kids – Swimming With The Rain

Life

What I Should Have Asked For On Christmas

January 1, 2021

2:57am and I am jolted awake with the realization that it is Christmas morning and I am filled with a sense of excitement, only to realize, I am alone this Christmas.

There were days that I wanted to decorate but then 30 seconds later, I would wonder what is the use… Who is going to see the tree besides myself… Who is going to appreciate the ornament from when my youngest son started believing in Santa Claus or when my oldest son started his first job at Publix… Who is going to laugh with me when looking at the chewed up branches from the puppy last year…

This is when most would say, “Do it for yourself! Make yourself happy!” Well, let me tell you, I’ve been single a very long time and I’m kind of over that mantra.

I was asked recently what I wanted for Christmas and I finally understood exactly what I wanted, more so need…

I want your time. I want for you to want to spend time with me.

I want you to be present. Pay attention, have a meaningful conversation.

I want you to ask me questions. Ask me how I’m doing being away from family. Be interested.

I want you to realize that gifts are not about the money spent, it is about the heart and love that went in to choosing that moment. If it’s a $5 coffee mug but you know that each time they look at that cup, they will think of you, PERFECT! You created several moments with that.

I want you to realize that it is the simple gestures that mean everything to me, not the grand over the top ones. Just be there.

It’s now New Years Day… These words have stuck with me for over a week but I had been scared to publish. What if someone took offense? But, my gift is to now share my thoughts, realizing that I am not the only one that felt this way.

If you feel that this is what you should have asked for for Christmas, share these words. Maybe it will resonate with those that need to hear it from you. If you’re trying to think of the perfect gift for someone, think of these words and give someone your time.

Entertainment

the Biggest little Farm

July 18, 2020

It’s official. I am ready for the farm life!

Most people do not realize that the Central Coast of California, is one of the largest agriculture producers. Surrounded by agriculture, dairy farms, FFA, livestock, rodeo, trucks, vineyards, this is not the California that is portrayed through the eyes of Hollywood. The Rodeo Drive of Central California is lined with Barrel Racers, Bronc Riders, and local farmers, not Lamborghini’s, high-end call girls, and the Kardashian’s.

I remember seeing the trailer for this movie and thinking that it looked fascinating. Not just because the cinematography looked so brilliant and clear, but because it was based on a farm from my home state of California, and I am all about seeing my home on the big screen. Maybe it wasn’t shown on the all of the big screens around the country… But, that’s okay because I found it on my small screen of 42 inches.

John Chester ~
This all started with a promise that we would leave the big city and build a life in perfect harmony with nature.

I know, based on the description, it sounds like one of those movies that will bore you with all of their conservation talk with messages of “going green”, “live off the earth”, “save our planet”, and other new age lingo. To me, this was not the case at all! In fact, if this movie had been around when my children were younger, it would have played continuously, I am sure!

While the film is touted as a ‘documentary’, it feels anything but. It feels like you are watching a very personal movie starring John and Molly Chester, along with their dog Todd, and beloved pig Emma. You meet caretakers Rafael and Flavo, along with the Chester’s mentor, Alan York.

What you see are two people that want to live a simpler life on a bio-diverse farm. Although the movie is uplifting, it also proves that the reality of farming is not always pretty. Yet, the movie gives you hope, and teaches you lessons along the way about the circle of life. For instance, at one point, John was having increased frustration with setbacks at the farm. He noticed that Todd (his dog) would often sit and watch how everything was going on. This observation encouraged John to do the same thing, and he realized how the animals and agriculture worked together as one, and made some adjustments. Watching this movie is proof that things don’t change overnight, and you need to persevere, try a different technique, and just keep going!

Filmed with state of the art cameras, you will see the farm grow from eight years of dry hard dirt, to an abundance of diverse plants, farm animals, and fruit trees. Kids will love watching the closeups of snakes slithering, gophers popping out of holes, bees buzzing, lambs hopping through the fields, piglets playing in the mud, and everything else nature has to offer. Okay, yes… I loved these things, too. But, the breathtaking views… Stunning!

