friends – Page 3 – Swimming With The Rain

It’s time to pick your own lane…

June 3, 2020June 3, 2020

Have you ever been driving behind a car for awhile and all of a sudden, you realize that your movements mimic theirs? They move a little to the left, so do you. They veer slightly to the right, you lean to the right. They speed up, your right foot presses the gas a bit. Over and over we do this, often times without realizing.

This was apparent to me while driving to the grocery store after work. I was stuck behind a vehicle that had very exaggerated movements. Turning from Main Street at the traffic light to a side road… He swung wide, I swung wide. Same thing at the roundabout… He went wide, I went wide. With another wide turn in to the parking lot, I giggled when I realized how I was mimicking his driving. Then it’s as if a light bulb flickered inside my brain and I thought, “Is this what we do in life… Mimic those around us?”

My brother’s words from my early driving days came back to me… “You’re like that song, ‘Give me 40 acres and I’ll turn this rig around…’ but you don’t drive a big rig, you drive a small Honda.” In my defense, I had grown up around people that drove pickup trucks so that’s how I honestly thought you turned around… Big wide turns!

Isn’t this what life is sometimes like? Is it perhaps ingrained in to our minds that we are supposed to act a certain way because it fits the status quo? For instance, we should peel a banana fully before eating, only use a certain brand of detergent, always tuck the bottom part of the flat sheet in… When do we stand up and say, “No! I like to only peel the part that I am taking a bite out of, I prefer All over Tide detergent, and I like my sheets untucked!”?

How many of you heard the phrase from your parents regarding your up to no good friends, “If they jumped off a bridge, would you?” Sure, it’s a question, but they weren’t really expecting an answer. Because if we did answer, we would dutifully hang our head and say the obligatory, “No”. (By the way, you get extra points if you said m’am or sir after telling them your answer.) But, in our heads, as the inexperienced children we were, our brain was yelling, “Yes! Because these are my best friends and they will do anything for me!” (You get extra points here if you have ever said this to your own children because now you know better. Ha!)

Now that we are adults, who are we still following behind in traffic? Is it your significant other that tries to makes you realize it’s just easier to go along with their opinion? What about the friend that makes you feel guilty if you don’t feel like painting the town red on a Friday night? Let’s add in the co-worker that always seems to act a bit superior towards your differing work loads. And then there’s the school parents that belittle you for not wanting to take part in the newest fundraiser.

It is time that we learn to drive our own way. Choose a lane and stay in it! As women, we have a lot of life experience. We know how to make choices, we know what type of wine we prefer (Pinot Noir girl here!), we know how to prioritize work, and we know how we like our coffee. So, why would we let someone else dictate our lane? It’s time we speak up and take responsibility for our own lives. Is the person in front of you driving too fast… Then slow down. Weaving in and out of traffic… STAY IN YOUR LANE! Drive at the speed you need to and enjoy the scenery IN FRONT OF YOU.

Ironically enough, while in the store thinking about these things and pushing my cart down an aisle, I was busy looking over to the side and a nice looking distraction caught my eye… Bam! There went my cart right in to the corner of a cookie display. The light bulb in my mind didn’t just flicker… It was as if a brand new stop light had just been installed.

Although those cookies really did look good, I’m trying to be healthy, so I fixed the display and moved along. I made a choice. I left the cookies and went to find the bug spray (trying to get some yard work done and the mosquito’s are just crazy right now). Don’t start looking around while driving, wondering what is out there. Pull over to the side and decide what path you want to take.

We all have choices to make in life. Sometimes we do need guidance, especially when visiting a new place. But, this is our life and it is time we took it back. We can give our opinion and speak up on the way that we expect to be treated. We can choose to stay home on a Friday night and binge chick flicks. We can choose to better ourselves and live a life that WE are proud of!

