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Exercise

Back Extension Machine

  • June 30, 2020

When I started back to the gym a couple of years ago (prior to knee injury and broken tailbone), I studied articles that would tell me about the most beneficial machines in the gym. You know the ones that will work out several muscle groups at one time. Yes, I made notes, because that is what I do.

But, as I made my notes and started looking, I noticed a trend. One of my favorite machines was listed as one of the most useless. WHAT?!?! I love the Back Extension!!! So, I am going on record to say, I DISAGREE!

When I started my first adventure at a gym back in 2010, (YMCA – my boys could do swimming lessons or play basketball while I was sweating away), one of the trainers told me that people with back pain really like this machine. So, I added it to my routine, to give it a try. A few different gyms later, with stretches of not going in between, it is still my favorite machine. I use it as my goal ~ “Do all of the other machines and then you can get to that one to stretch!” As soon as I sit down and make sure everything is adjusted to how I want, I do my first push back, hold it, and stretch, continuing with my 3 sets of 10.

Since being back at the gym 5 days a week and using this machine each time, I no longer feel tension in my back, I seldom have to “pop” it, the pain behind my left shoulder blade is gone, and it gives me a bit of an ab workout.

Moral of this story… You do you! Yes, the experts know a thing or two, but you know your body. I can’t workout with all of the hard bodies on the free weights, but I do the machines that work for me, and isn’t that what we’re supposed to do to feel motivated?

Entertainment

Drinking Buddies – 2013, starring Olivia Wilde, Jake Johnson,…

  • June 28, 2020

I decided to have a “me” day and get some things done around the house, then spend my evening watching a good movie. I must have started five different ones but nothing was “hitting” me. Scrolled through Hulu and what do I see, “Drinking Buddies”. Well, I love Jake Johnson! I found him because of “New Girl” and honestly, he was my favorite character on the show as Nick. Ok, I probably developed a bit of a “movie star crush” because he is the type that I would go for – brown hair, brown eyes, manly, funny, and loveable.

Back to the movie review…. I have always enjoyed watching movies that portray a group dynamic and how they relate to different people. This movie did not disappoint! First, watch the preview so you can get a feeling for who is who. You will see that Kate (Olivia Wilde) and Luke (Jake Johnson) are best friends that work at the same brewery and have dreams of opening their own bar together. Jill (Anna Kendrick) is Luke’s girlfriend and Chris (Ron Livingston) is Kate’s boyfriend.

Ok, so in the preview, you are wondering if Luke and Kate are hooking up or if there is going to be a group thing or what… I am personally giving this movie 5 out of 5 stars because I loved it so much! My brief review is below before I get in to the notes I took (I’m weird like that).

The interesting thing about this movie is that it was completely improvised. The actors did not have any scripts but were given an outline of basically what direction to take the characters. To me, not only does this prove how incredible these actors truly are, but it makes the movie so much more believable. You can feel the reactions on their faces, experiencing the joy they are going through or confusion as they are trying to figure out what to say. The camera just seems to weave in and out of conversation, around people, goes closer to get particular expressions, but also pans back to give you a sense of the room. You truly feel that you are there with these characters as they talk and laugh and even the background noise feels authentic, not forced or added in. Since this movie was filmed at a brewery in Chicago, they were drinking actual beer and spent a lot of time drunk, which added to the realness of their conversations.

Go ahead and admit it… We’ve all been there ~ We have had a work crush. If you have a significant other, don’t ask them, because it is in their best interest (and yours), so they are going to deny it. At one time or another, we have had that one person that makes going to work just a bit more fun, you might even dress a bit nicer because of them. It’s not like you are ever going to do anything about it, you just look forward to seeing them. Or, maybe they aren’t really a work crush but someone that would be referred to as your “work husband / wife / spouse”. They are the ones that you can complain to about work and they understand what you are talking about. You two have an easy rapport and you can joke, fight, make up, remember their favorite candy bar… You know the one. It’s the one at work that makes you feel like you are special. And why is that? Because you don’t have home responsibilities together, which we all know can put some stress on a relationship. Anyways, that’s Luke and Kate. They are each other’s work spouses and they get along great! If you don’t have one of these at work, it will make you wish that you had one. The problem with this is, they took their friendship outside of work and that is where problems can start.

MOVIE QUOTES

Kate: You made your own bed, alright? Luke: Yeah, and you fucking slept in it. Kate: Well, you didn’t stop me.

Kate: it’s good, it has just enough room for me and my imaginary cat.

Kate: That’s the problem with heartbreak, to you it’s like an atomic bomb and to the world it’s just really cliche, because in the end we all have the same experience.

Chris: Sometimes things that are really hard can be really rewarding because they’re hard, you know

Luke: Hey, here’s the truth: I am done giving you shit, and I am sorry. I have no place. You are a grown woman, and if you want to have sex with a disgusting, bad brewer with a terrible attitude…

Luke: By the way, I’m not doing anymore double dates either. This was fun.

Chris: I don’t think that this is working. I think eight months is enough time to know whether this is going to work.

Kate: Tonight, no one is going home to their significant other because I no longer have one.

MY NOTES & OPINIONS

When Kate and Luke are at the bar with the other co-workers having a great time, you can see the change on Kate’s face when Jill comes in that she no longer has them all to herself, and that Luke is happy to see Jill.

Kate heads over to Chris’s after drinking with her work boys and reaches in to his plate with her fingers to grab a bite. You can tell that he does not care for that type of behavior, but she doesn’t seem to notice, even when he gives her the plate of food to eat.

