Dear Men, Don’t Be Creepy
While scrolling through my notes section in my phone, I came across this from a few years ago. I think of the issue with my bosses often and wish that more men would be aware of the culture they are creating.
There was a man at the gym this morning that really made me feel uncomfortable. We walked in at the same time, exchanged good mornings… Then he said, “There’s that smile I love.”
In my head, I thought,
“Who the $&!% are you? I’ve never seen you.”
A few minutes later, I choose the elliptical that is last in line and guess who goes to the one right next to mine when there are six others to choose from? As I was turning my headphones on and syncing up the Bluetooth, he offered to wipe down my machine. Politely I said, “No thank you. I’m good”, because I was taught to be polite. He walked about 10 feet away and started doing some stretches so his machine looked unoccupied. Whew! Until another gentleman came walking up to hit and then creepy guy jumped up to claim it. What did I do? I stopped my machine, cleaned it off and walked away.
The man that had walked up, I didn’t get creepy vibes from him at all. In fact, I was thankful he came up, as if he was giving me a buffer. But, as I walked over to a tri-cep machine, I felt creepy guy looking at me. He then went to a machine that faces the mirrors and I still felt highly uncomfortable. I did my reps and went to another and was facing a co-worker of mine who was about 15 feet away. We made eye contact and I motioned my eyes to the guy then made a shivering movement. Not only did she understand what I meant but the Special Ops looking guy that was on another treadmill must have, also, because I saw his posture change. At that moment, I felt safe.
So, creepy guy left the gym after only being there less than 15 minutes…
Why am I telling you this? Because it has dawned on me that most men, just don’t get it. Men are naturally physically stronger than most women… I totally get that… But, I am 5ft 4in and while I would put up a fight, chances are… The man will overpower me. That is what women deal with ALL THE TIME!
I kept working out, but my mind went back to YEARS ago when I had a very creepy client that I just couldn’t deal with any longer. He was in his 60’s, with dyed jet black hair and he would make comments to me about “making love”.
I finally went to my boss and said, “Michael, can you PLEASE have someone else take over his accounts? He gives me serious heebie jeebies.” I was laughingly told, “Oh, he’s harmless!” My reply, “He offers to sing me songs about making love.” The boss laughed again and said, “He pays his bills. Suck it up.”
My mind then wandered to a few years ago when another male client that gave me the same feeling entered my office. He would call me darlin’, sweetie, honey… But, I remembered my boss from years ago telling me to suck it up because he pays his bills. So, I did. I acted very professional, and discussed the matters we needed to. Yet… He would still come in or call with questions for me… And each time, my guard went up. Imagine when a few months later, I hear from my boss that the client sent an email letting my boss know that I am not very friendly and that he “must remind her of some ex-boyfriend that talked down to her”. Yes, you jerk! You do!!!! I explained to my boss that he just gives me heebie jeebies and I just can’t.
“You have to act professional.”
“I am.”
“You have to be nice.”
“I can’t.”
“You’re making too big of a deal about this.”
Luckily, he was switched to a different rep and funnily enough, he quit coming in often with random questions. However, the results are two fold… On one hand, I had women in my office thank me for trying to tell the boss about this guy because they were all creeped out by him, too. But, on the other hand, my boss treated me different after that and I knew that some of his respect for me had left.
Here is what I am getting at… Men, pay attention!
First of all, I’m hoping you are not that creepy guy, but if you are, STOP! But, if you are that co-worker, boss, family member, fellow gym person, male friend… PAY ATTENTION!
If a woman says that a man makes her feel uncomfortable PLEASE do not brush her off. Accept what she is saying and acknowledge it. Do not make her feel like less of a person.
Step in.
Protect me.
Make me feel like I am safe.
Because the threat is real… And it has gone on too long.
While editing this piece, I felt my heartrate speed up and the anxiety started to take hold. I never want another woman to ever feel like I felt. If you are a male boss, support your female employees. If they feel uncomfortable, acknowledge it and make sure they feel heard.
