s not MY boy any longer

June 1, 2020

My boy turned 25 today. Well, he’s no longer my boy. Actually, he was never MY boy. He belonged to his mother. But, I had a piece of his heart for over four years.

When I first met Carson, his dad and I had been dating for just over a year. The kids had figured out that something was up and a relative let them know that their dad had been dating someone. I think I was more nervous to meet the kids than I was for the first date with their dad. Walking in to meet them for the first time, I never knew that I would become such a big part of their lives.

Glenn told me how friendly Carson was and was just sure that we would hit it off the first night. Boy, did he get that one wrong.

I walked in and this 11 year old that still wore baby fat with a layer of expensive name brand clothes, just looked at me. He politely shook my hand, when his father told him to, then went and sat on the couch. Luckily, there was the dog, a boxer named Max. I told people after that whole encounter that the only one that truly liked me in that house for awhile was Max. Ha! Max came and sat on the floor next to me, and I just kept petting his head, just to have something to do with my hands. Carson tried to head upstairs to his room but his dad told him to stay in the living room. I asked questions about sports, school, you name it. I mean, I had a 12 year old, I can relate to pre-teen boys! Well, Carson decided that if he had to stay in the living room, the easiest way to not look at me was to put a blanket over his whole body, including his head. What in the world had I gotten myself in to? When I drove away, I was so close to texting his dad and saying, “Your kids won.”

A few weeks later, I invited all of them over to my house for dinner, along with some other friends. I figured this would be an easy time for the kids as there would be plenty to do and it wouldn’t seem like forced “family time”. I’ll never forget that just before we sat down to eat, Glenn grabbed his keys and said he was running to McDonald’s. “Why?” I asked. “Well, Carson said he doesn’t like enchilada’s.” I looked around for Carson but didn’t see him. “When did he tell you this?” “Well, he texted me.” “From upstairs?” There was a nod… “Has he ever had them?” Shake of the head… “Tell that boy to try them and if he doesn’t like them, I will go and get him McDonald’s.” Flash forward a couple weeks later and I’m out at his house when some friends come over… “This is my dad’s girlfriend and she makes the BEST enchiladas!” That kind of became our thing… If I was trying to figure out what to make for dinner, he’d wink and say, “You know what I want”. A few years later, he met my mom and while hugging her, he said, “Thank you for teaching your daughter how to make the best enchiladas ever!” By that age, he had started to perfect his charm.

Carson always had a charm to him. He knew how to shake his dad’s friends hands and talk sports, he would hug the friend’s wives when they came over and compliment them on their hair or team shirt (sports was big in that house), he would take the kids and jump in to the pool with them… He was growing in to the young man that we all wish our sons to be but know that they are the ones that will seduce our daughters.

For his birthday one year, after the football team won a National Championship, I made him a tied fleece blanket. Not hard to make, just a bit time consuming. But, if anyone was going to appreciate this blanket, it was going to be him. I special ordered the fleece with his teams logo for one side, then did the other in a matching color. I don’t know whose eyes were bigger, Carson or his dad’s, when he opened it. However, I very rarely saw him with it. I asked him why and he told me he was afraid it would get dirty or someone else in the house (eyes on his dad) would snag it. “Then where is it?” “It’s in my closet. I pull it out when I want it.” You see, the boy had a lock on his closet door because his brother used to steal his nice clothes and either disappear with them or leave them with food stains.

Carson knew how to appreciate being in the moment… He used to run around chasing my 4 year old son, telling him that there was a monster in the closet, while my son would squeal with laughter. He’d tell the little one, “You want to see where my dad hides the cookies?” There was one particular evening where it was just Glenn and I with his boys. Carson convinced us that we should go to the movies since there was a new one with Mark Wahlberg in it. First, we went to dinner and grabbed burgers. His dad stepped out to take a call so I paid the bill. Carson looked at me with surprise and then said, “That’s cool of you to do that.” The movie ended up being awful (“The Happening”) but he got a kick out of seeing me jump and scream at one point.

With his charm, came a sneaky side that his dad seemed to never notice. One time, I googled his name to figure out what he was doing on social media and there was a video of him on youtube jumping from the one story part of the house IN TO THE POOL!!! Cautiously, I brought it up to his dad, asking if the kids have ever thought of doing stupid things when we’re not there, like jumping from the fence or rooftop. My “innocent” question was met with, “Of course not. He’s smarter than that.” Anyways, we’re all relaxing in the pool and there’s Carson with his charming ways asking his dad if he thinks it’s possible to jump from the first story in to the pool, his dad starts telling him something about ratio, gravity, blah blah blah. But, I see the twinkle in Carson’s eyes… “Sweetie, hand me my phone so I can look up youtube videos of this type of stupidity.” Head hung down, he says, “Never mind.” I smiled and said, “Don’t ever think I can’t find things out.”

