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Reflecting on 2018…

  • July 11, 2020

As I was going through the notes section on my phone, I came across this and thought it was filled with so many reminders about life and things I still aspire to. Maybe it will inspire you, too.

2018 is coming to a close. I have chosen to be thankful that I am still alive after a severe asthma attack and I’m not taking this life for granted. I have chosen to walk away from people in my life because they weren’t good for me. I have chosen to strengthen my relationships with those that are. Life is about the choices that we make.

Anyways, what have I learned this year?

Love. The love of my boys I truly enjoy because they make me smile and fill me with so much happiness. They are my family and I am so proud watching them in this life and have renewed my strength to just enjoy them.


Friendship. Those that you can be yourself with, those are the ones that need to be kept around.


Trust. This was the big one for me because I had to trust that others would be there when I reached out.


Of course I have had my feelings hurt this year, but I have realized that their attitude is not my problem to deal with, it is theirs. Then again, it was my feelings that were hurt so I have had to take a step back and let myself realize why I let them hurt my feelings, and that is a lot of reflecting.

Why am I saying all of this… Because I made the choice to put a positive perspective on this past year. So get out there and feel love, nurture your friendships, and open yourself to trust.

Turn the music up and dance around your house. Soak up the moment you are in. Be willing to feel love and enjoyment. Learn to be at peace with yourself. Quit surrounding yourself with people that thrive off drama. Reach out to people just to say hi.

And most of all, love yourself.

Entertainment

Father’s Day as a Single Mom

  • June 21, 2020

I used to hate the phrase “Single Mom”. I am a mom, who cares that I am single! Let me say this louder, “I AM A MOM!” But, through the years, something has changed in me when I hear the phrase, “Single Mom”…

Because I am a single mom, I have taught my son how to ride a bike, how to tie a tie, explained the birds and the bees, carried him when he was three through a hospital with a 105 temp, cried by myself on his first day of kindergarten, explained how to tip at a restaurant on his first date, always the disciplinarian, helped get the swimsuit netting off of his body parts after a day at the beach, watched him get student of the month alone…

Yet, I have also been the one that he would crawl in to bed with when there was a storm, asked for help on school projects, confided in after a breakup, bawled like a baby when he graduated high school because “we did it”, high fived when he bought his first car, cheered him on when he played basketball…I have been THE ONE.

He’s 26 now, but I get a phone call every now and then when he is bored and I take those calls, even when busy at work. As parents, of course we will take those calls because they are our kids, but I know what it is like to be away from my parents since I have lived away for over 20 years.

Father’s Day is hard for us single mom’s, especially if we are away from our own father’s. Because it is a day that we are reflecting… Of course we miss our dad’s but we wonder if we messed our kids up because their dad’s aren’t in their lives. And we cry with sadness because it is the one day of the year when it is smacked at us on social media and reminds us that we have been alone in raising our children. There is no one with us that is so deeply connected to our children as we are when we are stressed about their grades, worried about their driving, not sure of how to discuss dating issues. It is us mom’s that do it when we are single, and we have no one to bounce these ideas off that will take such a vested interest in our babies.

Disagree with me or agree with me. Either way, this is my opinion and how I feel today. As I said, “I AM A MOM”, so I don’t expect to be celebrated on FATHER’S DAY. But, be patient with us single mom’s today. If our children are with us on this holiday, we are feeling guilty and wondering if we are doing enough. If they aren’t with us because they are lucky to have dad’s in their lives, we miss them, but still feel a bit of guilt.

These days, I’m ok with being called a single mom. I have done the toughest job of all ~ Motherhood, by myself. I didn’t have family here to babysit on random nights or to join me for school events. I raised a remarkable young man BY MYSELF and I am so proud of him. I am also proud of me for not letting him become one of the well known statistics of boys raised without their fathers.

20 years ago, laying in bed on a Father’s Day morning, missing my own dad and kid, my friend Ann called and asked what I was doing that day. I’m sure I had a few choice words of what the day meant to me. But, since her dad lived over a thousand miles away and her husband was deployed, she suggested we go and grab lunch. We headed to a local outdoor restaurant overlooking the water, ordered Pina Coladas, oysters, tuna dip, you name it. We had our table full of food, added in a couple beers, and had the best time, making Father’s Day easier on both of us. That perfect day started my tradition of doing something fun and relaxing for myself on Father’s Day. I have went to the beach, I have went to a water park, I have had friends over for dinner, and sometimes I just lock myself inside and watch chick flicks… Whatever my heart is needing that day to ease my guilt of being a single mom on Father’s Day.

