family – Page 2 – Swimming With The Rain

Life Does Not Go As Planned

March 8, 2021

Life does not go as planned. There. I said it. Very rarely do we get that white picket fence, two kids where the son is a baseball star and the daughter is Homecoming queen, Fido sleeping peacefully in front of a roaring fire, a garage door opening to the organized wall of yard tools next to the shiny mini-van, and a husband walking in holding the newspaper greeting you with a kiss on the cheek.

When I was 10, my friends and I had plans of how we would decorate our houses, while living in close proximity, with children around the same ages. Our biggest concern was whether we would want open floor plans with the front door near the corner of the house or in the middle. (FYI – I’m now not a fan of open floor plans, they’re too noisy for me.)

When I was in my early teens, I wanted to be a psychologist, since I was good at listening to other peoples problems. Somewhere along the way, I realized that if I couldn’t solve my own problems, how would I solve others?

Around 16 or 17, I then day dreamed about working in a high rise building with a corner view, amidst all of the hustle and bustle. Doing what? I have no clue, because at that age, I still didn’t know myself.

Shortly after that, I wanted to be a Physical Therapist since the idea of working with Rodeo Cowboys appealed to my teenage boy crazy side. What I didn’t know then is that there is a lot of science involved, which has never been my strong suit.

Then life happened… I married, had a child, moved across the country thanks to the military, divorced, had another child, and experienced life.

I have experienced more in my life than most would ever care to. I have been knocked down too many times to count. But, do you know what that means? I have gotten back up each time. Sometimes, slower than others, but I have always gotten back up. Each time has made me a bit more resilient and I have taken a lesson from those struggles.

It is during those struggles that I have tried my best to keep an open mind on where my journey is headed, for sometimes I have no clue what the end game could possibly be. I have had to learn to trust in God and know that He has me on a path for a specific purpose. Although I may not know the reason, my steps may not be for my pleasure, but to be there for someone else in their time of need.

You see, with all of the good and bad that I have experienced in life, I am able to tell people that they will get through their hard times. It is tough to lose friends, family, jobs, anything that you depend on. But, I am living proof that you will make it through any of those life altering situations. Maybe that is why God has allowed me to go through what I have, to share my story with others along the way… To encourage hope, to offer guidance, to give them confidence to get back up. And since I have lived these struggles, do you really think I am going to be the one to judge you? No. I empathize because I know that God can throw a heck of a curve ball.

I can tell you one thing I always wanted to be when I grew up… A journalist. And look at me now with my own blog! I am not one that is followed by many, but I have found a way to put my experiences in to written form and to share some of what I have learned in life. For that, I am thankful. Because to be honest, white picket fences are really hard to mow around.

Health & Spiritual

Reverse Gossip

February 26, 2021

We know that attitudes are contagious, whether positive or negative. I am kind of grouchy when I wake up and my family always adjusted to it. And then along came my first child. He was born happy! He would wake up from naps smiling and would just be so excited to see me. How could I possibly act cranky towards a sweet innocent child that was jumping up and down in his crib when I came in. So, I had to change my morning attitude but it was easy to do with him.

Of course we love being around those positive people because they make us feel special and we also find ourselves happier. For instance, you have the option to sit on the beach for the day with one of two people… One of them is a constant complainer. If you say that it is a beautiful summer day, they will tell you that it is too hot. The other one looks at things from a positive view point so while they may agree that it is hot, they will also add that thankfully you two can get in the water when you need to cool off. Or better yet, they brought ice cold beer with them. Tell us about a situation where you encountered having to spend time with either of these types of people and how it reflected on you.

If your attitude is contagious, can positive gossip be contagious? Of course it can! Look at restaurant reviews and word of mouth! With social media as the most powerful influencer, think about when a new restaurant opens and one of your friends goes in the first few weeks. There will always be a post about the service and food. From there, you may decide that you need to go very soon, or you’ll wait six months and let them get their kinks worked out and see if they’re still open. Which places have you NOT been to but have heard about? Which places have you been to and told others about your experience?

