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Swimming With The Rain

Valentine’s Day love notes never sent…

  • June 27, 2020

My plan leading up to that Valentine’s Day was to give him a bunch of random song lyrics, all in a red box. Some of the phrases were from songs that played in the background, others were from ones that I came across while flipping radio stations while driving, with him on my mind. It wasn’t that all of these songs were about those lovey dovey moments, because we really didn’t have those, it was about the time spent together. But, with all of my “love stories”, this one did not have a happy ending.

I came across the bag the other day with my final letter and the notes, still folded in half. Although I had read the letter to him, I never handed it over, and actually omitted parts of it while reading with controlled emotions. And now, I sit on my bed with these notes, still perfectly folded in half, and read each one aloud… I am realizing that some of the lyrics weren’t necessarily about him, but about me and the struggles that I was going through in my life at that time. Each one has given a me smile, sometimes a reflective pause, taking me back to a moment, where I was filled with so much confusion, but a love for the life we shared then. So, here are the quotes and lyrics… If YOU are reading this, thanks for the memories!

To the things I believe in… My faith, your love, our freedom. To the things I can count on, To keep me going strong… Yeah, I hold on.

Like the stripes to the flag, like a boy to his dad… I can’t change who I am, right or wrong… So I hold on.

I bet that your neighbors hate us, ’cause we could laugh all night, and never sleep.

There’ll be days your heart don’t wanna beat, you pray more than you breathe.

I hope that you see right through my walls.

I wish nothing but the best for you…

I wouldn’t trade one memory, because you mean too much to me.

I wouldn’t have missed it for the world.

It will all get better in time…

Never had much faith in love… or miracles.

Walking between raindrops, riding the aftershock with you…

I’ll tell you all about it, when I see you again.

I’ve been sleep walking, been wandering all night… Trying to take what’s lost and broke and make it right.

I love this life.

I don’t wanna steal your freedom, I don’t wanna change your mind.

I swear you hit me like a vision, I wasn’t expecting, but who am I to tell fate where it’s supposed to go…

It’s good to be alive… Right about now!

You could’ve rolled your eyes, told me to go to hell… Could’ve walked away. But, you’re still here, and I’m still here.

Come on over… I like the sound of that.

Oh, this is how it starts, lightning strikes the heart… It goes off like a gun, brighter than the sun.

Got a feeling that I’m going under… But I know that I’ll make it out alive.

I just wanna sing a little chill song, get my groove on…

Say you’ll remember me, standing in a nice dress, staring at the sunset…

Make it up as we go along.

A big ol’ couch in a big ol’ room, still feels lonely when it’s just you.

Will your eyes still smile from your cheeks?

Under the light of a thousand stars…

Words you wanna take back… But you know you can’t.

And his voice is a familiar sound.

Oh, I know that I don’t need a whole lot of anything… I just want a little bit of everything.

Well, the trouble with up… Is there’s always a down.

What would I do without your smart mouth?

Said I’ll always be a friend. Took an oath, I’m gonna stick it out ’til the end…

Thinking out loud…

And the crowds don’t remember my name…

The path to heaven runs through miles of clouded hell…

So this is what you meant, when you said you were spent…

I thought I’d been hurt before, but no one has left me quite this sore.

Get a grip and bite your lip just to save a little face.

We’ve come a long way from where we began…

Please don’t stand so close to me, I’m having trouble breathing… I’m afraid of what you’ll see right now…

I’ll tell you my sins and you can sharpen your knife.

I need someone to breathe me back to life.

I don’t ever want to let you down.

The sun is filling up the room, And I can hear you dreaming…

And light it up like it’s our last chance.

Well, there it is. I’ll be throwing away the hand written notes that serve as a reminder of feelings that went beyond my control. But the letter… I’ll keep that as a memento of that season of my life. Some memories I will cherish, while others, I will hide down deep. I do know this, I learned a lot about my relationship needs during those months ~ I need a man that will keep me laughing, have long conversations, is capable of household repairs, makes me feel sexy, trusts me with his secrets… Now I just need to find all of that and be willing to let him know my story… And if he can still love me after all of that, plus make me feel loved without any confusion, I will have found the one.

Life Lessons

  • June 26, 2020

I have a tendency to learn stupid life lessons the hard way. Luckily, I have been keeping track of them for years so that I could one day share with the world. So, here you go. You’re welcome.

#114 ~ When moving a box full of yarn, make sure it is not dangling outside of the box so that it can attach to things.

#118 ~ Don’t wear long sleeves to the gym. It’s hot.

#119 ~ Driving in a small town on Sunday around noon when church gets out, is worse than rush hour traffic.

#202 ~ When the heater doesn’t work and it’s supposed to get to freezing temps, flip the breaker… Ahhh!!! Warmth!

#203 ~ Do not overfill your waffle maker… There will be a mess.

#205 ~ When falling down the stairs first thing in the morning, if you will lean towards one side, it will keep the pressure off your tailbone.

#206 ~ Pay attention when hitting the volume button on your phone a few times because if it is actually the power button, that whole SOS thing will start squawking through the blue tooth. It takes and act of congress to stop it BUT, you will remember who you listed as your emergency contacts in your phone and find out who the first one is to call.