I am giving you permission to stop, decide if you want to take the scenic route. You don’t have to go in the direction you have always been heading, following someone else, the one they say is the best. Look around, which direction do YOU want to try? Because girl, I am telling you… YOU ARE WORTH IT! Now, buckle your seat belt, put your sunglasses on, and turn your blinker to the direction you want to go!

Health & Spiritual

Pool time = Me time

June 1, 2020

Don’t be jealous when I tell you how I spent my day… Doing absolutely nothing. Ok, maybe only a few hours, but it is exactly what my soul needed.

I’m lucky to have a friends with a pool. I’m even luckier that they are usually travelling during the summer and have entrusted me with watering the plants.

Wait, that sounds bad. I really do miss them and would love to have our evenings on the back porch with a glass of wine (or two or three… bottles). But, the pool needs to get used, right?

So, during the summer weekends, I make time for myself by just floating on the water. And in those couple / few hours, I listen to my choice of music, let thoughts run through my head and stretch out, easing my muscles and tension. When I’m done, I am a more relaxed version of myself with a bit of sun glow.

Do your best to find time for yourself, outside Whether it is sitting in a lawn chair at a park, blanket at the beach, or floating in a pool, we all need moments in nature just to relax and let the tension release from our bodies.

Life

An open letter to my mom…

May 28, 2020May 31, 2020

We want to hold on so tight to our children and just touch them and let them know how much we love them.

Your love is always there… Let me explain… I never understood what you were going through as our mom. All of these years later, I am experiencing it. Looking back on it, YOU prepared me for being a mom.

You prepared me to fight for my oldest child at such a young age. I didn’t want to go through the anguish of what I know you did ~ losing out on time with your kids, thinking it was for the best, only to realize the pain of what it is like to be away from the ones that you gave birth to and the guilt that you must have felt… But, you also prepared me to do it with my youngest… And now, I get it. Doing something because it is for the best but still, the guilt… The guilt can be unbearable at times. My identity as a mom, just like yours was, is now down to every other weekend…

If I could go back, I would have gotten up early on those weekend mornings and ate the breakfast you always made. I realize now, you were needing to do that. You needed to feel like a mom…

Remember how you used to lay on the couch or even on the floor with us watching Full House and Family Matters? But, teenagers… they are a weird breed. We think they don’t get it… And because of that, I know the child’s point of view so I try to be a bit more patient, have those conversations that need to be had, and do my best to let my child know how much I love him. We even have shows that just he and I watch together…

You, in your own special way, prepared me for this single mom life. Because preparing a child for life and loving a child, is what makes a good mom. I never had to earn your love or hope that it would be there if I was better at this or better at that… I now know that your love was always there. You even made our friends feel loved and you still do.

So, thank you. Even when I didn’t act like it, I knew your love was there. It always has been. I always knew you would continue to love me, no matter what. And remember, you were the one that I wanted to talk to each time after I had a child. In those precious quiet moments, it was my mom I needed.

I’m sorry that it has taken me so long to put all of this together. But, I wanted you to know so you would never ever wonder again what kind of a mom you were when we were young. Because of you, my lesson on how to be a good parent – “Just show them you love them and always will”

Entertainment

ABC Thursday Night Power Quotes

May 27, 2020May 31, 2020

A few years ago, I had a friend that graduated from college, just before her 30th birthday. She had done all of her classes online, and since she didn’t get to walk across a stage, I had a dinner party for her. Although she thought it was just dinner and wine to celebrate her accomplishments, it was so much more!

I bought her a cap along with the correct color tassel (I had no idea that was a thing but I guessed correctly) for her to wear throughout the evening. What she didn’t know, was that we had a commencement speech planned.

Her favorite shows all belong to Shonda Rhimes – Grey’s Anatomy, Scandal, and How to Get Away With Murder. I found the best quotes I could on believing in yourself and cut them in to strips. Each of us read our chosen clips out loud to her, as if we were giving her lessons in life to move forward with. Let me tell you, this is the graduation ceremony that each TGIT fan deserves!