Having now watched this movie, it reinforced my craving of simplicity, green pastures and tractors in the field. But, I also realize that had I not experienced a way of life away from it, I may not have realized how precious it is.

Apricot Lane Farms located in Moorpark, California. They offer tours and even have merchandise of Emma! Follow them on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter.

“no copyright infringement is intended”

All me

Reflecting on 2018…

July 11, 2020

As I was going through the notes section on my phone, I came across this and thought it was filled with so many reminders about life and things I still aspire to. Maybe it will inspire you, too.

2018 is coming to a close. I have chosen to be thankful that I am still alive after a severe asthma attack and I’m not taking this life for granted. I have chosen to walk away from people in my life because they weren’t good for me. I have chosen to strengthen my relationships with those that are. Life is about the choices that we make.

Anyways, what have I learned this year?

Love. The love of my boys I truly enjoy because they make me smile and fill me with so much happiness. They are my family and I am so proud watching them in this life and have renewed my strength to just enjoy them.

Friendship. Those that you can be yourself with, those are the ones that need to be kept around.

Trust. This was the big one for me because I had to trust that others would be there when I reached out.

Of course I have had my feelings hurt this year, but I have realized that their attitude is not my problem to deal with, it is theirs. Then again, it was my feelings that were hurt so I have had to take a step back and let myself realize why I let them hurt my feelings, and that is a lot of reflecting.

Why am I saying all of this… Because I made the choice to put a positive perspective on this past year. So get out there and feel love, nurture your friendships, and open yourself to trust.

Turn the music up and dance around your house. Soak up the moment you are in. Be willing to feel love and enjoyment. Learn to be at peace with yourself. Quit surrounding yourself with people that thrive off drama. Reach out to people just to say hi.

And most of all, love yourself.

All me

Life Lessons

June 26, 2020

I have a tendency to learn stupid life lessons the hard way. Luckily, I have been keeping track of them for years so that I could one day share with the world. So, here you go. You’re welcome.

#114 ~ When moving a box full of yarn, make sure it is not dangling outside of the box so that it can attach to things.

#118 ~ Don’t wear long sleeves to the gym. It’s hot.

#119 ~ Driving in a small town on Sunday around noon when church gets out, is worse than rush hour traffic.

#202 ~ When the heater doesn’t work and it’s supposed to get to freezing temps, flip the breaker… Ahhh!!! Warmth!

#203 ~ Do not overfill your waffle maker… There will be a mess.

#205 ~ When falling down the stairs first thing in the morning, if you will lean towards one side, it will keep the pressure off your tailbone.

#206 ~ Pay attention when hitting the volume button on your phone a few times because if it is actually the power button, that whole SOS thing will start squawking through the blue tooth. It takes and act of congress to stop it BUT, you will remember who you listed as your emergency contacts in your phone and find out who the first one is to call.

#208 ~ If you are wearing your hat sideways, do not wonder why people are not taking you seriously. (unless it is part of a costume)

#212 ~ If a potential client is using foul words with you, stop. Their business isn’t worth it.

#228 ~ You know you are a parent when the most tearful moment in watching Undercover Boss is when the boss gives money for college.

#311 ~ When you can’t figure out why our new blue ray player won’t connect via wifi and you’re getting ready to call customer support to yell at someone, google the model number first. It’s not wifi capable… It needs land line.

#313 ~ Never throw the dog’s ball off the bed, they will then think it’s play time Especially if it’s a glow in the dark ball…

#320 ~ When not feeling well, make sure that you do not take the crack version of Sudafed before bed.

#322 ~ Always be nice to your clients. You may see them at your son’s baseball game… As the umpire.

#401 ~ If you feel the need to nap on the couch after work, you shouldn’t do it. Because it will be after 11pm, and you will be up doing dishes because you are restless.

#527 ~ Do not eat cupcakes with blue icing…

#604 ~ Getting in to a pool float is not a graceful act.

#615 ~ A flat iron will not warm up if you forget to turn it on.