Now, I’m going to call my own dad up to chat for a bit (after I wipe my tears away) then go lay in a pool and soak up some sunshine with friends. On the menu is Chicken Salad, Spinach & Artichoke dip, and a few Truly’s (Too old to drink White Claws! Ha!). And I am going to get through today being a single mom on Father’s Day.

Health & Spiritual

It’s time to pick your own lane…

  • June 3, 2020June 3, 2020

Have you ever been driving behind a car for awhile and all of a sudden, you realize that your movements mimic theirs? They move a little to the left, so do you. They veer slightly to the right, you lean to the right. They speed up, your right foot presses the gas a bit. Over and over we do this, often times without realizing.

This was apparent to me while driving to the grocery store after work. I was stuck behind a vehicle that had very exaggerated movements. Turning from Main Street at the traffic light to a side road… He swung wide, I swung wide. Same thing at the roundabout… He went wide, I went wide. With another wide turn in to the parking lot, I giggled when I realized how I was mimicking his driving. Then it’s as if a light bulb flickered inside my brain and I thought, “Is this what we do in life… Mimic those around us?”

My brother’s words from my early driving days came back to me… “You’re like that song, ‘Give me 40 acres and I’ll turn this rig around…’ but you don’t drive a big rig, you drive a small Honda.” In my defense, I had grown up around people that drove pickup trucks so that’s how I honestly thought you turned around… Big wide turns!

Isn’t this what life is sometimes like? Is it perhaps ingrained in to our minds that we are supposed to act a certain way because it fits the status quo? For instance, we should peel a banana fully before eating, only use a certain brand of detergent, always tuck the bottom part of the flat sheet in… When do we stand up and say, “No! I like to only peel the part that I am taking a bite out of, I prefer All over Tide detergent, and I like my sheets untucked!”?

How many of you heard the phrase from your parents regarding your up to no good friends, “If they jumped off a bridge, would you?” Sure, it’s a question, but they weren’t really expecting an answer. Because if we did answer, we would dutifully hang our head and say the obligatory, “No”. (By the way, you get extra points if you said m’am or sir after telling them your answer.) But, in our heads, as the inexperienced children we were, our brain was yelling, “Yes! Because these are my best friends and they will do anything for me!” (You get extra points here if you have ever said this to your own children because now you know better. Ha!)

Now that we are adults, who are we still following behind in traffic? Is it your significant other that tries to makes you realize it’s just easier to go along with their opinion? What about the friend that makes you feel guilty if you don’t feel like painting the town red on a Friday night? Let’s add in the co-worker that always seems to act a bit superior towards your differing work loads. And then there’s the school parents that belittle you for not wanting to take part in the newest fundraiser.

It is time that we learn to drive our own way. Choose a lane and stay in it! As women, we have a lot of life experience. We know how to make choices, we know what type of wine we prefer (Pinot Noir girl here!), we know how to prioritize work, and we know how we like our coffee. So, why would we let someone else dictate our lane? It’s time we speak up and take responsibility for our own lives. Is the person in front of you driving too fast… Then slow down. Weaving in and out of traffic… STAY IN YOUR LANE! Drive at the speed you need to and enjoy the scenery IN FRONT OF YOU.

Ironically enough, while in the store thinking about these things and pushing my cart down an aisle, I was busy looking over to the side and a nice looking distraction caught my eye… Bam! There went my cart right in to the corner of a cookie display. The light bulb in my mind didn’t just flicker… It was as if a brand new stop light had just been installed.

Although those cookies really did look good, I’m trying to be healthy, so I fixed the display and moved along. I made a choice. I left the cookies and went to find the bug spray (trying to get some yard work done and the mosquito’s are just crazy right now). Don’t start looking around while driving, wondering what is out there. Pull over to the side and decide what path you want to take.

We all have choices to make in life. Sometimes we do need guidance, especially when visiting a new place. But, this is our life and it is time we took it back. We can give our opinion and speak up on the way that we expect to be treated. We can choose to stay home on a Friday night and binge chick flicks. We can choose to better ourselves and live a life that WE are proud of!

I am giving you permission to stop, decide if you want to take the scenic route. You don’t have to go in the direction you have always been heading, following someone else, the one they say is the best. Look around, which direction do YOU want to try? Because girl, I am telling you… YOU ARE WORTH IT! Now, buckle your seat belt, put your sunglasses on, and turn your blinker to the direction you want to go!

