friends – Page 2 – Swimming With The Rain

Reverse Gossip

February 26, 2021

We know that attitudes are contagious, whether positive or negative. I am kind of grouchy when I wake up and my family always adjusted to it. And then along came my first child. He was born happy! He would wake up from naps smiling and would just be so excited to see me. How could I possibly act cranky towards a sweet innocent child that was jumping up and down in his crib when I came in. So, I had to change my morning attitude but it was easy to do with him.

Of course we love being around those positive people because they make us feel special and we also find ourselves happier. For instance, you have the option to sit on the beach for the day with one of two people… One of them is a constant complainer. If you say that it is a beautiful summer day, they will tell you that it is too hot. The other one looks at things from a positive view point so while they may agree that it is hot, they will also add that thankfully you two can get in the water when you need to cool off. Or better yet, they brought ice cold beer with them. Tell us about a situation where you encountered having to spend time with either of these types of people and how it reflected on you.

If your attitude is contagious, can positive gossip be contagious? Of course it can! Look at restaurant reviews and word of mouth! With social media as the most powerful influencer, think about when a new restaurant opens and one of your friends goes in the first few weeks. There will always be a post about the service and food. From there, you may decide that you need to go very soon, or you’ll wait six months and let them get their kinks worked out and see if they’re still open. Which places have you NOT been to but have heard about? Which places have you been to and told others about your experience?

One of my favorite examples about reverse gossip ~ There was a woman in our social circle that always showed up for Bunco, outdoor concerts, girl nights, etc. For the better part of a year, no one seemed to befriend her. She wasn’t rude, in fact she was Southern and had that syrupy Alabama drawl. She was pleasant enough, but we never took the time to get to know her on a personal level. Finally, I decided that if she was going to keep coming around, I would create a goal for myself to find something to connect with her about. During a girls night dinner, we started asking HER questions instead of just including her in the conversation. Come to find out, she was a fascinating woman! She was a psychologist with the military, had travelled all around the world and experienced many different cultures. The friends that were there that evening began to share this with others in our social circle, and I began to watch the effect this had on other people, as even more women accepted her and made her feel included. It made me realize that our gossiping about how we weren’t really sure why she was still coming around, impacted those around us. Once we started spreading positive “gossip”, it changed the way others looked at her.

Here is an example conversation of turning negative gossip in to something positive…

John: Mary is really lazy.

You: I’ve never noticed that. She is talented, wouldn’t you agree?

John (Grudgingly): Yes, I guess so.

Later you see Mary at the coffee machine and the conversation goes as follows:

You: I was talking with John earlier. He was saying you are very talented (after all, he did agree to that, didn’t he?).

Mary: Wow! I didn’t know he thought that of me. I’ve always felt he was very judgmental and snobby.

You: Hmm, never picked up on that. Really hard worker, isn’t he?

Mary: Well, I guess you have to give him credit for that.

The next day you and John are talking and you happen to mention:

You: Mary was talking about how hard a worker you are.

John: Really? Didn’t think she liked me, but maybe she’s not so bad after all.

Now, the next time John and Mary cross paths they both see each other in an entirely different light, with a completely different attitude and set of expectations – one of peace, enjoyment, and kindness. And it all happened because of you.

Let’s try this game about “Reverse Gossip”. In this game, instead of telling people the gossip people say about them or others, let’s repeat only the good that people say (even if we have to “suggest” that good), and find reasons to judge others favorably in all other situations. If we spent more time speaking favorably about people, imagine the positivity you would create for those around you.

Would you rather be known for spreading hurtful lies or having a positive outlook? Attitudes are contagious. Is yours worth catching?

***The above was used in a guided group conversation. Similar to a bible study, but without the religious references. If you have questions on how to spark this conversation amongst friends, co-workers, or in a social circle, feel free to email me at SwimmingWithTheRain@yahoo.com

All me

My Quarantine Diary

February 23, 2021

On my first day of Covid (did you just sing that to the tune of “On the first day of Christmas”? haha), I did a facebook post to mainly get the info out to friends, family, and anyone that I had been around. Then my phone started buzzing with questions via text and messenger. As Covid sucked up my energy, I used my daily facebook posts as a diary. I cannot even begin to explain how surprised and grateful I was for the reactions… It seems that a lot of people had questions about my symptoms and although mine was not as bad as others, it became an experience that people took an interest in.

One of the first messages I received was from a friend that is a nurse, with information about sleeping and meds ~ Take zinc, magnesium, vitamin D and C. Lots of water or Gatorade. And sleep on your stomach. Although the sleeping on the stomach is generally only used if in the hospital and having an issue with oxygen, I have asthma, and the first couple of nights, my concern was to keep this out of my chest.

The great news is, I was already taking these vitamins. After having the flu / pneumonia combo a few years ago, I began to research normal vitamins to build up my health. Zinc has been in my medicine cabinet for 15 years. I take it daily during flu season, if I’ve been around sick people, or if I start to feel run down. Magnesium is supposed to help my blood pressure and enhances my quality of sleep. My doctor told me awhile back to take Vitamin D since blood work showed low levels (come to find out, Covid patients that end up having awful symptoms, are low in Vitamin D). Then there is Vitamin C… Who doesn’t have this? This was supposed to the the cure-all when sick as a kid.

First, my personal disclaimer – I am not a doctor, so please DO NOT use this for medical guidance! Ok, here we go…

Day 1 of being quarantined… Well, when my boss ended up with Covid, I was fine. Unfortunately, with my co-worker having it, I’m not. I haven’t seen her since last Tuesday and figured all was good until I woke up this morning. Honestly, it felt like my allergies were bothering me, but then I couldn’t smell my body wash. No biggy because my nose was a bit stuffy from what I thought were allergies. Made a roast beef and horseradish cheese omelet and while eating that at work, I realized I wasn’t tasting the horseradish. And also started to realize that I still felt tired and a bit achy, that should have been gone with my morning meds. Went to a place that does rapid testing and they were awesome! 20 minutes later, results were back. She was so super nice and explained that it is transmitted when being less than six feet apart for MORE than 15 minutes. I’m not running a temp, in fact it was 97.7 while wearing leggings, boots, long sleeve t-shirt, sweater, and beanie. Proves I’m a bit more cold hearted than some give me credit for. LOL She did check my lungs and said that they were clear, which I am super thankful for. So, what have I done today? Cried, been in and out of sleep, watched NCIS LA… Can’t really smell and it seems that the only thing I can taste is Sweet & Sour and Sricha Mayo (not combined- haha). My boss is being fantastic with this and is not making me feel guilty. I know it’s not my fault but I have a tendency to feel guilty if I’m disappointing someone. Anyways, come to find out, he is required to pay me for 14 days of quarantine. If one of the other girls starts to work from home, I may end up going in to the office since I will be alone in there. I’m really surprised it took this long for me to get it so I’m glad I can get this over with. And now I need to finish adding to my online grocery cart so I can pick it up tomorrow. Good times!