#208 ~ If you are wearing your hat sideways, do not wonder why people are not taking you seriously. (unless it is part of a costume)

#212 ~ If a potential client is using foul words with you, stop. Their business isn’t worth it.

#228 ~ You know you are a parent when the most tearful moment in watching Undercover Boss is when the boss gives money for college.

#311 ~ When you can’t figure out why our new blue ray player won’t connect via wifi and you’re getting ready to call customer support to yell at someone, google the model number first. It’s not wifi capable… It needs land line.

#313 ~ Never throw the dog’s ball off the bed, they will then think it’s play time Especially if it’s a glow in the dark ball…

#320 ~ When not feeling well, make sure that you do not take the crack version of Sudafed before bed.

#322 ~ Always be nice to your clients. You may see them at your son’s baseball game… As the umpire.

#401 ~ If you feel the need to nap on the couch after work, you shouldn’t do it. Because it will be after 11pm, and you will be up doing dishes because you are restless.

#527 ~ Do not eat cupcakes with blue icing…

#604 ~ Getting in to a pool float is not a graceful act.

#615 ~ A flat iron will not warm up if you forget to turn it on.

#625 ~ When your children start staying in bed until the afternoon, you should apologize to your own parents for sleeping in until noon when a teenager on weekends and “wasting away a perfectly good day”. However, I think they should thank me for the quiet time I gave them.

#643 ~ Never take a water pill and then drink a bunch of water when getting ready to make an hour long drive.

#705 ~ Check the weather before heading to the grocery store if it even looks cloudy. Just a couple of sprinkles turned in to a dark sky with a lot of wind driven rain and lightning.

#804 ~ If it is a beautiful day on Saturday, you should go to the beach or get some time in the sun instead of thinking you’ll wait until Sunday. Because Sunday will end up being gloomy.

#807 ~ When babysitting an 8-month old, if they see you drinking out of a water bottle when they wake you up at 2am, they will think it’s their bottle and get upset.

#902 ~ When the ‘check engine’ light comes on, they have a cool thing at Auto Zone to plug in to your car and tell you why.

#917 ~ If driving on a back road that you are not familiar with, always have a full tank of gas.

#919 ~ Do not think that someone is trying to bribe you when they show up with your favorite wine and cookies. Maybe they are just saying congratulations!

#1003 ~ Do not wear high heels to an open house when you have to stand for an hour long teacher variety show.

#1115 ~ A dollar bill (or any bill) is 6 inches!

#1119 ~ Do not force the cork to come out from a wine bottle by pulling too hard. It can hit your face.

#1222 ~ Never leave food dye around teenage boys, they will add it to orange juice and it looks gross!

Watching TV Alone…

  • June 25, 2020

Dear Feeling Solo,

I cannot pretend to even know what it feels like to be married 40+ years to the same person, but I know what it is like to feel alone when doing something with another so my answer has different things to consider. A few different viewpoints on something to consider… Why is he playing games on his iPad instead of watching what you are? I ask this because he is either A) clearly bored with whatever show you have on, B) finally has time in his busy day to catch up on the world around him, C) couldn’t care less about spending time with you, D) is comfortable enough to just relax in your presence, happy that you are happy, or E) a combination of some of the above. Have you asked him what is going on in that mind of his or are you just holding it in, looking upset and taking deep sighs to let him know you are irritated? When he asks you questions about the show, are you answering him honestly and trying to draw him in, or are you just giving him half-hearted answers, thinking he doesn’t care? What I am saying is that it may not be all him, it may be some of you. What kind of shows are you watching? Some men just do not have a desire to watch Real Housewives of wherever they are now. This is why Jeopardy has been on tv since 1964 and Wheel of Fortune since 1975. It gives people a chance to watch something that they can both be entertained with and even make interactive, instead of just sitting there staring at the tv.

With all of that being said, I totally get it. One of my pet peeves is someone sitting on their phone scrolling while with me. Obviously, they have better things to do so why are they with me? I also have sons, and they were never in to the shows that I liked. With my boys being so far apart in age (9 years), I am just now catching up on movies that I missed while they were younger. Why? Because the shows and movies that we watched, were things that we could all watch together. And I hate to say this and sound sexist, but sometimes us women have to suck it up and watch what the men like. Better yet, take turns. Certain nights (or particular hours in the evening), watch what he likes whether it is a fishing show, History channel, or sports. Give yourself an hour of it, then your turn. Or better yet, go for a walk and have that time to chat and catch up with each other. I bet you won’t feel so alone sitting there watching tv when you have already had time with him. Also, since he likes games on his phone, try watching Jeopardy and Wheel of Fortune to spark a bit of competitiveness with you two.

I know what it is like to feel alone while watching tv, you feel like you are being ignored. So, try something different to see if there is any change. Yes, be happy that he is home instead of at the local watering hole talking with other people that hold up the bar stools. But, you can also change your tactics to see if you can draw him in to conversation. Because in the long run, that is all that we want, to feel included.

