Family – Swimming With The Rain

Back to School

August 25, 2023August 25, 2023

School started last week in my little corner of the world. And although it has been years since I have sent a child of mine back to school, the momma in me can still relate to these parents as they are going through the first of the lasts and first of the firsts.

On Friday, my boyfriend’s son had his firsts of the lasts with football, as it is now his Senior year of high school. It was so exciting to watch him come out on to the field as a starting Senior, but also sad to realize that there are only so many Home games and this will be over soon.

The pride I felt for this child is similar to how I felt for my own, but I get to enjoy this one more. Maybe because I have “been there, done that” and have figured out what is important and what isn’t. Kids at this age do not realize the shear power of a moment and how quick it will go by. For him, he may realize it when the season is over and ask for five more minutes.

“At eighteen, turned my helmet in and walked to the fifty-yard line
Just the coach and me after we lost eighteen to nine
And I cried, “Man, next time to get in here, I’ll have to buy a ticket
Can’t you give me five more minutes?” ~Five More Minutes, sung by Scotty McCreery

That evening, I also watched Freshmen enjoying the firsts of the firsts. These 14 year-old’s were at THEIR high school football game, and this is a big deal for them. For some, it may be one of the first activities that they do not have direct parental supervision and feel like they can do whatever they want. That being said, they still need to work on their respect and how to behave, but they’ll learn.

They were like puppies… Very eager but haven’t learned how to control themselves yet.

black short coated dog biting plastic container on green grass

Moving forward to Saturday evening and I was craving Indian food. We headed to the best Indian food place which is near the University campus when it dawned on us… It’s move in weekend! Vehicles were in front of dorms and apartments, doors and trunks open loaded down with suitcases and bedding. Where we usually see students crossing the streets without a care in the world, we saw parents following behind their kids, as they figured out where to go.

We have always walked in to this restaurant and had choices on where to sit. We even used to wonder WHY they had a back dining room, as we had never seen anyone in it, so we assumed it was for private groups. No. It was FULL. Both areas! This is what that room was for.

It didn’t matter that we had to wait for our food. I had a glass of wine and did what I do best – people watching. Parents with their new college students… Excitement beaming from these students as their lives were about ready to change. Parents soaking up the last bit of time with their kids before they were to leave them in adulthood. Dads giving meaningful words of wisdom. Moms watching their 18 year-old children but visioning them as two. This momma wanted to walk up and hug each one of those momma’s and tell them it will be okay.

So, to all of you students, get out there and enjoy this moment and experience life! To all of you parents going through Senior Year with your child or even sending them off to college… I see you. I am hugging you in my mind.

Father’s Day as a Single Mom

June 21, 2020

I used to hate the phrase “Single Mom”. I am a mom, who cares that I am single! Let me say this louder, “I AM A MOM!” But, through the years, something has changed in me when I hear the phrase, “Single Mom”…

Because I am a single mom, I have taught my son how to ride a bike, how to tie a tie, explained the birds and the bees, carried him when he was three through a hospital with a 105 temp, cried by myself on his first day of kindergarten, explained how to tip at a restaurant on his first date, always the disciplinarian, helped get the swimsuit netting off of his body parts after a day at the beach, watched him get student of the month alone…

Yet, I have also been the one that he would crawl in to bed with when there was a storm, asked for help on school projects, confided in after a breakup, bawled like a baby when he graduated high school because “we did it”, high fived when he bought his first car, cheered him on when he played basketball…I have been THE ONE.

He’s 26 now, but I get a phone call every now and then when he is bored and I take those calls, even when busy at work. As parents, of course we will take those calls because they are our kids, but I know what it is like to be away from my parents since I have lived away for over 20 years.

Father’s Day is hard for us single mom’s, especially if we are away from our own father’s. Because it is a day that we are reflecting… Of course we miss our dad’s but we wonder if we messed our kids up because their dad’s aren’t in their lives. And we cry with sadness because it is the one day of the year when it is smacked at us on social media and reminds us that we have been alone in raising our children. There is no one with us that is so deeply connected to our children as we are when we are stressed about their grades, worried about their driving, not sure of how to discuss dating issues. It is us mom’s that do it when we are single, and we have no one to bounce these ideas off that will take such a vested interest in our babies.

Disagree with me or agree with me. Either way, this is my opinion and how I feel today. As I said, “I AM A MOM”, so I don’t expect to be celebrated on FATHER’S DAY. But, be patient with us single mom’s today. If our children are with us on this holiday, we are feeling guilty and wondering if we are doing enough. If they aren’t with us because they are lucky to have dad’s in their lives, we miss them, but still feel a bit of guilt.

These days, I’m ok with being called a single mom. I have done the toughest job of all ~ Motherhood, by myself. I didn’t have family here to babysit on random nights or to join me for school events. I raised a remarkable young man BY MYSELF and I am so proud of him. I am also proud of me for not letting him become one of the well known statistics of boys raised without their fathers.

20 years ago, laying in bed on a Father’s Day morning, missing my own dad and kid, my friend Ann called and asked what I was doing that day. I’m sure I had a few choice words of what the day meant to me. But, since her dad lived over a thousand miles away and her husband was deployed, she suggested we go and grab lunch. We headed to a local outdoor restaurant overlooking the water, ordered Pina Coladas, oysters, tuna dip, you name it. We had our table full of food, added in a couple beers, and had the best time, making Father’s Day easier on both of us. That perfect day started my tradition of doing something fun and relaxing for myself on Father’s Day. I have went to the beach, I have went to a water park, I have had friends over for dinner, and sometimes I just lock myself inside and watch chick flicks… Whatever my heart is needing that day to ease my guilt of being a single mom on Father’s Day.

Now, I’m going to call my own dad up to chat for a bit (after I wipe my tears away) then go lay in a pool and soak up some sunshine with friends. On the menu is Chicken Salad, Spinach & Artichoke dip, and a few Truly’s (Too old to drink White Claws! Ha!). And I am going to get through today being a single mom on Father’s Day.

Back to School

Father’s Day as a Single Mom

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