Finishing Day #2 of quarantine… Woke up thirsty and had a sore back, but wasn’t really stuffy. Still can’t smell and can only taste the sweet & sour sauce (it’s really good on eggs, fyi). I don’t feel massively exhausted but just like I could doze… Best way to explain it… You know during the summer when you have had a couple drinks and you are laying in the sunshine and doze off for a bit and you feel like you just napped for an hour but it was only 10 minutes? That’s what this is like, can’t really get a super long sleep but don’t have the energy to do much else. Thank goodness for ION and their all day showing of NCIS New Orleans! A special thank you to those that have called, texted, or messaged to keep me entertained. Not sure how I’m going to handle another week and a half of this…Have a great night!

Finishing day 3 of quarantine… Still feeling groggy and especially today since I only had one brief nap. Something I’ve learned is that even if you don’t have any taste / smell, you still crave food. Last night, I wanted chocolate so bad so I made a protein chocolate waffle then realized there was no point because I couldn’t taste it. LOL I had an orange popsicle tonight which is shocking because I hate orange popsicles. (except for dreamsicles because those are amazing!) But since I can’t taste the orange, why not? I wanted spaghetti for dinner because when I am sick with a stuffy nose, I usually like that because the flavor is strong. Well, my cheeks could feel all of the red pepper flakes I put in, but nothing else. LOL Even added honey to my hot tea to sweeten it up, then wondered why. So, that’s been a whole learning process. When away from friends and family, ordering groceries online is the way to go! It did remind me of how thankful I am for my friends back home that whenever I need them to jump in with a meal for my family when there is an illness or death, they do so instantly. I didn’t cry though, so I’m making progress. Anyways, my grocery cart included yarn to start on a temperature blanket for the highs and lows since I’ve been here, a massive heating pad since my other one finally died after 18 years, popsicles, crackers, and coffee. (Even though I can’t taste it, I’m still refusing to use my yucky emergency stash).Today’s viewing pleasure has been Blue Bloods. Taken me a bit to get in to it but after 9 hours, I’m no longer looking at Tom Selleck as Magnum PI or Monica’s boyfriend. A special thank you to those that have went through this and have messaged me with what to expect and how to deal with it or meds to take. I have to admit though, I’m getting tired of my couch.

Finishing Day 4 of Quarantine… Same symptoms, different day. A little bit of a tickle in the throat that I’m hoping stays out of my chest, but I don’t feel like it’s anything to worry about. Little bits of pain pop in around my forehead, but it doesn’t seem to last long. I did have an emotional morning and had my own personal pity party for a bit, but I’ve realized that that is what I do when I’m sick. Today’s TV viewing has been Chicago P.D. Great show and plenty of eye candy. Goal for tomorrow? Hawaii 5-O. Thank you to all that have kept me entertained with texts and calls

Finishing Day 5 of Quarantine… Well, I woke up happy so something must be wrong. Just kidding. But, I did wake up rather pleasant. Decided that I was going to start my bed washing because that is what I do when I feel like I’m getting better… Wash everything in hot water and totally over dry! LOL And then the upset stomach set in, but luckily this was the only time there was this issue. It affects others more often and I just cannot imagine! For the most part, I’m feeling better. Actually did some crocheting, had a couple of phone conversations, and I had the energy to laugh. Not feeling as groggy so hoping I’m headed back to normal. Still can’t smell / taste. Still craving food. I’m telling you right now, when my taste is back, I’m having a burger for lunch and dinner will be pizza with a few glasses of Pinot Noir! Oh! And today’s viewing pleasure has been Hawaii 5-O. The lead guy is my new man crush. This is what happens when you haven’t seen another living soul in awhile.

Finishing Day 6 of quarantine… It’s been a rough one. Woke up emotional, thought I had energy to water, fertilize, and trim plants… Wiped out afterwards… Stayed emotional. I’m tired. I’m tired of having to cook for myself. I’m tired of not tasting food. I’m tired of being alone. I’m tired of having to add things to an online grocery cart so I can place an order that I need to pick up. I’m tired that the only thing I seem to have energy for is watching tv. I’m tired of crying alone. I’m tired of my legs feeling so achy. I’m tired of Ebby wanting to stay so close to me that I can’t stretch out and sleep well. But, I have to remind myself that I have a lot to be thankful for. I’m thankful that this is the extent of it. I’m thankful that I will recover. I’m thankful that every day I hear from my boss and co-workers. I’m thankful that this time of being quarantined has clarified my intuition of people… It’s been an eye opener for sure. So there. I’m just hoping that by reading this, if you know someone that is alone, you reach out to them. Don’t think that someone else is probably helping them, because that is what everyone else is doing, and the person is left alone. Please don’t put sympathetic words on here because I do not need any more emotions. Just reach out to people! If they’re sick, grab them a pizza or McDonalds or cookies or a homemade meal and leave at their front door. Or make a card and leave for them. Just acknowledge their presence. Single people when sick are completely shut off from everyone. There isn’t even anyone in the house to ask me if I want water. Ok, off my tangent… Today’s viewing pleasure has been SVU. No eye candy but I will probably have nightmares. It was the episode where Olivia is kidnapped and tortured that I just watched. Ugh!

