June 2020 – Page 2 – Swimming With The Rain

Daisy Jones & The Six

June 15, 2020

From Goodreads ~ “Everyone knows Daisy Jones & The Six: The band’s album Aurora came to define the rock ‘n’ roll era of the late seventies, and an entire generation of girls wanted to grow up to be Daisy. But no one knows the reason behind the group’s split on the night of their final concert at Chicago Stadium on July 12, 1979 . . . until now.”

Can you smell the smoke from the burning cigarette? Can you taste the sip of sweet whiskey touching your lips? You can hear each drag of the cigarette, each sip of whiskey… You can see the men crossing their arms while they lean back in their chairs, the women fidgeting by touching their hair, and each person casting their eyes downward as they admit their histories. This is a book that will take you back to when sex, drugs, and rock & roll was the reality for musicians with dreams of singing their music to the people, and getting caught up in its world.

If you have never used Audible, this is one book I highly suggest you do it with. Listening to this book, you feel as if you are watching an episode of ‘Behind The Scenes’ on VH1, with such a realness to the characters, you just sit back and listen. I would love to know how they were able to get the names they did to narrate and bring each character to life. Daisy Jones ~ Jennifer Beals (Flashdance), Billy Dunne ~ Pablo Schreiber (13 Hours, Orange Is the New Black, Den of Thieves), Graham Dunne ~ Benjamit Bratt (Miss Congeniality, Law & Order, Private Practice), Karen Karen ~ Judy Greer (13 Going on 30, The Wedding Planner), Jim Blades ~ Jonathan Davis (Korn), and soooo many other great narrators!

I loved this book so much that I plan on getting pretty in depth and adding in my answers to the book club questions. Once it is done, I’ll add the link here.

Favorite Quotes~

Let me put it this way: I’ve seen a lot of marriages where everyone is faithful and nobody is happy. ~Camila

It was a big lesson for me when I was young—being given things versus earning them. I was so used to being given things that I didn’t know how important it is for your soul to earn them. ~Daisy

That’s the one thing they don’t mention when they tell you to stay away from drugs. They don’t say, “Drugs will have you sleeping with some real jerks.” But they should. ~Daisy

Music can dig, you know? It can take a shovel to your chest and just start digging until it hits something. ~Eddie

Actually, it wasn’t that fun, it was just that I was happy. Everything seems fun when you’re happy. ~Graham

I don’t believe in soul mates anymore, and I’m not looking for anything. But if I did believe in them, I’d believe your soul mate was somebody who had all the things you didn’t, that needed all the things you had. Not somebody who’s suffering from the same stuff you are. ~Karen

She had written something that felt like I could have written it, except that I knew I couldn’t have. I wouldn’t have come up with something like that. Which is what we all want from art, isn’t it? When someone pins down something that feels like it lives inside us? Take a piece of your heart out and shows it to you? ~Billy

But loving somebody isn’t perfection and good times and laughing and making love. Love is forgiveness and patience and faith and every once in a while, it’s a gut punch. That’s why it’s a dangerous thing, when you go loving the wrong person. When you love somebody who doesn’t deserve it. You have to be with someone that deserves your faith and you have to be deserving of someone else’s. It’s sacred. ~Billy

But music is never about music. It if was, we’d be writing songs about guitars. But we don’t. We write songs about women. ~Graham

I swear, I think about that day sometimes when I’m feeling low. I think about it to remind myself you never know what kind of crazy good shit is around the corner. But it’s hard not to remember, when I think about that day, that lots of crazy bad shit is often around the corner, too. ~Graham

Acceptance is a powerful drug. And I should know because I’ve done them all. ~Daisy

I wish someone had told me that love isn’t torture. Because I thought love was this thing that was supposed to tear you in two and leave you heartbroken and make your heart race in the worst way. I thought love was bombs and tears and blood. I did not know that it was supposed to make you lighter, not heavier. I didn’t know it was supposed to take only the kind of work that makes you softer. ~Daisy

All I will say is that you show up for your friends on their hardest days. And you hold their hand through the roughest parts. Life is about who is holding your hand and, I think, whose hand you commit to holding. ~Camila

You do sometimes sit and wonder why it wasn’t you, what makes you so special that you get to be safe. The world doesn’t make much sense. ~Billy

