falling in love – Swimming With The Rain

28 Hotel Rooms

July 26, 2020

One thing I love about Hulu is it’s movie suggestions. I swear, it knows me. Thanks to technology, it probably does. Anyways, listed under ‘Movies for you’, I kept seeing the title to this movie. It sounds familiar and I think that somewhere, I must have seen that someone posted about it or maybe I read something, because I knew the premise was a couple meets in different hotels rooms. But, being that I wasn’t wanting to watch porn, I would skip past it. Yet, Hulu knows me so surely it wouldn’t be suggesting porn, right?

Each time I go to Hulu, I see the movie listed and since I have exhausted the majority of movies, I looked up the premise on Wikipedia… “A novelist and a corporate accountant conduct an affair over a period of several years, meeting only when they are each traveling for work in a city far from their homes. The film takes a minimalist approach: it consists entirely of scenes between the two of them in hotel rooms.” So, could still be porn… Let’s find the trailer…

That’s it, I’m watching! They had me when he was painting her toes and when she was emotional saying that she feels ugly… I’m a sap when movies feel genuinely real.

I immediately recognized Danny Castellano, I mean Chris Messina, from The Mindy Project. He played Mindy Kaling’s love interest and I LOVED him! I hadn’t heard of Marin Ireland, but based upon her Wikipedia page, she has done quite a bit, which is probably why she looks familiar. Plus, she is from Central California and I’m a sucker for anyone from there (Camarillo to be exact).

28 Hotel Rooms is a movie I could probably analyze with such a wide array of elements. My ideal situation would be the conversation that would happen after another person watches, because I think it is one of those movies that opinions can vary, even your own, based upon how you feel at the time or what your mindset is. But, on to my own personal review…

The camera gives off the feeling that it is another character that they are not aware of. The chemistry between these two characters is undeniable and their conversations feel real, as if they are unscripted. He caresses her back while they lay in bed talking, sensing the intimacy as he taps her lower back in response to a question, as if to say, “Alright”.

As in all new loves, he plays the 21 questions with her asking about siblings, parents, republican or democrat, chocolate or vanilla ice cream… But, you start to notice, she does not reciprocate. Yet, she is the one that when a future is discussed, you can sense that she is toying with that idea in her head, only to snap back to reality and change the topic. She does this enough times that you realize that she does struggle with what she is doing, whether it is by quietly crying in the bathroom while he is sleeping, or seeing how hot she can get the bath water, as if in punishment.

These two separate their worlds and only briefly allow their real one in, as they catch up on months apart. They give off brief descriptions, like a highlight reel. But yet, you are able to perceive that these two have long conversations about life and discuss things that maybe they do not with their respective partners. With each other, they are free to be whom they want ~ fun, exciting, erotic… It is presented as being tipsy and dancing naked on a balcony, sneaking up to the rooftop of a hotel to watch fireworks, running the hallways laughing… Something that their real lives would not allow as they pay their mortgage, move from the city, try to get ahead in their careers…

As romantic and whimsical as they make it seem, they also fight. They fight with the intensity that you may not allow yourself to with your real life partner for fear of the judgement or possible alienation. These two know that at any moment, they can get up and walk away, without any damage to a marriage.

Yet, they are drawn to each other, unable to stay away. Why is that? Is it true love or could it just be that the brief interludes give them a sense of excitement to an otherwise boring life?

28 Hotel Rooms is a movie that is worth watching again and again. You will create your own back stories for them, as you are only able to see brief snippets of their encounters. In your mind, you will sense the passage of time and gain an understanding of their intimacy with each other. When the end credits begin, you will want more of their story.

Love (or lack thereof)

Falling in love…

June 5, 2020

I see a woman that by merely walking in to a room, her presence is noticed. Not by her height alone, which she accentuates with heels, but with her vibrancy and her hand held out to introduce herself. She is confident and will speak her mind. Power is something that she holds in the palm of her hand. But, I know her secret. It is something that her and I share. We are afraid of giving up that power to have feelings for someone else – to fall in love.

We ask ourselves where we stand. Yet it is evident in the small actions – the phone calls that we receive, the delivered flowers, the love notes via email. We know exactly where we stand, yet we wonder and we want answers. Should we ask? And when we ask, will our thoughts of perfection end in ruins as our feelings of amazement escape us? Do we want to see this perfect specimen become a human being as we hear their feelings vocalized? When finally sharing our fears with the other and we hear that of course they find us amazing, what is the next step?

To know the power of someone wanting us is energetic. With this sense of empowerment, we feel in control of our destiny and guide along as we wish. Yet, when the tables are turned and we find ourselves losing the control, we are scared. This is when I personally will call it a day and walk so as not to get hurt. I do not want to share my feelings because by doing this, I am allowing you, almost single handedly, to affect my mood and my thoughts. As long as I am the one that leaves you wanting more, I am confident in my purpose and can plan the upcoming journey.

We are afraid of rejection. By admitting that our thoughts focus on another and not knowing our place, we are allowing this person to take charge of our inner most peace of mind. We become afraid to disagree with a decision or to even state what we truly desire for fear that with out their approval, they may not see us as the perfect person that we have been striving to appear as. We will begin to analyze all steps – was there an underlying message in this conversation? The way he held his arm and had his leg crossed – did that body gesture relate to something? What about the way he was concentrating on the road – maybe he was thinking about how life would be better without me.

This is where we have to stand up and act as our own person. Falling in love is wonderful and I recommend it to everyone. Yet, it is overwhelming with all the emotions that circulate through our mind and how they affect our smile. How do we regain control of our own thoughts and feel comfortable with knowing that someone desires us as much we desire them? Where are the comfortable boundaries?

This last question, I cannot completely answer. I do not allow anyone past a certain point in my emotional self. I will not give that control to have an effect in my life and leave myself open to daydreams and heartache. Is this healthy? Of course not. Yet, it is who I am. It is the person that I have created to protect myself from feeling alone. As my cousin once told me, it is more lonely to be with someone and feel alone than to be alone without someone.

One day, I may overcome these feelings and be ready to reach out. Until then, I am content to enjoy my life, myself. I enjoy my thoughts uninterrupted with feelings of inadequacy, anger and even jealousy at another’s confidence to live their life as they please. I do not wonder where I fit in and what our future holds. Reading a book in silence and becoming lost in the story is something that I enjoy and I appreciate being able to grab my keys and leave without having to check with another. I do as I please.

Yet, sometimes I wonder whom I will call when life has turned upside down and I need someone to cheer for just me. Will someone be there to hold my hand when I receive unexpected news? In the middle of the night when I cannot sleep, as evident by this 3am typing, will there be a hand to reach out and hold to give me comfort?

So, I say go for it. Go for the love and enjoy what you have in this moment. When will you feel again as you are feeling now with the sunshine so warm and the breeze blowing through your hair? Concentrate on the soft kisses and revel in the joyous thought that someone, right now, sees you as near perfect. Do not ask what the next step is. Let it be a surprise that comes wrapped in a bow that is to be opened with a rainbow as it shines even more light in to your life. Experience the first few moments of new love.

28 Hotel Rooms

Falling in love…

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