Finishing Quarantine day 7… First of all, I want to thank those that reached out via messenger or text. Your prayers or words of encouragement mean more than you know. So, how was this day? Well, I started to get excited when I thought I could smell my body wash so I tried to smell it again… Nope. Made a cup of coffee and walked down to the river to look around and enjoy the view for a bit. I really do need a bench down there so I can just sit. Wouldn’t have made a difference since everything was covered in snow. I must say, I’m adjusting to this cooler weather and find it refreshing. Being that the groceries I grabbed last weekend were mainly dinner items and I’m out of eggs, (and can’t taste what I’m eating anyways), my meals are kind of weird. So, breakfast was sweet potato fries with Sricha Mayo for dipping. I can feel the heat from the Sricha, but not the actual taste. Had my first long nap today. Generally, my naps have been 10 – 20 minutes and I’m always groggy. But today, it was 2 hours and felt soooo good! I did dream that someone was coming in to check on me and I was upset that I hadn’t locked the door because I had no desire to see this person and I knew that my response to them waking me up from my nap was not going to be polite. Luckily, it was a dream and I continued to sleep. Tonight, I made homemade chicken noodle soup and started laughing because there I was opening each thing of seasoning, smelling, and throwing some in. I started laughing because I realized I can’t smell any of it! BUT, when I did have a bowl, I think I may have tasted a bit of the broth. That or I could just feel the textures and warmth. I’m feeling very clear headed this evening and hopefully that means I’m on the upswing. I’ll put in for a grocery pickup tomorrow because I will have a few more days of this and I’m wanting some fruit. And spaghetti. And tacos. And cereal. I just want food I can taste. LOL

Finishing Day 8 of Quarantine… One week of this. I almost have a routine for my mornings… Make coffee, sit on the hope chest in front of the bay window while watching the snow, return texts / messages, stare out the window, do some dishes… But, what was a bit different about this morning is that I could tell my coffee was strong. Lunch time rolls around and while talking to my oldest and eating Perogi’s (feta & spinach which are so good), I told him that I thought I might be able to taste them. A couple hours later, grab a couple of popsicles and I could remember why I wasn’t a fan of orange. Thinking I’m imagining this, I go to the next one and I could taste the difference. (Cherry. Soooo good!) Well, let’s try this and see if it’s real so I headed to McDonald’s and had the best tasting fries EVER! So, I’m so happy to say that my taste is back. Not at 100% but at least I can enjoy food again. I was told by a friend today that the mental toll this takes on people can be just as bad as the symptoms, which I feel is so true. Plus, as my co-worker and I talked about, the lack of smell/taste, makes you feel like you are going a bit crazy. Here’s the deal, when you’re sick, you just want a little bit of comfort. Whether that is soup, popsicles, tea… But, when you can’t taste the comfort… It starts getting to you. Sounds silly, I know. I left the tv off for the majority of the day and honestly, the day seemed to speed by. I’m not sure how because I didn’t seem to do much. But, I did grab a book from the unread shelf and I’m starting on Emma by Jane Austen. I think I read this years ago but can’t really remember. I’m just thankful that I’m not feeling as groggy so that I can actually concentrate. To those that have had this before, how long did it take you to get your energy back? I’ve had pneumonia twice, even once with the flu a few years ago when it was bad, and I’ll admit that this is not as bad as those. BUT, this is a consistent grogginess for days on end. So, is my energy going to come back with a snap of the fingers or is this going to take a few weeks? Thank you to everyone that has reached out and checked on me, or shared their covid story, or let me know they are praying. It is times like these that you see people for who they are and the true kindness in their hearts. For this, I will always be grateful. Have a great evening everyone and hugg your loved ones a little tighter!

Finishing Day 9 of Quarantine… My day started at 4am because I woke up with achy legs, which made me restless, because I hadn’t taken my nightly med combo including Naproxen. Finally decided to get up, make coffee, shower, do a load of laundry. That only lasted until about 7 because I fell asleep reading… Jane Austin takes a lot of concentration and I’m not sure if I want to devote that time right now. I offered to go back in to work on Thursday since that will be Day 11. Full day Thursday, half day Friday. I figure that will be a good way to get back in to this. They are aware that I have bouts of grogginess and since my boss still has the after effects from when he had it, they are understanding. Luckily, I have a blanket in my office so there may still be a few naps. As for taste / smell, I can taste, but barely smell. I did grab a pizza from Domino’s today when I did a grocery pickup and it was sooooo good! I’ll get back to healthy eating tomorrow. Oh! And for those that mentioned adding Jim Beam in to my online grocery cart and they will check ID when I pick up, not able to do that. In store purchase only. On Friday, I will be doing an in store purchase. LOL Even though I will no longer be contagious as of Thursday, I’m still taking it easy for another week and will keep myself between work and home. I think I need time to get some of my energy back and get ahold of my thoughts from the past week. This past week honestly feels like it has flown by. When you spend several days in a groggy state of mind, not a lot is remembered. If this happens to you, I highly suggest stocking up on Vitamin D, Zinc, Vitamin C, Magnesium, and Naproxen (which is Aleve and lasts 12 hours). I already had those on hand because I take them every day. Find a comfy spot in front of a tv and “learn it, live it, love it” because you’ll be there for awhile. And find people you can text with because that will help to keep you busy and from going completely insane. Thank you for all the love, prayers, and kind words. Stay healthy!

Finishing Day 10 of Quarantine… Last Day! Yay!!! Thanks to my grocery order yesterday, I was able to have a proper breakfast this morning that included eggs. Today was movie watching day since I was forcing myself to stay awake. The 15:17 To Paris, The Best Excotic Marigold Hotel (and the second one), How To Be Single, and Hope Springs. It felt good to watch happy shows instead of gathering ideas on how to hide the bodies. Honestly, I would say that I am back to normal, except for the low energy, which will slowly come back. My temper is a little flared these days. But, when you’re stuck on a couch for 9 days… I never intended to document this on a daily basis. But, it became therapeutic and it was an easy way to keep family and friends up to date. I can never express all of my gratitude to those that reached out to check on me, ask questions because somebody they know has it, thanked me for sharing my story, or to offer prayers. One of the things I wanted to make clear with my daily updates is that while there is a slim chance that this virus can do severe damage, the majority of the time, it is just like this. So, if you do end up with it, of course be cautious as you would with the flu, but you don’t have to fear it. Thank you to everyone for the love and now I am off to bed so I can get ready to head back to the land of working people.