Entertainment

The Heartbreak Kid, 2007

  • May 30, 2020May 31, 2020

I like Ben Stiller, not love him. I don’t watch movies just because he is in them. In fact, usually I stray away from movies because of him. Which is kind of stupid because he is a very good actor. I like that he can play an uptight, average person so well! I mean, ‘Meet The Parents’, ‘Along Came Polly’, ‘Night at The Museum’… All fantastic movies and he leads so well! But, then there are the ones like ‘Zoolander’ and ‘Tropic Thunder’, that I just can’t do.

This movie… Not sure if it made me realize that my mother really is right and I am way too picky, or if I want to visit Cabo. Enjoyable movie. Not one that I am going to brag and suggest to others that they just HAVE to watch, but at least now I can say I have seen it.

Oh! What’s it about… So, Eddie (Ben Stiller) is 40, seems to find fault with every woman he dates but then ends up meeting his ideal woman, Lila. She’s cute, she’s sweet… everything we think a woman should be. Then he marries her. She takes “freak in bed” to a whole new level, and her real side comes out. And it’s not that her real side is bad, (ok, maybe a few things) but it’s just a bit too much for him. I have to admit, when they first started driving down through California and they were singing in the car, I thought, “Yes! That is what I want! I want to be able to sing in the car with my loved one.” But, then she kept going. And going. And going. I can see how that would be irritating. While honeymooning down in Cabo, Eddie meets a new “perfect girl”. And this is where most of the movie happens so I won’t give away.

If you’ve got a couple hours to kill, watch it! Scenery is beautiful and the resort (Esperanza Resort) is said to be a getaway for the famous.

Jerry Stiller played Eddie’s dad, and that was really great to see father and son in such a natural setting. Malin Akerman plays Lila and she nails it! I kept trying to remember where I had seen her… She played the hometown girlfriend in The Proposal. Michelle Monaghan plays Eddy’s “perfect girl”, Miranda. I remember her from Made of Honor, the one with Patrick Dempsey when he realizes that he is in love with her, his best friend, and she’s getting married. I kept thinking that she needs to find some movie role where her and Emma Stone could play sisters. Seriously! Do a side by side of those two.

Other noticeable people – Stephanie Courtney (Progressive’s Flo), Rob Corddry (seems like he shows up in so many side movies), Carlos Mencia (Uncle Tito), Danny McBride (love his southern side!), and Polly Holliday (“Kiss my grits!”).

Let us know if you’ve seen this movie and what you thought about it.

Life

An open letter to my mom…

  • May 28, 2020May 31, 2020

We want to hold on so tight to our children and just touch them and let them know how much we love them.

Your love is always there…  Let me explain…  I never understood what you were going through as our mom.  All of these years later, I am experiencing it.  Looking back on it, YOU prepared me for being a mom. 

You prepared me to fight for my oldest child at such a young age.  I didn’t want to go through the anguish of what I know you did ~ losing out on time with your kids, thinking it was for the best, only to realize the pain of what it is like to be away from the ones that you gave birth to and the guilt that you must have felt…  But, you also prepared me to do it with my youngest…  And now, I get it.  Doing something because it is for the best but still, the guilt…  The guilt can be unbearable at times.  My identity as a mom, just like yours was, is now down to every other weekend… 

If I could go back, I would have gotten up early on those weekend mornings and ate the breakfast you always made.  I realize now, you were needing to do that.  You needed to feel like a mom… 

Remember how you used to lay on the couch or even on the floor with us watching Full House and Family Matters?  But, teenagers…  they are a weird breed.  We think they don’t get it…  And because of that, I know the child’s point of view so I try to be a bit more patient, have those conversations that need to be had, and do my best to let my child know how much I love him.  We even have shows that just he and I watch together…

You, in your own special way, prepared me for this single mom life.  Because preparing a child for life and loving a child, is what makes a good mom.  I never had to earn your love or hope that it would be there if I was better at this or better at that…  I now know that your love was always there.  You even made our friends feel loved and you still do.

So, thank you.  Even when I didn’t act like it, I knew your love was there.  It always has been.  I always knew you would continue to love me, no matter what.  And remember, you were the one that I wanted to talk to each time after I had a child.  In those precious quiet moments, it was my mom I needed. 

I’m sorry that it has taken me so long to put all of this together.  But, I wanted you to know so you would never ever wonder again what kind of a mom you were when we were young.  Because of you, my lesson on how to be a good parent – “Just show them you love them and always will”

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