Chris goes to bed early and Kate is laying in bed listening to Luke and Jill playing 21, the game Luke taught Kate earlier in the day. I think there is a bit of jealousy there as she can hear them laughing and just genuinely having a good time, as a couple.

Their first morning at the cabin, Chris suggests going for a hike and only Jill wants to go. As they are walking, you kind of come in mid conversation but assume they are talking about their significant others and it feels like Chris is surprised that someone like Kate would want him.

Jill is sitting on the blanket with Chris, and he appreciates her upscale ways. She tells him how she feels her heart racing and that she is nervous. He ends up kissing her which makes me realize that there was an unspoken energy going on between the two of them and their conversation while walking must have been very intimate. During this time, it is showing scenes of Luke and Kate playing cards, opening beers, just laughing and having such a great time.

After Jill passes out on the couch, Luke and Kate go and build a bonfire on the beach and Kate suggests going for a swim and she starts stripping down. Luke says no and I’m watching him hoping that he’s going to be a good man, because let’s be honest, Olivia Wilde would be a hard one to turn down. But, he does. He stays by the fire drinking his beer. I had a lot of respect for him in that moment.

Kate and Chris have broken up which makes Luke a bit nervous. She was safe to flirt and have fun with as long as she had a boyfriend, but now that she is single, I think he realizes that she is no longer “safe”, and it shows in his attitude at the bar when he says he’ll drive her home, almost as if he’s turned in to the big brother.

Jill seems to take a pause in her thoughts when Luke tells her that Kate and Chris have broken up. And you have to wonder what exactly is going through her mind… Is she thinking that Chris is more her type ~ educated, not wanting to stay out at bars late, deep thinker… Or is she worried that Kate and Luke will get together since their chemistry is pretty obvious?

Kate and Luke’s relationship really changes when he finds out that she went home with another guy. I’m sure there is a bit of jealousy. Kind of, “If I can’t have her, I don’t want anyone else to.”

Kate goes by Chris’s apartment after drinking, and he reiterates that they are broken up and not meant for each other. It seems to me that she doesn’t like to be alone and is used to her charm working on men.

Jill goes to Costa Rica with her friends (I think she was going away with Chris) and so Kate and Luke spend the evening together drinking and laughing. I was not thrilled with the massages or sleeping on the couch together. I think that showed a lack of respect on Luke’s part, but I think in his immaturity, he thought that they were just friends, so it wasn’t a big deal.

Kate tells Luke that she is moving and needs to move the next day, so he offers to help. When they get to her house, he is shocked to find that it is such a mess and that she has had birthday decorations and cups laying around for quite awhile, which she seems unfazed by. He falls asleep after getting the majority of work done and Kate stands there watching him. Instead of going to the couch, she snuggles in behind and puts her arm around him. I think she is so desperate for closeness, that even that will work for her. I really felt for her in that moment.

The next day, Luke is acting like his normal self, in full on friend / brotherly mode and goes to get the Uhaul and Kate seems to be very attracted to this, which I totally get. As a single woman, it is sometimes nice when a man takes charge and helps you with these things, especially when you don’t have to ask. She is probably also seeing it as how they are doing “couple” things and that this is how it could really be. But, when he cuts his hand on a nail, she is kind of blowing it off and saying how they need to move the couch. Luke snaps at her and Kate’s body language shows that there is a change in them. No longer is she able to charm him and be very blase, he is in real pain and is shown trying to take care of himself. She doesn’t try to help him rinse it or know where anything is, just seems very uncaring and more concerned for herself. Kate says she will calls someone that can help and it ends up being the guy that she slept with, and of course she is just charming and saying all the things she would have to Luke. When the moving is done, Luke reminds her that they were going to clean up so they could go and have a nice meal to celebrate. That no longer sounds like fun and she wants to go drinking with the guys. She starts yelling at him and I think she is doing that to protect herself and come off as not caring about Luke at all.

Luke heads home to find out that Jill came home early from her trip. When she sees his hand, she automatically goes in to caretaker mode and that shows how those two are so different. I think that somewhere in Luke’s mind, he was thinking that Kate might be fun because she likes to party. But, after seeing Kate’s chaotic home life, he sees in Jill what he really wants ~ a help mate, someone that keeps him grounded and takes care of him. Jill is honest and tells Luke about the kiss and admits that it was a mistake. In that instant, I think that Luke realizes what he could have lost, and pulls her in for a kiss and a long hugg.

The last scene is Kate and Luke during lunchtime at work. Whereas they always had lunch together, it shows Kate eating alone. Luke comes in, still sits down next to her, but they don’t speak and it’s an uncomfortable silence. But, she slides fries over to him and when he starts eating them, she smiles.

The great thing about the ending is that while it left me wanting more, it lets the viewer imagine what the continuing story would be. I would like to think that Kate and Luke do remain friends, but there is a bit of a distance between them now, knowing how close they were to cross the line. Because once you cross it, you can never go back to being normal.

Life

Valentine’s Day love notes never sent…

  • June 27, 2020

My plan leading up to that Valentine’s Day was to give him a bunch of random song lyrics, all in a red box. Some of the phrases were from songs that played in the background, others were from ones that I came across while flipping radio stations while driving, with him on my mind. It wasn’t that all of these songs were about those lovey dovey moments, because we really didn’t have those, it was about the time spent together. But, with all of my “love stories”, this one did not have a happy ending.