Day 11 – Well, back to work I went today. The alarms had such an awful sound and I could have had an additional day and a half to rest, but I figured it would be good to ease in prior to the weekend. A company did come in within the past few days to spray everything down to kill all germies, so that is a bit of a comfort. The boss bought Chinese food for lunch, so that was a nice break to sit with everyone, have conversation and catch up. But, once 1pm came around, I really really wanted a nap and they knew that. I could have left, but I’m not about to drive 30 minutes when sleepy. So, I’d close my eyes and listen to whatever song was playing and when it was over, I’d have a bit of a second wind… And third… And fourth… LOL And finally, I’m home and my eyes are exhausted but my brain and body are thankful to have done something productive. Hope everyone had a great day!

One month later… The week after my quarantine, I started to walk my dog down the street a bit, then head back. Each day, we went a bit further. While my energy is completely back (and better than ever thanks to at least a mile walk every day), my smell is gone. Every now and then, I might get a whiff of something, but it is faint, then gone. I really don’t notice the lack of it until I hear someone say, “That smells so good!” But, it is what it is. I know that it could have been so much worse. Have I changed my “ways”? I still wear my mask when required, and I still try my best to stay away from sick people, and I Lysol everything on a weekly basis. The last two is due to my allergies and asthma. Not to mention, I just don’t like being sick.

Carnival Fantasy

Pirates Privacy Act – Girl Code

August 23, 2020

In February 2020, six of us girls decided to take a cruise for Galentine’s Day and what better way to ensure that we were all on the same “page” than to create a privacy pact, similar to girl code on a bachelorette party. But, this was a cruise so we needed a fun name, plus we love themes! So, during brunch prior to boarding, we read each code out loud, then signed our names.

This agreement dated February 13th, 2020 pertains to the Carnival Fantasy Cruise. Whereas, all attendees as named, for their mutual benefit and pursuant to an ongoing friendship, which has been or may be established, can safely assume that they are able to be their happy drunk selves on this trip and are free to drink, giggle, flirt, dance, sleep in, and any other activity in similarity that may arise, without being judged.

For a period of the rest of our lives, all named above, shall hold this agreement in trust and confidence, and not disclose to others any crazy stories that will make even one of these ladies look like any less of the strong independent women that they are. If it would cause another personal embarrassment (even if you think it should not), you are held to this agreement to not disclose said matter.

The undertakings and obligations of all attendees also agree to honor the following ~

The use of Spanx or any other undergarment to manually fit our body in to a piece of wardrobe WILL not be judged or even acknowledged. As far as we are all concerned, every single one of us come by the smooth lines naturally.

The use of Poo Pourri or whatever your room has designated, will be used EACH AND EVERY SINGLE TIME. However, as a kindness to your roommates, especially for Room M199 with four people, it is highly suggested that you go elsewhere so as not to block off the use of the bathroom for an obscene amount of time.

Do NOT record anyone out on the dance floor. If they are “called up” to a stage or any platform to perform, vide os acceptable ONLY to send directly to them upon wifi availability.

There is a strong possibility that while being in close quarters, body parts may be seen. We are all women, we’ve all seen a vajayjay, rumpshaker, and boobies before. If you need to change, change away! HOWEVER, please make every attempt to not sit on your bed, “Indian style” (criss cross apple sauce) naked as a jaybird.

If someone is stupid drunk, NO photography.

If you are the one that is stupid drunk and feel the need to puke, DO NOT expect anyone to be there for you and hold your hair back.

If Mr. Right or Mr. Right Now, happens to be on this boat and you decide to go and make a love connection, please send someone a message as to the room number (in case we need to look for your dead body).

If some stranger wants to get a bit too close and you are uncomfortable, please make it obvious that you are not happy with the attention, and we will remedy this.

Should there be a group of other women and drunk happy you thinks we should all be best friends, you are the designated friend and will be the oe to break it to them that we won’t all be making friendship bracelets and brushing each other’s hair.

You are not to take offense to anything Megan or Sheila says before coffee. In fact, please do not provoke them.

No judgement on something someone does while sleeping – teeth grinding, snoring, talking. If they begin to make sexual noises, permission to throw a pillow at them. However, it will not be mentioned the next day.

No posting on Social Media of anything even possibly embarrassing. If you think it is in bad taste, it probably is.

STAY OFF YOUR PHONE!!! this is an “Electronics Free” trip. If you have international and plan to check in when we get to Mexico, please go stare at your phone elsewhere. If you feel the need to play some downloaded game on your phone, go elsewhere.

Be respectful of people! If you are cranky, go somewhere else until you are happy. Do not bring others down.

Absolutely, NO peer pressure. If someone doesn’t want to get on stage and sing an Adele song off key in front of 100 people, do not try to force them. However, if they do have the guts to get up there, cheer them on and be proud!

If you are calling it a night earlier than the rest of the group, make sure to send a message on the cruise app or tell TWO PEOPLE before you leave, so we don’t think you are taking a swim with the sharks.

As we are trying to keeps this an “Electronic Free” trip, the messaging system in the app will not be monitored like texting. If a message is sent saying, “Where are you?” because you are wandering around looking for something to do, and there is not answer, do not be upset for someone being in vacation mode and napping by the pool.

Some people take more pictures than others. PLEASE try to remember to take candid photos of those people, also, so they don’t miss out on seeing memories.

We are all adults. Find the humor in all of the above but most of all, remember that what happens on the ship, (SAY IT OUT LOUD), stays on the ship.

IN WITNESS WHEREOF, the attendees have execute this Agreement as of the date first above written.

Megan, Kiki, Sheila, Bambi, Donna, and Shakira

All me

Reflecting on 2018…

July 11, 2020

As I was going through the notes section on my phone, I came across this and thought it was filled with so many reminders about life and things I still aspire to. Maybe it will inspire you, too.

2018 is coming to a close. I have chosen to be thankful that I am still alive after a severe asthma attack and I’m not taking this life for granted. I have chosen to walk away from people in my life because they weren’t good for me. I have chosen to strengthen my relationships with those that are. Life is about the choices that we make.

Anyways, what have I learned this year?

