Friendship
Gossip… It’s time to grow out of it.
I’ll be the first to admit that I knew “all” of the gossip at one time in my life. In high school, one of my teachers remarked that I seemed to know people were pregnant pretty quick. I laughed and told the teacher that I know a lot of things and in a joking manner, said, “I probably know they’re pregnant before they do.”
Time went on and I always knew that BIG things should be kept out of gossip. Yes, I know that sounds contradictory to what I explained about high school and I learned that teen pregnancy is a pretty huge deal and I should have kept my mouth shut. I grew out of it, thankfully. However, I’m noticing that some adult women STILL HAVE NOT. Because of that, in the past two years, I have taken my inner circle down so far that people wonder why I do not want to make friends.
Example #1 – A few years ago, while sitting around with several women, two women talked incessantly about another woman who wasn’t there. They acted like they were whispering, but a half dozen of us could clearly hear. Of course others started asking questions and I understood the phrase people use about cackling hens.
I already wasn’t a fan of Woman #1 anyways, but then as I sat back and listened, her only conversation topics were about other people, and she loved the attention. Woman #2 was almost just as bad, but I thought I could trust her more.
A friend of both of these women asked why I didn’t like Woman #1. I flat out said, “She talks too much sh*t and needs to keep her mouth shut.”
Woman #2 and I grew a bit closer and in what I thought was in confidence, I expressed concern for a mutual acquaintance because of some Facebook posts I had seen. I had thoroughly enjoyed our mutual acquaintance and we always had great conversations when around each other – parenting, work, movies, single life; conversations that I would have liked to develop in to a friendship. However, I am sure that my concern was sent back to her because shortly after that, I noticed a difference when we were around each other. What did that tell me? That Woman #2 was just as bad as Woman #1. You see, I thought that Woman #2 and I were close and that we could actually talk openly with each other. I should have known that gossip is her conversation starter so instead of thinking about my concern, she shared it.
Example #2 – I started a new job almost 5 months ago and I absolutely love it. I work with four other women and we mainly all get along. Part of me would say that it’s because we are near the same age and that our maturity level is higher than women in their mid-20’s. The other part of me realizes that we all have things in common – Three out of five have been through a divorce and have all been single mom’s; Three out of five have been cheated on by their spouse. We all have kids. We have all been in our respective careers for over twenty years. We respect each other.
We collectively decided that a Happy Hour once a month would be a blast! The first time was fun and the conversation was great. Flash forward to the second one…
Theresa begins to tell us about a well-known person in the area and the illegitimate child he fathered several years ago.
For some reason, this struck a nerve with me as she kept telling us stories about this man and the child, that she had heard from a friend of a friend of the mother’s. At first, we were all listening with intrigue. But, at some point while watching her, it started to bother me as she went too far and began theorizing about this or that. She was gossiping! And possibly lying! As I began to tune her out, I thought back to all of our conversations and began to realize that those were also gossip, “filling me in” about my fellow co-workers. Not to mention, her conversation starters are always about one of her son’s and his constant arguments with his baby mama… She thrives on the attention of her stories!
I’ve always known of this saying about gossip and never truly understood until I got older –
“Great minds discuss ideas. Average minds discuss events. Small minds discuss people.”
Then there is the one that people post on Facebook and always seem to think is funny –
“If you haven’t got anything nice to say about anybody come sit next to me.”
Here is my problem each time I see that quote… While we might laugh and talk about people, at what point are you going to take what I say and relay that to others? No, thank you.
I know I made mistakes in my life by sharing gossip about others. Here’s where I am at in my life… I tell my mother things and my man. That is about it. If you know that I spent time with someone and you ask me a nosey question about them, I know what you’re getting at, especially if you are the gossipy type. I don’t want my life to be surrounded by talking about people. Let’s have in-depth conversations, get to know each other, UNDERSTAND each other.
Because I will be the first to tell you that I know that I have been gossiped about. In fact, I have good friends that have said things about me. I’m aware of it. They’re not as much in the good friends category as they would like to think though. Do you know who I respect? The people that hear it and stop it. Not only that, but the people that ask me the truth. Because gossip is attention getting. The real story isn’t as thrilling as you would think.