I came across the bag the other day with my final letter and the notes, still folded in half. Although I had read the letter to him, I never handed it over, and actually omitted parts of it while reading with controlled emotions. And now, I sit on my bed with these notes, still perfectly folded in half, and read each one aloud… I am realizing that some of the lyrics weren’t necessarily about him, but about me and the struggles that I was going through in my life at that time. Each one has given a me smile, sometimes a reflective pause, taking me back to a moment, where I was filled with so much confusion, but a love for the life we shared then. So, here are the quotes and lyrics… If YOU are reading this, thanks for the memories!

To the things I believe in… My faith, your love, our freedom. To the things I can count on, To keep me going strong… Yeah, I hold on.

Like the stripes to the flag, like a boy to his dad… I can’t change who I am, right or wrong… So I hold on.

I bet that your neighbors hate us, ’cause we could laugh all night, and never sleep.

There’ll be days your heart don’t wanna beat, you pray more than you breathe.

I hope that you see right through my walls.

I wish nothing but the best for you…

I wouldn’t trade one memory, because you mean too much to me.

I wouldn’t have missed it for the world.

It will all get better in time…

Never had much faith in love… or miracles.

Walking between raindrops, riding the aftershock with you…

I’ll tell you all about it, when I see you again.

I’ve been sleep walking, been wandering all night… Trying to take what’s lost and broke and make it right.

I love this life.

I don’t wanna steal your freedom, I don’t wanna change your mind.

I swear you hit me like a vision, I wasn’t expecting, but who am I to tell fate where it’s supposed to go…

It’s good to be alive… Right about now!

You could’ve rolled your eyes, told me to go to hell… Could’ve walked away. But, you’re still here, and I’m still here.

Come on over… I like the sound of that.

Oh, this is how it starts, lightning strikes the heart… It goes off like a gun, brighter than the sun.

Got a feeling that I’m going under… But I know that I’ll make it out alive.

I just wanna sing a little chill song, get my groove on…

Say you’ll remember me, standing in a nice dress, staring at the sunset…

Make it up as we go along.

A big ol’ couch in a big ol’ room, still feels lonely when it’s just you.

Will your eyes still smile from your cheeks?

Under the light of a thousand stars…

Words you wanna take back… But you know you can’t.

And his voice is a familiar sound.

Oh, I know that I don’t need a whole lot of anything… I just want a little bit of everything.

Well, the trouble with up… Is there’s always a down.

What would I do without your smart mouth?

Said I’ll always be a friend. Took an oath, I’m gonna stick it out ’til the end…

Thinking out loud…

And the crowds don’t remember my name…

The path to heaven runs through miles of clouded hell…

So this is what you meant, when you said you were spent…

I thought I’d been hurt before, but no one has left me quite this sore.

Get a grip and bite your lip just to save a little face.

We’ve come a long way from where we began…

Please don’t stand so close to me, I’m having trouble breathing… I’m afraid of what you’ll see right now…

I’ll tell you my sins and you can sharpen your knife.

I need someone to breathe me back to life.

I don’t ever want to let you down.

The sun is filling up the room, And I can hear you dreaming…

And light it up like it’s our last chance.

Well, there it is. I’ll be throwing away the hand written notes that serve as a reminder of feelings that went beyond my control. But the letter… I’ll keep that as a memento of that season of my life. Some memories I will cherish, while others, I will hide down deep. I do know this, I learned a lot about my relationship needs during those months ~ I need a man that will keep me laughing, have long conversations, is capable of household repairs, makes me feel sexy, trusts me with his secrets… Now I just need to find all of that and be willing to let him know my story… And if he can still love me after all of that, plus make me feel loved without any confusion, I will have found the one.

All me

Life Lessons

  • June 26, 2020

I have a tendency to learn stupid life lessons the hard way. Luckily, I have been keeping track of them for years so that I could one day share with the world. So, here you go. You’re welcome.

#114 ~ When moving a box full of yarn, make sure it is not dangling outside of the box so that it can attach to things.

#118 ~ Don’t wear long sleeves to the gym. It’s hot.

#119 ~ Driving in a small town on Sunday around noon when church gets out, is worse than rush hour traffic.

#202 ~ When the heater doesn’t work and it’s supposed to get to freezing temps, flip the breaker… Ahhh!!! Warmth!

#203 ~ Do not overfill your waffle maker… There will be a mess.

#205 ~ When falling down the stairs first thing in the morning, if you will lean towards one side, it will keep the pressure off your tailbone.

#206 ~ Pay attention when hitting the volume button on your phone a few times because if it is actually the power button, that whole SOS thing will start squawking through the blue tooth. It takes and act of congress to stop it BUT, you will remember who you listed as your emergency contacts in your phone and find out who the first one is to call.

#208 ~ If you are wearing your hat sideways, do not wonder why people are not taking you seriously. (unless it is part of a costume)

#212 ~ If a potential client is using foul words with you, stop. Their business isn’t worth it.

#228 ~ You know you are a parent when the most tearful moment in watching Undercover Boss is when the boss gives money for college.

#311 ~ When you can’t figure out why our new blue ray player won’t connect via wifi and you’re getting ready to call customer support to yell at someone, google the model number first. It’s not wifi capable… It needs land line.

#313 ~ Never throw the dog’s ball off the bed, they will then think it’s play time Especially if it’s a glow in the dark ball…

#320 ~ When not feeling well, make sure that you do not take the crack version of Sudafed before bed.

#322 ~ Always be nice to your clients. You may see them at your son’s baseball game… As the umpire.

#401 ~ If you feel the need to nap on the couch after work, you shouldn’t do it. Because it will be after 11pm, and you will be up doing dishes because you are restless.

#527 ~ Do not eat cupcakes with blue icing…

#604 ~ Getting in to a pool float is not a graceful act.

