marriage – Swimming With The Rain

28 Hotel Rooms

July 26, 2020

One thing I love about Hulu is it’s movie suggestions. I swear, it knows me. Thanks to technology, it probably does. Anyways, listed under ‘Movies for you’, I kept seeing the title to this movie. It sounds familiar and I think that somewhere, I must have seen that someone posted about it or maybe I read something, because I knew the premise was a couple meets in different hotels rooms. But, being that I wasn’t wanting to watch porn, I would skip past it. Yet, Hulu knows me so surely it wouldn’t be suggesting porn, right?

Each time I go to Hulu, I see the movie listed and since I have exhausted the majority of movies, I looked up the premise on Wikipedia… “A novelist and a corporate accountant conduct an affair over a period of several years, meeting only when they are each traveling for work in a city far from their homes. The film takes a minimalist approach: it consists entirely of scenes between the two of them in hotel rooms.” So, could still be porn… Let’s find the trailer…

That’s it, I’m watching! They had me when he was painting her toes and when she was emotional saying that she feels ugly… I’m a sap when movies feel genuinely real.

I immediately recognized Danny Castellano, I mean Chris Messina, from The Mindy Project. He played Mindy Kaling’s love interest and I LOVED him! I hadn’t heard of Marin Ireland, but based upon her Wikipedia page, she has done quite a bit, which is probably why she looks familiar. Plus, she is from Central California and I’m a sucker for anyone from there (Camarillo to be exact).

28 Hotel Rooms is a movie I could probably analyze with such a wide array of elements. My ideal situation would be the conversation that would happen after another person watches, because I think it is one of those movies that opinions can vary, even your own, based upon how you feel at the time or what your mindset is. But, on to my own personal review…

The camera gives off the feeling that it is another character that they are not aware of. The chemistry between these two characters is undeniable and their conversations feel real, as if they are unscripted. He caresses her back while they lay in bed talking, sensing the intimacy as he taps her lower back in response to a question, as if to say, “Alright”.

As in all new loves, he plays the 21 questions with her asking about siblings, parents, republican or democrat, chocolate or vanilla ice cream… But, you start to notice, she does not reciprocate. Yet, she is the one that when a future is discussed, you can sense that she is toying with that idea in her head, only to snap back to reality and change the topic. She does this enough times that you realize that she does struggle with what she is doing, whether it is by quietly crying in the bathroom while he is sleeping, or seeing how hot she can get the bath water, as if in punishment.

These two separate their worlds and only briefly allow their real one in, as they catch up on months apart. They give off brief descriptions, like a highlight reel. But yet, you are able to perceive that these two have long conversations about life and discuss things that maybe they do not with their respective partners. With each other, they are free to be whom they want ~ fun, exciting, erotic… It is presented as being tipsy and dancing naked on a balcony, sneaking up to the rooftop of a hotel to watch fireworks, running the hallways laughing… Something that their real lives would not allow as they pay their mortgage, move from the city, try to get ahead in their careers…

As romantic and whimsical as they make it seem, they also fight. They fight with the intensity that you may not allow yourself to with your real life partner for fear of the judgement or possible alienation. These two know that at any moment, they can get up and walk away, without any damage to a marriage.

Yet, they are drawn to each other, unable to stay away. Why is that? Is it true love or could it just be that the brief interludes give them a sense of excitement to an otherwise boring life?

28 Hotel Rooms is a movie that is worth watching again and again. You will create your own back stories for them, as you are only able to see brief snippets of their encounters. In your mind, you will sense the passage of time and gain an understanding of their intimacy with each other. When the end credits begin, you will want more of their story.

Advice Column

Watching TV Alone…

June 25, 2020

Dear Feeling Solo,

I cannot pretend to even know what it feels like to be married 40+ years to the same person, but I know what it is like to feel alone when doing something with another so my answer has different things to consider. A few different viewpoints on something to consider… Why is he playing games on his iPad instead of watching what you are? I ask this because he is either A) clearly bored with whatever show you have on, B) finally has time in his busy day to catch up on the world around him, C) couldn’t care less about spending time with you, D) is comfortable enough to just relax in your presence, happy that you are happy, or E) a combination of some of the above. Have you asked him what is going on in that mind of his or are you just holding it in, looking upset and taking deep sighs to let him know you are irritated? When he asks you questions about the show, are you answering him honestly and trying to draw him in, or are you just giving him half-hearted answers, thinking he doesn’t care? What I am saying is that it may not be all him, it may be some of you. What kind of shows are you watching? Some men just do not have a desire to watch Real Housewives of wherever they are now. This is why Jeopardy has been on tv since 1964 and Wheel of Fortune since 1975. It gives people a chance to watch something that they can both be entertained with and even make interactive, instead of just sitting there staring at the tv.

With all of that being said, I totally get it. One of my pet peeves is someone sitting on their phone scrolling while with me. Obviously, they have better things to do so why are they with me? I also have sons, and they were never in to the shows that I liked. With my boys being so far apart in age (9 years), I am just now catching up on movies that I missed while they were younger. Why? Because the shows and movies that we watched, were things that we could all watch together. And I hate to say this and sound sexist, but sometimes us women have to suck it up and watch what the men like. Better yet, take turns. Certain nights (or particular hours in the evening), watch what he likes whether it is a fishing show, History channel, or sports. Give yourself an hour of it, then your turn. Or better yet, go for a walk and have that time to chat and catch up with each other. I bet you won’t feel so alone sitting there watching tv when you have already had time with him. Also, since he likes games on his phone, try watching Jeopardy and Wheel of Fortune to spark a bit of competitiveness with you two.

