dad – Swimming With The Rain

It’s time to pick your own lane…

June 3, 2020June 3, 2020

Have you ever been driving behind a car for awhile and all of a sudden, you realize that your movements mimic theirs? They move a little to the left, so do you. They veer slightly to the right, you lean to the right. They speed up, your right foot presses the gas a bit. Over and over we do this, often times without realizing.

This was apparent to me while driving to the grocery store after work. I was stuck behind a vehicle that had very exaggerated movements. Turning from Main Street at the traffic light to a side road… He swung wide, I swung wide. Same thing at the roundabout… He went wide, I went wide. With another wide turn in to the parking lot, I giggled when I realized how I was mimicking his driving. Then it’s as if a light bulb flickered inside my brain and I thought, “Is this what we do in life… Mimic those around us?”

My brother’s words from my early driving days came back to me… “You’re like that song, ‘Give me 40 acres and I’ll turn this rig around…’ but you don’t drive a big rig, you drive a small Honda.” In my defense, I had grown up around people that drove pickup trucks so that’s how I honestly thought you turned around… Big wide turns!

Isn’t this what life is sometimes like? Is it perhaps ingrained in to our minds that we are supposed to act a certain way because it fits the status quo? For instance, we should peel a banana fully before eating, only use a certain brand of detergent, always tuck the bottom part of the flat sheet in… When do we stand up and say, “No! I like to only peel the part that I am taking a bite out of, I prefer All over Tide detergent, and I like my sheets untucked!”?

How many of you heard the phrase from your parents regarding your up to no good friends, “If they jumped off a bridge, would you?” Sure, it’s a question, but they weren’t really expecting an answer. Because if we did answer, we would dutifully hang our head and say the obligatory, “No”. (By the way, you get extra points if you said m’am or sir after telling them your answer.) But, in our heads, as the inexperienced children we were, our brain was yelling, “Yes! Because these are my best friends and they will do anything for me!” (You get extra points here if you have ever said this to your own children because now you know better. Ha!)

Now that we are adults, who are we still following behind in traffic? Is it your significant other that tries to makes you realize it’s just easier to go along with their opinion? What about the friend that makes you feel guilty if you don’t feel like painting the town red on a Friday night? Let’s add in the co-worker that always seems to act a bit superior towards your differing work loads. And then there’s the school parents that belittle you for not wanting to take part in the newest fundraiser.

It is time that we learn to drive our own way. Choose a lane and stay in it! As women, we have a lot of life experience. We know how to make choices, we know what type of wine we prefer (Pinot Noir girl here!), we know how to prioritize work, and we know how we like our coffee. So, why would we let someone else dictate our lane? It’s time we speak up and take responsibility for our own lives. Is the person in front of you driving too fast… Then slow down. Weaving in and out of traffic… STAY IN YOUR LANE! Drive at the speed you need to and enjoy the scenery IN FRONT OF YOU.

Ironically enough, while in the store thinking about these things and pushing my cart down an aisle, I was busy looking over to the side and a nice looking distraction caught my eye… Bam! There went my cart right in to the corner of a cookie display. The light bulb in my mind didn’t just flicker… It was as if a brand new stop light had just been installed.

Although those cookies really did look good, I’m trying to be healthy, so I fixed the display and moved along. I made a choice. I left the cookies and went to find the bug spray (trying to get some yard work done and the mosquito’s are just crazy right now). Don’t start looking around while driving, wondering what is out there. Pull over to the side and decide what path you want to take.

We all have choices to make in life. Sometimes we do need guidance, especially when visiting a new place. But, this is our life and it is time we took it back. We can give our opinion and speak up on the way that we expect to be treated. We can choose to stay home on a Friday night and binge chick flicks. We can choose to better ourselves and live a life that WE are proud of!

I am giving you permission to stop, decide if you want to take the scenic route. You don’t have to go in the direction you have always been heading, following someone else, the one they say is the best. Look around, which direction do YOU want to try? Because girl, I am telling you… YOU ARE WORTH IT! Now, buckle your seat belt, put your sunglasses on, and turn your blinker to the direction you want to go!