One of my favorite examples about reverse gossip ~ There was a woman in our social circle that always showed up for Bunco, outdoor concerts, girl nights, etc. For the better part of a year, no one seemed to befriend her. She wasn’t rude, in fact she was Southern and had that syrupy Alabama drawl. She was pleasant enough, but we never took the time to get to know her on a personal level. Finally, I decided that if she was going to keep coming around, I would create a goal for myself to find something to connect with her about. During a girls night dinner, we started asking HER questions instead of just including her in the conversation. Come to find out, she was a fascinating woman! She was a psychologist with the military, had travelled all around the world and experienced many different cultures. The friends that were there that evening began to share this with others in our social circle, and I began to watch the effect this had on other people, as even more women accepted her and made her feel included. It made me realize that our gossiping about how we weren’t really sure why she was still coming around, impacted those around us. Once we started spreading positive “gossip”, it changed the way others looked at her.

Here is an example conversation of turning negative gossip in to something positive…

John: Mary is really lazy.

You: I’ve never noticed that. She is talented, wouldn’t you agree?

John (Grudgingly): Yes, I guess so.

Later you see Mary at the coffee machine and the conversation goes as follows:

You: I was talking with John earlier. He was saying you are very talented (after all, he did agree to that, didn’t he?).

Mary: Wow! I didn’t know he thought that of me. I’ve always felt he was very judgmental and snobby.

You: Hmm, never picked up on that. Really hard worker, isn’t he?

Mary: Well, I guess you have to give him credit for that.

The next day you and John are talking and you happen to mention:

You: Mary was talking about how hard a worker you are.

John: Really? Didn’t think she liked me, but maybe she’s not so bad after all.

Now, the next time John and Mary cross paths they both see each other in an entirely different light, with a completely different attitude and set of expectations – one of peace, enjoyment, and kindness. And it all happened because of you.

Let’s try this game about “Reverse Gossip”. In this game, instead of telling people the gossip people say about them or others, let’s repeat only the good that people say (even if we have to “suggest” that good), and find reasons to judge others favorably in all other situations. If we spent more time speaking favorably about people, imagine the positivity you would create for those around you.

Would you rather be known for spreading hurtful lies or having a positive outlook? Attitudes are contagious. Is yours worth catching?

***The above was used in a guided group conversation. Similar to a bible study, but without the religious references. If you have questions on how to spark this conversation amongst friends, co-workers, or in a social circle, feel free to email me at SwimmingWithTheRain@yahoo.com

Life

What I Should Have Asked For On Christmas

January 1, 2021

2:57am and I am jolted awake with the realization that it is Christmas morning and I am filled with a sense of excitement, only to realize, I am alone this Christmas.

There were days that I wanted to decorate but then 30 seconds later, I would wonder what is the use… Who is going to see the tree besides myself… Who is going to appreciate the ornament from when my youngest son started believing in Santa Claus or when my oldest son started his first job at Publix… Who is going to laugh with me when looking at the chewed up branches from the puppy last year…

This is when most would say, “Do it for yourself! Make yourself happy!” Well, let me tell you, I’ve been single a very long time and I’m kind of over that mantra.

I was asked recently what I wanted for Christmas and I finally understood exactly what I wanted, more so need…

I want your time. I want for you to want to spend time with me.

I want you to be present. Pay attention, have a meaningful conversation.

I want you to ask me questions. Ask me how I’m doing being away from family. Be interested.

I want you to realize that gifts are not about the money spent, it is about the heart and love that went in to choosing that moment. If it’s a $5 coffee mug but you know that each time they look at that cup, they will think of you, PERFECT! You created several moments with that.

I want you to realize that it is the simple gestures that mean everything to me, not the grand over the top ones. Just be there.

It’s now New Years Day… These words have stuck with me for over a week but I had been scared to publish. What if someone took offense? But, my gift is to now share my thoughts, realizing that I am not the only one that felt this way.

If you feel that this is what you should have asked for for Christmas, share these words. Maybe it will resonate with those that need to hear it from you. If you’re trying to think of the perfect gift for someone, think of these words and give someone your time.

Food

11 Different Types Of Pasta

July 15, 2020

Lately, I have been on a whole wheat pasta kick. Surprisingly, it is much better than you would think! I have found that the trick is that just before it’s completely done, drain the majority of the water (I just use the lid to drain instead of breaking out the strainer) and mix it in with the sauce. By letting it finish cooking this way, the noodles soak up the flavor of the sauce, and I can’t even tell if I am missing out on anything!