#625 ~ When your children start staying in bed until the afternoon, you should apologize to your own parents for sleeping in until noon when a teenager on weekends and “wasting away a perfectly good day”. However, I think they should thank me for the quiet time I gave them.

#643 ~ Never take a water pill and then drink a bunch of water when getting ready to make an hour long drive.

#705 ~ Check the weather before heading to the grocery store if it even looks cloudy. Just a couple of sprinkles turned in to a dark sky with a lot of wind driven rain and lightning.

#804 ~ If it is a beautiful day on Saturday, you should go to the beach or get some time in the sun instead of thinking you’ll wait until Sunday. Because Sunday will end up being gloomy.

#807 ~ When babysitting an 8-month old, if they see you drinking out of a water bottle when they wake you up at 2am, they will think it’s their bottle and get upset.

#902 ~ When the ‘check engine’ light comes on, they have a cool thing at Auto Zone to plug in to your car and tell you why.

#917 ~ If driving on a back road that you are not familiar with, always have a full tank of gas.

#919 ~ Do not think that someone is trying to bribe you when they show up with your favorite wine and cookies. Maybe they are just saying congratulations!

#1003 ~ Do not wear high heels to an open house when you have to stand for an hour long teacher variety show.

#1115 ~ A dollar bill (or any bill) is 6 inches!

#1119 ~ Do not force the cork to come out from a wine bottle by pulling too hard. It can hit your face.

#1222 ~ Never leave food dye around teenage boys, they will add it to orange juice and it looks gross!

Entertainment

Father’s Day as a Single Mom

June 21, 2020

I used to hate the phrase “Single Mom”. I am a mom, who cares that I am single! Let me say this louder, “I AM A MOM!” But, through the years, something has changed in me when I hear the phrase, “Single Mom”…

Because I am a single mom, I have taught my son how to ride a bike, how to tie a tie, explained the birds and the bees, carried him when he was three through a hospital with a 105 temp, cried by myself on his first day of kindergarten, explained how to tip at a restaurant on his first date, always the disciplinarian, helped get the swimsuit netting off of his body parts after a day at the beach, watched him get student of the month alone…

Yet, I have also been the one that he would crawl in to bed with when there was a storm, asked for help on school projects, confided in after a breakup, bawled like a baby when he graduated high school because “we did it”, high fived when he bought his first car, cheered him on when he played basketball…I have been THE ONE.

He’s 26 now, but I get a phone call every now and then when he is bored and I take those calls, even when busy at work. As parents, of course we will take those calls because they are our kids, but I know what it is like to be away from my parents since I have lived away for over 20 years.

Father’s Day is hard for us single mom’s, especially if we are away from our own father’s. Because it is a day that we are reflecting… Of course we miss our dad’s but we wonder if we messed our kids up because their dad’s aren’t in their lives. And we cry with sadness because it is the one day of the year when it is smacked at us on social media and reminds us that we have been alone in raising our children. There is no one with us that is so deeply connected to our children as we are when we are stressed about their grades, worried about their driving, not sure of how to discuss dating issues. It is us mom’s that do it when we are single, and we have no one to bounce these ideas off that will take such a vested interest in our babies.

Disagree with me or agree with me. Either way, this is my opinion and how I feel today. As I said, “I AM A MOM”, so I don’t expect to be celebrated on FATHER’S DAY. But, be patient with us single mom’s today. If our children are with us on this holiday, we are feeling guilty and wondering if we are doing enough. If they aren’t with us because they are lucky to have dad’s in their lives, we miss them, but still feel a bit of guilt.

These days, I’m ok with being called a single mom. I have done the toughest job of all ~ Motherhood, by myself. I didn’t have family here to babysit on random nights or to join me for school events. I raised a remarkable young man BY MYSELF and I am so proud of him. I am also proud of me for not letting him become one of the well known statistics of boys raised without their fathers.