Entertainment

George Strait, Run

June 2, 2020

April 2011… I got a call from my youngest son’s dad one morning. He was still Active Duty Air force, months away from retiring. We still got along quite well and I was pretty involved with his family. I was standing outside, away from the prying ears of our 8 year old. Gregory asked me for the first big request that would begin our four year long journey of watching his older parents die… “Will you go to the hospital and check on my dad? My sisters say he’s fine, but they also said that Red Cross will be calling me.” If you need to know one thing about the military when Red Cross gets involved, it’s that death is basically imminent.

For years, I had referred to this family as my “fake in-laws”. It wasn’t in a demeaning way. They weren’t really my in-laws (had never been married to the man) but we celebrated holidays together and we got along like family, the good and the bad. We had an unspoken agreement that if we were with our son at a doctor’s appointment and they called us back saying, “Mr. and Mrs. Johnson”, we didn’t correct them; it just wasn’t worth the time explaining to an Airman that we may never see again. Now, daycare and school was a totally different thing. Although we never referred to each other as a spouse, I was the “daughter-in-law”, when it came to dealing with his parents. How were we to explain to people the nature of my relationship with his family and have them understand because they couldn’t usually grasp the situation.

I got to the hospital and headed toward Granddaddy’s room. Honestly, I expected to see him sitting up in bed and chatting away, even if looking a bit tired, hoping this was all an overreaction. What I saw instead was this 6 foot 3 man lying flat on his back, jaundice, with a urine bag filled with what looked like watered down coffee. My immediate reaction inside my brain was, “This is what a dying man looks like”.

I walked over to the sisters and gave a brief, ‘good to see you hugg’ as they chatted away, oblivious to the seriousness going on around them. I think we all have those moments when our brain is protecting us from what’s to come.

In walks Granddaddy’s nurse. About 5 foot 7, slender, dark brown bob haircut. Funny the details one remembers from these times… Maybe I knew that she was about ready to change this family’s world and my mind took a snapshot of her. She asked if I was family and the sisters chimed in with, “She’s the daughter-in-law”. I smiled and said, “Yep. My kid is the heir to the throne.” (Long running joke in the family) The sisters start asking how they would have to change Granddaddy’s diet when he went home. With a puzzled look on her face, the nurse that yes, his diet would change, when he left there. That part wasn’t sinking in with them… Maybe, they were optimistically avoiding the truth. Having finally realized that he was in liver failure, the nurse and I locked eyes and I asked the question I was sent there for, “Is he actually going to be able to go home?” She quietly shook her head, I slightly nodded in reply. You see, my aunt had just died less than 6 months prior of basically the same thing. Although I wasn’t back home when it was going on, based on conversation with my family, I knew the road ahead we were about to take. The sisters were quietly crying because now they knew what they had been avoiding. And I knew that I would have to speak up and get the answers to questions that his son would have been asking. That is exactly what I told her… “I am here on behalf of his son so please say what needs to be said so I can let him know.” He woudl be stabilized for transport to an extended care facility but in the meantime, a Red Cross volunteer would come in to start getting information to bring his son home.

Shortly after, in walked a short, plump woman that just exuded love and warmth. You just knew that she was the one that could give the best huggs and hold you tight while you cried. She started asking military questions… base, rank, last four, squadron, etc. I knew all of the answers and gave them. My job right then was to make things a bit easier on the sisters so they could be there for each other. She looked at Granddaddy, then looked at us and asked, “Can I pray for all of you?” I can’t recall the exact words but I do remember the feeling of guidance and support.

I sent the text… “Let me know when you’re ready.” My phone rang. I stepped out in to the hallway and started walking and said, “What all do you want to know?” The reply was, “Everything.”

“Get here now. I don’t care how you do it, just get here. Drive down, get on a plane, just get here now.”

Granddaddy died about a month later with his son at his side, holding his hand. Every time I hear this song, I remember telling his son almost the exact same words, “Oh, baby run”.

It’s time to pick your own lane…

George Strait, Run

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