DEAR ABBY: Am I hoping for too much with my husband of 40-plus years? In the evening, we (or I) watch TV, and he’s very agreeable to “watch” anything — mostly because he hardly watches at all. He’s playing games on his iPad and glancing at the TV. He’ll ask questions occasionally about the characters or the plotlines, but it’s obvious he’s not following. For some reason, I find it disappointing that he’s not really watching, even if it’s something he’s shown an interest in or selected. Should I just be grateful he’s in the same room with me and alive? — FEELING SOLO IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR FEELING SOLO: Focusing on gratitude that you are together doing things you both enjoy is healthy. If you don’t care for the program he isn’t watching, feel free to change the channel to something you prefer. However, the two of you should make a point of doing something together in which you are both fully engaged because if you do, it will bring you even closer to each other.

Starting Noom ~ What you will need…

  • June 25, 2020

Yesterday, my cousin sent me a link to Noom within facebook messenger. Just the link, nothing else. I replied back and asked her why she sent me the link, since I’m a little suspicious of links without a note. She replies back and tells me that she thought I would be interested since I’m trying to do healthy living. I had to giggle when I replied back, “I’ve been on it for over six months!” Well, she had just signed up so I started asking if she had this, had that, and her answers were no. I told her to give me a day and I would get it all together so here I am!

Keep in mind, these are MY suggestions. If you do not have these things and do not have the money to purchase, completely understandable. Learn to improvise with things around your home.

Obviously, you will need to download the app on your phone and set up your personal info. It’s pretty simple to do.

Purchase a bluetooth scale. This will download your weight to the scale app and also to Noom. I bought this for around $29.99 on Amazon. You’ll see a lot of people talk about the Renpho scale, which is basically the same thing. Here’s a link to what the bluetooth scale does… https://swimmingwiththerain.com/abyon-bluetooth-scale/

A food scale. Soooo important and very inexpensive. You will learn to learn it, love it, live it. In the app, you will be putting in the weight of your food to correctly calculate.

Yes, your phone more than likely counts steps. Maybe you have a watch that does it for you. If you don’t and you’re not sure if you want to spend the money on a Fitbit or something pricier, I suggest this. It has all the same basic functions as the others and comes in several colors. This does sync to the Noom app.

If you already have a water bottle, awesome! I have been using this one for over a year because of a few different features that I LOVE! There’s a handle which is pretty convenient. Time markers as a reminder. AND it opens with just the push of a button, no having to unscrew the lid.

A tablespoon. Sounds silly probably, but along with the weight scale, you will need to measure out salad dressing, humus, mayonnaise, all the fun things that will make a mess on the food scale.

Join a facebook group! This is the one that I joined and they are such a great support group. Before asking one of the many repeated questions, do a search. But, otherwise, post and ask away! https://www.facebook.com/groups/316063085812799

There! You are ready to start this weight loss journey and I know you are going to do great! Stay tuned because next, I’m going to tell you how the Noom app works.

FYI ~ I have not been paid for my endorsement of Noom or any of these products. All photos are based upon screenshots or purchases I have made from Amazon. But, if they want to throw some endorsements my way, feel free to email me. 😉

Father’s Day as a Single Mom

  • June 21, 2020

I used to hate the phrase “Single Mom”. I am a mom, who cares that I am single! Let me say this louder, “I AM A MOM!” But, through the years, something has changed in me when I hear the phrase, “Single Mom”…

Because I am a single mom, I have taught my son how to ride a bike, how to tie a tie, explained the birds and the bees, carried him when he was three through a hospital with a 105 temp, cried by myself on his first day of kindergarten, explained how to tip at a restaurant on his first date, always the disciplinarian, helped get the swimsuit netting off of his body parts after a day at the beach, watched him get student of the month alone…

Yet, I have also been the one that he would crawl in to bed with when there was a storm, asked for help on school projects, confided in after a breakup, bawled like a baby when he graduated high school because “we did it”, high fived when he bought his first car, cheered him on when he played basketball…I have been THE ONE.

He’s 26 now, but I get a phone call every now and then when he is bored and I take those calls, even when busy at work. As parents, of course we will take those calls because they are our kids, but I know what it is like to be away from my parents since I have lived away for over 20 years.

Father’s Day is hard for us single mom’s, especially if we are away from our own father’s. Because it is a day that we are reflecting… Of course we miss our dad’s but we wonder if we messed our kids up because their dad’s aren’t in their lives. And we cry with sadness because it is the one day of the year when it is smacked at us on social media and reminds us that we have been alone in raising our children. There is no one with us that is so deeply connected to our children as we are when we are stressed about their grades, worried about their driving, not sure of how to discuss dating issues. It is us mom’s that do it when we are single, and we have no one to bounce these ideas off that will take such a vested interest in our babies.

Disagree with me or agree with me. Either way, this is my opinion and how I feel today. As I said, “I AM A MOM”, so I don’t expect to be celebrated on FATHER’S DAY. But, be patient with us single mom’s today. If our children are with us on this holiday, we are feeling guilty and wondering if we are doing enough. If they aren’t with us because they are lucky to have dad’s in their lives, we miss them, but still feel a bit of guilt.

These days, I’m ok with being called a single mom. I have done the toughest job of all ~ Motherhood, by myself. I didn’t have family here to babysit on random nights or to join me for school events. I raised a remarkable young man BY MYSELF and I am so proud of him. I am also proud of me for not letting him become one of the well known statistics of boys raised without their fathers.