Love. The love of my boys I truly enjoy because they make me smile and fill me with so much happiness. They are my family and I am so proud watching them in this life and have renewed my strength to just enjoy them.

Friendship. Those that you can be yourself with, those are the ones that need to be kept around.

Trust. This was the big one for me because I had to trust that others would be there when I reached out.

Of course I have had my feelings hurt this year, but I have realized that their attitude is not my problem to deal with, it is theirs. Then again, it was my feelings that were hurt so I have had to take a step back and let myself realize why I let them hurt my feelings, and that is a lot of reflecting.

Why am I saying all of this… Because I made the choice to put a positive perspective on this past year. So get out there and feel love, nurture your friendships, and open yourself to trust.

Turn the music up and dance around your house. Soak up the moment you are in. Be willing to feel love and enjoyment. Learn to be at peace with yourself. Quit surrounding yourself with people that thrive off drama. Reach out to people just to say hi.

And most of all, love yourself.

Entertainment

Matchbox Twenty

June 18, 2020

In a 1996 Black Chevy Cavalier, three new best friends in their mid-20’s, all from different parts of the country, were driving without a care in the world, thinking life would always be this carefree. In the background, a low volume CD was playing, barely heard over the constant laughing and telling of stories that would bond the three for the next couple of softball seasons.

With Dawn in the front passenger seat (due to her long legs), and me in the back seat (short legs), Ann turned the volume up and said, “This second part reminds me of something I would say to Joey.”

I’m sorry ’bout the attitude
I need to give when I’m with you
But no one else would take this shit from me

She sang that last line with such emphasis that my ears perked up. Then I heard the second part of that verse…

And I’m so
Terrified of no one else but me
I’m here all the time
I won’t go away

While she felt the connection to the first part of the verse, that second part was written for me, and I was hooked! Dawn bought the CD probably around the same time I did my love of Matchbox 20 grew. If we were all together, that was one of the go-to CD’s that we threw in, if there was nothing worth singing on the radio. To this day, my mind goes back to the next two summers… stating my case that ‘Push’ is actually an intimate longing for love, leaving bars at ‘3am’, fantasizing how we would change life if we were in the ‘Real World’, and drifting away in to our own mind for ‘Back 2 Good’… The summers of the three of us together, forging our friendship, and figuring our own-selves out, before reality set in and pushed us apart.

As fall was settling in in 1999, Dawn and I were driving out to one of our local favorite bars when I heard a familiar rift on a guitar and then Rob Thomas’s vocal’s. “Matchbox Twenty!”, we both yelled, so excited for new new music of theirs. But, wait… “That’s Santana!” Dawn had no idea who Santana was, but being a California girl, I knew exactly who Carlos Santana was, and we were raised to KNOW the sound of his guitar. “Bet me!” (Here’s the deal, I only bet when I feel 99.9% sure. I hate losing.) She had an in with a radio dj, so she made a phone call… My first beer was on her, but we both shared in the excitement that we had our new favorite song.

And it’s just like the ocean under the moon
Well it’s the same as the emotion that I get from you
You got the kind of lovin’ that can be so smooth, yeah
Gimme your heart, make it real
Or else forget about it

Local bands covering that song became the background to many Friday nights that winter. We tried our best to imitate a sexy Spanish dancer and they tried their best to imitate Santana’s guitar style. This was during the time of Mark Anthony and Jennifer Lopez hitting it big with their music so it seemed that that era of our bar hopping days, were electrified with a bit of Latin flavor. I should also add in that this is when I finally realized the sexiness of Rob Thomas after watching the video for ‘Smooth’… I’m a sucker for a man in a cowboy hat, even a post grunge / pop / rock star.

I usually didn’t buy a music album until I knew at least three songs from it. Why was I going to waste my money on something I may not like? That wasn’t the case for Matchbox 20’s Mad Season album, I purchased it that day! And while I was still friends with both Ann and Dawn, it was a separate friendship, and that was fine; it was just the way it was. But, thanks to Ann, I now had Melanie and she made you understand what they meant about redheads. Oh, the conversations we had… Some of the best to this day. Back then, we used to talk about everything under the sun, never afraid of being judged. And lyrics, we loved to analyze our own personal meanings. The day that Mad Season was released in 2000, she called to ask if I’d heard the song that we would spend weeks searching for an explanation to on why this hit us so hard… Rest Stop became a phrase for us while discussing relationships ~ “Are you at a rest stop?” and we automatically knew what the other meant.

While you were sleeping
I was listening to the radio
And wondering what you’re dreaming when
It came to mind that I didn’t care

The following year, a man that I still wonder about 20 years later, asked me what song I would use to describe myself. Hesitating, I told him ‘Bent’, knowing that if he knew the lyrics, he would understand what was going on inside of me. With a sad smile on his face, he replied “I understand being jaded”.

If I couldn’t sleep could you sleep
Could you paint me better off
Could you sympathize with my needs
I know you think I need a lot
I started out clean but I’m jaded
Just phoning it in
Just breaking the skin

If the first album was about getting to know my friends, and the second was about getting to know myself, the third album, ‘More Than You Think You Are’ from 2002 was about building confidence and breaking up. While I didn’t play this cd on a continuous rotation like I did the others, the song ‘Disease’ is what I played every day on my way to work. It was driven with confidence, yet longing… Sure of self, but questioning…

Feels like you made a mistake
You made somebody’s heart break
But now I have to let you go
I have to let you go
You left a stain
On every one of my good days
But I am stronger than you know
I have to let you go
No one’s ever turned you over
No one’s tried
To ever let you down,
Beautiful girl
Bless your heart
I got a disease, deep inside me
Makes me feel uneasy baby
I can’t live without you
Tell me what I am supposed to do about it
Keep your distance from it
Don’t pay no attention to me
I got a disease
Feels like you’re making a mess
You’re hell on wheels in a black dress
You drove me to the fire
And left me there to burn

September 2003 and Dawn has tickets to go and see Matchbox Twenty the night before my 30th birthday. How perfect is this?!? We put my three cd’s in rotation and sang all of their songs during the 2 1/2 hour drive so that we were prepared for our favorite band live on stage. While I don’t remember them singing particular songs, I remember the feeling of just being thrilled that I was there. However, since these tickets were free through her work, not everyone around us were as big of fans as us, so they stayed pretty calm during the whole thing. But, that’s ok. Because for my 30th birthday, I was able to see the band that had a hand in shaping my 20’s.