Don’t let what he wants eclipse what you need. He’s very dreamy, but he’s not the sun. You are. ~Christina Yang

Walk tall. All you can do is be brave enough to get out there. You fought. You loved. You Lost. Walk tall. ~Mark Sloan

There’s an end to every storm. Once all the trees have been uprooted. Once all the houses have been ripped apart. The wind will hush, the clouds will part, the rain will stop, the sky will clear in an instant. But only then, in those quiet moments after the storm, do we learn who was strong enough to survive it. ~Meredith Grey

When we follow our hearts, when we choose not to settle. It’s funny, isn’t it? A weight lifts, the sun shines a little brighter, and for a brief moment, we find a little peace. ~Meredith Grey

Deep down, everyone wants to believe they can be hardcore. But being hardcore isn’t just about being tough – it’s about acceptance. Sometimes you have to give yourself permission to not be hardcore for once. You don’t have to be tough every minute of every day. It’s okay to let down your guard. In fact, there are moments when it’s the best thing you can possibly do – as long as you choose your moments wisely. ~Meredith Grey

Knowing is better than wondering. Waking is better than sleeping, and even the biggest failure, even the worst, beats the hell out of never trying. ~Meredith Grey

Have some fire. Be unstoppable. Be a force of nature. Be better than anyone here and don’t give a damn about what anyone thinks. ~Cristina Yang

Did you say it? ‘I love you.’ ‘I don’t ever want to live without you.’ ‘You changed my life.’ Did you say it? Make a plan. Set a goal. Work toward it, but every now and then look around; Drink it in ‘cause this is it. It might all be gone tomorrow. ~Meredith Grey

If you love someone, you tell them. Even if you’re scared that it’s not the right thing. Even if you’re scared that it’ll cause problems. Even if you’re scared that it will burn your life to the ground, you say it, and you say it loud and you go from there. ~Mark Sloan

We don’t get unlimited chances to have the things that we want, and this I know. Nothing is worse than missing an opportunity that could have changed your life. ~Addison Montgomery-Shepherd

Just when we think we figured things out, the universe throws us a curveball. So, we have to improvise. We find happiness in unexpected places. We find ourselves back to the things that matter the most. The universe is funny that way. Sometimes it just has a way of making sure we wind up exactly where we belong. ~Meredith Grey

You know as well as I do it’s not about what you look like, or your job, or how successful you are. It’s about having people in your life that you love and who love you. That’s all that matters. ~Miranda Bailey

It’s horrible and it’s sickening and just when you think you can’t take anymore it gets fun. ~Huck

I am many things, stupid is not one of them. ~Olivia Pope

It’s handled. ~ Olivia Pope

Take a breath. Keep your head still, maintain eye contact. Just answer what was asked of you; if you go off on a tangent it will look unreliable. Let’s try again. ~Olivia Pope

It’s okay to be afraid, sometimes fear keeps us safe, sometimes it holds us back. ~Olivia Pope

It was just one of those rare moments. A crossroads where you know, you just know, if you don’t act now, if you let this moment slip away, it will haunt you for the rest of your life. ~Fitz

I’m choosing me. And right now, I’m dancing. Now, you can dance with me or you can get off my dance floor. I’m fine dancing alone. ~Olivia Pope

Whatever you say to the police, can and will be misconstrued to support the prosecution. So when in doubt, shut your mouth. ~Annalise Keating

Never take a learning opportunity from anyone no matter how smart you need others to think you are. ~Annalise Keating

Life

I Should Have Taken Shop Class

May 23, 2020June 14, 2020

It’s official. I feel absolutely defeated. It has just been a crazy week at work and super busy. While part of me loves the rush of it, I get to where I can feel my limit is being pushed and I start to feel overwhelmed. So, what made me think that I could install the glass storm door I bought from Lowe’s last weekend?