20 years ago, laying in bed on a Father’s Day morning, missing my own dad and kid, my friend Ann called and asked what I was doing that day. I’m sure I had a few choice words of what the day meant to me. But, since her dad lived over a thousand miles away and her husband was deployed, she suggested we go and grab lunch. We headed to a local outdoor restaurant overlooking the water, ordered Pina Coladas, oysters, tuna dip, you name it. We had our table full of food, added in a couple beers, and had the best time, making Father’s Day easier on both of us. That perfect day started my tradition of doing something fun and relaxing for myself on Father’s Day. I have went to the beach, I have went to a water park, I have had friends over for dinner, and sometimes I just lock myself inside and watch chick flicks… Whatever my heart is needing that day to ease my guilt of being a single mom on Father’s Day.

Now, I’m going to call my own dad up to chat for a bit (after I wipe my tears away) then go lay in a pool and soak up some sunshine with friends. On the menu is Chicken Salad, Spinach & Artichoke dip, and a few Truly’s (Too old to drink White Claws! Ha!). And I am going to get through today being a single mom on Father’s Day.

The Beginning of My Weight Loss Journey

  • June 19, 2020June 25, 2020

Why am I going to tell you about all of these things that happened in 2019? Because making the decision to lose weight can be a battle. It usually doesn’t happen over night, at least with me. I have to rationalize things in my head until it finally HITS me and I have my reason WHY.

January 2019 ~ My blood results came back and the doctor was not happy. Not only had I put on weight, but my blood sugar was at 190, which is in between borderline and high. Dr. C, the fitness fanatic, is not one to just say, “Here, take this!” which honestly, can sometimes drive me crazy! His instructions that day – “Go keto and go keto NOW! Drop some weight and your sugar level or I will HAVE to put you on meds.” Two months later, I did my follow up and I had lost 10 pounds along with my level going down down 40 points. Yay! “Keep at it, drop some more weight and I am confident that you will be fine.” Did I listen? Well, no.

April 2019 ~ I saw a photo of myself in a bathing suit, from the backside. I was mortified. How was this me? How did all this weight come on so quick within the past couple of years? Oh… Menopause. While I am so thankful to God for putting me in to it in my early / mid 40’s, I hadn’t stopped to realize what it was doing to my hormones. I was no longer the person that could just starve for a few days and lose those few pounds. Suddenly, those photos where I thought I looked fat, I wanted to be that size again!

May 2019 ~ I started back to the gym and told myself, “Yes, I can eat lunch out today because I went to the gym this morning.” (FYI ~ that’s a lie!) Then, the craziest thing happened… I was on a boat, lost my balance a bit, and my phone went flying in to the water. Not thinking in my head that the water was only two feet deep, I jumped. That’s when I heard a nice little pop in the right knee as I landed near my phone. I did good for a few weeks, keeping it up, icing it, trying to stay off my leg. But, while watching tv with my son, I got up off the couch, turned my body without turning my knee… Pop!

This has become my life ~ knee up with an ice pack.

July 2019 ~ My knee is still visibly swollen so I finally make an appointment with the doctor. After an X-ray confirms that it is not broken, he schedules me for an MRI with the instructions, “You can do anything you want to, but do not let your feet leave the ground.” Well, that leaves most things out. Why go to the gym? I hate upper body workouts so what’s the point, right? Stupid decision. My next stupid decision was not getting the MRI done because it was $200.

My right knee is no longer bony….

September 2019 ~ I had resigned myself to the fact that I was just going to let myself be fat and happy, thinking I was ok with that. I mean, I was finally enjoying all that delicious food that everyone talks about. But, when I came back from seeing my family on vacation, I saw the number on the scale and was in shock. I had never weighed this, not even with either of my pregnancies. Whatever, it didn’t matter. I had friends and if a man wanted to be a part of my life, he would have to love me for how I looked.

October 2019 ~ My knee brace was no longer a constant and I was starting to feel better as long as I didn’t stand too long, have it in one position too long, and wore the brace if I was doing anything that involved movement, so why not get a puppy? Since I wasn’t picking her up until around noon, a friend and I went to see the sunflower fields. We walked and the sharp pain wasn’t there for the first time, my knee felt great! The two year old going down the slide looked like he was having a good and made it look so easy, so why not? Bad decision! I really need to learn that when I say, “Why not?”, my answer needs to be, “DON’T!” Two year old legs are short, so when they come off the slide, their feet hit the ground. When you are 46, that doesn’t happen. Your feet go forward and your tush has to hit the ground. (My kids explained this whole gravity thing to me, but I blew them off when listening) Luckily, with the young child near, the words stayed inside my head instead of causing him life long mental damage and possible therapy. Yes, I broke my tail bone and there is nothing that can be done about it. So, my charming new puppy was welcomed in to my home by being put on the couch behind my knees while I laid on my side in the fetal position for two days. There went my plan to get back to being active! Honestly, being active or sitting or sleeping or breathing hurt. (Eight months later, I still have pain. My doctor confirmed that I jacked it up and probably should have had it looked at sooner, but that there really isn’t anything that can be done except time.)