20 years ago, laying in bed on a Father’s Day morning, missing my own dad and kid, my friend Ann called and asked what I was doing that day. I’m sure I had a few choice words of what the day meant to me. But, since her dad lived over a thousand miles away and her husband was deployed, she suggested we go and grab lunch. We headed to a local outdoor restaurant overlooking the water, ordered Pina Coladas, oysters, tuna dip, you name it. We had our table full of food, added in a couple beers, and had the best time, making Father’s Day easier on both of us. That perfect day started my tradition of doing something fun and relaxing for myself on Father’s Day. I have went to the beach, I have went to a water park, I have had friends over for dinner, and sometimes I just lock myself inside and watch chick flicks… Whatever my heart is needing that day to ease my guilt of being a single mom on Father’s Day.

Now, I’m going to call my own dad up to chat for a bit (after I wipe my tears away) then go lay in a pool and soak up some sunshine with friends. On the menu is Chicken Salad, Spinach & Artichoke dip, and a few Truly’s (Too old to drink White Claws! Ha!). And I am going to get through today being a single mom on Father’s Day.

Advice Column

I had a baby and lost my social friends…

June 17, 2020

DEAR ABBY: I recently welcomed my third child, a baby boy who was wanted and planned. We are overjoyed. Our two daughters are just under 10 years old. Over the years, my social circle has consisted mostly of the parents of my daughters’ friends.

Abby, my news was met with mixed reactions. Some were thrilled for my pregnancy, while others were shocked. One woman even told me, “I’m just not in that phase of life anymore.”

After my son was born, I didn’t get visits or even a phone call from some of them. I announced his birth on social media and mailed out a beautiful announcement, but he hasn’t been acknowledged nor have I been checked on.

I know he won’t really be affected by this and I’m trying to focus on the positives. We have a big family on both sides, and many people within our community have warmly welcomed him. But I have been a good friend to these women, supported them in their times of need and even reached out during this pandemic to check on them in an effort to reconnect. I’m so disappointed. What am I supposed to say to these “friends” when I run into them again? — NEW MOM AGAIN

DEAR MOM: When you encounter them, be cordial. Make polite conversation and ask how they and their families are doing. If they inquire, tell them you and your family are well. Then move on, recognizing you are dealing with individuals who are solely centered upon themselves. Do not attempt to revive a relationship with anyone who cares so little about you that they would treat you as they have, but do recognize how fortunate you are that you know not to invest more of your time or yourself in them.

Years ago, my friend Dawn found out she was pregnant and Ann and I were not sure how to react. Although we were truly happy for her, we knew that life was going to be different now that she was pregnant and would have to focus her time on a newborn. Well, Ann was the one that actually said the words, and I don’t blame her; she was being honest to someone we thought was a true friend. Ann wasn’t calling off the friendship, she was simply stating that things were going to be different. Dawn did not react well to this, assuming the worse and wrote us both off via a worded letter. It is not that we were upset that she was having a child, especially since I had a 5 year old, we knew that our bar hopping days were over for the time being, and that was fine. I think what really hit Dawn is that SHE KNEW her life was going to be different and took her frustration out on us. Months later, Dawn did reach out to me and we were friends for another 15 years or so. The funny thing is, when I found myself pregnant a few years later (SURPRISE!), Ann did not walk away from me. We discussed how life was going to be different and I was willing to admit it. In fact, she was there for the birth of Daniel and we’re still friends, all these years later. Dawn was also a constant in that child’s life and since I had never planned on having another after my first, she ‘got back at me’ with things I did to her baby (buying noisy toys, putting extra spaghetti sauce on a two year old’s plate… Those kinds of silly things.) What I’m saying is this… If you are talking about friendS as in plural, are these your social friends or your close friends. Because close friends realize that this is our life and how we grow. Social friends, you have added a new element and they just don’t want to deal with it. Is it right? Well, realize this… They were not your good friends. They enjoy life with being able to let 10 year old’s run around in the back yard and although they are being watched, they are kind of on their own. A newborn… Life is completely different and they just don’t want to deal with that. And be honest… What was your reaction when they gave you their opinion? Were you being a good friend and listening to what they were saying and having an open conversation, or did you immediately JUMP at them when they were discussing their feelings? Maybe they needed some time to warm up to the excitement. So, here is what you do… Realize that they were just social friends. Find your true friends and focus on them because they are what matters. Focus on friends that are going through what you are with an infant because those are the ones that can relate to your late night feedings, spit up on your shirt, teething… Real friends are those that WANT to hear your stories, not just head out to brunch.