#615 ~ A flat iron will not warm up if you forget to turn it on.

#625 ~ When your children start staying in bed until the afternoon, you should apologize to your own parents for sleeping in until noon when a teenager on weekends and “wasting away a perfectly good day”. However, I think they should thank me for the quiet time I gave them.

#643 ~ Never take a water pill and then drink a bunch of water when getting ready to make an hour long drive.

#705 ~ Check the weather before heading to the grocery store if it even looks cloudy. Just a couple of sprinkles turned in to a dark sky with a lot of wind driven rain and lightning.

#804 ~ If it is a beautiful day on Saturday, you should go to the beach or get some time in the sun instead of thinking you’ll wait until Sunday. Because Sunday will end up being gloomy.

#807 ~ When babysitting an 8-month old, if they see you drinking out of a water bottle when they wake you up at 2am, they will think it’s their bottle and get upset.

#902 ~ When the ‘check engine’ light comes on, they have a cool thing at Auto Zone to plug in to your car and tell you why.

#917 ~ If driving on a back road that you are not familiar with, always have a full tank of gas.

#919 ~ Do not think that someone is trying to bribe you when they show up with your favorite wine and cookies. Maybe they are just saying congratulations!

#1003 ~ Do not wear high heels to an open house when you have to stand for an hour long teacher variety show.

#1115 ~ A dollar bill (or any bill) is 6 inches!

#1119 ~ Do not force the cork to come out from a wine bottle by pulling too hard. It can hit your face.

#1222 ~ Never leave food dye around teenage boys, they will add it to orange juice and it looks gross!

Advice Column

Watching TV Alone…

  • June 25, 2020

Dear Feeling Solo,

I cannot pretend to even know what it feels like to be married 40+ years to the same person, but I know what it is like to feel alone when doing something with another so my answer has different things to consider. A few different viewpoints on something to consider… Why is he playing games on his iPad instead of watching what you are? I ask this because he is either A) clearly bored with whatever show you have on, B) finally has time in his busy day to catch up on the world around him, C) couldn’t care less about spending time with you, D) is comfortable enough to just relax in your presence, happy that you are happy, or E) a combination of some of the above. Have you asked him what is going on in that mind of his or are you just holding it in, looking upset and taking deep sighs to let him know you are irritated? When he asks you questions about the show, are you answering him honestly and trying to draw him in, or are you just giving him half-hearted answers, thinking he doesn’t care? What I am saying is that it may not be all him, it may be some of you. What kind of shows are you watching? Some men just do not have a desire to watch Real Housewives of wherever they are now. This is why Jeopardy has been on tv since 1964 and Wheel of Fortune since 1975. It gives people a chance to watch something that they can both be entertained with and even make interactive, instead of just sitting there staring at the tv.

With all of that being said, I totally get it. One of my pet peeves is someone sitting on their phone scrolling while with me. Obviously, they have better things to do so why are they with me? I also have sons, and they were never in to the shows that I liked. With my boys being so far apart in age (9 years), I am just now catching up on movies that I missed while they were younger. Why? Because the shows and movies that we watched, were things that we could all watch together. And I hate to say this and sound sexist, but sometimes us women have to suck it up and watch what the men like. Better yet, take turns. Certain nights (or particular hours in the evening), watch what he likes whether it is a fishing show, History channel, or sports. Give yourself an hour of it, then your turn. Or better yet, go for a walk and have that time to chat and catch up with each other. I bet you won’t feel so alone sitting there watching tv when you have already had time with him. Also, since he likes games on his phone, try watching Jeopardy and Wheel of Fortune to spark a bit of competitiveness with you two.

I know what it is like to feel alone while watching tv, you feel like you are being ignored. So, try something different to see if there is any change. Yes, be happy that he is home instead of at the local watering hole talking with other people that hold up the bar stools. But, you can also change your tactics to see if you can draw him in to conversation. Because in the long run, that is all that we want, to feel included.

DEAR ABBY: Am I hoping for too much with my husband of 40-plus years? In the evening, we (or I) watch TV, and he’s very agreeable to “watch” anything — mostly because he hardly watches at all. He’s playing games on his iPad and glancing at the TV. He’ll ask questions occasionally about the characters or the plotlines, but it’s obvious he’s not following. For some reason, I find it disappointing that he’s not really watching, even if it’s something he’s shown an interest in or selected. Should I just be grateful he’s in the same room with me and alive? — FEELING SOLO IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR FEELING SOLO: Focusing on gratitude that you are together doing things you both enjoy is healthy. If you don’t care for the program he isn’t watching, feel free to change the channel to something you prefer. However, the two of you should make a point of doing something together in which you are both fully engaged because if you do, it will bring you even closer to each other.

Exercise

Starting Noom ~ What you will need…

  • June 25, 2020

Yesterday, my cousin sent me a link to Noom within facebook messenger. Just the link, nothing else. I replied back and asked her why she sent me the link, since I’m a little suspicious of links without a note. She replies back and tells me that she thought I would be interested since I’m trying to do healthy living. I had to giggle when I replied back, “I’ve been on it for over six months!” Well, she had just signed up so I started asking if she had this, had that, and her answers were no. I told her to give me a day and I would get it all together so here I am!

Keep in mind, these are MY suggestions. If you do not have these things and do not have the money to purchase, completely understandable. Learn to improvise with things around your home.

Obviously, you will need to download the app on your phone and set up your personal info. It’s pretty simple to do.