No part of your body should ever be bruised that color, especially your butt.

November 2019 ~ By now, it was just easier to eat out instead of cooking and I generally rotated between Firehouse Subs or Panda Express since I could order online and they were near my house. If I had to run in to the store, those Totino pizzas are cheap and soooooo good! I live alone most of the time so why put all that effort in to cooking when it just wasn’t thrilling… But, the Wednesday before Thanksgiving, about 30 minutes after having a Firehouse sub, it was not sitting well with me at work. Our unspoken rule at work is that “that” DOES NOT happen there. (Graphic, yes. Honest, yes.) Luckily, I live less than a mile away so I told them that I thought I was going to be sick and ran out the door like a crazy woman. Once I got home, I was pretty sure that I was going to die, convinced that it was food poisoning. But, the longer that I laid on the couch, the more I started thinking about the fact that I was eating fast food too often and that I needed to quit. I was feeling awful… Not just physically but mentally… Why was I telling myself that I was ok like this when I clearly wasn’t? I didn’t feel energy to do much of anything, my motivation was shot, I felt ugly inside and out… Now that everything in me was pretty much cleaned out, wouldn’t now be a good time to start? But, I needed help knowing that I could not do this on my own. I knew that I couldn’t do keto because I LOVE pasta and I didn’t want to give up fruit, plus I refuse to do any diet that tells me that I can’t have wine. That’s just sacrilegious right there! Wait! What about those Noom ads I had seen? I liked the thought of a coach and psychology… Let’s do this! So, I signed up for the free two week trial while I was laying on the couch depleted of any food I had consumed in probably the last 24 hours. I did what it suggested and ate like I normally did the next day, which happened to be Thanksgiving, and I logged every bite. I was in shock at the the amount of calories, but I also knew that this accountability thing was going to work. It wasn’t just me looking at my food intake, it was a ‘goal specialist’ and I was allowing her to see my weight. If you have ever truly struggled with your weight, you know that that is the hardest thing to do – let someone know your dirty little secret.

Looks so good, doesn’t it?

Oh! If you’re wondering if it was food poisoning, it wasn’t. About 30 minutes after eating, my oldest son was pretty convinced that he was going to die (reminded me how he is SOOOO like his dad when sick) and the majority of my office seemed to be out for a day on a rotating schedule for the next week or so.

Want to get started on Noom? Here’s what you need to begin YOUR journey ~ https://swimmingwiththerain.com/starting-noom-what-you-will-need/

I had a baby and lost my social friends…

  • June 17, 2020

DEAR ABBY: I recently welcomed my third child, a baby boy who was wanted and planned. We are overjoyed. Our two daughters are just under 10 years old. Over the years, my social circle has consisted mostly of the parents of my daughters’ friends.

Abby, my news was met with mixed reactions. Some were thrilled for my pregnancy, while others were shocked. One woman even told me, “I’m just not in that phase of life anymore.”

After my son was born, I didn’t get visits or even a phone call from some of them. I announced his birth on social media and mailed out a beautiful announcement, but he hasn’t been acknowledged nor have I been checked on.

I know he won’t really be affected by this and I’m trying to focus on the positives. We have a big family on both sides, and many people within our community have warmly welcomed him. But I have been a good friend to these women, supported them in their times of need and even reached out during this pandemic to check on them in an effort to reconnect. I’m so disappointed. What am I supposed to say to these “friends” when I run into them again? — NEW MOM AGAIN

DEAR MOM: When you encounter them, be cordial. Make polite conversation and ask how they and their families are doing. If they inquire, tell them you and your family are well. Then move on, recognizing you are dealing with individuals who are solely centered upon themselves. Do not attempt to revive a relationship with anyone who cares so little about you that they would treat you as they have, but do recognize how fortunate you are that you know not to invest more of your time or yourself in them.

Years ago, my friend Dawn found out she was pregnant and Ann and I were not sure how to react. Although we were truly happy for her, we knew that life was going to be different now that she was pregnant and would have to focus her time on a newborn. Well, Ann was the one that actually said the words, and I don’t blame her; she was being honest to someone we thought was a true friend. Ann wasn’t calling off the friendship, she was simply stating that things were going to be different. Dawn did not react well to this, assuming the worse and wrote us both off via a worded letter. It is not that we were upset that she was having a child, especially since I had a 5 year old, we knew that our bar hopping days were over for the time being, and that was fine. I think what really hit Dawn is that SHE KNEW her life was going to be different and took her frustration out on us. Months later, Dawn did reach out to me and we were friends for another 15 years or so. The funny thing is, when I found myself pregnant a few years later (SURPRISE!), Ann did not walk away from me. We discussed how life was going to be different and I was willing to admit it. In fact, she was there for the birth of Daniel and we’re still friends, all these years later. Dawn was also a constant in that child’s life and since I had never planned on having another after my first, she ‘got back at me’ with things I did to her baby (buying noisy toys, putting extra spaghetti sauce on a two year old’s plate… Those kinds of silly things.) What I’m saying is this… If you are talking about friendS as in plural, are these your social friends or your close friends. Because close friends realize that this is our life and how we grow. Social friends, you have added a new element and they just don’t want to deal with it. Is it right? Well, realize this… They were not your good friends. They enjoy life with being able to let 10 year old’s run around in the back yard and although they are being watched, they are kind of on their own. A newborn… Life is completely different and they just don’t want to deal with that. And be honest… What was your reaction when they gave you their opinion? Were you being a good friend and listening to what they were saying and having an open conversation, or did you immediately JUMP at them when they were discussing their feelings? Maybe they needed some time to warm up to the excitement. So, here is what you do… Realize that they were just social friends. Find your true friends and focus on them because they are what matters. Focus on friends that are going through what you are with an infant because those are the ones that can relate to your late night feedings, spit up on your shirt, teething… Real friends are those that WANT to hear your stories, not just head out to brunch.