God

The Five Finger Prayer

June 13, 2020

Fifteen years ago, I was telling a good friend of the prayer we would say for Daniel’s dad each night (he was Active Duty military and deployed to the desert)… “Dear God, Please watch over my daddy because we love him and we miss him.” From there, my sweet boy would add in anyone else he thought needed to be prayed for. Sometimes, it would take awhile as he was trying to delay bedtime. Or, perhaps… God put it in to his heart that these random people needed to be prayed for. While talking about this with my friend, she told me of the ‘Five Finger Prayer’ that her devout Catholic mother taught her as a child, and she had passed to her own children. I remember thinking how clever it was to have this reminder and printed out an example, to hang on my refrigerator. I came across it the other day and felt compelled to share the idea behind, ‘The Five Finger Prayer’.

First, begin your prayers with your thumb which is closest to your body. Your thumb represents your family and your friends ~ those closest to you. But, also pray for your enemies, for they affect your attitude towards your loved ones.

The next finger is your pointing finger. Pray for those that teach, instruct, and heal, such as teachers, ministers, and medical personnel.

The middle finger is the tallest and represents our leaders. Pray for our country and world leaders, business leaders, and even boss / co-workers.

Surprisingly, our ring finger is the weakest of all. You can never pray enough for those that are sick, or in trouble. Praying for those around us is a way of serving, which is an important part of our purpose.

By the time that we get to the pinky, which represents YOU, your prayers for others will have helped with the perspective of your thought process. You will be able to pray with a clear mind as you thank God for the blessings in your life, admit your struggles, and ask for guidance.

I like to think of the Five Finger Prayer as a way to ensure that I remember specific groups of people, even some that I wouldn’t remember in my daily prayers. For ease in teaching younger children about it, there are several coloring sheets that can be used, if you search google. Why not use this as a way to prove that power of prayer can help to change the world and our hearts.

Exercise

The Gym after 5pm is not for me…

June 9, 2020

What a difference 12 hours makes in the clientele at the gym… Or maybe it’s just my personality that is different. Let me preface this by saying that if you are a gym hottie, gym babe, gym bunny, gym rat, body builder… Well, you get the picture. If you resemble one of those, read at your own risk because I may offend you. But, if you are just a normal person trying to lose weight and / or tone up, you’ll completely understand what I am talking about. Either way, I hope you stick around to the end, for my self-realization.

On a normal day, I like to go around 5am. Hence the term, 5am’er. As the sun is starting to rise, the gym is sporadically filled with little old bitties working with a rehab trainer, and those that prefer early morning workouts to start their day, or the ones like me that have to force this new lifestyle. Having overslept this morning, I decided that I would force myself to keep up my 5 day a week gym new found routine and go after work. Easy enough, right?

When I walked in, I felt like all of God’s perfect creations were staring right at me, beginning to judge, as soon as the key card was swiped. I looked around… This did not resemble my gym; you could see the difference in physiques, and feel the overly charged air! Did we have the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders in town? Where were all of my middle of the road people, my little old ladies, my men that would be putting on a business suit in a couple of hours? They were HOME and I was surrounded by all of the hot single people in this town. FYI it’s not such a thrill when you’re in your mid 40’s.

My heart stopped as I looked for my trusty almost always empty ellipticals! What in the world? Why were they all so full? Oh! Because the few men somewhat near my age were lined up, dropping sweat beads, while watching the young hot chick go through her hip abduction workout.

Generally when doing the hip abduction machine (one of my favorites), most people sit on their tush, grab the handles, then press out with their outer thighs. Not this little darling. Nope. I saw new ways to use this machine, reminding me of Channing Tatum dancing with a chair in ‘Magic Mike’. Yah, you get the visual. In between her reps, she made sure to get some stretches in, along with a few glances. The machine next to hers was the only one empty, the only thing going through my mind was, “Stare straight ahead, straight ahead.” However, as her ‘moves’ were in my peripheral, my brain was saying, “Oh, you can use the back of the head rest as a balancing tool while on your knees…” This isn’t the type of stuff you see from a 5am’er.

