We know that attitudes are contagious, whether positive or negative. I am kind of grouchy when I wake up and my family always adjusted to it. And then along came my first child. He was born happy! He would wake up from naps smiling and would just be so excited to see me. How could I possibly act cranky towards a sweet innocent child that was jumping up and down in his crib when I came in. So, I had to change my morning attitude but it was easy to do with him.

Of course we love being around those positive people because they make us feel special and we also find ourselves happier. For instance, you have the option to sit on the beach for the day with one of two people… One of them is a constant complainer. If you say that it is a beautiful summer day, they will tell you that it is too hot. The other one looks at things from a positive view point so while they may agree that it is hot, they will also add that thankfully you two can get in the water when you need to cool off. Or better yet, they brought ice cold beer with them. Tell us about a situation where you encountered having to spend time with either of these types of people and how it reflected on you.

If your attitude is contagious, can positive gossip be contagious? Of course it can! Look at restaurant reviews and word of mouth! With social media as the most powerful influencer, think about when a new restaurant opens and one of your friends goes in the first few weeks. There will always be a post about the service and food. From there, you may decide that you need to go very soon, or you’ll wait six months and let them get their kinks worked out and see if they’re still open. Which places have you NOT been to but have heard about? Which places have you been to and told others about your experience?

One of my favorite examples about reverse gossip ~ There was a woman in our social circle that always showed up for Bunco, outdoor concerts, girl nights, etc. For the better part of a year, no one seemed to befriend her. She wasn’t rude, in fact she was Southern and had that syrupy Alabama drawl. She was pleasant enough, but we never took the time to get to know her on a personal level. Finally, I decided that if she was going to keep coming around, I would create a goal for myself to find something to connect with her about. During a girls night dinner, we started asking HER questions instead of just including her in the conversation. Come to find out, she was a fascinating woman! She was a psychologist with the military, had travelled all around the world and experienced many different cultures. The friends that were there that evening began to share this with others in our social circle, and I began to watch the effect this had on other people, as even more women accepted her and made her feel included. It made me realize that our gossiping about how we weren’t really sure why she was still coming around, impacted those around us. Once we started spreading positive “gossip”, it changed the way others looked at her.

Here is an example conversation of turning negative gossip in to something positive…

        John: Mary is really lazy.

        You: I’ve never noticed that. She is talented, wouldn’t you agree?

        John (Grudgingly): Yes, I guess so.

        Later you see Mary at the coffee machine and the conversation goes as follows:

        You:  I was talking with John earlier.  He was saying you are very talented (after all, he did agree to that, didn’t he?).

        Mary:  Wow! I didn’t know he thought that of me.  I’ve always felt he was very judgmental and snobby.

        You:  Hmm, never picked up on that. Really hard worker, isn’t he?

        Mary:  Well, I guess you have to give him credit for that.

        The next day you and John are talking and you happen to mention:

        You:  Mary was talking about how hard a worker you are.

        John: Really?  Didn’t think she liked me, but maybe she’s not so bad after all.

        Now, the next time John and Mary cross paths they both see each other in an entirely different light, with a completely different attitude and set of expectations – one of peace, enjoyment, and kindness.  And it all happened because of you.

Let’s try this game about “Reverse Gossip”. In this game, instead of telling people the gossip people say about them or others, let’s repeat only the good that people say (even if we have to “suggest” that good), and find reasons to judge others favorably in all other situations. If we spent more time speaking favorably about people, imagine the positivity you would create for those around you.

Would you rather be known for spreading hurtful lies or having a positive outlook? Attitudes are contagious. Is yours worth catching?

***The above was used in a guided group conversation. Similar to a bible study, but without the religious references. If you have questions on how to spark this conversation amongst friends, co-workers, or in a social circle, feel free to email me at SwimmingWithTheRain@yahoo.com