Once he got his drivers license, he knew that I wasn’t the one to throw his charm at any longer. He’d come home shortly after 11 on a Friday night after working at a restaurant, shower, come downstairs and then announce, “Hey, I’m going to go and pick Cody up so he can stay the night.” My standard reply, “Nothing good happens after 11. And technically, according to the fine state we live in, you can’t drive after 11.” He tried the line of, “Well, I can if I’m coming home after work.” Back to me looking him up and down, “You sure smell good for working at a restaurant.” You see, I have this theory… Teenagers are not trustable. How do I know this? I was one.

And then, Carson had a girlfriend. No big deal, right? He’s 16 and not my son. Parental mode kicked in when I saw that he was shy about introducing me to her. With a name like Mary Kate and looking like a nice wholesome girl, what’s not to love? Perhaps the way she stared at my boy like only a teenage girl that is feeling that first love feel can. And also the way that her hair was disheveled when they came downstairs to watch a football game with us… (Don’t even get me started on Glenn allowing them to be upstairs in the room together.) While cooking dinner one evening, he came by to look over my shoulder (when did the kid get tall enough to do that?) and I very calmly said, “Make good decisions. Do not make me call your dad Grandpa yet.” He laughed and with all of his charm said, “And what will you be called?” Looking him right in the eye, I said, “Prisoner 643429”. His smile kind of faded as he said, “Yes, m’am”.

As I said, sports were BIG in that house. And I mean big. His dad had season tickets to their favorite college football team and I went once or twice a year with him, the kids went the others. But, there was one rivalry game that I had been wanting to go to so bad. Carson sent me a text one evening and said, “For your birthday, I’m giving up my seat to you since I know you’ve been wanting to go.” Oh, my heart!!! He was going to miss out on one of the biggest games just to let me go! This game had been on my dream list of being able to say, “I remember that game. I was there!” But, in my heart of hearts, I knew that it wasn’t in me to take away their yearly tradition. Did I want to go? You better believe it! Do I regret my decision? Not in the least. I had the chance but I knew the memories of him going with his dad would make my soul happy.

There are so many articles about how to deal with a breakup and what emotions you will feel, when its time to move on, how to learn from your mistakes. But, what they don’t teach you is what happens when you lose the kids, also. I’m not here to teach you how to move past it, because I don’t know. All I know is that when I think of that time in my life, I think of them as my kids and I remember that one special boy that had a piece of my heart.

About 6 months after the breakup, I was at the gym and I felt someone watching me, I turned around and there was Carson. We hugged and he told me how his Senior year of highschool was going. My boy, growing up. When he graduated, I received an announcement in the mail. Knowing I wasn’t going to attend, I sent him a check with a card telling him how proud I was of him and I received a thank you card which he personalized with kind words; somewhere I still have it. I pull up his facebook every now and then just to make sure he is doing well. He finished college, still has the dimple, a twinkle in his eye, and is ending up with his dad’s hairline. And you better believe that if I ever run in to him again, he will get a big momma hugg from me!

Entertainment

Chasing Amy, 1997

May 30, 2020May 31, 2020

I was trying to figure out why I hadn’t seen this movie in 1997 when it came out. Oh! I had a young child and was knee deep in the Disney Channel, not movies about 20 something year olds that I could not possibly relate to. But, here I am all these years later truly appreciating what I am seeing on screen.

Here’s the synopsis that Netflix gives this movie ~ Comic book artist Holden meets the perfect woman, only to learn that she’s a lesbian. But, that doesn’t stop him from falling in love with her. So, why do I want to watch this movie? I’m not in to comic books, and I have no desire to watch a guy fall for a girl that he can’t possibly get, because I’m just not going to understand. I was wrong.