Let me tell you the sweet spot for being in rock ’n’ roll. People think it’s when you’re at the top but no. That’s what when you’ve got the pressure and the expectations. What’s good is when everybody thinks you’re headed somewhere fast, when you’re all potential. ~Warren

It hurts to care about someone more than they care about themselves. I can tell that story from both sides. ~Billy

It was such a sad love song. About wanting somebody you can’t have and knowing you’re going to want them anyway. ~Billy

It’s very vulnerable, being an artist, telling the truth like that, like we’re doing now. When you’re living your life, you’re so inside your head, you’re swirling around in your own pain, that it’s hard to see how obvious it is to the people around you. These songs I was writing felt coded and secret, but I suspect they weren’t coded and secret at all. ~Daisy

Some people will never stop being themselves. And you think it drives you crazy but it is the very thing you will think about when the are gone. When you don’t have them in your life anymore. ~Billy

DO NOT READ ANY FURTHER IF YOU HAVE NOT FINISHED THE BOOK

Book Club Questions~

The majority of these questions, I have copied from different book review websites, possibly combining questions and / or rewording.

Be honest… Did you google the band before you were finished, and if so, what did you think?

Did you listen to or read the book and what did you think of the oral history format?

What feelings did this book evoke for you?

This style of narration highlights that memory is often unreliable ~ different characters have conflicting stories or versions of events, or have reshaped their thoughts and feelings over the years. How do you feel this was most played out in the book?

Many of the characters seem to be searching for something to fill a void, and they turn to music or drugs or sex. What do you think the various characters, particularly Daisy and Billy, are looking for?

Daisy admits in the interview how shell felt for Billy. But, even all these years later, Billy can’t quite get there. He hints at it, but he always goes back to his love for Camila. Why do you think he can’t admit how he felt and possibly still feels about Daisy?

In what ways did their songwriting and actions on stage tell the truth when maybe they weren’t being honest to each other and to themselves?

How did you feel about Karen and Graham’s relationship? Did you want it to me more or did you understand where each side was coming from?

The book leads up to telling about the band’s last concert in Chicago stadium and Daisy leaving the band. How did you feel about Camila taking care of Daisy that night, telling Daisy to leave, then wishing her well?

What did you think about Billy and Camila’s relationship? Why do you think she stuck with him through it all?

Did the identity of the “author” of this book surprise you? Did it make you reconsider the story or any of the events?

We learn what everyone has been up to since the band broke up. What did you think of the addition of this information to the book and were there any surprises?

Before Camila passed away, she wrote an email to her daughters asking them to give their dad Daisy’s number? Why do you think she did this and do you think Billy will contact her?

Which character in the book would you most like to meet?

If you could hear this story from another person’s point of view, who would you choose?

Entertainment

What I learned from binging Grey’s Anatomy, Seasons 1…

June 14, 2020

Amanda Bailey is the type of woman that we all need to strive to become. She has fought hard to earn her position and demand the respect that she deserves.

New interns are so excited to perform solo surgeries, but in the next season, it’s as if they are experts!

Amanda Bailey and Ben Warren is the relationship we need to strive for, not Derrick & Meredith.

They showed April “breaking up” with God and I really appreciated them showing her journey to finding him again.

Oh my goodness! Addison Montgomery makes reading glasses look sexy!

Meredith Grey and all of these other “doctors” grew up with childhood issues and / or were considered “nerds” (before being a nerd was cool), and look at them now. True motivation to go after what you want!

Your eyes will well up with tears each time you see the women line the hallway when the rape victim is going in for surgery. Especially, once you realize that they had to fight for some of the scenes to be shown so truthfully. Each one of those women had a part with the show either as actors or staff.

God

The Five Finger Prayer

June 13, 2020

Fifteen years ago, I was telling a good friend of the prayer we would say for Daniel’s dad each night (he was Active Duty military and deployed to the desert)… “Dear God, Please watch over my daddy because we love him and we miss him.” From there, my sweet boy would add in anyone else he thought needed to be prayed for. Sometimes, it would take awhile as he was trying to delay bedtime. Or, perhaps… God put it in to his heart that these random people needed to be prayed for. While talking about this with my friend, she told me of the ‘Five Finger Prayer’ that her devout Catholic mother taught her as a child, and she had passed to her own children. I remember thinking how clever it was to have this reminder and printed out an example, to hang on my refrigerator. I came across it the other day and felt compelled to share the idea behind, ‘The Five Finger Prayer’.