Purchase a bluetooth scale. This will download your weight to the scale app and also to Noom. I bought this for around $29.99 on Amazon. You’ll see a lot of people talk about the Renpho scale, which is basically the same thing. Here’s a link to what the bluetooth scale does… https://swimmingwiththerain.com/abyon-bluetooth-scale/

A food scale. Soooo important and very inexpensive. You will learn to learn it, love it, live it. In the app, you will be putting in the weight of your food to correctly calculate.

Yes, your phone more than likely counts steps. Maybe you have a watch that does it for you. If you don’t and you’re not sure if you want to spend the money on a Fitbit or something pricier, I suggest this. It has all the same basic functions as the others and comes in several colors. This does sync to the Noom app.

If you already have a water bottle, awesome! I have been using this one for over a year because of a few different features that I LOVE! There’s a handle which is pretty convenient. Time markers as a reminder. AND it opens with just the push of a button, no having to unscrew the lid.

A tablespoon. Sounds silly probably, but along with the weight scale, you will need to measure out salad dressing, humus, mayonnaise, all the fun things that will make a mess on the food scale.

Join a facebook group! This is the one that I joined and they are such a great support group. Before asking one of the many repeated questions, do a search. But, otherwise, post and ask away! https://www.facebook.com/groups/316063085812799

There! You are ready to start this weight loss journey and I know you are going to do great! Stay tuned because next, I’m going to tell you how the Noom app works.

FYI ~ I have not been paid for my endorsement of Noom or any of these products. All photos are based upon screenshots or purchases I have made from Amazon. But, if they want to throw some endorsements my way, feel free to email me. 😉

Entertainment

Father’s Day as a Single Mom

  • June 21, 2020

I used to hate the phrase “Single Mom”. I am a mom, who cares that I am single! Let me say this louder, “I AM A MOM!” But, through the years, something has changed in me when I hear the phrase, “Single Mom”…

Because I am a single mom, I have taught my son how to ride a bike, how to tie a tie, explained the birds and the bees, carried him when he was three through a hospital with a 105 temp, cried by myself on his first day of kindergarten, explained how to tip at a restaurant on his first date, always the disciplinarian, helped get the swimsuit netting off of his body parts after a day at the beach, watched him get student of the month alone…

Yet, I have also been the one that he would crawl in to bed with when there was a storm, asked for help on school projects, confided in after a breakup, bawled like a baby when he graduated high school because “we did it”, high fived when he bought his first car, cheered him on when he played basketball…I have been THE ONE.

He’s 26 now, but I get a phone call every now and then when he is bored and I take those calls, even when busy at work. As parents, of course we will take those calls because they are our kids, but I know what it is like to be away from my parents since I have lived away for over 20 years.

Father’s Day is hard for us single mom’s, especially if we are away from our own father’s. Because it is a day that we are reflecting… Of course we miss our dad’s but we wonder if we messed our kids up because their dad’s aren’t in their lives. And we cry with sadness because it is the one day of the year when it is smacked at us on social media and reminds us that we have been alone in raising our children. There is no one with us that is so deeply connected to our children as we are when we are stressed about their grades, worried about their driving, not sure of how to discuss dating issues. It is us mom’s that do it when we are single, and we have no one to bounce these ideas off that will take such a vested interest in our babies.

Disagree with me or agree with me. Either way, this is my opinion and how I feel today. As I said, “I AM A MOM”, so I don’t expect to be celebrated on FATHER’S DAY. But, be patient with us single mom’s today. If our children are with us on this holiday, we are feeling guilty and wondering if we are doing enough. If they aren’t with us because they are lucky to have dad’s in their lives, we miss them, but still feel a bit of guilt.

These days, I’m ok with being called a single mom. I have done the toughest job of all ~ Motherhood, by myself. I didn’t have family here to babysit on random nights or to join me for school events. I raised a remarkable young man BY MYSELF and I am so proud of him. I am also proud of me for not letting him become one of the well known statistics of boys raised without their fathers.

20 years ago, laying in bed on a Father’s Day morning, missing my own dad and kid, my friend Ann called and asked what I was doing that day. I’m sure I had a few choice words of what the day meant to me. But, since her dad lived over a thousand miles away and her husband was deployed, she suggested we go and grab lunch. We headed to a local outdoor restaurant overlooking the water, ordered Pina Coladas, oysters, tuna dip, you name it. We had our table full of food, added in a couple beers, and had the best time, making Father’s Day easier on both of us. That perfect day started my tradition of doing something fun and relaxing for myself on Father’s Day. I have went to the beach, I have went to a water park, I have had friends over for dinner, and sometimes I just lock myself inside and watch chick flicks… Whatever my heart is needing that day to ease my guilt of being a single mom on Father’s Day.

Now, I’m going to call my own dad up to chat for a bit (after I wipe my tears away) then go lay in a pool and soak up some sunshine with friends. On the menu is Chicken Salad, Spinach & Artichoke dip, and a few Truly’s (Too old to drink White Claws! Ha!). And I am going to get through today being a single mom on Father’s Day.

Health & Spiritual

The Beginning of My Weight Loss Journey

  • June 19, 2020June 25, 2020

Why am I going to tell you about all of these things that happened in 2019? Because making the decision to lose weight can be a battle. It usually doesn’t happen over night, at least with me. I have to rationalize things in my head until it finally HITS me and I have my reason WHY.

January 2019 ~ My blood results came back and the doctor was not happy. Not only had I put on weight, but my blood sugar was at 190, which is in between borderline and high. Dr. C, the fitness fanatic, is not one to just say, “Here, take this!” which honestly, can sometimes drive me crazy! His instructions that day – “Go keto and go keto NOW! Drop some weight and your sugar level or I will HAVE to put you on meds.” Two months later, I did my follow up and I had lost 10 pounds along with my level going down down 40 points. Yay! “Keep at it, drop some more weight and I am confident that you will be fine.” Did I listen? Well, no.