Finally, their first compilation album comes out in 2007 with several new songs and some past hits. The first song listed, “How Far We’ve Come” with it’s loud strumming guitar and catchy beat made you bob your head in tune with the music and lift your hand up to point to the air while singing. There were phrases that really stuck out to me, such as, “Can you tell me what was ever really special about me all this time?” and “Say your goodbyes if you’ve got someone you can say goodbye to“. But, the chorus… When it came on, my four year old in the back seat would say, “Turn it up, please”.

I believe the world is burning to the ground
Oh well I guess we’re gonna find out
Let’s see how far we’ve come
Let’s see how far we’ve come

When the album ‘North’ was released in 2012, I didn’t even know about it. At that point, I was in my 5 year relationship and I either listened to Country or Christian when by myself, or Top 40 when the kids were around. So, in 2013 when I heard “Overjoyed”, I thought it was a nice song and although I was happy to hear Matchbox Twenty on the radio again, I was coming in to my 40’s and it just wasn’t hitting me like it used to. Music is so personal to me that sometimes, I just can’t listen to certain things because I DON’T want to go back to a time or have memories brought up. Even if those memories are filled with longing for another person. Sometimes, I have to shut that off.

Fast forward to 2020, and this text comes in from Joey, my fellow music lover…

These words of his that he wrote… Wow! Rob Thomas confirmed that he is just like the rest of us, struggling with our emotions and sometimes, still so unsure of ourselves. There are just too many words and phrases that I connected to so I suggest watching the video and letting it all sink in. The words, while they pack a punch, the melody feels hopeful. Maybe it will encourage you to reach out to someone…

What happened after hearing this song, you wonder… Well, I found him on Spotify and I am discovering songs of his that I passed over in the past few years and I am reliving some memories with a smile on my face. And, if you ever come across tickets for Rob Thomas or Matchbox Twenty, count me in!

Advice Column

I had a baby and lost my social friends…

June 17, 2020

DEAR ABBY: I recently welcomed my third child, a baby boy who was wanted and planned. We are overjoyed. Our two daughters are just under 10 years old. Over the years, my social circle has consisted mostly of the parents of my daughters’ friends.

Abby, my news was met with mixed reactions. Some were thrilled for my pregnancy, while others were shocked. One woman even told me, “I’m just not in that phase of life anymore.”

After my son was born, I didn’t get visits or even a phone call from some of them. I announced his birth on social media and mailed out a beautiful announcement, but he hasn’t been acknowledged nor have I been checked on.

I know he won’t really be affected by this and I’m trying to focus on the positives. We have a big family on both sides, and many people within our community have warmly welcomed him. But I have been a good friend to these women, supported them in their times of need and even reached out during this pandemic to check on them in an effort to reconnect. I’m so disappointed. What am I supposed to say to these “friends” when I run into them again? — NEW MOM AGAIN

DEAR MOM: When you encounter them, be cordial. Make polite conversation and ask how they and their families are doing. If they inquire, tell them you and your family are well. Then move on, recognizing you are dealing with individuals who are solely centered upon themselves. Do not attempt to revive a relationship with anyone who cares so little about you that they would treat you as they have, but do recognize how fortunate you are that you know not to invest more of your time or yourself in them.

Years ago, my friend Dawn found out she was pregnant and Ann and I were not sure how to react. Although we were truly happy for her, we knew that life was going to be different now that she was pregnant and would have to focus her time on a newborn. Well, Ann was the one that actually said the words, and I don’t blame her; she was being honest to someone we thought was a true friend. Ann wasn’t calling off the friendship, she was simply stating that things were going to be different. Dawn did not react well to this, assuming the worse and wrote us both off via a worded letter. It is not that we were upset that she was having a child, especially since I had a 5 year old, we knew that our bar hopping days were over for the time being, and that was fine. I think what really hit Dawn is that SHE KNEW her life was going to be different and took her frustration out on us. Months later, Dawn did reach out to me and we were friends for another 15 years or so. The funny thing is, when I found myself pregnant a few years later (SURPRISE!), Ann did not walk away from me. We discussed how life was going to be different and I was willing to admit it. In fact, she was there for the birth of Daniel and we’re still friends, all these years later. Dawn was also a constant in that child’s life and since I had never planned on having another after my first, she ‘got back at me’ with things I did to her baby (buying noisy toys, putting extra spaghetti sauce on a two year old’s plate… Those kinds of silly things.) What I’m saying is this… If you are talking about friendS as in plural, are these your social friends or your close friends. Because close friends realize that this is our life and how we grow. Social friends, you have added a new element and they just don’t want to deal with it. Is it right? Well, realize this… They were not your good friends. They enjoy life with being able to let 10 year old’s run around in the back yard and although they are being watched, they are kind of on their own. A newborn… Life is completely different and they just don’t want to deal with that. And be honest… What was your reaction when they gave you their opinion? Were you being a good friend and listening to what they were saying and having an open conversation, or did you immediately JUMP at them when they were discussing their feelings? Maybe they needed some time to warm up to the excitement. So, here is what you do… Realize that they were just social friends. Find your true friends and focus on them because they are what matters. Focus on friends that are going through what you are with an infant because those are the ones that can relate to your late night feedings, spit up on your shirt, teething… Real friends are those that WANT to hear your stories, not just head out to brunch.

God

The Five Finger Prayer

June 13, 2020

Fifteen years ago, I was telling a good friend of the prayer we would say for Daniel’s dad each night (he was Active Duty military and deployed to the desert)… “Dear God, Please watch over my daddy because we love him and we miss him.” From there, my sweet boy would add in anyone else he thought needed to be prayed for. Sometimes, it would take awhile as he was trying to delay bedtime. Or, perhaps… God put it in to his heart that these random people needed to be prayed for. While talking about this with my friend, she told me of the ‘Five Finger Prayer’ that her devout Catholic mother taught her as a child, and she had passed to her own children. I remember thinking how clever it was to have this reminder and printed out an example, to hang on my refrigerator. I came across it the other day and felt compelled to share the idea behind, ‘The Five Finger Prayer’.