Daisy Jones & The Six

  • June 15, 2020

From Goodreads ~ “Everyone knows Daisy Jones & The Six: The band’s album Aurora came to define the rock ‘n’ roll era of the late seventies, and an entire generation of girls wanted to grow up to be Daisy. But no one knows the reason behind the group’s split on the night of their final concert at Chicago Stadium on July 12, 1979 . . . until now.”

Can you smell the smoke from the burning cigarette? Can you taste the sip of sweet whiskey touching your lips? You can hear each drag of the cigarette, each sip of whiskey… You can see the men crossing their arms while they lean back in their chairs, the women fidgeting by touching their hair, and each person casting their eyes downward as they admit their histories. This is a book that will take you back to when sex, drugs, and rock & roll was the reality for musicians with dreams of singing their music to the people, and getting caught up in its world.

If you have never used Audible, this is one book I highly suggest you do it with. Listening to this book, you feel as if you are watching an episode of ‘Behind The Scenes’ on VH1, with such a realness to the characters, you just sit back and listen. I would love to know how they were able to get the names they did to narrate and bring each character to life. Daisy Jones ~ Jennifer Beals (Flashdance), Billy Dunne ~ Pablo Schreiber (13 Hours, Orange Is the New Black, Den of Thieves), Graham Dunne ~ Benjamit Bratt (Miss Congeniality, Law & Order, Private Practice), Karen Karen ~ Judy Greer (13 Going on 30, The Wedding Planner), Jim Blades ~ Jonathan Davis (Korn), and soooo many other great narrators!

I loved this book so much that I plan on getting pretty in depth and adding in my answers to the book club questions. Once it is done, I’ll add the link here.

Favorite Quotes~

Let me put it this way: I’ve seen a lot of marriages where everyone is faithful and nobody is happy. ~Camila

It was a big lesson for me when I was young—being given things versus earning them. I was so used to being given things that I didn’t know how important it is for your soul to earn them. ~Daisy

That’s the one thing they don’t mention when they tell you to stay away from drugs. They don’t say, “Drugs will have you sleeping with some real jerks.” But they should. ~Daisy

Music can dig, you know? It can take a shovel to your chest and just start digging until it hits something. ~Eddie

Actually, it wasn’t that fun, it was just that I was happy. Everything seems fun when you’re happy. ~Graham

I don’t believe in soul mates anymore, and I’m not looking for anything. But if I did believe in them, I’d believe your soul mate was somebody who had all the things you didn’t, that needed all the things you had. Not somebody who’s suffering from the same stuff you are. ~Karen

She had written something that felt like I could have written it, except that I knew I couldn’t have. I wouldn’t have come up with something like that. Which is what we all want from art, isn’t it? When someone pins down something that feels like it lives inside us? Take a piece of your heart out and shows it to you? ~Billy

But loving somebody isn’t perfection and good times and laughing and making love. Love is forgiveness and patience and faith and every once in a while, it’s a gut punch. That’s why it’s a dangerous thing, when you go loving the wrong person. When you love somebody who doesn’t deserve it. You have to be with someone that deserves your faith and you have to be deserving of someone else’s. It’s sacred. ~Billy

But music is never about music. It if was, we’d be writing songs about guitars. But we don’t. We write songs about women. ~Graham

I swear, I think about that day sometimes when I’m feeling low. I think about it to remind myself you never know what kind of crazy good shit is around the corner. But it’s hard not to remember, when I think about that day, that lots of crazy bad shit is often around the corner, too. ~Graham

Acceptance is a powerful drug. And I should know because I’ve done them all. ~Daisy

I wish someone had told me that love isn’t torture. Because I thought love was this thing that was supposed to tear you in two and leave you heartbroken and make your heart race in the worst way. I thought love was bombs and tears and blood. I did not know that it was supposed to make you lighter, not heavier. I didn’t know it was supposed to take only the kind of work that makes you softer. ~Daisy

All I will say is that you show up for your friends on their hardest days. And you hold their hand through the roughest parts. Life is about who is holding your hand and, I think, whose hand you commit to holding. ~Camila

You do sometimes sit and wonder why it wasn’t you, what makes you so special that you get to be safe. The world doesn’t make much sense. ~Billy

Let me tell you the sweet spot for being in rock ’n’ roll. People think it’s when you’re at the top but no. That’s what when you’ve got the pressure and the expectations. What’s good is when everybody thinks you’re headed somewhere fast, when you’re all potential. ~Warren