I know what it is like to feel alone while watching tv, you feel like you are being ignored. So, try something different to see if there is any change. Yes, be happy that he is home instead of at the local watering hole talking with other people that hold up the bar stools. But, you can also change your tactics to see if you can draw him in to conversation. Because in the long run, that is all that we want, to feel included.

DEAR ABBY: Am I hoping for too much with my husband of 40-plus years? In the evening, we (or I) watch TV, and he’s very agreeable to “watch” anything — mostly because he hardly watches at all. He’s playing games on his iPad and glancing at the TV. He’ll ask questions occasionally about the characters or the plotlines, but it’s obvious he’s not following. For some reason, I find it disappointing that he’s not really watching, even if it’s something he’s shown an interest in or selected. Should I just be grateful he’s in the same room with me and alive? — FEELING SOLO IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR FEELING SOLO: Focusing on gratitude that you are together doing things you both enjoy is healthy. If you don’t care for the program he isn’t watching, feel free to change the channel to something you prefer. However, the two of you should make a point of doing something together in which you are both fully engaged because if you do, it will bring you even closer to each other.

Entertainment

What I learned from binging Grey’s Anatomy, Seasons 1…

June 14, 2020

Amanda Bailey is the type of woman that we all need to strive to become. She has fought hard to earn her position and demand the respect that she deserves.

New interns are so excited to perform solo surgeries, but in the next season, it’s as if they are experts!

Amanda Bailey and Ben Warren is the relationship we need to strive for, not Derrick & Meredith.

They showed April “breaking up” with God and I really appreciated them showing her journey to finding him again.

Oh my goodness! Addison Montgomery makes reading glasses look sexy!

Meredith Grey and all of these other “doctors” grew up with childhood issues and / or were considered “nerds” (before being a nerd was cool), and look at them now. True motivation to go after what you want!

Your eyes will well up with tears each time you see the women line the hallway when the rape victim is going in for surgery. Especially, once you realize that they had to fight for some of the scenes to be shown so truthfully. Each one of those women had a part with the show either as actors or staff.

Friendship

The Power of Conversation

June 5, 2020

Conversations vary with different people. It seems that sometimes when you talk to a friend, particularly on the phone, it is to catch up and talk about your day to day life. It is not often that you will get in to a serious conversation and really explore the depths of your silent thoughts. You may touch on a subject, but aren’t we all afraid to speak openly at times? To really say our true feelings without the fear of embarrassment or rejection? What about the intelligent conversations? Where in our life can we fully discuss things with our friends and ask questions about ourselves?

At times, there are friends that we may feel the need to pull away from, for whatever reason. It always seems that women miss talking to each other, though. Their friend could have been less than perfect in certain friendship areas (that only we women seem to understand), but we remember the conversations – we crave the conversation! It could have been nothing more than having someone to talk to about our day or discussing life with children and husbands. Sometimes we wonder if certain friendships are even worth it and do we truly trust this person. However, I think that we have to look at the friendship and decide what we get out of it. Do we get gossip? A free babysitter? Someone to occupy our time? Those may be important issues for some of us and I have learned that each friend is there for a certain reason, for only us to decide. Very rarely will we find one friend that will fulfill every need that we could possibly have.

Yet, it is our friends that give us insight in to ourselves. Not necessarily by making us question our values of how we live, but by having those heart felt conversations on marriage, child birth, divorce, death, religion …. You name it. By having intimate conversations, we are able to truly see ourselves and learn to vocalize our fears, needs and wants through others by realizing that maybe we aren’t alone in this world – that we are all going through it together. By recognizing our friends weaknesses, we will hopefully recognize our own and begin to build on those to make them in to a strength that is powerful – one that we will want to share – something to help us become better reacquainted with our life.

Where can we stimulate our minds more than by discussing life with our friends? In business, we stimulate our minds with numbers and problems where we can feel the gratification when a certain transaction is completed, filing it away as complete. Yet, in friendships, we keep building. We will go through life together and hold each others hands and talk about our experiences. Years later, we will remember that particular time in our lives, regardless if we have become acquaintances with these friends or still remain close and will know that from one conversation, we may have changed our viewpoint on a certain subject. Yet if it wasn’t completely changed, we opened our eyes just a bit to look at a different side of life. Maybe that is the challenging thing about friendships and the conversations – how to remain friends even when our opinions differ.

At times, friends give you a view in to your thoughts that you had not even stopped to realize. Then there are the times that they can hurt you with a simple comment or a reminder of a time that you would rather forget. These are the instances that we have not been completely honest with ourselves or our friends – we do not let them know how we really feel on a subject out of what? Fear? Denial? And only when they make these comments, do we realize how it hurts. If we are good at lying to ourselves, they will not notice the little cringe that tightens our heart. Then again, maybe we should ask ourselves if they are that good of friends that they didn’t realize it would truly hurt….. or maybe they intended to hurt us just to see our reaction – to catch a glimpse of our eyes flickering or our voice faltering when continuing on. Is that fair to our friend – to deny further knowing us and to understand this confusion that rests within us? Wouldn’t it be better to sit down over a cup of coffee and honestly say, “You hurt me”? Or would that put a hindering on the conversation and take away what we need the most – companionship……..

28 Hotel Rooms

Watching TV Alone…

What I learned from binging Grey’s Anatomy, Seasons 1…

The Power of Conversation

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