Holden McNeil: I love you. And not in a friendly way, although I think we’re great friends. And not in a misplaced affection, puppy-dog way, although I’m sure that’s what you’ll call it. And it’s not because you’re unattainable. I love you. Very simple, very truly. You’re the epitome of every attribute and quality I’ve ever looked for in another person. I know you think of me as just a friend and crossing that line is the furthest thing from an option you’d ever consider. But I can’t do this any longer. I can’t stand next to you without wanting to hold you. I can’t look into your eyes without feeling that longing you only read about in trashy romance novels. I can’t talk to you without wanting to express my love for everything you are. I know this will probably queer our friendship – no pun intended – but I had to say it, because I’ve never felt this before, and I like who I am because of it. And if bringing it to light means we can’t hang out anymore, then that hurts me. But I couldn’t allow another day to go by without getting it out there, regardless of the outcome, which by the look on your face is to be the inevitable shoot-down. And I’ll accept that. But I know some part of you is hesitating for a moment, and if there is a moment of hesitation, that means you feel something too. All I ask is that you not suppress that – at least for ten minutes – and try to dwell in it before you dismiss it. There isn’t another soul on this fucking planet who’s ever made me the person I am when I’m with you, and I would risk this friendship for the chance to take it to the next plateau. Because it’s there between you and me. You can’t deny that. And even if we never speak again after tonight, please know that I’m forever changed because of you and what you’ve meant to me, which – while I do appreciate it – I’d never need a painting of birds bought at a diner to remind me of.

That. That right there… That is either the speech that we have wanted to hear all of our lives or maybe we’ve said it… If Netflix or some other movie site had given me that synopsis years ago, I would have jumped on the bandwagon a long time ago. What I learned is that this movie is part of the Kevin Smith and View Askewniverse world he has going on with Jay and Silent Bob movies, which I have never seen. Then again, if you would have told me that it was by the guy that did the Jay and Silent Bob movies (Kevin Smith IS Silent Bob), I wouldn’t have watched because stoned out people are just not my type of movies to watch. Alright, back to Chasing Amy.

Notes I made about what jumped out at me (besides the awesome speeches and one liners)

In the early scene with them signing autographs, not only do you see Ethan Suplee who played Louie Lastik in Remember The Titans in 2000, you see a young Casey Affleck.
Awwww… the whole pagers era and having to find a quarter to make that call.
Interesting, Alyssa’s friends referred to it as “The Pronoun Game” when she was referring to Holden as someone, they, etc., so she wouldn’t have to say that he was a male.
When they were laying cuddled up in bed and his hand was playing with her shoulder, I was hit with this true sense of intimacy.
When Alyssa yelled at Holden in the parking lot… She nailed it! I truly felt that raw emotion and you could hear the scrapes in her voice as she was letting him know how she felt.

Alyssa played by Joey Lauren Adams – I always really liked her. She looks quite similar to Renee Zellweger but seems more approachable. Then again, maybe they look similar to the whole late 90’s rom com scene. I recognize her more from playing Adam Sandler’s love interest in Big Daddy and playing the friend or sister (can’t remember which one) of Jennifer Anniston’s character in The Breakup.

Jason Lee as Banky is the one that I kept looking at knowing that I knew who he was but I just couldn’t picture it yet. Such a good looking man! As soon as the movie was over, I typed his name in to google and there he was! How could I not know this?!? He’s Dave Seville on Alvin and The Chipmunks (I told you I was raising kids) and My Name is Earl.

So, great movie once you get past all the raunchiness in the beginning, it is so well worth watching! Quotes from the movie that just really hit me…

Silent Bob: So there’s me and Amy, and we’re all inseparable, right? Just big time in love. And then four months down the road, the idiot gear kicks in, and I ask about the ex-boyfriend. Which, as we all know, is a really dumb move. But you know how it is: you don’t wanna know, but you just have to, right? Stupid guy bullshit. So, anyway, she starts telling me about him… how they fell in love, and how they went out for a couple of years, and how they lived together, her mother likes me better, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah… and I’m okay. But then she drops the bomb on me, and the bomb is this: it seems that a couple of times, while they were going out, he brought some people to bed with them. Ménage à trois, I believe it’s called. Now this just blows my mind, right? I mean, I am not used to this sort of thing. I mean, I was raised Catholic, for God’s sake. So I’m totally weirded out by this, right? And then I just start blasting her. Like… I don’t know how to deal with what I’m feeling, so I figure the best way is by calling her a slut, right? And tell her she was used. I’m… I’m out for blood. I really wanna hurt this girl. I’m like, “What the fuck is your problem?”, right? And she’s just all calmly trying to tell me, like, it was that time and it was that place and she doesn’t think she should apologize because she doesn’t feel that she’s done anything wrong. I’m like, “Oh, really?” That’s when I look her straight in the eye, I tell her it’s over. I walk. No, idiot. It was a mistake. I didn’t hate her. I wasn’t disgusted with her. I was afraid. At that moment, I felt small, like… like I’d lacked experience, like I’d never be on her level, like I’d never be enough for her or something like that, you know what I’m saying? But, what I did not get, she didn’t care. She wasn’t looking for that guy anymore. She was… she was looking for me, for the Bob. But, uh, by the time I figure this all out, it was too late, man. She moved on, and all I had to show for it was some foolish pride, which then gave way to regret. She was the girl, I know that now. But I pushed her away. So, I’ve spent every day since then chasing Amy… so to speak.