For some reason this morning, pasta crossed my mind and I thought, “Why are there so many types of pasta and are they used for different things?” So, off to Google Land I went. But, here’s the thing… The first two things that came up, were almost EXACTLY the same exact wording. Now, I know from writing blogs for work that there is a percentage you can get away with, but I prefer to write my own words. So, because I am nosy and want to know WHY, I kept researching for even more in depth information.

Would you put spaghetti noodles in Mac & Cheese? No way! But, WHY??? Because, we want the shell that holds all that ooey gooey goodness, so it makes perfectly good sense that different types of pasta, due to the thickness, texture, and shape, will be beneficial to different types of sauces. But, how was this all discovered of what noodle goes best with what sauce? One theory explains it as this ~ Italians appreciate and love artistry in all aspects of their lives. Doesn’t that make you have this wistful feeling? Then there is this theory that will make you think of your own Grandma and her cooking or quilting ~ Old Italian women didn’t spend time making every family member a new quilt, they perfected their slow cooked meals and passed that down.

Are you ready for your pasta lesson? FYI – from the website (SwimmingWithTheRain.com), you can print this out for reference.

Angel Hair (Capelli d’angelo) has the clue in its common name… It is more delicate and cannot hold the chunky sauces. Great for soups, oil based sauces, or my personal favorite – Shrimp Scampi!

Cavatappi has tight spirals that pull in flavor, which is why it is generally referred to as “Corkscrew”. Suggested to use in thicker sauces, with chunks of meat and vegetables, which can get “caught” in the spirals. A great idea for pasta salads, too!

Elbow Macaroni isn’t just for your kid’s art projects! This pasta is used with sauce, baked dishes, soups, macaroni salad… Probably one of the most versatile and popular.

Farafelle or better known as Bowtie Pasta, is one of my favorites. Why? It looks fun! It is a thicker noodle that can hold its own with a variety of sauces, but is perfect to mix with vegetables of the same size. The next time you are making a creamy type of sauce, use this and see if you can notice how the sauce sneaks in to the center.

Fettuccine ~ Long cut and flat, generally used with heavy cream sauce. For instance, Fettuccine Alfredo with it’s heavy cream, thick chicken cuts and vegetables.

How do you say “little tongues” in Italian? Linguine! It’s not as wide as fettuccine or as round as spaghetti or as thick as fettuccini, so it is perfect for the lighter sauces such as pesto, or white wine and Shrimp (my favorite).

Orzo seems to be gaining popularity these days. Larger than rice, it would be lost in a normal sauce, so it is best used in soup when needing to add in some “bulk”, or by itself with some butter and parmesan cheese.

I have to admit that the first time I had Penne Pasta in my mid-20’s, I felt like I was in the “high class” life. I had never heard of such a thing and fell in love with the way the Alfredo flowed inside the pasta and stuck to the ridges. This is why the edges are cut diagonal (main difference between Ziti and Penne). Try not to use as chunky of a sauce so that the mixture can move through the tubes.

Rigatoni is similar to Penne but is slightly larger, and instead of an angled opening, it is simply round. With the space being even more hollow, you can use the chunkier version of sauces.

Conchiglie or let’s just call it what it is ~ Shells! These can be used for Mac & Cheese, soups, cold pasta salads or one of my favorites if you buy the large variety ~ Stuffed Shells.

Spaghetti… Does it really need an explanation? Typically served with tomato sauce, but it is really the most versatile of all pastas. Thick enough it doesn’t get overpowered by a traditional meat sauce, but thin enough to mix with some olive oil, Parmesan, and red pepper flakes. So, go ahead and swirl that fork around and around!

Now that your taste buds are heightened, remember that the concept is to have the perfect balance of pasta and sauce. While some pasta lends an aesthetic look to the meal, they each serve a purpose to compliment the sauce and the type of meal you are preparing. Just remember, thinner sauces go with thinner noodles, and heartier noodles go with chunkier sauces.

Or better yet, you do you! Just enjoy your meal and be proud of the creation you have made!