First, begin your prayers with your thumb which is closest to your body. Your thumb represents your family and your friends ~ those closest to you. But, also pray for your enemies, for they affect your attitude towards your loved ones.

The next finger is your pointing finger. Pray for those that teach, instruct, and heal, such as teachers, ministers, and medical personnel.

The middle finger is the tallest and represents our leaders. Pray for our country and world leaders, business leaders, and even boss / co-workers.

Surprisingly, our ring finger is the weakest of all. You can never pray enough for those that are sick, or in trouble. Praying for those around us is a way of serving, which is an important part of our purpose.

By the time that we get to the pinky, which represents YOU, your prayers for others will have helped with the perspective of your thought process. You will be able to pray with a clear mind as you thank God for the blessings in your life, admit your struggles, and ask for guidance.

I like to think of the Five Finger Prayer as a way to ensure that I remember specific groups of people, even some that I wouldn’t remember in my daily prayers. For ease in teaching younger children about it, there are several coloring sheets that can be used, if you search google. Why not use this as a way to prove that power of prayer can help to change the world and our hearts.

Health & Spiritual

A pedicure as the Love Language for TOUCH

June 7, 2020

I went to get a pedicure today for the first time in probably over six months. I used to be so diligent about it… Every two weeks, I was in a nail salon ready to pick out the same pinkish red color that I had been wearing for forever. Maybe not the exact same shade, but always similar. Only three times did I do a different color – First for my brother’s wedding (late 90’s) and his wife wanted our toes the same color as our dress (baby blue). The second was in 2016… I had picked out my normal pinkish red, but when I told the woman that I had a first date the next night, she told me to do something different and she painted them teal (similar to this color). In her sweet Vietnamese accent she said, “You try this. If he likes, he a good man.” (He did and that lasted 6 months. Maybe I should seek out her wisdom again. ) 2018 was the third time. A bright Baby Blue. It was summer and a friend of mine had her finger nails painted that color and I liked it.

Back to my pedi today… I had spent the morning helping a friend pack and move. While on that side of town, I wanted to go in to my once favorite place. Luckily, they weren’t backed up so I ended up getting a chair within just a few minutes.

This salon which has been my ‘go to’ place, brings me peace. I know that there are others that are newer and shinier, but this place… There is something about the lived in feel, the quiet music that involves chimes, their sun faded posters involving Biblical themes, their cheap gold crosses… “Oh! We haven’t seen you in awhile! Sit, sit!” They always make me feel like they have welcomed me in to their home and WANT to take care of me. It must have been my lucky day because I ended up with the owner and he is usually booked with appointments. Looking at my goose bumped legs, he brought me over a towel to cover up with and I held on as if he had just given me a snuggle blanket. “You close your eyes. You relax.” Then he hit the massage chair button. The tension in my body started to melt away and once I felt those hot water jets hit my feet, the crease in my face started to smooth out. I sat there, holding on to the top of my towel, my reflexes moved my feet where they needed to go, melding in to the feeling of the massage on my shoulders and tightly wound back.

My mind started to wander to a couple of different friends. One had posted months ago about how her love language was touch but since she was single, she didn’t know how to get that language fulfilled. I suggested she go get a pedicure because it had always relaxed me. In my wording to her that day, it reminded me of how many times I had done the same exact thing when I just needed to feel loved, without really realizing why I was going. The thought of her took me to a conversation with another friend a few years prior. We had been discussing what it was like to be deployed and being away from your loved ones and he mentioned that that is why a lot of them will go and get massages. In my typical humor, I laughed and said, “Yah, we all know why they go and get a massage.” My humor was met with a very serious reply… “You know, some peoples love language is touch and just to have someone rub your feet or back, can really help fulfill that.” Those words have stayed with me as a reminder of how powerful touch really is.

When the pedicure was done, he put a hot washcloth that was infused with eucalyptus on the back of my neck. With each pressure his hands gave my neck and shoulders, it heightened the soothing aroma, ensuring my complete relaxation.

When I finally opened my eyes, the world seemed golden and my soul was at ease. I’ve learned my lesson – no longer will I look at these pedicures as too costly or time consuming and I will do my best to make more time for my self care in this way. I can only take as good of care for others as I take for myself.

Ironically enough, when I came home and decided to catch up on a show, those words were said to a character, almost word for word. Thank you, God, for reminding me that I matter, also, and helping me to realize that it is not selfish to give myself self-care.

PS – As you can see below, I went away from my normal pinkish red and stepped out of my comfort zone. I’ve spent my life, especially the last several years, doing what is expected of me. My purchasing style for clothes and decor has always basically been about “function”. I think it’s time that I start with “does this look like joy” when I look at colors for decor and such. And my first step to doing this, is teal colored toes that my kids and boss may shake their heads at. But, that’s ok, because it’s not their toes, right?

Life

Courage can start with picking out new pottery

June 7, 2020

Yesterday, I spent the day helping a friend move to a new house that she bought. It’s perfect for her and that view… Oh my! The spacious back yard overlooks the bay, with plenty of room on the back deck to enjoy the water and sunrise. She was super lucky that the previous owners left window boxes with freshly planted petunias, adding to the charm from either inside or out.

Adding to the charm of her new house was her variety of plants in colorful, sometimes eclectic, pots. The back of the moving van looked similar to that of a florist making deliveries, with wandering Jews and Ivy hanging from the wood rafters, and bowls of petunias and begonias packed in tightly. All that seemed to be missing were the plastic card holders with well wishes offered.