I’m single and in this day and age, I should be able to do anything, right? Ugh! Sometimes, all of this “I am woman, hear me roar!” seems so highly over rated! So, why pay the extra $100 for shipping when I have a friend with a truck? So, Dalia and I had a delightful drive to Lowe’s, chatting and catching up. When we walked in, I was full of confidence because I knew just what I wanted. I was full of productive visions in my head as we me carried the LARGE box in to my patio room. I should have worked on it that day but once again, those crazy thoughts were going through my head as I envisioned the teenager and I having mother and son bonding time the next day. Well, while I was reading directions and looking at all of the multiple pieces that didn’t make sense, he just stared at his phone. Instead of me snapping and trying to guilt him in to “wanting” to help, I just told him I would figure it out on my own. The guilt trip thing doesn’t work on him… Damn!

I walked by the box every day this week. Some days, I even read the directions and then stared at it, almost like I was willing the inspiration to hit me. It didn’t. Finally, today while sitting on hold at work, I pulled up some You Tube videos and they made this look easy! One guy even sat there looking at his watch and taking sips of his soda. I started having visions of myself having a beer afterwards and how my facebook post was going to read… “Who needs a man when I can do this all by myself!” So, I ran to Walmart, picked up a drill bit set (Who knew that these were so handy to have around?) and headed back to the house full of determination to do it myself, and full of spite towards my male co-workers that heard my confusion while watching videos.

So, it didn’t work out like I planned. In tears, I called my friend’s husband over 1,000 miles away via facetime. I had no clue how to tell if it was a right or left handle thing and what did it mean by aligning with the door frame… Isn’t the door frame already aligned? And where am I supposed to put this… On the outside of the frame or inside of it. Tears were shed and me saying I can’t do this and a few choice cuss words were coming out in full pity frustration mode. He kept telling me that I could. Finally with a “Whatever!” and a push of the red button (I miss being able to slam down a phone receiver), I decided that if he had faith in me, I should too.

Inspiration and determination were seeping through my veins as I was trading out the drill bit for that screw driver bit thing. I was even planning my next facebook post… “Since none of the men in my life can take a hint, I am so thankful to Joey that helped me via facetime. And guess what? I did it!” That cold beer afterwards was sure sounding good! I was even thinking that I might head over to see some friends so I could brag about how accomplished I was!

*The frame is attached! Pretty impressed with myself!*

Now to carry this monstrosity out. That thing is heavy! But, I didn’t have too far to go and was able to schooch it a bit and thankful that I had started back at the gym. Those arm exercises were coming in quite handy! Now to line up the hole in the frame with the screw… Wait! I’m less than 5ft 5… How am I supposed to lift this heavy thing up those few inches and balance it? Luckily, I saw my neighbor outside as she was leaving and I asked her if she would help me lift something really quick. What was I thinking… We’re both short! And it wasn’t easily sitting on the nail like the instructions promised…. Here is where I say, “Maybe it’s on the wrong way…” to which she replies, “You think?” And out she goes….

Hit the magic button to facetime Joey again for some reassurance that I really am doing this right and that I just need to do some simple thing…. No, he tells me that I need to unscrew everything I just did, flip the frame around, put the screws back in, and it will work. Oh, forget that! With frustrated tears, I tell him, “Screw it! I’m done. I’m hungry and I’m just going to pay someone to do this!” and I hit the red disconnect button, really wishing it was a phone receiver I could slam down…

*Propped up against the wall for the night*

And there my door sits… It’s now a couple of hours later and I’m feeling a little less stressed than I was. Thinking I might try to accomplish it tomorrow. I’m also disappointed in myself for not saying something to someone and asking for help. I know that if it was a friend of mine that said she needed help, I would run over in a heartbeat… Maybe I’m so willing to offer help because I know what it is like to need it and not ask.

This is where you are wondering if I still grabbed myself a cold beer? No. But, I did make myself a nice New York Strip Steak because, that, I can do!

*I can’t grill but I can use a cast iron skillet!*

PS… I didn’t post anything on facebook, either.