It hurts to care about someone more than they care about themselves. I can tell that story from both sides. ~Billy

It was such a sad love song. About wanting somebody you can’t have and knowing you’re going to want them anyway. ~Billy

It’s very vulnerable, being an artist, telling the truth like that, like we’re doing now. When you’re living your life, you’re so inside your head, you’re swirling around in your own pain, that it’s hard to see how obvious it is to the people around you. These songs I was writing felt coded and secret, but I suspect they weren’t coded and secret at all. ~Daisy

Some people will never stop being themselves. And you think it drives you crazy but it is the very thing you will think about when the are gone. When you don’t have them in your life anymore. ~Billy

DO NOT READ ANY FURTHER IF YOU HAVE NOT FINISHED THE BOOK

Book Club Questions~

The majority of these questions, I have copied from different book review websites, possibly combining questions and / or rewording.

Be honest… Did you google the band before you were finished, and if so, what did you think?

Did you listen to or read the book and what did you think of the oral history format?

What feelings did this book evoke for you?

This style of narration highlights that memory is often unreliable ~ different characters have conflicting stories or versions of events, or have reshaped their thoughts and feelings over the years. How do you feel this was most played out in the book?

Many of the characters seem to be searching for something to fill a void, and they turn to music or drugs or sex. What do you think the various characters, particularly Daisy and Billy, are looking for?

Daisy admits in the interview how shell felt for Billy. But, even all these years later, Billy can’t quite get there. He hints at it, but he always goes back to his love for Camila. Why do you think he can’t admit how he felt and possibly still feels about Daisy?

In what ways did their songwriting and actions on stage tell the truth when maybe they weren’t being honest to each other and to themselves?

How did you feel about Karen and Graham’s relationship? Did you want it to me more or did you understand where each side was coming from?

The book leads up to telling about the band’s last concert in Chicago stadium and Daisy leaving the band. How did you feel about Camila taking care of Daisy that night, telling Daisy to leave, then wishing her well?

What did you think about Billy and Camila’s relationship? Why do you think she stuck with him through it all?

Did the identity of the “author” of this book surprise you? Did it make you reconsider the story or any of the events?

We learn what everyone has been up to since the band broke up. What did you think of the addition of this information to the book and were there any surprises?

Before Camila passed away, she wrote an email to her daughters asking them to give their dad Daisy’s number? Why do you think she did this and do you think Billy will contact her?

Which character in the book would you most like to meet?

If you could hear this story from another person’s point of view, who would you choose?

The Five Finger Prayer

  • June 13, 2020

Fifteen years ago, I was telling a good friend of the prayer we would say for Daniel’s dad each night (he was Active Duty military and deployed to the desert)… “Dear God, Please watch over my daddy because we love him and we miss him.” From there, my sweet boy would add in anyone else he thought needed to be prayed for. Sometimes, it would take awhile as he was trying to delay bedtime. Or, perhaps… God put it in to his heart that these random people needed to be prayed for. While talking about this with my friend, she told me of the ‘Five Finger Prayer’ that her devout Catholic mother taught her as a child, and she had passed to her own children. I remember thinking how clever it was to have this reminder and printed out an example, to hang on my refrigerator. I came across it the other day and felt compelled to share the idea behind, ‘The Five Finger Prayer’.

First, begin your prayers with your thumb which is closest to your body. Your thumb represents your family and your friends ~ those closest to you. But, also pray for your enemies, for they affect your attitude towards your loved ones.

The next finger is your pointing finger. Pray for those that teach, instruct, and heal, such as teachers, ministers, and medical personnel.

The middle finger is the tallest and represents our leaders. Pray for our country and world leaders, business leaders, and even boss / co-workers.

Surprisingly, our ring finger is the weakest of all. You can never pray enough for those that are sick, or in trouble. Praying for those around us is a way of serving, which is an important part of our purpose.

By the time that we get to the pinky, which represents YOU, your prayers for others will have helped with the perspective of your thought process. You will be able to pray with a clear mind as you thank God for the blessings in your life, admit your struggles, and ask for guidance.

I like to think of the Five Finger Prayer as a way to ensure that I remember specific groups of people, even some that I wouldn’t remember in my daily prayers. For ease in teaching younger children about it, there are several coloring sheets that can be used, if you search google. Why not use this as a way to prove that power of prayer can help to change the world and our hearts.

The Gym after 5pm is not for me…

  • June 9, 2020

What a difference 12 hours makes in the clientele at the gym… Or maybe it’s just my personality that is different. Let me preface this by saying that if you are a gym hottie, gym babe, gym bunny, gym rat, body builder… Well, you get the picture. If you resemble one of those, read at your own risk because I may offend you. But, if you are just a normal person trying to lose weight and / or tone up, you’ll completely understand what I am talking about. Either way, I hope you stick around to the end, for my self-realization.

On a normal day, I like to go around 5am. Hence the term, 5am’er. As the sun is starting to rise, the gym is sporadically filled with little old bitties working with a rehab trainer, and those that prefer early morning workouts to start their day, or the ones like me that have to force this new lifestyle. Having overslept this morning, I decided that I would force myself to keep up my 5 day a week gym new found routine and go after work. Easy enough, right?