April 2019 ~ I saw a photo of myself in a bathing suit, from the backside. I was mortified. How was this me? How did all this weight come on so quick within the past couple of years? Oh… Menopause. While I am so thankful to God for putting me in to it in my early / mid 40’s, I hadn’t stopped to realize what it was doing to my hormones. I was no longer the person that could just starve for a few days and lose those few pounds. Suddenly, those photos where I thought I looked fat, I wanted to be that size again!

May 2019 ~ I started back to the gym and told myself, “Yes, I can eat lunch out today because I went to the gym this morning.” (FYI ~ that’s a lie!) Then, the craziest thing happened… I was on a boat, lost my balance a bit, and my phone went flying in to the water. Not thinking in my head that the water was only two feet deep, I jumped. That’s when I heard a nice little pop in the right knee as I landed near my phone. I did good for a few weeks, keeping it up, icing it, trying to stay off my leg. But, while watching tv with my son, I got up off the couch, turned my body without turning my knee… Pop!

This has become my life ~ knee up with an ice pack.

July 2019 ~ My knee is still visibly swollen so I finally make an appointment with the doctor. After an X-ray confirms that it is not broken, he schedules me for an MRI with the instructions, “You can do anything you want to, but do not let your feet leave the ground.” Well, that leaves most things out. Why go to the gym? I hate upper body workouts so what’s the point, right? Stupid decision. My next stupid decision was not getting the MRI done because it was $200.

My right knee is no longer bony….

September 2019 ~ I had resigned myself to the fact that I was just going to let myself be fat and happy, thinking I was ok with that. I mean, I was finally enjoying all that delicious food that everyone talks about. But, when I came back from seeing my family on vacation, I saw the number on the scale and was in shock. I had never weighed this, not even with either of my pregnancies. Whatever, it didn’t matter. I had friends and if a man wanted to be a part of my life, he would have to love me for how I looked.

October 2019 ~ My knee brace was no longer a constant and I was starting to feel better as long as I didn’t stand too long, have it in one position too long, and wore the brace if I was doing anything that involved movement, so why not get a puppy? Since I wasn’t picking her up until around noon, a friend and I went to see the sunflower fields. We walked and the sharp pain wasn’t there for the first time, my knee felt great! The two year old going down the slide looked like he was having a good and made it look so easy, so why not? Bad decision! I really need to learn that when I say, “Why not?”, my answer needs to be, “DON’T!” Two year old legs are short, so when they come off the slide, their feet hit the ground. When you are 46, that doesn’t happen. Your feet go forward and your tush has to hit the ground. (My kids explained this whole gravity thing to me, but I blew them off when listening) Luckily, with the young child near, the words stayed inside my head instead of causing him life long mental damage and possible therapy. Yes, I broke my tail bone and there is nothing that can be done about it. So, my charming new puppy was welcomed in to my home by being put on the couch behind my knees while I laid on my side in the fetal position for two days. There went my plan to get back to being active! Honestly, being active or sitting or sleeping or breathing hurt. (Eight months later, I still have pain. My doctor confirmed that I jacked it up and probably should have had it looked at sooner, but that there really isn’t anything that can be done except time.)

No part of your body should ever be bruised that color, especially your butt.

November 2019 ~ By now, it was just easier to eat out instead of cooking and I generally rotated between Firehouse Subs or Panda Express since I could order online and they were near my house. If I had to run in to the store, those Totino pizzas are cheap and soooooo good! I live alone most of the time so why put all that effort in to cooking when it just wasn’t thrilling… But, the Wednesday before Thanksgiving, about 30 minutes after having a Firehouse sub, it was not sitting well with me at work. Our unspoken rule at work is that “that” DOES NOT happen there. (Graphic, yes. Honest, yes.) Luckily, I live less than a mile away so I told them that I thought I was going to be sick and ran out the door like a crazy woman. Once I got home, I was pretty sure that I was going to die, convinced that it was food poisoning. But, the longer that I laid on the couch, the more I started thinking about the fact that I was eating fast food too often and that I needed to quit. I was feeling awful… Not just physically but mentally… Why was I telling myself that I was ok like this when I clearly wasn’t? I didn’t feel energy to do much of anything, my motivation was shot, I felt ugly inside and out… Now that everything in me was pretty much cleaned out, wouldn’t now be a good time to start? But, I needed help knowing that I could not do this on my own. I knew that I couldn’t do keto because I LOVE pasta and I didn’t want to give up fruit, plus I refuse to do any diet that tells me that I can’t have wine. That’s just sacrilegious right there! Wait! What about those Noom ads I had seen? I liked the thought of a coach and psychology… Let’s do this! So, I signed up for the free two week trial while I was laying on the couch depleted of any food I had consumed in probably the last 24 hours. I did what it suggested and ate like I normally did the next day, which happened to be Thanksgiving, and I logged every bite. I was in shock at the the amount of calories, but I also knew that this accountability thing was going to work. It wasn’t just me looking at my food intake, it was a ‘goal specialist’ and I was allowing her to see my weight. If you have ever truly struggled with your weight, you know that that is the hardest thing to do – let someone know your dirty little secret.

Looks so good, doesn’t it?