The unspoken rule at the gym first thing in the morning, no one talks! Even to people they know. I see a co-worker most mornings, and I started to feel guilty that I wasn’t even acknowledging her presence. So, at work, I explained that I am just focused on what I’m doing. “Do not apologize for that! You don’t even have to make eye contact. I just want to get through my routine.” Good! Glad we have that out of the way.

Like I said, us 5am’ers, we don’t talk. We’re all just busy doing our own thing, pushing through the sunrise without coffee, with headphones in our ears listening to something, or perhaps they are the noise silencing ones. I don’t know what they are doing because no one questions it. We make hand gestures if needed when walking towards the same machine or in passing, and even the owner just waves hello or goodbye, with a nod and a smile. But, not the 5pm’ers. Nope. It’s their time to chat, gossip, and compare macro counts. “Go to a bar for this and have a couple of drinks. In fact, grab a few appetizers while you’re talking!”, my head screams at them. Oh, wait! That’s why they look like THAT and I look the way I do. This really IS their version of Happy Hour!

Once again, I needed to use a machine next to one of these gym babes and since empty ones were hard to find, I walked up. Her condescending look basically said, “Um, what are you doing here?” My eyebrows raised as if in reply, “I used to look like you with the perky little boobs and flat stomach. But, this is what happens when you give birth to two kids and life gets in the way, you judgmental little…” Wait! Was she judging me the same way I had been judging her? Does she prefer the evenings because her friends are there and there is a more energetic vibe going on, everything completely different from why I like the gym early in the morning? So, I smiled warmly and turned up the current song on my playlist, (‘Mighty Wings’ by Cheap Trick. It’s on the Top Gun soundtrack. Excellent motivation!) and started my reps.

What did I learn today from watching these little gym bunnies, besides workouts go A LOT quicker when you just want to get out of that hormone crazed place? I realized that basically, we all want our own personal experience at the gym… Some really want that social experience, encouraging their friends, trading back and forth on equipment. While others, like me, want personal space to zone out and focus on themselves for just a short amount of time. I can tell you what we all want, though… To feel accepted… To not feel as if we are being judged on our muffin top that we are trying to lose, or our perky little body that those girls have to work HARD to have. We all want to feel like this is a shared experience with like minded people.

So, to you young girls with your rocking bodies… Enjoy it! Appreciate your smooth skin, the lean muscle, the ability to look gorgeous in leggings and a sports bra. Because one day, you may be covering up those stretch marked stomachs, and find that it takes a bit more effort as you get older. And you will understand why you just need your own time listening to a playlist with music from your thinner days, that will serve as a goal to strive towards… When your body was still young and healthy… Before kids… Before being afraid to sneeze in public… Before daily blood pressure pills… Before menopause… Young girl, I promise you that I will try my best to no longer judge you, because I have one thing you don’t have yet… life experience. I have rocked my crying babies, I have held the hands of loved ones dying, I have had that extra helping of dessert and enjoyed it without guilt, I have learned that a good education will only get you so far… I have lived! Unfortunately, you only start to realize that those were the experiences that shape your life as you cross in to your 40’s, when your body starts to soften, along with your heart. PS, let me be honest, I may envy your youth a bit, though.

With all of that said, I am now a confirmed 5am’er! (I have a tendency to learn things the hard way. Ha!) Tomorrow morning, I will throw on my gym clothes, pull my hair up, dab a bit of muscle ache cream on my plantar fasciitis sneaking its way in to my left foot, tie my boring grey sneakers with insoles and walk out with headphones on, listening Mighty Wings by Cheap Trick on the Top Gun soundtrack. And you better believe that I have a new determination… I will remember that I am working towards the confidence that those young ladies exude, as I enjoy my experience around MY gym people.

PSS, I can tell you one other thing we all need regarding the gym… A shower afterwards. Perky or muffin top. We all need a shower!

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