When I walked in, I felt like all of God’s perfect creations were staring right at me, beginning to judge, as soon as the key card was swiped. I looked around… This did not resemble my gym; you could see the difference in physiques, and feel the overly charged air! Did we have the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders in town? Where were all of my middle of the road people, my little old ladies, my men that would be putting on a business suit in a couple of hours? They were HOME and I was surrounded by all of the hot single people in this town. FYI it’s not such a thrill when you’re in your mid 40’s.

My heart stopped as I looked for my trusty almost always empty ellipticals! What in the world? Why were they all so full? Oh! Because the few men somewhat near my age were lined up, dropping sweat beads, while watching the young hot chick go through her hip abduction workout.

Generally when doing the hip abduction machine (one of my favorites), most people sit on their tush, grab the handles, then press out with their outer thighs. Not this little darling. Nope. I saw new ways to use this machine, reminding me of Channing Tatum dancing with a chair in ‘Magic Mike’. Yah, you get the visual. In between her reps, she made sure to get some stretches in, along with a few glances. The machine next to hers was the only one empty, the only thing going through my mind was, “Stare straight ahead, straight ahead.” However, as her ‘moves’ were in my peripheral, my brain was saying, “Oh, you can use the back of the head rest as a balancing tool while on your knees…” This isn’t the type of stuff you see from a 5am’er.

The unspoken rule at the gym first thing in the morning, no one talks! Even to people they know. I see a co-worker most mornings, and I started to feel guilty that I wasn’t even acknowledging her presence. So, at work, I explained that I am just focused on what I’m doing. “Do not apologize for that! You don’t even have to make eye contact. I just want to get through my routine.” Good! Glad we have that out of the way.

Like I said, us 5am’ers, we don’t talk. We’re all just busy doing our own thing, pushing through the sunrise without coffee, with headphones in our ears listening to something, or perhaps they are the noise silencing ones. I don’t know what they are doing because no one questions it. We make hand gestures if needed when walking towards the same machine or in passing, and even the owner just waves hello or goodbye, with a nod and a smile. But, not the 5pm’ers. Nope. It’s their time to chat, gossip, and compare macro counts. “Go to a bar for this and have a couple of drinks. In fact, grab a few appetizers while you’re talking!”, my head screams at them. Oh, wait! That’s why they look like THAT and I look the way I do. This really IS their version of Happy Hour!

Once again, I needed to use a machine next to one of these gym babes and since empty ones were hard to find, I walked up. Her condescending look basically said, “Um, what are you doing here?” My eyebrows raised as if in reply, “I used to look like you with the perky little boobs and flat stomach. But, this is what happens when you give birth to two kids and life gets in the way, you judgmental little…” Wait! Was she judging me the same way I had been judging her? Does she prefer the evenings because her friends are there and there is a more energetic vibe going on, everything completely different from why I like the gym early in the morning? So, I smiled warmly and turned up the current song on my playlist, (‘Mighty Wings’ by Cheap Trick. It’s on the Top Gun soundtrack. Excellent motivation!) and started my reps.

What did I learn today from watching these little gym bunnies, besides workouts go A LOT quicker when you just want to get out of that hormone crazed place? I realized that basically, we all want our own personal experience at the gym… Some really want that social experience, encouraging their friends, trading back and forth on equipment. While others, like me, want personal space to zone out and focus on themselves for just a short amount of time. I can tell you what we all want, though… To feel accepted… To not feel as if we are being judged on our muffin top that we are trying to lose, or our perky little body that those girls have to work HARD to have. We all want to feel like this is a shared experience with like minded people.

So, to you young girls with your rocking bodies… Enjoy it! Appreciate your smooth skin, the lean muscle, the ability to look gorgeous in leggings and a sports bra. Because one day, you may be covering up those stretch marked stomachs, and find that it takes a bit more effort as you get older. And you will understand why you just need your own time listening to a playlist with music from your thinner days, that will serve as a goal to strive towards… When your body was still young and healthy… Before kids… Before being afraid to sneeze in public… Before daily blood pressure pills… Before menopause… Young girl, I promise you that I will try my best to no longer judge you, because I have one thing you don’t have yet… life experience. I have rocked my crying babies, I have held the hands of loved ones dying, I have had that extra helping of dessert and enjoyed it without guilt, I have learned that a good education will only get you so far… I have lived! Unfortunately, you only start to realize that those were the experiences that shape your life as you cross in to your 40’s, when your body starts to soften, along with your heart. PS, let me be honest, I may envy your youth a bit, though.

With all of that said, I am now a confirmed 5am’er! (I have a tendency to learn things the hard way. Ha!) Tomorrow morning, I will throw on my gym clothes, pull my hair up, dab a bit of muscle ache cream on my plantar fasciitis sneaking its way in to my left foot, tie my boring grey sneakers with insoles and walk out with headphones on, listening Mighty Wings by Cheap Trick on the Top Gun soundtrack. And you better believe that I have a new determination… I will remember that I am working towards the confidence that those young ladies exude, as I enjoy my experience around MY gym people.

PSS, I can tell you one other thing we all need regarding the gym… A shower afterwards. Perky or muffin top. We all need a shower!

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