First, begin your prayers with your thumb which is closest to your body. Your thumb represents your family and your friends ~ those closest to you. But, also pray for your enemies, for they affect your attitude towards your loved ones.

The next finger is your pointing finger. Pray for those that teach, instruct, and heal, such as teachers, ministers, and medical personnel.

The middle finger is the tallest and represents our leaders. Pray for our country and world leaders, business leaders, and even boss / co-workers.

Surprisingly, our ring finger is the weakest of all. You can never pray enough for those that are sick, or in trouble. Praying for those around us is a way of serving, which is an important part of our purpose.

By the time that we get to the pinky, which represents YOU, your prayers for others will have helped with the perspective of your thought process. You will be able to pray with a clear mind as you thank God for the blessings in your life, admit your struggles, and ask for guidance.

I like to think of the Five Finger Prayer as a way to ensure that I remember specific groups of people, even some that I wouldn’t remember in my daily prayers. For ease in teaching younger children about it, there are several coloring sheets that can be used, if you search google. Why not use this as a way to prove that power of prayer can help to change the world and our hearts.

Exercise

The Gym after 5pm is not for me…

June 9, 2020

What a difference 12 hours makes in the clientele at the gym… Or maybe it’s just my personality that is different. Let me preface this by saying that if you are a gym hottie, gym babe, gym bunny, gym rat, body builder… Well, you get the picture. If you resemble one of those, read at your own risk because I may offend you. But, if you are just a normal person trying to lose weight and / or tone up, you’ll completely understand what I am talking about. Either way, I hope you stick around to the end, for my self-realization.

On a normal day, I like to go around 5am. Hence the term, 5am’er. As the sun is starting to rise, the gym is sporadically filled with little old bitties working with a rehab trainer, and those that prefer early morning workouts to start their day, or the ones like me that have to force this new lifestyle. Having overslept this morning, I decided that I would force myself to keep up my 5 day a week gym new found routine and go after work. Easy enough, right?

When I walked in, I felt like all of God’s perfect creations were staring right at me, beginning to judge, as soon as the key card was swiped. I looked around… This did not resemble my gym; you could see the difference in physiques, and feel the overly charged air! Did we have the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders in town? Where were all of my middle of the road people, my little old ladies, my men that would be putting on a business suit in a couple of hours? They were HOME and I was surrounded by all of the hot single people in this town. FYI it’s not such a thrill when you’re in your mid 40’s.

My heart stopped as I looked for my trusty almost always empty ellipticals! What in the world? Why were they all so full? Oh! Because the few men somewhat near my age were lined up, dropping sweat beads, while watching the young hot chick go through her hip abduction workout.

Generally when doing the hip abduction machine (one of my favorites), most people sit on their tush, grab the handles, then press out with their outer thighs. Not this little darling. Nope. I saw new ways to use this machine, reminding me of Channing Tatum dancing with a chair in ‘Magic Mike’. Yah, you get the visual. In between her reps, she made sure to get some stretches in, along with a few glances. The machine next to hers was the only one empty, the only thing going through my mind was, “Stare straight ahead, straight ahead.” However, as her ‘moves’ were in my peripheral, my brain was saying, “Oh, you can use the back of the head rest as a balancing tool while on your knees…” This isn’t the type of stuff you see from a 5am’er.

The unspoken rule at the gym first thing in the morning, no one talks! Even to people they know. I see a co-worker most mornings, and I started to feel guilty that I wasn’t even acknowledging her presence. So, at work, I explained that I am just focused on what I’m doing. “Do not apologize for that! You don’t even have to make eye contact. I just want to get through my routine.” Good! Glad we have that out of the way.

Like I said, us 5am’ers, we don’t talk. We’re all just busy doing our own thing, pushing through the sunrise without coffee, with headphones in our ears listening to something, or perhaps they are the noise silencing ones. I don’t know what they are doing because no one questions it. We make hand gestures if needed when walking towards the same machine or in passing, and even the owner just waves hello or goodbye, with a nod and a smile. But, not the 5pm’ers. Nope. It’s their time to chat, gossip, and compare macro counts. “Go to a bar for this and have a couple of drinks. In fact, grab a few appetizers while you’re talking!”, my head screams at them. Oh, wait! That’s why they look like THAT and I look the way I do. This really IS their version of Happy Hour!