Entertainment

Father’s Day as a Single Mom

June 21, 2020

I used to hate the phrase “Single Mom”. I am a mom, who cares that I am single! Let me say this louder, “I AM A MOM!” But, through the years, something has changed in me when I hear the phrase, “Single Mom”…

Because I am a single mom, I have taught my son how to ride a bike, how to tie a tie, explained the birds and the bees, carried him when he was three through a hospital with a 105 temp, cried by myself on his first day of kindergarten, explained how to tip at a restaurant on his first date, always the disciplinarian, helped get the swimsuit netting off of his body parts after a day at the beach, watched him get student of the month alone…

Yet, I have also been the one that he would crawl in to bed with when there was a storm, asked for help on school projects, confided in after a breakup, bawled like a baby when he graduated high school because “we did it”, high fived when he bought his first car, cheered him on when he played basketball…I have been THE ONE.

He’s 26 now, but I get a phone call every now and then when he is bored and I take those calls, even when busy at work. As parents, of course we will take those calls because they are our kids, but I know what it is like to be away from my parents since I have lived away for over 20 years.

Father’s Day is hard for us single mom’s, especially if we are away from our own father’s. Because it is a day that we are reflecting… Of course we miss our dad’s but we wonder if we messed our kids up because their dad’s aren’t in their lives. And we cry with sadness because it is the one day of the year when it is smacked at us on social media and reminds us that we have been alone in raising our children. There is no one with us that is so deeply connected to our children as we are when we are stressed about their grades, worried about their driving, not sure of how to discuss dating issues. It is us mom’s that do it when we are single, and we have no one to bounce these ideas off that will take such a vested interest in our babies.

Disagree with me or agree with me. Either way, this is my opinion and how I feel today. As I said, “I AM A MOM”, so I don’t expect to be celebrated on FATHER’S DAY. But, be patient with us single mom’s today. If our children are with us on this holiday, we are feeling guilty and wondering if we are doing enough. If they aren’t with us because they are lucky to have dad’s in their lives, we miss them, but still feel a bit of guilt.

These days, I’m ok with being called a single mom. I have done the toughest job of all ~ Motherhood, by myself. I didn’t have family here to babysit on random nights or to join me for school events. I raised a remarkable young man BY MYSELF and I am so proud of him. I am also proud of me for not letting him become one of the well known statistics of boys raised without their fathers.

20 years ago, laying in bed on a Father’s Day morning, missing my own dad and kid, my friend Ann called and asked what I was doing that day. I’m sure I had a few choice words of what the day meant to me. But, since her dad lived over a thousand miles away and her husband was deployed, she suggested we go and grab lunch. We headed to a local outdoor restaurant overlooking the water, ordered Pina Coladas, oysters, tuna dip, you name it. We had our table full of food, added in a couple beers, and had the best time, making Father’s Day easier on both of us. That perfect day started my tradition of doing something fun and relaxing for myself on Father’s Day. I have went to the beach, I have went to a water park, I have had friends over for dinner, and sometimes I just lock myself inside and watch chick flicks… Whatever my heart is needing that day to ease my guilt of being a single mom on Father’s Day.

Now, I’m going to call my own dad up to chat for a bit (after I wipe my tears away) then go lay in a pool and soak up some sunshine with friends. On the menu is Chicken Salad, Spinach & Artichoke dip, and a few Truly’s (Too old to drink White Claws! Ha!). And I am going to get through today being a single mom on Father’s Day.

God

The Five Finger Prayer

June 13, 2020

Fifteen years ago, I was telling a good friend of the prayer we would say for Daniel’s dad each night (he was Active Duty military and deployed to the desert)… “Dear God, Please watch over my daddy because we love him and we miss him.” From there, my sweet boy would add in anyone else he thought needed to be prayed for. Sometimes, it would take awhile as he was trying to delay bedtime. Or, perhaps… God put it in to his heart that these random people needed to be prayed for. While talking about this with my friend, she told me of the ‘Five Finger Prayer’ that her devout Catholic mother taught her as a child, and she had passed to her own children. I remember thinking how clever it was to have this reminder and printed out an example, to hang on my refrigerator. I came across it the other day and felt compelled to share the idea behind, ‘The Five Finger Prayer’.

First, begin your prayers with your thumb which is closest to your body. Your thumb represents your family and your friends ~ those closest to you. But, also pray for your enemies, for they affect your attitude towards your loved ones.

The next finger is your pointing finger. Pray for those that teach, instruct, and heal, such as teachers, ministers, and medical personnel.

