I’ll be honest… I have a problem celebrating my birthday. It is not due to my age, nor that I am single, or that my family is across the other side of the country. And if you ask me what I want to do for my birthday, I will tell you different ideas and it sounds like we’re all going to have a lot of fun, until the month of my birthday starts. Unfortunately, since my big day is towards the end, I literally have over three weeks to make myself miserable, cancel your plans, and cry.

Why do I dislike celebrating my birthday? Because through the years, I have listened to people talk about the obligation of having to celebrate someone else. When I hear someone grumble about having to go to dinner for a family member’s big day or the hassle of putting together a luncheon for a co-worker, I wonder if that is what is said about me. As I type these words, my heart is pounding and I can feel anxiety forming.

Yet, I love to celebrate other people’s birthdays! To me, it is the one day out of the year that YOU get to feel special. (In the interest of preventing an argument, you should always feel special). On your birthday, if you want to wear a tiara and a sash, I say GO FOR IT! But, there will always be the people that roll their eyes or make snide remarks when a girl walks in with a smile on her face excitedly saying, “It’s my birthday!” I am standing up for them right now and telling you to back off. Let these women have their moments! You do not know what they are going through. This may be the one day of the year that they have decided to set all of their life stresses aside and they just want to relax and enjoy their special day.

Birthdays mean different things to different people – it could be the fact that they are grateful for where they are in life, perhaps it is a reminder of another year that has beaten their self esteem down, some may be thankful that this is a time when all of the family gathers together. I say all of this to get to my point… Sometimes, you have to plan your own birthday party. I am not meaning in the selfish, “No one ever does it how I want it” kind of way, either. Just follow with my thought process and keep and open mind, please.

I’ve recently found the TV Show Blue Bloods on ION tv, and am now a huge fan of the Reagan family with their strong loyalty to each other. In an episode that I watched, Frank Reagan (played by Tom Selleck) has a birthday coming up and it is well known that he has an issue with people acknowledging it, so he asks his father if there was something from his childhood that happened to perhaps make him feel this way.

I want to add some insight right here… The part where he asked his dad such an insightful question, touched me quite a bit, because it showed his vulnerable side. I understand that this is a tv show, but whichever writer came up with that wording, BRILLIANT! I say this because sometimes in large families, children are made fun of on their birthdays, without adults realizing it. Kids ask when they can open their gifts, they open them too fast or too slow, they don’t say thank you long enough, they look embarrassed when people are singing happy birthday, they don’t look overly excited for the clothes…. Let me explain something right here. When kids go to another kids birthday party, one of their favorite things is watching their friends open gifts and seeing all of the cool toys! So, when it’s their own party, imagine the elation at being the one that gets to create this moment for the group of kids waiting to see new toys. Nine-year-old’s are still trying to figure out how to control their excitement so they may not run straight over to you to saying thank you, while the paper is still taped to the box. And honestly, what kid wants clothes except for teenage girls? Not to mention, the worst thing you can do to a person that gets super uncomfortable being in the spotlight (who’s hand is raised here?) is have 20 people sing happy birthday while staring straight at you. That being said, those issues that arise on a child’s birthday when they are chastised for their behavior, particularly in front of others, can carry over in to adulthood, especially when they do not learn how to deal with their own feelings.

Back to Frank Reagan… Through conversation with his dad, he realized that it stemmed from his 9th birthday party, when his dad had bought tickets for all of the boys in his class to go and watch a baseball game. Unfortunately, dad gave the parents the wrong date and none of his friends showed. “Son, this was back before cell phone.” Imagine this 9 year old child thinking that no one wanted to celebrate him… In “current times” on Blue Bloods, after Police Commissioner Reagan’s family sings happy birthday to him and he blows out the candles, he announces that he rented a van and they are all headed to a baseball game. The thrill on everyone’s face was pure joy! One of his children, while smiling, said, “Who plans their own surprise birthday?”, to which he replied, “I did.” I watched this unfold and thought, “THAT IS BRILLIANT!”

Let me explain why… For those of us that get anxious about our birthdays and feel guilt about people being “forced” to celebrate it, we try to plan something that we know people will enjoy. Why? Because we truly appreciate seeing the excitement on other peoples faces, and it takes the stress off so we don’t have to be the center of attention.

If it is my birthday and I tell you that I want to make dinner for YOU, please let me. I don’t want brunch with 15 people and listen to mindless chatter… I would rather have brunch with one or two others and have great conversation. Because it is the one day of the year that I want to set aside my worries, allow myself to be carefree, and not be told that I am selfish for truly enjoying ONE day of the year. The best gift you can give me is to let me say thank you to you for being there for me. Let me show my love for you, and you graciously accept.

If at any time while reading this, you felt like I was speaking directly to you, please go straight to the website’s home page and read my personal disclaimer.