Once again, I needed to use a machine next to one of these gym babes and since empty ones were hard to find, I walked up. Her condescending look basically said, “Um, what are you doing here?” My eyebrows raised as if in reply, “I used to look like you with the perky little boobs and flat stomach. But, this is what happens when you give birth to two kids and life gets in the way, you judgmental little…” Wait! Was she judging me the same way I had been judging her? Does she prefer the evenings because her friends are there and there is a more energetic vibe going on, everything completely different from why I like the gym early in the morning? So, I smiled warmly and turned up the current song on my playlist, (‘Mighty Wings’ by Cheap Trick. It’s on the Top Gun soundtrack. Excellent motivation!) and started my reps.

What did I learn today from watching these little gym bunnies, besides workouts go A LOT quicker when you just want to get out of that hormone crazed place? I realized that basically, we all want our own personal experience at the gym… Some really want that social experience, encouraging their friends, trading back and forth on equipment. While others, like me, want personal space to zone out and focus on themselves for just a short amount of time. I can tell you what we all want, though… To feel accepted… To not feel as if we are being judged on our muffin top that we are trying to lose, or our perky little body that those girls have to work HARD to have. We all want to feel like this is a shared experience with like minded people.

So, to you young girls with your rocking bodies… Enjoy it! Appreciate your smooth skin, the lean muscle, the ability to look gorgeous in leggings and a sports bra. Because one day, you may be covering up those stretch marked stomachs, and find that it takes a bit more effort as you get older. And you will understand why you just need your own time listening to a playlist with music from your thinner days, that will serve as a goal to strive towards… When your body was still young and healthy… Before kids… Before being afraid to sneeze in public… Before daily blood pressure pills… Before menopause… Young girl, I promise you that I will try my best to no longer judge you, because I have one thing you don’t have yet… life experience. I have rocked my crying babies, I have held the hands of loved ones dying, I have had that extra helping of dessert and enjoyed it without guilt, I have learned that a good education will only get you so far… I have lived! Unfortunately, you only start to realize that those were the experiences that shape your life as you cross in to your 40’s, when your body starts to soften, along with your heart. PS, let me be honest, I may envy your youth a bit, though.

With all of that said, I am now a confirmed 5am’er! (I have a tendency to learn things the hard way. Ha!) Tomorrow morning, I will throw on my gym clothes, pull my hair up, dab a bit of muscle ache cream on my plantar fasciitis sneaking its way in to my left foot, tie my boring grey sneakers with insoles and walk out with headphones on, listening Mighty Wings by Cheap Trick on the Top Gun soundtrack. And you better believe that I have a new determination… I will remember that I am working towards the confidence that those young ladies exude, as I enjoy my experience around MY gym people.

PSS, I can tell you one other thing we all need regarding the gym… A shower afterwards. Perky or muffin top. We all need a shower!

Health & Spiritual

A pedicure as the Love Language for TOUCH

June 7, 2020

I went to get a pedicure today for the first time in probably over six months. I used to be so diligent about it… Every two weeks, I was in a nail salon ready to pick out the same pinkish red color that I had been wearing for forever. Maybe not the exact same shade, but always similar. Only three times did I do a different color – First for my brother’s wedding (late 90’s) and his wife wanted our toes the same color as our dress (baby blue). The second was in 2016… I had picked out my normal pinkish red, but when I told the woman that I had a first date the next night, she told me to do something different and she painted them teal (similar to this color). In her sweet Vietnamese accent she said, “You try this. If he likes, he a good man.” (He did and that lasted 6 months. Maybe I should seek out her wisdom again. ) 2018 was the third time. A bright Baby Blue. It was summer and a friend of mine had her finger nails painted that color and I liked it.

Back to my pedi today… I had spent the morning helping a friend pack and move. While on that side of town, I wanted to go in to my once favorite place. Luckily, they weren’t backed up so I ended up getting a chair within just a few minutes.

This salon which has been my ‘go to’ place, brings me peace. I know that there are others that are newer and shinier, but this place… There is something about the lived in feel, the quiet music that involves chimes, their sun faded posters involving Biblical themes, their cheap gold crosses… “Oh! We haven’t seen you in awhile! Sit, sit!” They always make me feel like they have welcomed me in to their home and WANT to take care of me. It must have been my lucky day because I ended up with the owner and he is usually booked with appointments. Looking at my goose bumped legs, he brought me over a towel to cover up with and I held on as if he had just given me a snuggle blanket. “You close your eyes. You relax.” Then he hit the massage chair button. The tension in my body started to melt away and once I felt those hot water jets hit my feet, the crease in my face started to smooth out. I sat there, holding on to the top of my towel, my reflexes moved my feet where they needed to go, melding in to the feeling of the massage on my shoulders and tightly wound back.