My slightly green thumb was beginning to itch. Oh, how I missed the color of outdoor plants! They always brought a smile to my thoughts, seeing them on my porch after a long work day, as if their flowers were saying, “Welcome home!” I’d always longed for my backyard to look like what my mind had imagined while reading ‘The Secret Garden’… Filled with whimsical plants in colored pottery lining the pebble covered paths, leading to a hidden bridge that connected to a maze of wandering ivy, luscious plants, and vibrant bushes with butterflies dancing around. Sure, there were times that I would add flowers to a dirt area in my backyard, but with kids and a dog running around, they didn’t last long. And in reality, if I would have had a secret garden, I would have gotten lost in there with a book, never to be found. Would that really have been such a bad thing, come to think of it? Ha! Looking back, it could have worked. You see, when my youngest son was little, he loved to help me pick out flowers for our front porch, always trying to find the right ones that smelled good or colors he thought I would enjoy. And when it would rain, instead of getting frustrated, he would say, “The rain is watering our plants and the sun will help them grow“. But, as time went on, sports, life, and challenging schoolwork got in the way. It seemed that suddenly, planting flowers with mom lost their thrill.

But, here I am with this sudden desire to watch plants evolve in to their own shape, maybe similar to watching my kids change and grow. (Well, that was just an A-HA moment, need to make a note of that.) So, I head to the store early on this rainy Sunday morning, to wander the garden section. The peace of mindlessly walking around, smelling the herbs, and reading different labels reminded me of the long ago quiet bookstores. I selected a variety based upon full sun, mid sun, and light sun, along with annual versus perennial. Not caring for the bland selection of pots (or pricing), I headed to a discount store hoping they would have some that caught my eye. This was going to be my chance to have the courage to go for something a bit more vibrant, not just practical and sturdy. They did not disappoint!

The heat index is already pushing 90 with 85% humidity at 10:30 am and I felt the need to do this today, why? What was I thinking? Oh, that’s right… My slight green thumb was itching! But, as I found my hands in the potting soil, adding to each pot, deciding which plants should be combined or left with their own kind, that old feeling came over me as I found where each one belonged. But, this time, it felt a bit different… These plants were at home.

Just as I was feeling quite satisfied with my progress and packing up the empty containers, a text came through from my friend across the street. “I look out my window and there you are with two different color gloves!” Laughing, I replied back with, “My damn dog seems to think they are great chew toys so when the cabinet is open and she can get to one, she snags it and starts trotting off. Freaking dog!” I needed that moment to break up the moment and look up at the sky.

A summer storm was coming in, so I lined up my new plants and admired my baby steps in purchasing an array of somewhat colorful pots. They’ll spend a day soaking up some rain, reaching for the sun, before I decide where to place them. As I stood back to admire the beginning of my colorful world, I reflected on the words of my son from 10 short years ago that is more a metaphor on life than he knew at the time… “The rain is watering our plants and the sun will help them grow“.

I had some cuttings from a plant that I trimmed down that had finally grown sufficient roots. Broken super glued coffee cups and small plastic pots are the perfect place to transfer these small plants while they adjust to their new environment.

This type of pot is something that I would have never picked out before. But, I loved the look and have always admired this style when I have seen in other peoples gardens.

So, what are you waiting for? There is always going to be rain, but there will be sun, and that is when we grow. Find the courage to pick out your own pottery and let your vibrant side show! For those of you that have seen your friends admiring your plants and beautiful pottery, just remember what an excellent gift that would make for them when the time arises. Not only is it the plant and the pot it is in that they admire, it is YOU, and your courage to do what they are striving for.

Friendship

The Power of Conversation

June 5, 2020

Conversations vary with different people. It seems that sometimes when you talk to a friend, particularly on the phone, it is to catch up and talk about your day to day life. It is not often that you will get in to a serious conversation and really explore the depths of your silent thoughts. You may touch on a subject, but aren’t we all afraid to speak openly at times? To really say our true feelings without the fear of embarrassment or rejection? What about the intelligent conversations? Where in our life can we fully discuss things with our friends and ask questions about ourselves?

At times, there are friends that we may feel the need to pull away from, for whatever reason. It always seems that women miss talking to each other, though. Their friend could have been less than perfect in certain friendship areas (that only we women seem to understand), but we remember the conversations – we crave the conversation! It could have been nothing more than having someone to talk to about our day or discussing life with children and husbands. Sometimes we wonder if certain friendships are even worth it and do we truly trust this person. However, I think that we have to look at the friendship and decide what we get out of it. Do we get gossip? A free babysitter? Someone to occupy our time? Those may be important issues for some of us and I have learned that each friend is there for a certain reason, for only us to decide. Very rarely will we find one friend that will fulfill every need that we could possibly have.

Yet, it is our friends that give us insight in to ourselves. Not necessarily by making us question our values of how we live, but by having those heart felt conversations on marriage, child birth, divorce, death, religion …. You name it. By having intimate conversations, we are able to truly see ourselves and learn to vocalize our fears, needs and wants through others by realizing that maybe we aren’t alone in this world – that we are all going through it together. By recognizing our friends weaknesses, we will hopefully recognize our own and begin to build on those to make them in to a strength that is powerful – one that we will want to share – something to help us become better reacquainted with our life.

Where can we stimulate our minds more than by discussing life with our friends? In business, we stimulate our minds with numbers and problems where we can feel the gratification when a certain transaction is completed, filing it away as complete. Yet, in friendships, we keep building. We will go through life together and hold each others hands and talk about our experiences. Years later, we will remember that particular time in our lives, regardless if we have become acquaintances with these friends or still remain close and will know that from one conversation, we may have changed our viewpoint on a certain subject. Yet if it wasn’t completely changed, we opened our eyes just a bit to look at a different side of life. Maybe that is the challenging thing about friendships and the conversations – how to remain friends even when our opinions differ.

At times, friends give you a view in to your thoughts that you had not even stopped to realize. Then there are the times that they can hurt you with a simple comment or a reminder of a time that you would rather forget. These are the instances that we have not been completely honest with ourselves or our friends – we do not let them know how we really feel on a subject out of what? Fear? Denial? And only when they make these comments, do we realize how it hurts. If we are good at lying to ourselves, they will not notice the little cringe that tightens our heart. Then again, maybe we should ask ourselves if they are that good of friends that they didn’t realize it would truly hurt….. or maybe they intended to hurt us just to see our reaction – to catch a glimpse of our eyes flickering or our voice faltering when continuing on. Is that fair to our friend – to deny further knowing us and to understand this confusion that rests within us? Wouldn’t it be better to sit down over a cup of coffee and honestly say, “You hurt me”? Or would that put a hindering on the conversation and take away what we need the most – companionship……..

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