I had a first date on New Years Eve. But, why is this such a big deal, you may wonder. Plenty of people have dates NYE. Well, being that I haven’t had a date in 2 1/2 years… I like to think it’s because it’s because I made a choice to not date until I moved away from Florida. Then again, it could be because I have a tendency to take an interest in emotionally unavailable men. No, not the married ones. Just the ones that aren’t ready for relationships. Wow! Feels almost liberating to admit that. Anyways, on to my date.

Probably need to add in the other detail about not dating until I left Florida. I knew in my heart in 2018 that I would start my plan to move to Indiana within the next couple few years. Was I really wanting to date someone in Florida knowing that if I fell for them, it could ruin my future plans? I made 2019 all about spending time with my friends and enjoying the single life. So much so that it wore me down by 2020… Probably a good sign.

I have a tendency to refer to dates with “code names”. There was the gay guy, catastrophic adjuster guy, southern boy… You get it. This one is “Train Guy” since he is some kind of Electrical Engineer for the Rail Road.

How do you line up a date in 2020 when you have just moved to a new state, Covid is in full force, and you’re not one to sit at a bar and wait for Mr. Right Now to buy you a drink… Bumble! So, it’s kind of a cool dating site because only women can start the conversation. That doesn’t mean there aren’t creeps… I have been offered to join a marital bed, been told sizes, and asked how I feel about cuddling and showing affection. But, you weed through, have a bit of a conversation, and take a chance.

FYI – If you’re a man and you start your dating profile off with, “My kids are my everything!”, I will move on! Your kids should be your focus, but if you have to admit it, you’re just trying to prove that to yourself. Also, my uncle told me when I was 15, “If a guy has to say that he’s not a pig, he usually is.”

Back to Train Guy… He was actually the first one I started chatting with. We’d chat every so often, nothing major. But, the conversation weaned off when my son was in town, and obviously, he was my focus. A couple weeks pass by and I get a Merry Christmas message and I replied back with the same but no response. Moving on to a Dax Shepard podcast (Armchair Expert – my favorite!) There is a segment with 10 parts about Monica and her getting advice on her dating life. She’s pretty reserved so one of her challenges was to just hand her name and number to someone that she felt a connection with. Hmmm…. I have never done that before. You mean, I should try and put myself out there? And then it clicked. I sent him a message with my phone number and said if it’s easier to communicate that way… Guess what! It was!

We texted briefly throughout the day and he asked if I’d like to meet sometime. I told him that that sounded like a great idea and then he suggested we actually talk on the phone. What?!? So 1990’s! haha If you haven’t dated in awhile, let me explain something… The sound of a voice can make a difference. Have you seen the movie Grown Ups? Remember the scene where the moms are sitting at the water park checking out the hot life guard and when he walks up, his voice sounds like he had just sucked the helium out of the balloon? Luckily, Train Guy had a nice voice and we chatted for about an hour, comparing notes on what we thought of the area (he just moved here, too), and how much he loved Florida. I asked him what his job was and he said that it is hard to explain, but if I’ll meet him for dinner the next night, he’ll explain. I asked if it involved salt and pepper shakers, to which he laughed and said, “Maybe.”

Since I haven’t been on a date in years, I wasn’t sure what to wear. Do I want to impress the guy? Sure! Do I want to look like a floozy? Goodness, no! I texted my good friend, Jenn, for her input and I was lucky enough that her husband threw his in, too… “Straight hair, jeans, white button-up shirt.” Since I don’t own a white button-up shirt and I felt too fat for jeans, I compromised… Straight hair, black leggings, loose brown sweater. Here is why… I decided that I was going to go with what I felt confident in because that is what matters, confidence!

Luckily, he looked like his photos and it was an enjoyable evening. I kept it to one glass of wine while he drank iced tea. (There was a possibility of having to get called in to work due to an impending ice storm.) I already had a feeling that he was somewhat shy, so as soon as we sat down, I handed him the salt and pepper shakers and asked him to tell me about his job. For three hours, we sat across from each other, but I realized later, I didn’t do much talking. If there was ever a lull in conversation and I would look at him, he had a smile on his face and a “smitten” look in his eye. The problem is, I wasn’t giving him back that smitten look.

Don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed the evening. Dinner was nice, atmosphere was quite relaxing, the glass of wine deserved to be drank twice, conversation was even enjoyable. What I realized is that we were just having surface conversation and I was asking all of the questions. No, I don’t need to know all about your childhood trauma or reason for divorcing on the first date. But, what I have learned in my years of experience is that I am not a surface level conversation type of gal; I want to know what makes you click.

We texted off and on for the next week or so and he really is a nice guy. Train Guy is one that I would call to go have a beer with, or go walk trails with. Something where maybe there doesn’t have to be a lot of conversation because he does put off a rather calm and peaceful vibe.

Flash forward a month later and I join a hiking facebook group and ask a question about starter trails in the area. Guess who likes my post and friend requests me… Train Guy. So, we know how to find each other but neither of us have reached out and I am perfectly ok with that. He really was a nice guy and a perfect gentleman (made my mother happy) but I didn’t feel like he would be one to appreciate my spontaneity or upbeat mood. I get the feeling he is kind of Eeyorish and maybe he needs someone like me to put a spark in him… Notice I said “someone like me” and not me…

I put a hold on this online dating thing for a bit. I ended up with covid and since I didn’t have anything else to do for 9 days except lay there and think, I realized that I am happy being alone. I’m not ready to give up my evenings of reading after work, or waking up at 6am on Saturday and going to the gym. Would I like someone to go and grab a beer with if the mood strikes? Sure. I’ll tell you what… When my shelf of unread books is empty, I’ll try this dating thing again.

Now every time I hear a train, it’s not him that I think about… I think about how I am strong enough to give myself a chance.