My mind started to wander to a couple of different friends. One had posted months ago about how her love language was touch but since she was single, she didn’t know how to get that language fulfilled. I suggested she go get a pedicure because it had always relaxed me. In my wording to her that day, it reminded me of how many times I had done the same exact thing when I just needed to feel loved, without really realizing why I was going. The thought of her took me to a conversation with another friend a few years prior. We had been discussing what it was like to be deployed and being away from your loved ones and he mentioned that that is why a lot of them will go and get massages. In my typical humor, I laughed and said, “Yah, we all know why they go and get a massage.” My humor was met with a very serious reply… “You know, some peoples love language is touch and just to have someone rub your feet or back, can really help fulfill that.” Those words have stayed with me as a reminder of how powerful touch really is.

When the pedicure was done, he put a hot washcloth that was infused with eucalyptus on the back of my neck. With each pressure his hands gave my neck and shoulders, it heightened the soothing aroma, ensuring my complete relaxation.

When I finally opened my eyes, the world seemed golden and my soul was at ease. I’ve learned my lesson – no longer will I look at these pedicures as too costly or time consuming and I will do my best to make more time for my self care in this way. I can only take as good of care for others as I take for myself.

Ironically enough, when I came home and decided to catch up on a show, those words were said to a character, almost word for word. Thank you, God, for reminding me that I matter, also, and helping me to realize that it is not selfish to give myself self-care.

PS – As you can see below, I went away from my normal pinkish red and stepped out of my comfort zone. I’ve spent my life, especially the last several years, doing what is expected of me. My purchasing style for clothes and decor has always basically been about “function”. I think it’s time that I start with “does this look like joy” when I look at colors for decor and such. And my first step to doing this, is teal colored toes that my kids and boss may shake their heads at. But, that’s ok, because it’s not their toes, right?

Life

Courage can start with picking out new pottery

June 7, 2020

Yesterday, I spent the day helping a friend move to a new house that she bought. It’s perfect for her and that view… Oh my! The spacious back yard overlooks the bay, with plenty of room on the back deck to enjoy the water and sunrise. She was super lucky that the previous owners left window boxes with freshly planted petunias, adding to the charm from either inside or out.

Adding to the charm of her new house was her variety of plants in colorful, sometimes eclectic, pots. The back of the moving van looked similar to that of a florist making deliveries, with wandering Jews and Ivy hanging from the wood rafters, and bowls of petunias and begonias packed in tightly. All that seemed to be missing were the plastic card holders with well wishes offered.

My slightly green thumb was beginning to itch. Oh, how I missed the color of outdoor plants! They always brought a smile to my thoughts, seeing them on my porch after a long work day, as if their flowers were saying, “Welcome home!” I’d always longed for my backyard to look like what my mind had imagined while reading ‘The Secret Garden’… Filled with whimsical plants in colored pottery lining the pebble covered paths, leading to a hidden bridge that connected to a maze of wandering ivy, luscious plants, and vibrant bushes with butterflies dancing around. Sure, there were times that I would add flowers to a dirt area in my backyard, but with kids and a dog running around, they didn’t last long. And in reality, if I would have had a secret garden, I would have gotten lost in there with a book, never to be found. Would that really have been such a bad thing, come to think of it? Ha! Looking back, it could have worked. You see, when my youngest son was little, he loved to help me pick out flowers for our front porch, always trying to find the right ones that smelled good or colors he thought I would enjoy. And when it would rain, instead of getting frustrated, he would say, “The rain is watering our plants and the sun will help them grow“. But, as time went on, sports, life, and challenging schoolwork got in the way. It seemed that suddenly, planting flowers with mom lost their thrill.

But, here I am with this sudden desire to watch plants evolve in to their own shape, maybe similar to watching my kids change and grow. (Well, that was just an A-HA moment, need to make a note of that.) So, I head to the store early on this rainy Sunday morning, to wander the garden section. The peace of mindlessly walking around, smelling the herbs, and reading different labels reminded me of the long ago quiet bookstores. I selected a variety based upon full sun, mid sun, and light sun, along with annual versus perennial. Not caring for the bland selection of pots (or pricing), I headed to a discount store hoping they would have some that caught my eye. This was going to be my chance to have the courage to go for something a bit more vibrant, not just practical and sturdy. They did not disappoint!