Oh! If you’re wondering if it was food poisoning, it wasn’t. About 30 minutes after eating, my oldest son was pretty convinced that he was going to die (reminded me how he is SOOOO like his dad when sick) and the majority of my office seemed to be out for a day on a rotating schedule for the next week or so.

Want to get started on Noom? Here’s what you need to begin YOUR journey ~ https://swimmingwiththerain.com/starting-noom-what-you-will-need/

Entertainment

Matchbox Twenty

  • June 18, 2020

In a 1996 Black Chevy Cavalier, three new best friends in their mid-20’s, all from different parts of the country, were driving without a care in the world, thinking life would always be this carefree. In the background, a low volume CD was playing, barely heard over the constant laughing and telling of stories that would bond the three for the next couple of softball seasons.

With Dawn in the front passenger seat (due to her long legs), and me in the back seat (short legs), Ann turned the volume up and said, “This second part reminds me of something I would say to Joey.”

I’m sorry ’bout the attitude
I need to give when I’m with you
But no one else would take this shit from me

She sang that last line with such emphasis that my ears perked up. Then I heard the second part of that verse…

And I’m so
Terrified of no one else but me
I’m here all the time
I won’t go away

While she felt the connection to the first part of the verse, that second part was written for me, and I was hooked! Dawn bought the CD probably around the same time I did my love of Matchbox 20 grew. If we were all together, that was one of the go-to CD’s that we threw in, if there was nothing worth singing on the radio. To this day, my mind goes back to the next two summers… stating my case that ‘Push’ is actually an intimate longing for love, leaving bars at ‘3am’, fantasizing how we would change life if we were in the ‘Real World’, and drifting away in to our own mind for ‘Back 2 Good’… The summers of the three of us together, forging our friendship, and figuring our own-selves out, before reality set in and pushed us apart.

As fall was settling in in 1999, Dawn and I were driving out to one of our local favorite bars when I heard a familiar rift on a guitar and then Rob Thomas’s vocal’s. “Matchbox Twenty!”, we both yelled, so excited for new new music of theirs. But, wait… “That’s Santana!” Dawn had no idea who Santana was, but being a California girl, I knew exactly who Carlos Santana was, and we were raised to KNOW the sound of his guitar. “Bet me!” (Here’s the deal, I only bet when I feel 99.9% sure. I hate losing.) She had an in with a radio dj, so she made a phone call… My first beer was on her, but we both shared in the excitement that we had our new favorite song.

And it’s just like the ocean under the moon
Well it’s the same as the emotion that I get from you
You got the kind of lovin’ that can be so smooth, yeah
Gimme your heart, make it real
Or else forget about it

Local bands covering that song became the background to many Friday nights that winter. We tried our best to imitate a sexy Spanish dancer and they tried their best to imitate Santana’s guitar style. This was during the time of Mark Anthony and Jennifer Lopez hitting it big with their music so it seemed that that era of our bar hopping days, were electrified with a bit of Latin flavor. I should also add in that this is when I finally realized the sexiness of Rob Thomas after watching the video for ‘Smooth’… I’m a sucker for a man in a cowboy hat, even a post grunge / pop / rock star.

I usually didn’t buy a music album until I knew at least three songs from it. Why was I going to waste my money on something I may not like? That wasn’t the case for Matchbox 20’s Mad Season album, I purchased it that day! And while I was still friends with both Ann and Dawn, it was a separate friendship, and that was fine; it was just the way it was. But, thanks to Ann, I now had Melanie and she made you understand what they meant about redheads. Oh, the conversations we had… Some of the best to this day. Back then, we used to talk about everything under the sun, never afraid of being judged. And lyrics, we loved to analyze our own personal meanings. The day that Mad Season was released in 2000, she called to ask if I’d heard the song that we would spend weeks searching for an explanation to on why this hit us so hard… Rest Stop became a phrase for us while discussing relationships ~ “Are you at a rest stop?” and we automatically knew what the other meant.

While you were sleeping
I was listening to the radio
And wondering what you’re dreaming when
It came to mind that I didn’t care

The following year, a man that I still wonder about 20 years later, asked me what song I would use to describe myself. Hesitating, I told him ‘Bent’, knowing that if he knew the lyrics, he would understand what was going on inside of me. With a sad smile on his face, he replied “I understand being jaded”.

If I couldn’t sleep could you sleep
Could you paint me better off
Could you sympathize with my needs
I know you think I need a lot
I started out clean but I’m jaded
Just phoning it in
Just breaking the skin

If the first album was about getting to know my friends, and the second was about getting to know myself, the third album, ‘More Than You Think You Are’ from 2002 was about building confidence and breaking up. While I didn’t play this cd on a continuous rotation like I did the others, the song ‘Disease’ is what I played every day on my way to work. It was driven with confidence, yet longing… Sure of self, but questioning…

Feels like you made a mistake
You made somebody’s heart break
But now I have to let you go
I have to let you go
You left a stain
On every one of my good days
But I am stronger than you know
I have to let you go
No one’s ever turned you over
No one’s tried
To ever let you down,
Beautiful girl
Bless your heart
I got a disease, deep inside me
Makes me feel uneasy baby
I can’t live without you
Tell me what I am supposed to do about it
Keep your distance from it
Don’t pay no attention to me
I got a disease
Feels like you’re making a mess
You’re hell on wheels in a black dress
You drove me to the fire
And left me there to burn

September 2003 and Dawn has tickets to go and see Matchbox Twenty the night before my 30th birthday. How perfect is this?!? We put my three cd’s in rotation and sang all of their songs during the 2 1/2 hour drive so that we were prepared for our favorite band live on stage. While I don’t remember them singing particular songs, I remember the feeling of just being thrilled that I was there. However, since these tickets were free through her work, not everyone around us were as big of fans as us, so they stayed pretty calm during the whole thing. But, that’s ok. Because for my 30th birthday, I was able to see the band that had a hand in shaping my 20’s.