The middle finger is the tallest and represents our leaders. Pray for our country and world leaders, business leaders, and even boss / co-workers.

Surprisingly, our ring finger is the weakest of all. You can never pray enough for those that are sick, or in trouble. Praying for those around us is a way of serving, which is an important part of our purpose.

By the time that we get to the pinky, which represents YOU, your prayers for others will have helped with the perspective of your thought process. You will be able to pray with a clear mind as you thank God for the blessings in your life, admit your struggles, and ask for guidance.

I like to think of the Five Finger Prayer as a way to ensure that I remember specific groups of people, even some that I wouldn’t remember in my daily prayers. For ease in teaching younger children about it, there are several coloring sheets that can be used, if you search google. Why not use this as a way to prove that power of prayer can help to change the world and our hearts.

Friendship

The Power of Conversation

June 5, 2020

Conversations vary with different people. It seems that sometimes when you talk to a friend, particularly on the phone, it is to catch up and talk about your day to day life. It is not often that you will get in to a serious conversation and really explore the depths of your silent thoughts. You may touch on a subject, but aren’t we all afraid to speak openly at times? To really say our true feelings without the fear of embarrassment or rejection? What about the intelligent conversations? Where in our life can we fully discuss things with our friends and ask questions about ourselves?

At times, there are friends that we may feel the need to pull away from, for whatever reason. It always seems that women miss talking to each other, though. Their friend could have been less than perfect in certain friendship areas (that only we women seem to understand), but we remember the conversations – we crave the conversation! It could have been nothing more than having someone to talk to about our day or discussing life with children and husbands. Sometimes we wonder if certain friendships are even worth it and do we truly trust this person. However, I think that we have to look at the friendship and decide what we get out of it. Do we get gossip? A free babysitter? Someone to occupy our time? Those may be important issues for some of us and I have learned that each friend is there for a certain reason, for only us to decide. Very rarely will we find one friend that will fulfill every need that we could possibly have.

Yet, it is our friends that give us insight in to ourselves. Not necessarily by making us question our values of how we live, but by having those heart felt conversations on marriage, child birth, divorce, death, religion …. You name it. By having intimate conversations, we are able to truly see ourselves and learn to vocalize our fears, needs and wants through others by realizing that maybe we aren’t alone in this world – that we are all going through it together. By recognizing our friends weaknesses, we will hopefully recognize our own and begin to build on those to make them in to a strength that is powerful – one that we will want to share – something to help us become better reacquainted with our life.

Where can we stimulate our minds more than by discussing life with our friends? In business, we stimulate our minds with numbers and problems where we can feel the gratification when a certain transaction is completed, filing it away as complete. Yet, in friendships, we keep building. We will go through life together and hold each others hands and talk about our experiences. Years later, we will remember that particular time in our lives, regardless if we have become acquaintances with these friends or still remain close and will know that from one conversation, we may have changed our viewpoint on a certain subject. Yet if it wasn’t completely changed, we opened our eyes just a bit to look at a different side of life. Maybe that is the challenging thing about friendships and the conversations – how to remain friends even when our opinions differ.

At times, friends give you a view in to your thoughts that you had not even stopped to realize. Then there are the times that they can hurt you with a simple comment or a reminder of a time that you would rather forget. These are the instances that we have not been completely honest with ourselves or our friends – we do not let them know how we really feel on a subject out of what? Fear? Denial? And only when they make these comments, do we realize how it hurts. If we are good at lying to ourselves, they will not notice the little cringe that tightens our heart. Then again, maybe we should ask ourselves if they are that good of friends that they didn’t realize it would truly hurt….. or maybe they intended to hurt us just to see our reaction – to catch a glimpse of our eyes flickering or our voice faltering when continuing on. Is that fair to our friend – to deny further knowing us and to understand this confusion that rests within us? Wouldn’t it be better to sit down over a cup of coffee and honestly say, “You hurt me”? Or would that put a hindering on the conversation and take away what we need the most – companionship……..

Entertainment

George Strait, Run

June 2, 2020

April 2011… I got a call from my youngest son’s dad one morning. He was still Active Duty Air force, months away from retiring. We still got along quite well and I was pretty involved with his family. I was standing outside, away from the prying ears of our 8 year old. Gregory asked me for the first big request that would begin our four year long journey of watching his older parents die… “Will you go to the hospital and check on my dad? My sisters say he’s fine, but they also said that Red Cross will be calling me.” If you need to know one thing about the military when Red Cross gets involved, it’s that death is basically imminent.