The heat index is already pushing 90 with 85% humidity at 10:30 am and I felt the need to do this today, why? What was I thinking? Oh, that’s right… My slight green thumb was itching! But, as I found my hands in the potting soil, adding to each pot, deciding which plants should be combined or left with their own kind, that old feeling came over me as I found where each one belonged. But, this time, it felt a bit different… These plants were at home.

Just as I was feeling quite satisfied with my progress and packing up the empty containers, a text came through from my friend across the street. “I look out my window and there you are with two different color gloves!” Laughing, I replied back with, “My damn dog seems to think they are great chew toys so when the cabinet is open and she can get to one, she snags it and starts trotting off. Freaking dog!” I needed that moment to break up the moment and look up at the sky.

A summer storm was coming in, so I lined up my new plants and admired my baby steps in purchasing an array of somewhat colorful pots. They’ll spend a day soaking up some rain, reaching for the sun, before I decide where to place them. As I stood back to admire the beginning of my colorful world, I reflected on the words of my son from 10 short years ago that is more a metaphor on life than he knew at the time… “The rain is watering our plants and the sun will help them grow“.

I had some cuttings from a plant that I trimmed down that had finally grown sufficient roots. Broken super glued coffee cups and small plastic pots are the perfect place to transfer these small plants while they adjust to their new environment.

This type of pot is something that I would have never picked out before. But, I loved the look and have always admired this style when I have seen in other peoples gardens.

So, what are you waiting for? There is always going to be rain, but there will be sun, and that is when we grow. Find the courage to pick out your own pottery and let your vibrant side show! For those of you that have seen your friends admiring your plants and beautiful pottery, just remember what an excellent gift that would make for them when the time arises. Not only is it the plant and the pot it is in that they admire, it is YOU, and your courage to do what they are striving for.

Friendship

The Power of Conversation

June 5, 2020

Conversations vary with different people. It seems that sometimes when you talk to a friend, particularly on the phone, it is to catch up and talk about your day to day life. It is not often that you will get in to a serious conversation and really explore the depths of your silent thoughts. You may touch on a subject, but aren’t we all afraid to speak openly at times? To really say our true feelings without the fear of embarrassment or rejection? What about the intelligent conversations? Where in our life can we fully discuss things with our friends and ask questions about ourselves?

At times, there are friends that we may feel the need to pull away from, for whatever reason. It always seems that women miss talking to each other, though. Their friend could have been less than perfect in certain friendship areas (that only we women seem to understand), but we remember the conversations – we crave the conversation! It could have been nothing more than having someone to talk to about our day or discussing life with children and husbands. Sometimes we wonder if certain friendships are even worth it and do we truly trust this person. However, I think that we have to look at the friendship and decide what we get out of it. Do we get gossip? A free babysitter? Someone to occupy our time? Those may be important issues for some of us and I have learned that each friend is there for a certain reason, for only us to decide. Very rarely will we find one friend that will fulfill every need that we could possibly have.

Yet, it is our friends that give us insight in to ourselves. Not necessarily by making us question our values of how we live, but by having those heart felt conversations on marriage, child birth, divorce, death, religion …. You name it. By having intimate conversations, we are able to truly see ourselves and learn to vocalize our fears, needs and wants through others by realizing that maybe we aren’t alone in this world – that we are all going through it together. By recognizing our friends weaknesses, we will hopefully recognize our own and begin to build on those to make them in to a strength that is powerful – one that we will want to share – something to help us become better reacquainted with our life.

Where can we stimulate our minds more than by discussing life with our friends? In business, we stimulate our minds with numbers and problems where we can feel the gratification when a certain transaction is completed, filing it away as complete. Yet, in friendships, we keep building. We will go through life together and hold each others hands and talk about our experiences. Years later, we will remember that particular time in our lives, regardless if we have become acquaintances with these friends or still remain close and will know that from one conversation, we may have changed our viewpoint on a certain subject. Yet if it wasn’t completely changed, we opened our eyes just a bit to look at a different side of life. Maybe that is the challenging thing about friendships and the conversations – how to remain friends even when our opinions differ.