Alyssa: You know, I didn’t just heed what I was taught, men and women should be together, it’s the natural way, that kind of thing. I’m not with you because of what family, society, life tried to instill in me from day one. The way the world is, how seldom it is that you meet that one person who just *gets* you – it’s so rare. My parents didn’t really have it. There were no examples set for me in the world of male-female relationships. And to cut oneself off from finding that person, to immediately halve your options by eliminating the possibility of finding that one person within your own gender, that just seemed stupid to me. So I didn’t. But then you came along. You, the one least likely. I mean, you were a guy. And while I was falling for you I put a ceiling on that, because you *were* a guy. Until I remembered why I opened the door to women in the first place: to not limit the likelihood of finding that one person who’d complement me so completely. So here we are. I was thorough when I looked for you. And I feel justified lying in your arms, ’cause I got here on my own terms, and I have no question there was some place I didn’t look. And for me that makes all the difference.

Holden: If this is a crush, I don’t think I could take it if the real thing ever happened.

Alyssa: Maybe you knew early on that your track was from point A to B, but unlike you I was not given a fucking map at birth, so I tried it all! That is until we, that’s you and I, got together and suddenly I was sated!

Entertainment

The Heartbreak Kid, 2007

May 30, 2020May 31, 2020

I like Ben Stiller, not love him. I don’t watch movies just because he is in them. In fact, usually I stray away from movies because of him. Which is kind of stupid because he is a very good actor. I like that he can play an uptight, average person so well! I mean, ‘Meet The Parents’, ‘Along Came Polly’, ‘Night at The Museum’… All fantastic movies and he leads so well! But, then there are the ones like ‘Zoolander’ and ‘Tropic Thunder’, that I just can’t do.

This movie… Not sure if it made me realize that my mother really is right and I am way too picky, or if I want to visit Cabo. Enjoyable movie. Not one that I am going to brag and suggest to others that they just HAVE to watch, but at least now I can say I have seen it.

Oh! What’s it about… So, Eddie (Ben Stiller) is 40, seems to find fault with every woman he dates but then ends up meeting his ideal woman, Lila. She’s cute, she’s sweet… everything we think a woman should be. Then he marries her. She takes “freak in bed” to a whole new level, and her real side comes out. And it’s not that her real side is bad, (ok, maybe a few things) but it’s just a bit too much for him. I have to admit, when they first started driving down through California and they were singing in the car, I thought, “Yes! That is what I want! I want to be able to sing in the car with my loved one.” But, then she kept going. And going. And going. I can see how that would be irritating. While honeymooning down in Cabo, Eddie meets a new “perfect girl”. And this is where most of the movie happens so I won’t give away.

If you’ve got a couple hours to kill, watch it! Scenery is beautiful and the resort (Esperanza Resort) is said to be a getaway for the famous.

Jerry Stiller played Eddie’s dad, and that was really great to see father and son in such a natural setting. Malin Akerman plays Lila and she nails it! I kept trying to remember where I had seen her… She played the hometown girlfriend in The Proposal. Michelle Monaghan plays Eddy’s “perfect girl”, Miranda. I remember her from Made of Honor, the one with Patrick Dempsey when he realizes that he is in love with her, his best friend, and she’s getting married. I kept thinking that she needs to find some movie role where her and Emma Stone could play sisters. Seriously! Do a side by side of those two.

Other noticeable people – Stephanie Courtney (Progressive’s Flo), Rob Corddry (seems like he shows up in so many side movies), Carlos Mencia (Uncle Tito), Danny McBride (love his southern side!), and Polly Holliday (“Kiss my grits!”).

Let us know if you’ve seen this movie and what you thought about it.

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