For years, I had referred to this family as my “fake in-laws”. It wasn’t in a demeaning way. They weren’t really my in-laws (had never been married to the man) but we celebrated holidays together and we got along like family, the good and the bad. We had an unspoken agreement that if we were with our son at a doctor’s appointment and they called us back saying, “Mr. and Mrs. Johnson”, we didn’t correct them; it just wasn’t worth the time explaining to an Airman that we may never see again. Now, daycare and school was a totally different thing. Although we never referred to each other as a spouse, I was the “daughter-in-law”, when it came to dealing with his parents. How were we to explain to people the nature of my relationship with his family and have them understand because they couldn’t usually grasp the situation.

I got to the hospital and headed toward Granddaddy’s room. Honestly, I expected to see him sitting up in bed and chatting away, even if looking a bit tired, hoping this was all an overreaction. What I saw instead was this 6 foot 3 man lying flat on his back, jaundice, with a urine bag filled with what looked like watered down coffee. My immediate reaction inside my brain was, “This is what a dying man looks like”.

I walked over to the sisters and gave a brief, ‘good to see you hugg’ as they chatted away, oblivious to the seriousness going on around them. I think we all have those moments when our brain is protecting us from what’s to come.

In walks Granddaddy’s nurse. About 5 foot 7, slender, dark brown bob haircut. Funny the details one remembers from these times… Maybe I knew that she was about ready to change this family’s world and my mind took a snapshot of her. She asked if I was family and the sisters chimed in with, “She’s the daughter-in-law”. I smiled and said, “Yep. My kid is the heir to the throne.” (Long running joke in the family) The sisters start asking how they would have to change Granddaddy’s diet when he went home. With a puzzled look on her face, the nurse that yes, his diet would change, when he left there. That part wasn’t sinking in with them… Maybe, they were optimistically avoiding the truth. Having finally realized that he was in liver failure, the nurse and I locked eyes and I asked the question I was sent there for, “Is he actually going to be able to go home?” She quietly shook her head, I slightly nodded in reply. You see, my aunt had just died less than 6 months prior of basically the same thing. Although I wasn’t back home when it was going on, based on conversation with my family, I knew the road ahead we were about to take. The sisters were quietly crying because now they knew what they had been avoiding. And I knew that I would have to speak up and get the answers to questions that his son would have been asking. That is exactly what I told her… “I am here on behalf of his son so please say what needs to be said so I can let him know.” He woudl be stabilized for transport to an extended care facility but in the meantime, a Red Cross volunteer would come in to start getting information to bring his son home.

Shortly after, in walked a short, plump woman that just exuded love and warmth. You just knew that she was the one that could give the best huggs and hold you tight while you cried. She started asking military questions… base, rank, last four, squadron, etc. I knew all of the answers and gave them. My job right then was to make things a bit easier on the sisters so they could be there for each other. She looked at Granddaddy, then looked at us and asked, “Can I pray for all of you?” I can’t recall the exact words but I do remember the feeling of guidance and support.

I sent the text… “Let me know when you’re ready.” My phone rang. I stepped out in to the hallway and started walking and said, “What all do you want to know?” The reply was, “Everything.”

“Get here now. I don’t care how you do it, just get here. Drive down, get on a plane, just get here now.”

Granddaddy died about a month later with his son at his side, holding his hand. Every time I hear this song, I remember telling his son almost the exact same words, “Oh, baby run”.

Life

Broken glass and love

May 29, 2020May 31, 2020

Throughout the ages, wine has always brought people together. Once considered a daily necessity in Ancient Rome, it was made available to everyone and not only symbolized life within the community, but it was also looked at with joy, celebration and the blessings from God.

Yet, the glass that we drink wine from is extremely fragile, as are human relationships. Love, like glass, must be protected and treated with special care.

Should you find yourself in a moment where glass has broken, and the previous design is no longer visible… Rearrange the pieces, and create your own unique design.

Because in the world that you have created that is full of love, understanding and happiness, you will also be the one that holds the glue… Bringing broken glass back together…