At times, friends give you a view in to your thoughts that you had not even stopped to realize. Then there are the times that they can hurt you with a simple comment or a reminder of a time that you would rather forget. These are the instances that we have not been completely honest with ourselves or our friends – we do not let them know how we really feel on a subject out of what? Fear? Denial? And only when they make these comments, do we realize how it hurts. If we are good at lying to ourselves, they will not notice the little cringe that tightens our heart. Then again, maybe we should ask ourselves if they are that good of friends that they didn’t realize it would truly hurt….. or maybe they intended to hurt us just to see our reaction – to catch a glimpse of our eyes flickering or our voice faltering when continuing on. Is that fair to our friend – to deny further knowing us and to understand this confusion that rests within us? Wouldn’t it be better to sit down over a cup of coffee and honestly say, “You hurt me”? Or would that put a hindering on the conversation and take away what we need the most – companionship……..

Love (or lack thereof)

Falling in love…

June 5, 2020

I see a woman that by merely walking in to a room, her presence is noticed. Not by her height alone, which she accentuates with heels, but with her vibrancy and her hand held out to introduce herself. She is confident and will speak her mind. Power is something that she holds in the palm of her hand. But, I know her secret. It is something that her and I share. We are afraid of giving up that power to have feelings for someone else – to fall in love.

We ask ourselves where we stand. Yet it is evident in the small actions – the phone calls that we receive, the delivered flowers, the love notes via email. We know exactly where we stand, yet we wonder and we want answers. Should we ask? And when we ask, will our thoughts of perfection end in ruins as our feelings of amazement escape us? Do we want to see this perfect specimen become a human being as we hear their feelings vocalized? When finally sharing our fears with the other and we hear that of course they find us amazing, what is the next step?

To know the power of someone wanting us is energetic. With this sense of empowerment, we feel in control of our destiny and guide along as we wish. Yet, when the tables are turned and we find ourselves losing the control, we are scared. This is when I personally will call it a day and walk so as not to get hurt. I do not want to share my feelings because by doing this, I am allowing you, almost single handedly, to affect my mood and my thoughts. As long as I am the one that leaves you wanting more, I am confident in my purpose and can plan the upcoming journey.

We are afraid of rejection. By admitting that our thoughts focus on another and not knowing our place, we are allowing this person to take charge of our inner most peace of mind. We become afraid to disagree with a decision or to even state what we truly desire for fear that with out their approval, they may not see us as the perfect person that we have been striving to appear as. We will begin to analyze all steps – was there an underlying message in this conversation? The way he held his arm and had his leg crossed – did that body gesture relate to something? What about the way he was concentrating on the road – maybe he was thinking about how life would be better without me.

This is where we have to stand up and act as our own person. Falling in love is wonderful and I recommend it to everyone. Yet, it is overwhelming with all the emotions that circulate through our mind and how they affect our smile. How do we regain control of our own thoughts and feel comfortable with knowing that someone desires us as much we desire them? Where are the comfortable boundaries?

This last question, I cannot completely answer. I do not allow anyone past a certain point in my emotional self. I will not give that control to have an effect in my life and leave myself open to daydreams and heartache. Is this healthy? Of course not. Yet, it is who I am. It is the person that I have created to protect myself from feeling alone. As my cousin once told me, it is more lonely to be with someone and feel alone than to be alone without someone.

One day, I may overcome these feelings and be ready to reach out. Until then, I am content to enjoy my life, myself. I enjoy my thoughts uninterrupted with feelings of inadequacy, anger and even jealousy at another’s confidence to live their life as they please. I do not wonder where I fit in and what our future holds. Reading a book in silence and becoming lost in the story is something that I enjoy and I appreciate being able to grab my keys and leave without having to check with another. I do as I please.

Yet, sometimes I wonder whom I will call when life has turned upside down and I need someone to cheer for just me. Will someone be there to hold my hand when I receive unexpected news? In the middle of the night when I cannot sleep, as evident by this 3am typing, will there be a hand to reach out and hold to give me comfort?

So, I say go for it. Go for the love and enjoy what you have in this moment. When will you feel again as you are feeling now with the sunshine so warm and the breeze blowing through your hair? Concentrate on the soft kisses and revel in the joyous thought that someone, right now, sees you as near perfect. Do not ask what the next step is. Let it be a surprise that comes wrapped in a bow that is to be opened with a rainbow as it shines even more light in to your life. Experience the first few moments of new love.