Finally, their first compilation album comes out in 2007 with several new songs and some past hits. The first song listed, “How Far We’ve Come” with it’s loud strumming guitar and catchy beat made you bob your head in tune with the music and lift your hand up to point to the air while singing. There were phrases that really stuck out to me, such as, “Can you tell me what was ever really special about me all this time?” and “Say your goodbyes if you’ve got someone you can say goodbye to“. But, the chorus… When it came on, my four year old in the back seat would say, “Turn it up, please”.

I believe the world is burning to the ground
Oh well I guess we’re gonna find out
Let’s see how far we’ve come
Let’s see how far we’ve come

When the album ‘North’ was released in 2012, I didn’t even know about it. At that point, I was in my 5 year relationship and I either listened to Country or Christian when by myself, or Top 40 when the kids were around. So, in 2013 when I heard “Overjoyed”, I thought it was a nice song and although I was happy to hear Matchbox Twenty on the radio again, I was coming in to my 40’s and it just wasn’t hitting me like it used to. Music is so personal to me that sometimes, I just can’t listen to certain things because I DON’T want to go back to a time or have memories brought up. Even if those memories are filled with longing for another person. Sometimes, I have to shut that off.

Fast forward to 2020, and this text comes in from Joey, my fellow music lover…

These words of his that he wrote… Wow! Rob Thomas confirmed that he is just like the rest of us, struggling with our emotions and sometimes, still so unsure of ourselves. There are just too many words and phrases that I connected to so I suggest watching the video and letting it all sink in. The words, while they pack a punch, the melody feels hopeful. Maybe it will encourage you to reach out to someone…

What happened after hearing this song, you wonder… Well, I found him on Spotify and I am discovering songs of his that I passed over in the past few years and I am reliving some memories with a smile on my face. And, if you ever come across tickets for Rob Thomas or Matchbox Twenty, count me in!

Advice Column

I had a baby and lost my social friends…

  • June 17, 2020

DEAR ABBY: I recently welcomed my third child, a baby boy who was wanted and planned. We are overjoyed. Our two daughters are just under 10 years old. Over the years, my social circle has consisted mostly of the parents of my daughters’ friends.

Abby, my news was met with mixed reactions. Some were thrilled for my pregnancy, while others were shocked. One woman even told me, “I’m just not in that phase of life anymore.”

After my son was born, I didn’t get visits or even a phone call from some of them. I announced his birth on social media and mailed out a beautiful announcement, but he hasn’t been acknowledged nor have I been checked on.

I know he won’t really be affected by this and I’m trying to focus on the positives. We have a big family on both sides, and many people within our community have warmly welcomed him. But I have been a good friend to these women, supported them in their times of need and even reached out during this pandemic to check on them in an effort to reconnect. I’m so disappointed. What am I supposed to say to these “friends” when I run into them again? — NEW MOM AGAIN

DEAR MOM: When you encounter them, be cordial. Make polite conversation and ask how they and their families are doing. If they inquire, tell them you and your family are well. Then move on, recognizing you are dealing with individuals who are solely centered upon themselves. Do not attempt to revive a relationship with anyone who cares so little about you that they would treat you as they have, but do recognize how fortunate you are that you know not to invest more of your time or yourself in them.

Years ago, my friend Dawn found out she was pregnant and Ann and I were not sure how to react. Although we were truly happy for her, we knew that life was going to be different now that she was pregnant and would have to focus her time on a newborn. Well, Ann was the one that actually said the words, and I don’t blame her; she was being honest to someone we thought was a true friend. Ann wasn’t calling off the friendship, she was simply stating that things were going to be different. Dawn did not react well to this, assuming the worse and wrote us both off via a worded letter. It is not that we were upset that she was having a child, especially since I had a 5 year old, we knew that our bar hopping days were over for the time being, and that was fine. I think what really hit Dawn is that SHE KNEW her life was going to be different and took her frustration out on us. Months later, Dawn did reach out to me and we were friends for another 15 years or so. The funny thing is, when I found myself pregnant a few years later (SURPRISE!), Ann did not walk away from me. We discussed how life was going to be different and I was willing to admit it. In fact, she was there for the birth of Daniel and we’re still friends, all these years later. Dawn was also a constant in that child’s life and since I had never planned on having another after my first, she ‘got back at me’ with things I did to her baby (buying noisy toys, putting extra spaghetti sauce on a two year old’s plate… Those kinds of silly things.) What I’m saying is this… If you are talking about friendS as in plural, are these your social friends or your close friends. Because close friends realize that this is our life and how we grow. Social friends, you have added a new element and they just don’t want to deal with it. Is it right? Well, realize this… They were not your good friends. They enjoy life with being able to let 10 year old’s run around in the back yard and although they are being watched, they are kind of on their own. A newborn… Life is completely different and they just don’t want to deal with that. And be honest… What was your reaction when they gave you their opinion? Were you being a good friend and listening to what they were saying and having an open conversation, or did you immediately JUMP at them when they were discussing their feelings? Maybe they needed some time to warm up to the excitement. So, here is what you do… Realize that they were just social friends. Find your true friends and focus on them because they are what matters. Focus on friends that are going through what you are with an infant because those are the ones that can relate to your late night feedings, spit up on your shirt, teething… Real friends are those that WANT to hear your stories, not just head out to brunch.

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