Health & Spiritual

It’s time to pick your own lane…

June 3, 2020June 3, 2020

Have you ever been driving behind a car for awhile and all of a sudden, you realize that your movements mimic theirs? They move a little to the left, so do you. They veer slightly to the right, you lean to the right. They speed up, your right foot presses the gas a bit. Over and over we do this, often times without realizing.

This was apparent to me while driving to the grocery store after work. I was stuck behind a vehicle that had very exaggerated movements. Turning from Main Street at the traffic light to a side road… He swung wide, I swung wide. Same thing at the roundabout… He went wide, I went wide. With another wide turn in to the parking lot, I giggled when I realized how I was mimicking his driving. Then it’s as if a light bulb flickered inside my brain and I thought, “Is this what we do in life… Mimic those around us?”

My brother’s words from my early driving days came back to me… “You’re like that song, ‘Give me 40 acres and I’ll turn this rig around…’ but you don’t drive a big rig, you drive a small Honda.” In my defense, I had grown up around people that drove pickup trucks so that’s how I honestly thought you turned around… Big wide turns!

Isn’t this what life is sometimes like? Is it perhaps ingrained in to our minds that we are supposed to act a certain way because it fits the status quo? For instance, we should peel a banana fully before eating, only use a certain brand of detergent, always tuck the bottom part of the flat sheet in… When do we stand up and say, “No! I like to only peel the part that I am taking a bite out of, I prefer All over Tide detergent, and I like my sheets untucked!”?

How many of you heard the phrase from your parents regarding your up to no good friends, “If they jumped off a bridge, would you?” Sure, it’s a question, but they weren’t really expecting an answer. Because if we did answer, we would dutifully hang our head and say the obligatory, “No”. (By the way, you get extra points if you said m’am or sir after telling them your answer.) But, in our heads, as the inexperienced children we were, our brain was yelling, “Yes! Because these are my best friends and they will do anything for me!” (You get extra points here if you have ever said this to your own children because now you know better. Ha!)

Now that we are adults, who are we still following behind in traffic? Is it your significant other that tries to makes you realize it’s just easier to go along with their opinion? What about the friend that makes you feel guilty if you don’t feel like painting the town red on a Friday night? Let’s add in the co-worker that always seems to act a bit superior towards your differing work loads. And then there’s the school parents that belittle you for not wanting to take part in the newest fundraiser.

It is time that we learn to drive our own way. Choose a lane and stay in it! As women, we have a lot of life experience. We know how to make choices, we know what type of wine we prefer (Pinot Noir girl here!), we know how to prioritize work, and we know how we like our coffee. So, why would we let someone else dictate our lane? It’s time we speak up and take responsibility for our own lives. Is the person in front of you driving too fast… Then slow down. Weaving in and out of traffic… STAY IN YOUR LANE! Drive at the speed you need to and enjoy the scenery IN FRONT OF YOU.

Ironically enough, while in the store thinking about these things and pushing my cart down an aisle, I was busy looking over to the side and a nice looking distraction caught my eye… Bam! There went my cart right in to the corner of a cookie display. The light bulb in my mind didn’t just flicker… It was as if a brand new stop light had just been installed.

Although those cookies really did look good, I’m trying to be healthy, so I fixed the display and moved along. I made a choice. I left the cookies and went to find the bug spray (trying to get some yard work done and the mosquito’s are just crazy right now). Don’t start looking around while driving, wondering what is out there. Pull over to the side and decide what path you want to take.

We all have choices to make in life. Sometimes we do need guidance, especially when visiting a new place. But, this is our life and it is time we took it back. We can give our opinion and speak up on the way that we expect to be treated. We can choose to stay home on a Friday night and binge chick flicks. We can choose to better ourselves and live a life that WE are proud of!

I am giving you permission to stop, decide if you want to take the scenic route. You don’t have to go in the direction you have always been heading, following someone else, the one they say is the best. Look around, which direction do YOU want to try? Because girl, I am telling you… YOU ARE WORTH IT! Now, buckle your seat belt, put your sunglasses on, and turn your blinker to the direction you want to go!

Exercise

Exercise Motivation Quotes

June 2, 2020

The majority of us do not look like the women modeling the latest active wear. It can be so hard to keep our motivation up when we look around and see all of these “perfect” people at the gym, or doing a morning run, or modeling the latest yoga pants. When you need that reminder or extra push, take a look at these. Better yet, follow us on Pinterest!

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